Does age matter?

[thoughtfuldomination]

I'm looking for anyone's opinion on this. I'm 22 and a dom, and are having trouble finding a sub, partly because many ask for older men. So I'm putting this question out there for everyone that wants to answer, could you be submissive to a younger person? Could you be dominant to an older person?

 

[kerker_miester]

could be

I'm looking for anyone's opinion on this. I'm 22 and a dom, and are having trouble finding a sub, partly because many ask for older men. So I'm putting this question out there for everyone that wants to answer, could you be submissive to a younger person? Could you be dominant to an older person?

I am a 45 Male Dom that suddenly finds himself without a sub/friend I do not have sub's linning up at my door. finding a sub or Dom (for sub's looking) is not easy at any age you have to take time, find someone get to know them. It is a relationship as any other with a few twists thats all. As in any relationship trust is the most important thing, with comunication right behind. Take your time find the right person and take it from there slowly. good luck

 

[TaintedB]

Yes, I could easily submit to someone younger if he had the right frame of mine. I've met a couple of people at that age (and younger) who did.

Would I do so? Not at my age, unless it was clearly desired by both parties that this be a casual, non-permanent fling-thing. When the age disparity starts to creep up above 15 years, it becomes more and more likely that the older person will die not a few years before his or her partner, but a few decades, and possibly leave them bereft and alone with a very long life ahead of them. I wouldn't want to inflict that sort of hell on someone I cared about.

 

[thoughtfuldomination]

Thank you, although I think you missed the point of my post.

I didn't meant for my first post to be taken as the usual "why can't I find a sub?" I'm no particulary hurry about that. I am just curious about the question I posed.

 

[Marquis]

I'm looking for anyone's opinion on this. I'm 22 and a dom, and are having trouble finding a sub, partly because many ask for older men. So I'm putting this question out there for everyone that wants to answer, could you be submissive to a younger person? Could you be dominant to an older person?

I have come across this same phenomenon in my life. Submissive women tend to look for older men. Whether in D/s specific meeting places like personals sites, or vanilla social gatherings, being younger will put you at a disadvantage for the subbie girls. It can be incredibly annoying, but it's not an entirely misguided effort at weeding out the jokesters.

At 23, I know I'm 3 times the Dom I was when I started this thing 5 years ago. I terrify myself to think what I'll be capable of at 30 or 40. The problem is, while we all individually get more mature as we age, there is no way of judging an individual's maturity compared to others without spending time with the person. Most subs just don't have the time to give you the chance you need to prove you might be better than the man 50% older than you.

But can it happen? Sure!

I have two subs, one is 22 and the other is 28.

The 28 year old, who I refer to as C on this site, was coming out of a relationship with a man over a decade older than me when she began seeing me. She made it clear that she thought I was too young to be committed to, and I doubted I'd be able to give her what she was looking for at my age. Our feelings changed dramatically as we got to know each other better. Other than her friends generally assuming I am her boytoy whenever I am first introduced and other very petty annoyances, our age difference is not much of an issue in our relationship. Sometimes I wish I was older, so that I could better give her what she needs in a man, but on an absolute scale I still think I am better for her than her older options. She agrees, and we are very happy together.

My 22 year old sub posts on this site under the name Killishandra. We met on Collarme. She messaged me before I had a written profile up, purely based on thinking I showed a lot of charisma in the pictures I had posted. I believe I was close to the youngest Dom she was talking to, but all in all things could not have worked out better. She proved a lot to me by thinking outside of the box in pursuing me, and she gave me the opportunity to prove a lot to her in return.

I think the moral of the story is this. It will be harder to get opportunities as a younger Dom, but a lot of the legwork will already be done for you by the women who actually do give you a chance. They will be the women who will be ready to see you for who you really are, and not their limited views of what they think a Dom is supposed to be like.

 

[laurel-marie]

I would have a hard time with it.
Mainly, because of my views about myself.

I typed a whole big explaination, but when i reread it...the impression it gave was not in any way how I feel. So I will jjust leave the answer as the above, which alone sounds just as bad. It might not be very PC, but it is how i hinestly feel.

 

[kayte]

I'm looking for anyone's opinion on this. I'm 22 and a dom, and are having trouble finding a sub, partly because many ask for older men. So I'm putting this question out there for everyone that wants to answer, could you be submissive to a younger person? Could you be dominant to an older person?

Good evening.

I am 49 and a sub. I did belong to a man younger than I was by 14 years. That was awhile ago. It worked out for a time, but I do think the age disparity caused some of the stress.

I am currently in a relationship with a Dom who is several years older than I am. There is something to be said for having a common "history" if you will. To be with someone closer to your own age.

Just trying to answer your query.

 

[princess4u]

my preference is for someone my age (over 40) or older - although
i would probably not have a problem submitting to someone
not more than say 10 years younger than i - that is if he had
the qualities that i look for in a dominant

i feel more comfortable with someone my own age and have more
common interests outside of the physical D/s relationship -
and that is important to me

 

[Netzach]

I prefer to dominate men older than I am or women my own age or a little younger, though if a woman older than I am comes across as extremely submissive I am more than fine with that.

I've never had issues with anyone over age, more over other areas of compatibility or lack thereof.

Thinking about this, I don't think I was capable of really good, consistant *domination* until about 2 years ago. I spent a lot of my 20's figuring out my top skills, bottoming, learning, learning myself, finding the power I have in me with which I can weild power in a relationship.

I would not expect a good D/s relationship of intensity to be possible under those circumstances. Luckily, my switchable fuckbuddy was the perfect co-explorer at this time in my life and remains close to me in so many ways to this day.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Yes. As in I could, and have submitted to a younger dom. My husband/dom is 12 years younger than I am. I'm 42, and he's 30. I've read a lot of threads on this subject, both here, and at b.dot, and the general consensus is that women want the older dom. Why, I haven't a clue

Something about that experience bullshit.

And in my book, it is bullshit, kids. YMMV. I am not into that whole "elder statesman", "I know everything, learn from me, I'll micromanage your every move, little subbie" kind of dominance. I didn't have those kinds of needs.

What I needed, and what I got, was joyous instead of jaded. JM and I moved along a learning curve together. It was and still is .... fun.

~Anelize

 

[princess4u]

And in my book, it is bullshit, kids. YMMV. I am not into that whole "elder statesman", "I know everything, learn from me, I'll micromanage your every move, little subbie" kind of dominance. I didn't have those kinds of needs.

i'm glad that you found someone to fill your needs - regardless of age

but all "older" doms don't meet your description - mine couldn't be further
from what you describe

 

[redelicious]

I am attracted to older men. I can't speak for anyone else, but I think this is at least partly because I see them as father figures. But age doesn't automatically make them experienced or Dominant.

 

[kayte]

I am attracted to older men. I can't speak for anyone else, but I think this is at least partly because I see them as father figures. But age doesn't automatically make them experienced or Dominant.

{{{{{{{{{Red}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Nice to see you sweetie!!! You are right about age not meaning anything regarding their experience. It can help to be closer in age, to have more in common when working on the rest of the relationship.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes. As in I could, and have submitted to a younger dom. My husband/dom is 12 years younger than I am. I'm 42, and he's 30. I've read a lot of threads on this subject, both here, and at b.dot, and the general consensus is that women want the older dom. Why, I haven't a clue

Something about that experience bullshit.

And in my book, it is bullshit, kids. YMMV. I am not into that whole "elder statesman", "I know everything, learn from me, I'll micromanage your every move, little subbie" kind of dominance. I didn't have those kinds of needs.

What I needed, and what I got, was joyous instead of jaded. JM and I moved along a learning curve together. It was and still is .... fun.

~Anelize

LOL, I'm with you babe....and there are also some added advantages I won't go into here. F is 9 years younger than me and it has not been an issue. Yes, there are some things I have lived through, he hasn't...but then due to cultural and life experiences the reverse is also true...and that adds another dimension to the relationship. He has no problem asking my thoughts on things based on a belief I might have some knowledge or wisdom to add, and I enjoy the fact he is not in my age group and approaching 50 with the vision in his head of sitting at night in a comfy chair, slippers and newspaper in tow, with his slave there to massage him into slumber.....lol, our evenings are much more lively and he can often give me new insight into things I would rarely get from an older Dominant.

While I was looking for the one for me I met and shared experiences with quite a few older Dom's but they all were the type looking to wind down their life (missed out on the few older ones with life and enthusiasm left in them), felt they had all the answers to the universe and not willing to contemplate they may have missed something there, were not looking to really have new experiences or adventures...more so just re-create ones from past experiences but with a new sub, and basically were set in their ways and ready to gear up for a boring mundane old age before they were even there. I didn't think I had it in me to commit myself to serving that vision and basically stop growing myself. I also found many had a tendency to concentrate on the negative, be cynical beyond belief, and felt life owed them more but without their effort to make it happen.

Catalina

 

[HTG]

I think age does matter. Simply because a number of women (sub or not) prefer older men. I don't have the statistics for this anymore, but I remember reading that more women of nearly all ages prefer older men, then prefer younger men and women under 30 generally prefered older men to men their own ages.

I think it could have something to do with the idea that women mature sooner then men. Even if it's not true, many people believe that it is, this includes many women. From a woman's perspective, I can understand it. Most women come out of school having known mostly young men to be in general, immature and irresponsible to some degree. Younger people are also less likely to be stable in their career, finances and even lifestyles. So if you were a young, submissive, seeking a caretaker, a provider, a protecter, to form a life long bond with, you would take steps to ensure that the potential dominant could care and provide for you and wasn't likely to change their mind anytime soon. To increase the odds of finding someone like this, and limit the number of people you have to talk to (because as most of us know, those who claim to be searching in this lifestyle are rarely as they describe themselves) you would eliminate certain groups of people. If you had just come out of school, and knew young men as I described before, you'd eliminate those.

 

[onceburned]

i feel more comfortable with someone my own age and have more
common interests outside of the physical D/s relationship -
and that is imporant to me

My feelings are along this line, as well. I tend to look for someone who is roughly within five years of my age.

But I understand the attraction of an older, more experienced, more knowledgeable dom/me.

 

[chris9]

Age difference and how it matters changes a lot.
In school 2 or 3 years age difference is a lot, in college not so much anymore, and so the possible age difference increases. During you "learning years", college, university... you're not settled yet, your career is not fixed, but you are freer (more time for parties, vacation...). At this point a person only 5 years older but settled in a job can be too old. Then, when everybody is settled, living similar lives with working and stuff, being independent financially, maybe 10 years won't feel so much.
So what I'm saying is that it's all about circumstances.

In your particular case and just seeing that you are 22, personally I would feel it's about experience. I can just see how especially a young girl without much experience at all in a sexual way and maybe none in bdsm, would deem it better to submit to an older man as the age suggests more experience, so she could learn from him. Now I know that some in their thirties know less about themselves and their sexuality, have tried less things, than some with 22. But as others have said: You need to apply some criteria to cut down on the number of potential partners.
So since you are in no rush to find someone, you can just try to wait, and eventually there will be more girls out there younger than you, looking for someone older, and then you will fit... Or you will find someone who would be scared to connect with a man her father's age, and then it's you

 

[h_i_s]

Whether or not an age difference is to be considered as too big of a gap for myself, depends upon a lot more than the numbers. More likely, my opinions are to be based on maturity, of both parties, as well as a good level of compatability between the two.

When i was seeking a dominant, it was clearly stated on my profile that my preferences regarding age limits leaned more toward an 'older gentleman'. Well, not everyone takes the time to read a profile prior to contacting another, and i received many replies from men who were very close to my own age, as well as from those who were very much younger than i. i talked with many dominant men during thast period of time. Many were much older, many were much younger. i said 'No, thank you, but you're not the Dom for me and i will keep looking.", to just as many older men as i said it to younger men. i found, in my search results, that there were just as many immature men among those in the older age group, as i found among those of the younger age group.

i'm certain it's not impossible for a younger dominant to be mature enough, dominant enough, and compatable to an older woman ... i just never found one in my experiences and searchings, who would be a suitable D/s partner for me.
i did find a few who were younger than i, mature enough, and 'dominant enough', but i found none who i 'connected with', who were compatable to me.

my Master/Husband is 11 years older than i. He's certainly dominant enough (and then some), and mature enough, and the levels of compatability between He and i ... absolutely blow my mind.

 

[Neomagalie]

.........

 

[His_pita]

It is all a matter of compatibility of course. My Dom is quite a bit older then me and I love him for his wisdom and maturity. But, if he had been younger then me I would still love him if he were able to give me what he does now. Age is just a number really. I have known young men that have blown me away by their maturity and older men that act like children.

 

[curiousjen]

Owen and I are the same age give or take a few months, and I think it works great. I had tried the whole "older guy" thing with my previous relationship (non D/s) and found it most unsatisfactory. He would consistently try to "teach me things" and hand down his "wisdom" and was always playing the "experience" card when in reality he was an aging hippy drug dealer who thought he was going to be a folk star on his broken three stringed guitar yet he had only written one song (and that was terrible). Put it this way, he didn't have a great deal to teach me that was of any worth. He had very little respect for me or my opinions, and just used to show me off to his friends because i was only eighteen and he was 35. What can I say? Yawn! I was so hung up on the olderand wiser man thing that my characterometer went out the window. I thought experience would equal maturity and he was sadly lacking in that.

I soon saw through it, but the relationship fucked me off so much i resolved to stick with my own age next time round. Owen is almost identical to me in that he is of the same race, religion, age, class, and education as me. In my youth that what the exact opposite of what I fantasised about, and I would have thought him rather dull. In fact life has never been so exciting, and it is nice that everyday is not a struggle to overcome difference, as it was in my previous relationship

 

[rosco rathbone]

I had tried the whole "older guy" thing with my previous relationship (non D/s) and found it most unsatisfactory. He would consistently try to "teach me things" and hand down his "wisdom" and was always playing the "experience" card when in reality he was an aging hippy drug dealer who thought he was going to be a folk star on his broken three stringed guitar yet he had only written one song (and that was terrible).....

Hahahaha! That's hilarous! Quote unquote wisdom....

 

[Netzach]

Owen and I are the same age give or take a few months, and I think it works great. I had tried the whole "older guy" thing with my previous relationship (non D/s) and found it most unsatisfactory. He would consistently try to "teach me things" and hand down his "wisdom" and was always playing the "experience" card when in reality he was an aging hippy drug dealer who thought he was going to be a folk star on his broken three stringed guitar yet he had only written one song (and that was terrible). Put it this way, he didn't have a great deal to teach me that was of any worth. He had very little respect for me or my opinions, and just used to show me off to his friends because i was only eighteen and he was 35. What can I say? Yawn! I was so hung up on the olderand wiser man thing that my characterometer went out the window. I thought experience would equal maturity and he was sadly lacking in that.

I soon saw through it, but the relationship fucked me off so much i resolved to stick with my own age next time round. Owen is almost identical to me in that he is of the same race, religion, age, class, and education as me. In my youth that what the exact opposite of what I fantasised about, and I would have thought him rather dull. In fact life has never been so exciting, and it is nice that everyday is not a struggle to overcome difference, as it was in my previous relationship

LOL, awesome post.

Note that while I enjoy beating up middle aged pervy guys, my pardner is a whopping 6 mos older than I am.

 

[kerker_miester]

reflection

Thank you, although I think you missed the point of my post.

I didn't meant for my first post to be taken as the usual "why can't I find a sub?" I'm no particulary hurry about that. I am just curious about the question I posed.

As I now understand the question better I will put forth this answer. As for me age would make no difference. I would take a sub without consideration of her age. If by some chance a younger sub took an interest in me I would do nothing different than I would for an older sub. Each is an individual with needs of her own I would do my best to fullfill her needs and fullfill my needs to dominate as well. As to if I found a younger sub that stays for the long term relationship, we both must understand that likly I will leave this world before her or the relationship ends. I know that will hurt but I feel that ending it that way will not hurt as much as if I or she left for any other reason. As I have been told many times since my breakup life goes on.

 

[Softouch911]

He would consistently try to "teach me things" and hand down his "wisdom" and was always playing the "experience" card when in reality he was an aging hippy drug dealer who thought he was going to be a folk star on his broken three stringed guitar yet he had only written one song (and that was terrible).

And that is how we learn that age does not create wisdom. That comes with experience. And there are two kinds of experience: the kind that just happens and the kind that makes you think.

I doubt your aging hippy thought much about it when you left him so, quickly, you become wiser than he is.


her_Joe