Do you really want to know?

[Hawthorne]

Now by Robert Browning

Out of your whole life give but a moment, one,
All of your life that has gone before,
All to come after it, - so you ignore,
So you make perfect the present, - condense,
In a rapture of rage, for perfection's endowment,
Thought and feeling and soul and sense -
Merged in a moment which gives me at last
You around me for once, you beneath me, above me, -
Me - sure that despite of time future, time past, -
This tick of our lifetime's one moment you love me!
How long such suspension may linger? Ah, Sweet -
The moment eternal - just that and no more -
When ecstasy's utmost we clutch at the core
While cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut, and lips meet!


Good poem to remember when you start to worry about your partner's past

 

[jimwred]

I never ask and I don't want to know.
Jimwred

 

[n-erasmus]

Well, it *MATTERS*

Of course it is important, and not just for STD reasons. If you have gotten to the point where you feel it is relevant to ask, why would you expect to be told the truth? If she *HAS* something nasty and wants to fuck you, think she'll say? I think not.

Casual encounters must grow s l o w l y into STD risky acts. There are PLENTY of fun things you can do with reduced risk. I personally dislike condoms and prefer tongues.

I also believe there is more to a good sexual experience than the aggregate experience of the partners. So if I ask, tell me -- and it does not have to be a number. This is not golf.

 

[oceanbaby28]

Exactly!!

Who would relly ask that question in any case. I dont care and I dint want to know its as simple as that.

I don't need to know, nor do I care to know... What you don't know won't hurt.

just my 2 cents worth

 

[gwillie]

I don't think your partners past is that important as long as you aren't going to get anything that is going to hurt you from it. How many shouldn't matter at all.

 

[Gem_tiger]

The thing is I suppose one could lie and say three partners and I'm clean versus say oh 30 partners and I'm clean. I'm curious as too how many people are more comfortable thinking that their partner hasn't been around the block (whether they have or not).

Hi Silk.
In the UK, your question would get a different response from different people.
I, for one, would only ask the question out of interest. This is the 21st Century. For hundreds of years, men have had many sex partners - in and out of marriage. Women weren't allowed (so who were the men with??)
Anyhow, now, women are growing up with the attitude that men have had for years ------- I want sex, I'll go out and get it.
To me, that is only fair. So, personally, it doesn't matter to me how many partners a girl has had. Yes, it is nice to think that you are only No.3 or something but hey .............................

If marriage was on the horizon, a man may think that; if the lady has had a lot of partners, can she really remain faithfull in marriage???

When you are in love, it really doesn't matter how many partners your girl has had, as someone else said, the important thing is, she is with you!
STD is not a great concern -------- most girls insist on condoms until they really do know the guy and are 100% convinced that he is clean.

Sorry, not much help to you, I suppose but, if your fella is really concerned about your past partners, is he worried that you'll go back to one of them??? or just worried about the STD issue??
I like my partner to have had others ............ there is always new things to learn that previous partners will have shown her .........

 

[warpedntwisted]

how many?

I would imagine the motive for the question would be key.
If one is tryig to determine a potential lovers experience and level of sexual awareness, the honest response is received with gratitude.
If it is a way of determining the potential for exposure to medical problems, same thing.
If its just an ego thing, fuck em anyway, tell 'em the number most likely to piss em off, and get out as fast as you can!!!lol

The one who is seeking information out of concern that may be outmatched or who is intimidated by potentially more experienced partners, well,,,,, treat with respect and beware;
you may have a tiger by tail, or a pussy hiding under the chair.................. Ya takes yer chances!!

 

[manofsteel52]

This sort of thing always makes me laugh

... or sumpthin'....
there is soo much misinformation out there regarding std's by otherwise "intelligent" people, it's frightening. The vast majority have no idea whaether they're "at risk" or not, so let's forget that aspect of the question.

Now, for myself, I don't really ask, but if my lover were to tell, the more the merrier... *g*

 

[literoter]

past is present is future

While I like to think that I learn from my past experiences I do not expect to learn from the pasts of those around me. Without the connected context, my lovers experiences are meaningless for me. You are who you are now, I am who I am now. If I am drawn to a woman it may be because of her experiences, or her lack of them. Who can say which is the ingredient that makes her opaque enough to attract me?
There are no guarantees in life.
This is not a dress rehearsal.
We are the sum total of our experiences.
Be here now.

I do not ask that question because it is none of my business. That is the kind of thing that is volunteered when appropriate or necessary.

I must say though that I dont fuck just anybody.

 

[yasnumoon]

Just to have my 5c worth on this subject!

Fact 1: People lie, so there is no point in asking.

Fact 2: If you want to have sex with someone you do not know well, then use protection.

If someone asks you the question in the getting to know you stage, before sex is on the agenda, no problem, and honesty is the best policy. Not for any other reason that if your lies get found out even years later, it can lead to heartbreak.

If someone is asking you as they are removing their clothes so to speak, they are naive, and you should be using protection in any case.

So if someone asks you the question, actually they are telling you something. They are telling you that they do not know you very well. The best answer to give, is to ask them how many they think you have slept with! Always a good indicator as to whether they think you are a complete slut that they want to fuck all night, or marriage material!

C ya
M

 

[SlidingInSilk]

Thanks to everyone that has answered this thread. A lot of viewpoints out there all saying a lot of the same thing. It's interesting because it has shed some light on the darker corners for me.

Silk

 

[LisaFunOne1]

from a girls p.o.v, if i was going to ask my lover that, id want him/her to be honest... i know that just one other lover makes a risk, but i know virgins with stds, its better to find out if the person is clean.... and if its a guy, girls do well to find out the guys history a lil bit -

i know a dumb girl whose BF told her he was sterile, couldnt have kids, and he was a virgin. she later got pregnant, and he disappeared. she did some checking and found out he had several kids, and one of the mothers was hiv+.... turns out that mom got it after she got pregnant, but... you never know what youre getting into bed with, i guess im trying to say....

i like aerosmith better -
" never judge a book by its cover, or who youre going to love by your lover"

just my two cents

 

[sandy_folsom]

Reminds me of the movie "Clerks"

This reminds me of the movie "Clerks". There's a scene
where the guy asks his girlfriend how many different guys
she had oral sex. It's a very funny scene. The whole movie
was pretty funny.

 

[dizzy]

This is going to sound pretty cocky but when I ask I'd like to get the truth so that I know how big the hill is that I'll be king of once we're done having sex

-Dizzy