Do you think Domme’s are more expected to be bisexual then Dom’s?

[Lilee]

Do you think (in general) Domme’s are more expected to be bisexual then Dom’s (in general)? It seems to me that the expectation is for a Dom to be either straight or gay, where as the expectation of a Domme is for her to desire both male and female subs (not getting into what the expectations for subs are here ). I’m not talking what is reality or even what is accepted, I’m just talking about the ’expectation’… or general preconceived notion, both from submissives and from other Dom/me’s.

I have come across this quite a bit in conversation recently where it was just automatically assumed that I’m bi (which I don’t mind the label, it applies, I just happen to like the male equipage better). It’s the assumption part that had me wondering if this is something that others have encountered.

 

[littlegirlslut]

Do you think (in general) Domme’s are more expected to be bisexual then Dom’s (in general)? It seems to me that the expectation is for a Dom to be either straight or gay, where as the expectation of a Domme is for her to desire both male and female subs (not getting into what the expectations for subs are here ). I’m not talking what is reality or even what is accepted, I’m just talking about the ’expectation’… or general preconceived notion, both from submissives and from other Dom/me’s.

I have come across this quite a bit in conversation recently where it was just automatically assumed that I’m bi (which I don’t mind the label, it applies, I just happen to like the male equipage better). It’s the assumption part that had me wondering if this is something that others have encountered.

Well my Master is straight, but did explore the available opportunities before coming to that conclusion. I think in general, not just in BDSM you see more BI women than BI men. Maybe I just don't know the inner workings of some of my gay pals who are male - but they tend to be "male only" while they may have explored in the past. I wonder if it is a Domme/Dom question or just a male/female question in general.

 

[CutieMouse]

I think it's more common to presume women are more likely to be bisexual than men, period... I'm not sure why, though. Might need to ponder that a bit.

 

[cati]

I think most women haven't got a problem playing with other females, espacially if it's for their Doms pleasure. I agree that it's a mis-conceived notion that fem Dommes are bi- espacially since the larger percentage of them have a male sub/s rather than female. Thats making a statement right there.
I know of one femDomme who really isn't/wasn't into the girly thing...her loss I think. Imagine my chagrin at her telling me this after I dove into her cunt.
On the other hand I know of one Domme who could appreciate a female subs attention. Hey as long as it's sexual in nature and has BDSM elements to it anything goes right?
Come to think of it I don't know any male Doms who are bi-...BUT...I bet some wouldn't mind having their cocks sucked by male sub.
Also I don't mind playing with other females, yet I don't consider myself necessarily bi-...more omni. *s

 

[Aeroil]

Bisexual Dommes seem to be less common than bisexual fem subs...

I only know a few bisexual Doms, but they are definately cool dudes... I miss Mor'Gruth, he was awesome, we'd talk about morrowind and yaoi

 

[Netzach]

I think women who are kinked across the board are expected to be bi whereas with men it freaks people, though I find more and more curiosity on the parts of guy subs and guy Doms the more I travel around.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Do you think (in general) Domme’s are more expected to be bisexual then Dom’s (in general)? It seems to me that the expectation is for a Dom to be either straight or gay, where as the expectation of a Domme is for her to desire both male and female subs (not getting into what the expectations for subs are here ). I’m not talking what is reality or even what is accepted, I’m just talking about the ’expectation’… or general preconceived notion, both from submissives and from other Dom/me’s.

I have come across this quite a bit in conversation recently where it was just automatically assumed that I’m bi (which I don’t mind the label, it applies, I just happen to like the male equipage better). It’s the assumption part that had me wondering if this is something that others have encountered.

Well have to say, I am a Domme and I do not care what people expect. But that is just me.

Eb

 

[LadyAria]

I think it's more common to presume women are more likely to be bisexual than men, period... I'm not sure why, though. Might need to ponder that a bit.

I tend to agree with Cutie on this one.

 

[SpectreT]

I think it's more common to presume women are more likely to be bisexual than men, period... I'm not sure why, though. Might need to ponder that a bit.

There was an article not too long ago, don't recall the newspaper, but it was all over the net, too, for a while. Something about women and socialization and how even as adults, they form 'crushes' on other women at some point in their friendship. Not necessarily sexual 'crushes', the article was firm on that point, but still, a deeper affection than simple friendship. Adult males, they found, do not have the same gender-neutral 'crushing' ability.

Edit: found a link, also tangential, referencing the article:

http://love.ivillage.com/fnf/fnfstayclose/0,,michon_89dg8sph-p,00.html

And a reprint of the original article (which was New York Times):

http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20050821/news_1c21girl.html

As to the whole 'expectation' thing, this is purely tangential, but it's a bit I wrote on another board hashing out my pet crackpot theory on the stereotypical male fantasy involving two women. It's got holes in it, but it was a decent, reasoned answer:

Venus Envy
Or, why guys like watching girls make out with girls.
By SpectreT

Ask any heterosexual male (and most of us bi guys, too), and his number one fantasy he’ll own up to is having two girls doing him and each other. Most girls gripe that no guy has ever given them a satisfactory reason for this signature male fetish. It’s challenging to find any adult movies, for example, that have no girl-girl scenes.

I’ll start with the first reason I believe men like to watch two girls. Men like looking at women. The shapes, lines and curves of the female body are aesthetically pleasing to the male eye, for reasons that need not be explained. Men like looking at women being sexual. Hence strip clubs and porno flicks. Two women, being sexual with each other, is a powerful multiplication of the excitement seeing one woman alone would give.

Next is my own personal twist, that I call Venus Envy. In a well-done porn scene, or in those candid moments you might spy in a club, there is real, unbridled passion in the kiss alone. Men, trained from an early age to bottle up, hide, or lock away their feelings, yearn for this type of honesty and vulnerability, that they can’t let themselves show. They’re living that passion and vulnerability vicariously, even if they can’t admit it to themselves.

It’s also the reason I strongly believe women write better erotica than men, and produce better porn. They notice the emotion as well as the physical aspects of sex and sexuality. Not saying women can’t be nasty skanks with no taste or class, but in general, guys will like porn produced and directed by women better than the stuff produced by men, even if they never know exactly why. Jill Kelly’s stuff comes to mind.

I jokingly refer to it as Venus Envy as a dig at Freud’s Penis Envy. Like me, he was born on a May 6th, and like me, he was a sex-obsessed, horny bastard with no clue what’s up in womens’ minds. Refer back to my unfinished two girl story on Lit, titled Tuesday. Seriously, I have no clue. Besides, I really do wish I was passable in drag… Venus Envy of a different kind.

Lastly, is the affirmation in their subconscious that no one can resist the urge to make out with a pretty girl… even other pretty girls.

It’s a theory, anyway.

 

[O'Mac]

There was an article not too long ago, don't recall the newspaper, but it was all over the net, too, for a while. Something about women and socialization and how even as adults, they form 'crushes' on other women at some point in their friendship. Not necessarily sexual 'crushes', the article was firm on that point, but still, a deeper affection than simple friendship. Adult males, they found, do not have the same gender-neutral 'crushing' ability.

Edit: found a link, also tangential, referencing the article:

http://love.ivillage.com/fnf/fnfstayclose/0,,michon_89dg8sph-p,00.html

And a reprint of the original article (which was New York Times):

http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20050821/news_1c21girl.html

As to the whole 'expectation' thing, this is purely tangential, but it's a bit I wrote on another board hashing out my pet crackpot theory on the stereotypical male fantasy involving two women. It's got holes in it, but it was a decent, reasoned answer:

Yeah, I suppose it makes sense. Guys can have non-seual crushes on other guys, so there's nothing to say that women can't have the same attitudes with other women.

 

[lil_squirter]

As a whole women are percieved as inately more nurturing, not a leap to loving from there...or to sensuality beyond that. I think with our ability to be more frank about our bodies and sex it has become an accepted thing that women can be physically and emotionally closer then a good number of men are comfortable with.

It's a societys view of acceptance of the idea of male/male or female/female interactions. In the US one of the most common male fantasies is to be with two women who are interetesed in not only him but in each other. By and large I think this feeds the idea that a strong, dominant, sexually confident and self assured woman there-by 'must' be bi.

Other cultures and indeed other times might see a reversal of that. I think the Lady Boy phenonom has taken the male/male relationship to a new high in acceptance in Thailand. Ancient Greece...men were expected to see young boys as sexual outlet. Granted I am no historian so please do not flame me for time/location inaccuracies.

My main point being at this time, in this climate the lean is to a sexually confident women being able to take pleasure from whomever she wishes.

My nickels worth of two cents.

 

[dexwebster]

I’m not talking what is reality or even what is accepted, I’m just talking about the ’expectation’… or general preconceived notion, both from submissives and from other Dom/me’s.

I don't know that you can really separate these. The preconceived notion is the expectation. Women are presumed to be bi far more often than men. And there is a perception, a sort-of-joke-sort-of-sad-fact, that sleeping with one man automatically makes a woman straight, and sleeping with one man automatically makes a man gay. It's way more accepted socially for a woman to have intimate, non-sexual feelings for another woman than it is for two men. For example a dominant friend of mine, much to her own dismay, is straight. She has no sexual attraction to women. She admires their figures and likes touching them and enjoys topping them purely as a sensual experience.

99 times out of a 100, no way in hell will you catch a man doing the same thing. The stigma against straight men having that kind of intimate contact is enormous. Even if someone were open to it, the odds of them expressing any interest are slim.

 

[Lilee]

Yes, I realize that bisexuality is not only more expected but more accepted in female’s then males (in general). I was trying to make the comparison less broad by focusing on Dominant women, but it seems the consensus is that the Dominance has no bearing on what’s expected.

I think women who are kinked across the board are expected to be bi whereas with men it freaks people, though I find more and more curiosity on the parts of guy subs and guy Doms the more I travel around.

This is probably as good and explanation as any, if someone knows you have one kink their more likely ascribe other attributes.

Well have to say, I am a Domme and I do not care what people expect. But that is just me.

Eb

I don’t really care either, was just curious how prevalent the idea was.

SpectreT - Venus Envy, too funny. Thanks for the interesting links.

My main point being at this time, in this climate the lean is to a sexually confident women being able to take pleasure from whomever she wishes.

This is another good explanation of where this expectation comes from.

I don't know that you can really separate these. The preconceived notion is the expectation.

I didn’t try to separate the two, expectation/preconceived notion, same thing. What I was separating was ‘reality/acceptance’ from ‘what people expect/have a preconceived notion about’.


Thanks everyone for taking the time to give your opinion.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I don’t really care either, was just curious how prevalent the idea was.

That is the thing about posting. You do not always get the answer you want. You get the answer that someone wants to give you.

My whole point is this: some people do not care. I am one of those.

Eb

 

[DomRick]

I think 'generally' Dommes are 'expected' to be bisexual more than Dom's being expected. I am glad to be of the bi-persuasion and enjoy the different energy that's involved between these two genders. Throw in a transgendered energy and things get interesting. Good question about 'generalities' and 'expectations'.