Does it ever work out to run away?

[littlebabyclit]

..........

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[Euphony]

First and foremost, let me say Im sorry for whatever it is thats troubling you. Specifics arent needed (and nobodys biz really) as you seem genuinely effected in a major way.

As for your question, I think of it like amputation. Yes, sometimes it is not only a way, but the ONLY way to save the entire organism. But it is about as last ditch as one can get.

Ive no doubt you've thought of your situation over and over and over in nauseating detail. I will offer though that many times its repetitious so we just spin our wheels making ourselves stuck deeper in the mud.

Id suggest finding someone to talk to if only to have someone who'll listen. That can go a long way to getting back to a better state of being.

As to the running away, as I said in some cases it is the only way but in many it SEEMS the only way. I suggest you have an honest look at it with a trusted friend and also a professional counselor (theres mental health help in the most unexpected of places if you go searching for it). Blowing up everything is just that, blowing up EVERYTHING. All support, all bonds, all safety nets go along with it. You are born anew. And like most newborns, you'll likely need some help during your early times. So if you do decide you must be reborn, you must establish a network of supportive loving people ASAP or else youve just traded one set of miseries for another.

Again, I am so sorry for whatever it is that is troubling you. Ive been hopeless before over deeply personal things so I know that theres really no right answer for you right now other than I probably cant understand what youre going through but it makes me sad your going through it (or moreso what its causing in you)

Take care
Euph

 

[Lord Pmann]

There is a ridiculous saying that actually seems to work here...

"Wherever you go, there you are"

Uprooting yourself will only delay the problems. Unless you get to the root of what caused the problems in your life right now, they will happen yet again.

For instance, if your spouse is a person who is abusive (not saying he is, just using this example) and you leave him, you've put a band aid on the problem. You've not fixed why you picked a guy like that in the first place. Again, I don't know your situation. But I'm just trying to point out why uprooting won't fix things necessarily.

Sometimes it's not a bad idea to get new surroundings, but it won't solve the problem.

Sorry things aren't working. I wish you the best.

 

[SweetErika]

This is probably not what you want to hear, and please forgive my forthrightness in advance, but I truly believe it's something you NEED to hear and consider.

If you're having trouble with so many areas of your life, the common denominator is you, honey. That doesn't mean you should shoulder all the blame or drown yourself in guilt, but it does mean you almost certainly have some serious issues to work out. Those things are not going to go away by escaping your current life or cutting ties with nearly everyone. Well, it might feel like they disappear for a time, but I can guarantee they'll return and invade any "new" life you've created. Why? When starting "fresh," you're going to be attracted to a job and people with similar characteristics as those in your current life. If, for instance, your current boss is abusive, your friends suck the life out of your and your husband is neglectful, you can bet you'll find those characteristics in the new people you'll meet in your "new" life, since any issues with things such as self-esteem, boundaries and communication will follow you there unless you do a hell of a lot of work to change yourself before you move on.

And if you do that work now, I suspect you'll want/need to make changes, but the desire to flee your life and cut all/most ties will abate. You may still want to find a new job, let go of some friends your new, healthier self finds toxic, and get divorced, but those would be decisions that come from sound judgment, rather than a place of anxiety, panic, depression, or whatever the underlying causes of your desire to flee your current life are now.

I think most of us have fantasies of great change/starting fresh at certain points, and those are valid feelings. However, in the vast majority of cases, I'd say it's a sign of imbalance and far greater problems when people attempt to do what you're considering.

So, I'd strongly advise working on yourself and your issues before you make any big decisions or even consider running away from your life. Then you'll have the peace of mind knowing you're making the right/well-reasoned decisions and your problems won't follow you into any changes you make. Force yourself to be honest about where you are, where you want to go and how you're going to get there in terms of personal growth/change, rather than chase a fantasy. Make yourself face the things that are causing you unhappiness and deal with everything in logical, realistic ways.

Start seeing with a really good psychiatrist to be evaluated for chemical imbalances, combine any medication with talk therapy, and then go from there. You can always run away in the future, but if you do it now, you really can't go back.

 

[JamieJ424]

It worked for me once...sort of.

I was in a bad spot, couldn't see any way out of it. To my 20 year old brain my future was a dark tunnel with no light at the end, mostly due to my own mistakes and bad decisions.

So I left. I ran. I bolted. I put thousands of miles between me and my old life, and I discovered two things which I will share with you, and then I will shut up and go back to lurking.

First, a lot more people cared a lot more about me than I thought.

Second, starting over with a clean sheet of paper sounds great, but it is a HELL of a lot harder than it sounds, and I give you my personal guarantee it will suck for quite a period of time. Years.

In the end it worked out for me, but the reality is I ended up having to face the shitstorm I had made of my life, and mended most of my old relationships, so I didn't actually escape from anything at all.

Good luck.

J

 

[MSTarot]

You have but one time upon the stage to act out the play of your life. This is your time in the flood lights, and it will be over so very quickly.

None of us get a script for this. When we make even the smallest changes they affect out lives for years to come. You're talking about a major change. You will still be feeling the ripples of this choice when you are a very old person.

It's a phrase that been done to death but that doesn't make it any less true. Time heals all things. Give it long enough and every problem you have will be looked back on as minor little things.

I'm not saying it will get better. But what ever your current issues are they will go away.

If all else fails you though the best advice I can give anyone is to simply do what ever you have to do to make your life enjoyable.

Because it will be over before you turn around twice. Whether you enjoyed it or not.

M.S.Tarot

 

[njlauren]

This is probably not what you want to hear, and please forgive my forthrightness in advance, but I truly believe it's something you NEED to hear and consider.

If you're having trouble with so many areas of your life, the common denominator is you, honey. That doesn't mean you should shoulder all the blame or drown yourself in guilt, but it does mean you almost certainly have some serious issues to work out. Those things are not going to go away by escaping your current life or cutting ties with nearly everyone. Well, it might feel like they disappear for a time, but I can guarantee they'll return and invade any "new" life you've created. Why? When starting "fresh," you're going to be attracted to a job and people with similar characteristics as those in your current life. If, for instance, your current boss is abusive, your friends suck the life out of your and your husband is neglectful, you can bet you'll find those characteristics in the new people you'll meet in your "new" life, since any issues with things such as self-esteem, boundaries and communication will follow you there unless you do a hell of a lot of work to change yourself before you move on.

And if you do that work now, I suspect you'll want/need to make changes, but the desire to flee your life and cut all/most ties will abate. You may still want to find a new job, let go of some friends your new, healthier self finds toxic, and get divorced, but those would be decisions that come from sound judgment, rather than a place of anxiety, panic, depression, or whatever the underlying causes of your desire to flee your current life are now.

I think most of us have fantasies of great change/starting fresh at certain points, and those are valid feelings. However, in the vast majority of cases, I'd say it's a sign of imbalance and far greater problems when people attempt to do what you're considering.

So, I'd strongly advise working on yourself and your issues before you make any big decisions or even consider running away from your life. Then you'll have the peace of mind knowing you're making the right/well-reasoned decisions and your problems won't follow you into any changes you make. Force yourself to be honest about where you are, where you want to go and how you're going to get there in terms of personal growth/change, rather than chase a fantasy. Make yourself face the things that are causing you unhappiness and deal with everything in logical, realistic ways.

Start seeing with a really good psychiatrist to be evaluated for chemical imbalances, combine any medication with talk therapy, and then go from there. You can always run away in the future, but if you do it now, you really can't go back.

Bravo, Erika, I cannot really add anything yo what you wrote. One thing I have learned from personal experience is if nothing is working, it generally is about myself and not outside forces. I also have learned a lot in examining myself the things that make us who were are and the decisions we make, and a lot of it is not what we think, that we have control, but rather that we put ourselves into situations and such because of things we aren't even aware of.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Pack A Bag

In my early thirties I found myself in place in my life where I was basically miserable. It was a very dark time for me, I couldn't see the way forward, and in many ways I was actually afraid of the man I would become if I stayed the course. I walked away.

It wasn't quite that abrupt - the process took about two months to give away 99% of my possessions, sell my house, split the money with my ex, quit my job and decide where to go. I had a friend in Phoenix who offered us a roof over our head and a job until I got settled. (Us was me and my two kids, six and nine at the time). Within a week or two of arriving in Phoenix I realized that I had made a tough, but correct decision for myself. I needed to recast the dice of my life.

It was challenging at times, and during the first year or two there were times I thought about returning to my old life, but as I made new friends, found a rewarding job, the kids settled in and made friends, I woke up one day beautiful fall day and realized - I was happy. I've been happy for the last twenty plus years, even with the ordinary and extraordinary ups and downs of life.

I've never regretted that decision. I've held on to two friends from the old days, who were interested enough to keep the contact up. It restarted me on a different life and I ended up (here and now) in a place that was so far away from where I was headed before I could not have possible imagined it.

So, my advice is this - if, in the still small hours of the morning - you're not happy. Pack a bag. Go. It is a big wide world out there and somewhere in that world is the you who smiles every damn day. Sometimes, we have to go looking for that us.

 

[fire_breeze]

My life in general is not working overall, in various aspects...work, family, marriage, and sex. Things just seem to be getting collectively worse for me.

I'm not going to go into the specifics here. Genuinely concerned and helpful (not just curious and nosy) individuals could write to me for more details, if you're so inclined...and if you think it would be pertinent to the kind of reply you could give here.

But the real point of this thread and the question I'd specifically like answered is... does it ever help a person to just run away...that is, to pull up roots, pull the plug on your current life and go somewhere else and start completely over ?

I'm talking about the kind of do-over where you leave most or all of your current life behind, severing most or all ties with everyone you know and just going somewhere else and starting anew ?

The most helpful kind of replies will include (1) if you yourself have done this kind of thing or (2) if you personally know someone who has done this kind of thing.

And please explain how has this kind of drastic life overhaul affected you or the person you know who has done this ? Was it the right thing to do ? Would you do it all over again or do things differently in regard to solving your problems?

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

I haven't done it, but I seriously contemplated doing it - and if the circumstances would be right, I still would pick up and leave to join my all in a heartbeat.

That said, I do know someone who did start anew. He didn't run away; he just started over. He was extremely miserable in his marriage, but his (now ex) wife wouldn't give him a divorce, for whatever reason. He hated his job. He worked in finance but he is extremely artistic. He asked her to leave the house, and she wouldn't. When he got quasi demoted (not laid-off, but his hours were cut, etc), she got even more pissed off and threaten to kick him out of the house(which was his to begin with). So, he had enough and quit and left. I mean it - he camped out on my couch for a couple of days as he settle on a few things and then he took the first flight away from the continent. He moved there after travelling a bit, flat-out told his wife that he's not coming back, and started anew in a new country.

Now he is a successful graphics designer and works for a not-for-profit organisation, is living with his fiancée, has one daughter and another baby on the way and in his last email, he couldn't have been happier. He still keeps in touch with a few friends - FaceBook ensures that - but by leaving and doing what he loves and being someone who loves him for him, and not making him stay because she guilted him into staying, he has found himself. For him, he needed to cut ties with the poison that was making him miserable and be, for once, happy. He is himself, and that is the most important thing of all. He couldn't be himself in a job that he hates, with a woman who manipulates him, and in environment that he couldn't stand.

The one thing I think he would have done differently is that he would have pushed for the divorce before he left. Instead, he filled the paperwork here, and filed it after he decided he wasn't coming back. In hindsight, by serving the papers (he had all the division of property, everything, all she had to was sign the papers), he really could have had a fresh start. He probably would have married his fiancée if he had.

It's not for everyone. It requires strength - he didn't know where he was going and how (or if) he was going to make it. But, I think that it was the fact that he has cut ties and is now going on an adventure that made him so incredibly happy. He is doing what he wants, not what he thought he had to do.

We all make mistakes - and sometimes, we can correct those mistakes. It really depends on a lot of things.

So yes, for some, it can be the best thing. But you do have to be smart about it.

 

[Athalia]

A friend of mine did that, but he had very few ties to his prior life. He'd lost his job and broke up with his girlfriend at the time, on top of still being in recovery from a marriage that had gone bad a year or so before. He ended up moving from Virginia to New Mexico and started over, taking minimum wage jobs and living in his car for a while, and gradually learned a new profession based on going from that minimum wage job to a management position in the field. I got to know him after he relocated to California for a while, but haven't kept in touch with him.

But he had no property, no family, and no real reason to stick around. He told me later that he couldn't bear to run into his ex GF on a regular basis, and there was no way to avoid her since they were in the same social circles. So he felt that a clean break was necessary.

I think, though, that he regretted the move in the long run. He missed the people he left, who were the world to him, and used to speak of them often. If it hadn't been for the GF issue, I think he would have stayed there, and he probably would have been happier. But he's the kind of person who, once he's decided on a course, doesn't look back, but simply accepts the consequences of his decision and moves on.

One thing more, which may be relevant: He told me that he went west because he decided that he didn't like the person he was and wanted to be a different person. And he became that different person. But it wasn't a better person, really. Just different.

 

[NippleMuncher]

There is a ridiculous saying that actually seems to work here...

"Wherever you go, there you are"

EXACTLY! Unless you change everything that brought you to this moment in time, with all it's heart aches and problems, you will be destined to recreate it wherever you go.

I can honestly say that I've BTDT! Life is only better for a time, until you ultimately crap in your new bed and find yourself right in the middle of everything you thought you left behind. The people may be different, the nuances may be different, but ultimately, same old shit, different time and place.

The caveat to this would be if you are in an abusive or dangerous situation, then by all means get your ass out NOW! That won't absolve you of dealing with all the issues that got you to where you are, but it will allow you to be safe to figure out what's going on.

The next thing is that you won't likely be able to make any changes on your own, you will need the help of a neutral 3rd party to help you see your patterns and to guide you through making the changes you need to make to live happily. We all have a different philosophy when it comes to help, you need to find and do what works for you, be it religion, metaphysics, clinical counseling, etc.

 

[littlebabyclit]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[littlebabyclit]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[littlebabyclit]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[littlebabyclit]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[NightL]

I initiated the divorce proceedings of a VERY bad marriage. Instantly many other problems improved. From frowning all the time I started to smile again.

Tackle the most concerning issue first. Repair it if you truly believe it can be repaired or be honest enough to move on from that problem if there is just no hope of improvement. You may discover not all needs to be let go of. Then take a holiday break just by yourself.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

He who turns and runs away... ...lives to fight another day.

 

[subwannabe]

I don't think running away from problems ever works. Having said that, when I was 21 I was madly in love with someone I could not have. I did manage to go out on a great date with her once but she was in love with someone else and she couldn't forget him, even though he really didn't want her. It was a very sad situation but no matter what I tried, I could not get her out of my mind and could not move on. After I realized that this situation had to end one way or another, I took up my roots of where I had lived for 21 years and moved away to a place where I knew nobody, had no friends, no relatives, no job, notta anything. It worked out for me and moved on with my life, never moving back. But, I was not really running away from any problems because if that is the case, Erika is right.

 

[littlebabyclit]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[littlebabyclit]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[subwannabe]

I don't know how I can elaborate more except to give more details but that doesn't really change the bottom line. It is true I ran away from one problem, a love I couldn't have that was depressing me to the point I was nonfunctional. I don't know what your problems are and apparently there are several. I will say that the area I lived in caused a lot of my friends to try moving away to Florida, California, etc. They all came back. When I moved I picked a place that I had been to before and liked, but it was far from Florida and California and it was a place that most people would say, "Huh? Why in the hell would you go there?". I went because I intended to never move back and I didn't. I didn't really feel that I was "running away" from anything and still don't. One day I just threw my television and my clothes in my car and left. Even though it worked out for me overall it did have some disadvantages. I had a whole lot of friends in my younger days and after leaving that was never the same again. I don't really have anyone now where I can reminess with them about things that we did when we were younger. If you are going to do it you need as solid of a gameplan as possible. I didn't and it did work out for me but all of my friends who tried the same thing, every single one of them returned back to where they came from.

 

[silverwhisper]

lbc, i can't add to what's been said earlier and better, but i did want to say that i'm sorry to learn what you're going through, if in the abstract.

ed

 

[littlebabyclit]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>