Does love improve sex?

[NoJo]

Ok, as my Condom poll has shriveled up to a small soggy mess, I'd like to post another one -- a little more serious. I've a read a few "loving wives" stories, and I've conclued that for me, "Loving Wives" is one of the least erotic categories.
But it got me thinking... Does being in love with the person you have sex with "improve" the sex? Make it more sexy? Or less?

Is erotica sex more or less of a turn on when they are depicted as being in love?

(Please, let's excude mastrurbation and Narcissicism from this poll mainly because I have trouble spelling them).

 

[gaigirl]

Depends on the situation?

Both?

Neither?

 

[Quasimodem]

Either.

Familiarity may breed contempt.

Unfamiliarity may breed confusion.

 

[damppanties]

Does being in love with the person you have sex with "improve" the sex? Make it more sexy? Or less?

Is erotica sex more or less of a turn on when they are depicted as being in love?

Less 'sexy', more 'loving' - whatever that means...

Ok, I mean that there is more emphasis on the romance aspect than on the sex. It's definitely not jerk off material.

-DP.

edited to say: SubJoe, your poll is hopelessly inadequate. I wanted to tick three options in there so I didn't click on any. lol

 

[Whispersecret]

I agree that the poll questions could have been worded better. Also, it's too bad that you couldn't separate the male voters from the female voters, as I think the way the sexes are wired makes a huge difference is now sex is experienced.

I'm not sure sex can be described as sexy or not sexy.

To me, love makes sex more meaningful. It means that my partner's motivation to please me is because he loves me. Not because he wants to be thought of as a great lover, or because he wants another bedpost notch. He's going to all that trouble because he cares.

As a woman, and I can only speak for myself, sex isn't just physical. When I give my body to a man, it's like a gift. I am literally opening myself up to him, so he can come inside my very body, so he can be a part of me for a little while. Can you see how much trust this requires? During sex I am naked, emotionally and physically. I am vulnerable.

This is why the few times I had sex without love I felt empty afterward. The man really only appreciated the physical aspect, and I hadn't fully understood what I was giving away.

I'd be the first one to admit that marriage doesn't foster hot sex. On the contrary, after years of marriage, keeping the sex interesting is quite a challenge. But I'd rather sacrifice the most incendiary, mind-blowing sex on Earth if it meant I could have good sex with someone I loved and who loved me. It's the difference between instant gratification and the deeper, more lasting rewards of working hard to attain something truly meaningful. That's what happily ever after means.

So! I've exposed myself. Now, it's obvious why all my characters end up in love, or close to it. Love and sex are meant to go together. At least, the way I see it. It may be corny, but I won't apologize or be embarrassed.

 

[wildsweetone]

interesting thread dear

Does being in love with the person you have sex with "improve" the sex? Make it more sexy? Or less?

Is erotica sex more or less of a turn on when they are depicted as being in love

Is love not entangled with giving? When one loves, then one gives without expectation of receiving.

If one gives unconditionally then the chance is there for sex to be or become perfect.

I think the words 'love' and 'sex' need to be defined more, for your questions to be answered adequately.

I am still thinking about your last question.

 

[NoJo]

I admit the poll is a little scrappy. I'm pretty sure that more female voters would "entangle" love and sex together. I think that most people would know what I'm asking here:

I think a lot of men really look for love when they claim (and think) that they're looking for sex -- and possibly with women it's almost exactly vice versa -- it's considererd a "slutty" for a woman to claim she's just into sex, so she might use "love" as a sort of euphamism for sex, in exactly way the word "Erotica" is itself a euphamistic term. Of course this is a broad generalization.

I know some people who are ONLY able to enjoy sex with someone they don't have any romantic attraction for: like Erica Jong's "zipless fuck"-- I think it's pretty common. A lot of people find that romantic love and sex are actually in some way conflicting.

 

[Cuckolded_BlK_Male]

Is erotica sex more or less of a turn on when they are depicted as being in love?

That would depend on the type of sex depicted.

I like "romantic" (in this context meaning relating to love as opposed to the more literary meaning) literature. I especially like stories of tragic requited love. But, I tend to favor the more carnal, and less romantic erotic literature. In these types of stories, I prefer lust over love.

To clarify my position: If I'm in the mood to read a tale of romance, such as "Liaisons Dangereuses" or "A Midsummer Night's Dream," then that's what I'll read. On the other hand, if I want to read erotica, then I want it earthy and carnal, stripped of the veiled emotional pretext that justifies sexuality in more "romantic" erotica.

Of course, in some instances there can exist a balance between the ethereal, feminine, rhapsodic geste and the bestial, rapacious, male fuck-fest, but it's a tricky balancing act. Anaïs Nin was particularly good at this, satisfying male and female readers alike.

 

[Guest]

fantasy

Is erotica sex more or less of a turn on when they are depicted as being in love?

For me, I read and write erotica as fantasy... I am looking for a catharsis for feelings and desires that I would not/ could not act out in life... so my answer depends on which fantasy I am "fulfilling"...


I think the whole "suspension of disbelief" is an important factor .... when the motivation for group sex is "because I love my SO" so much" I lose some engagement with the story... it just isn't believable for me... When a "zipless fuck" turns into a long term, emotionally satisfying, loving relationship I am lost... reality screams out that it doesn't work that way.

So, I guess that the questions for me are: "Who is involved and what are they doing?" I would have to agree with CBM

. On the other hand, if I want to read erotica, then I want it earthy and carnal, stripped of the veiled emotional pretext that justifies sexuality in more "romantic" erotica.

 

[its Leslie]

I am not offering MY definition noooooooooooooooooooo way, but hmmm just what are we talking about when we use the word "love".

Is it big L love or little l love.

Is it can't live without it love, or just madly need it love.

Does chocolate count? I sure love chocolate

 

[Golden Eyes]

I believe sex is much better when there is genuine feelings involved. I have to really care for someone deeply to even think about having sex with them. To have just casual sex is meaningless. Well, that is my opinion.

 

[seth6138]

I believe sex is much better when there is genuine feelings involved. I have to really care for someone deeply to even think about having sex with them. To have just casual sex is meaningless. Well, that is my opinion.

GE,
You obviously have been having meaningless sex with the wrong person(wink)
Seth

 

[Golden Eyes]

SETH!!!!

Hehe, Oh really now??? mmmm Do you know of anyone??
Mwahhhhh How are you sweety? Good to see a friend here hugsssss

GE

 

[Guest]

fix the poll?

Sub Joe,

I think that your poll is confusing the discussion... we are talking about love and sex in erotica... not our personal lives, right?

 

[its Leslie]

Hmm last I checked "true" love was the same as big L love, which is the same as little l love.

I mean I like a lot of people, and know thousands. But love, no I don't hand out the word much.

I have members of both genders that have earned that term.

I have a bud that is as close as close can be. Soul mate, bud, brother all that stuff. I don't think of him when I think of sex though (I don't swing that way).

I have met a lass in the US online that knows she will always possess a special place in my heart just for her. She talked me out of the depths of depression. There will always be just one Sandy in my life.

I know another online lass that has managed to give all the cliche atypical male 2 dimensional dream women in my head the bum rush. Now when my mind wanders to unexplored fantasies she is always the gal staring in the film.

Those two women know I "love" them, but how do you state what sort of "love".

My wife is every bit my wife and she knows I love her 100%, but she knows, I don't restrain my capacity to "love".

What comes after 100%?

For me, it isn't "love" till the other person's needs are more important than your own. If that s not the case, then I think it is more likely , you just reeeeeeeally "like' the person.

 

[Golden Eyes]

Well then, that would be a different story. LOL, In real life, I have to love someone. They way I love my man. But in LIt, mmm well, even in lit, or here on theboards, I cant just have fun with someone in a casual way. I have to hae feelings for them, and that takes time. I can not just say, Hey lets cyber !! LOL Its just not me

I know, I am a prude !! LOL

 

[Guest]

but when you are reading erotica?

Golden Eyes-

I'm with you there, for sure...

But what about the stories you read?

 

[Golden Eyes]

What about the stories sweety? I read them often. They are very erotic, hot. Maybe I am not understanding what your question is? LOL

GE

 

[Guest]

does there have to be love?

GE-

Sorry, don't mean to be short... Does there have to be love in the stories for the sex in them to be hot for you?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Love without sex is nice.
Sex without love is nice.
Sex with a person you love and who loves you back is like penetration AND clitoral stimulation at the same time - twice the pleasure!

 

[Golden Eyes]

Ohhh Nooo, not at all, The stories are very hot, I read many of them here on lit. I also read many stories from my friends here on lit, they are really good. But they are stories, filled with hot lust ! LOL. But if you were referring to sex here on lit, with someone, then I still stand by what I said earlier. There has to be some feelings there between the two people.

GE

 

[Whispersecret]

Okay, the poll did mess me up. Sorry about that lapse into my personal junk.

As far as stories are concerned--

I don't think that the addition of love or it's absence has anything to do with whether a story is sexy or not, hot or not. I have read hot stories with love involved. I have read hot stories that didn't have a lick of nobler feelings.

I think that the heat of a story depends on the writer's skill and the reader's perception and personal quirks.

 

[BlackSnake]

My answer is based on the person you are in love with loves you. That way you are not trying to be impressive, you can be passionate. But, I'm glad that I'm not in love. I don't have to be impressive, but it allows me to gave a great time without pressure.

 

[white_lace]

SEX is just sex it is great when your in love but it is great when your not. sex is nothing but a physical thing between 2 or more people. Love is an emotion that gets confused with sex, but is much more deeper.

 

[English Lady]

I have only had real time sex with one man, he is my husband and i love him to bits and we still have a really hot sex life!

I do however cyber, and in this cyber world i must say actually forming some kind of bond of "love2 be it just friendship or something deeper makes the sex better as you are able to communicate more.

its all about being on the same wavelength......