Do you ever get so fucking pissed off you can't even speak?

[Calamity Jane]

That's how pissed off I was this morning. I hate that... to angry to even scream at the person you're angry with. I had to just hang up the phone... and cell phone doesn't even give you the satisfaction of being able to slam it down. .. grrrrrr!

Any suggestions for releasing pent up rage so I don't kill him when he gets home?


And yes, I know I'm being melodramatic and irrational, but that's what I'm in the mood for.

 

[RawHumor]

Since you'll likely get 20 posts suggesting sex with someone you've met over the internet or masturbation or whatever, I'll try to be more original and suggest taking a walk near a lake.

If no lake is available, then orgasms are the only thing that come to mind.

 

[jass1960]

..........

 

[CarolineOh]

Can you go ride your horse? I don't know, but I think if it was me, riding a horse real fast might help.

 

[Calamity Jane]

when he gets home tonight, that's exactly what I'm going to go do. I figure if i'm not here, I can't kill him.

I think i'll clean the house... scrub the walls... weed the flower beds... mow the lawn...

 

[CarolineOh]

when he gets home tonight, that's exactly what I'm going to go do. I figure if i'm not here, I can't kill him.

I think i'll clean the house... scrub the walls... weed the flower beds... mow the lawn...

Whoa! Stop right there cowgirl! You are pissed at him and you can't guilt trip HIM into mowing the lawn??

 

[RawHumor]

Whoa! Stop right there cowgirl! You are pissed at him and you can't guilt trip HIM into mowing the lawn??

LOL

Whether she's pissed AT HIM or not, just the fact that she's pissed and he's not there should be enough for her to be able to guilt trip him into mowing the lawn.

 

[riff]

I hope you can find a way to talk to him.

If I were him, I'd want to know what I did that pissed you off so bad.

 

[CarolineOh]

LOL

Whether she's pissed AT HIM or not, just the fact that she's pissed and he's not there should be enough for her to be able to guilt trip him into mowing the lawn.

See, I didn't even know she had a lawn, I figured just cactus and tumbleweeds.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Whoa! Stop right there cowgirl! You are pissed at him and you can't guilt trip HIM into mowing the lawn??

Oh, but I love to mow the lawn. Driving the tractor over sticks and the occasional piece of baling twine... so it takes hours and hours and hours to get it all untangled so he can mow next time...

the only downside is, he's gonna come home to a clean house and nice home cooked meal and think it's because i'm NOT mad anymore. Men are so dense.

 

[RawHumor]

the only downside is, he's gonna come home to a clean house and nice home cooked meal and think it's because i'm NOT mad anymore. Men are so dense.

We don't take hints well. Perhaps you should mow him a message in your lawn.

Of course, he may not be able to see it properly from ground level, but the fun that you have in doing it should help relieve your tension.

Plus, imagine any low-flying planes looking down at your lawn and seeing the word ASSHOLE mowed into it!

 

[CarolineOh]

We don't take hints well. Perhaps you should mow him a message in your lawn.

Of course, he may not be able to see it properly from ground level, but the fun that you have in doing it should help relieve your tension.

Plus, imagine any low-flying planes looking down at your lawn and seeing the word ASSHOLE mowed into it!

Why not just mow him a new asshole and skip all that extra physical labor?

 

[Calamity Jane]

I hope you can find a way to talk to him.

If I were him, I'd want to know what I did that pissed you off so bad.

Here's the deal. He's been telling me since we got home from our vacation that we are broke. As in absolutley no money at all in the checking account. I'm ok with that, because I know he'll get paid on Friday and I can go to the doctor (I have bronchitis) and buy groceries.

So, Friday, when he gets home, I ask him if he got paid for the job he just completed (he's a carpenter, so he gets paid rather sporadically). He says "Umm, no, she's going to mail me a check." Fine. He's working the weekend, so he should get paid today when he finishes the job.

This morning, I'm getting his desk cleared up, matching receipts to the bank statement, and I notice that there's over $3000 in the business account. So, I call him and ask if he'll authorize me to withdraw enough from the business account so that I can go to the doctor and buy some food.

He says... "well, I suppose you can, if you really think you're that sick. But the money that **** paid me on Friday should cover anything you need."

All weekend, I've been hacking up a lung, and the kids have been eating cereal or Mac and Cheese because I didn't think we could afford to get groceries... he insisted that we didn't have the money to see a movie with the kids yesterday, which is a tradition for Father's and Mother's days... I got to explain to the kids why... and, all along, there's been more than $4000 available to us.

So yeah, I'm pissed, and he knows why.

 

[riff]

Ouch. That hurts.

Maybe you could write him a letter sayine exactly how that made you feel.

Be sure you tell him you love him if you do, though.

I am not good at this shit. So take anything I say with knowledge of that.

I'm in therapy, ya know.

 

[CarolineOh]

OK, he needs serious behavior modification.
Here's what you do. Forget the mowing and all that crap.
Act as sweet as pie when he gets home. Dress as sexily as you can with the kids around, and behave in subtly firty ways, make him think all night he's going to get laid big time.
Then, at bed time, put on your least sexy flannel pjs, turn your back ans pretend to go to sleep.
As soon as he touches you, say "Not tonight, I AM that sick."

 

[sunstruck]

Ok, I'm having a low tollerence for stupid stubborn selfish men kind of week.

Here's what I want to know: What was keeping that money in the bank that was more important than your health and your childrens nutrition???

If I were you I'd pay more attention to what moeny was comming into the house and where it was going.

 

[activesense]

inserting my social worker language...

I gotta side with riff on this one,

As much as I respect Caroline's opinion on the many things she has posted, I don't think passive-agressive retaliation is going to improve his behavior - just gets him more hostile.

I would write out exactly what he did and how it made you feel and why. You want him to respond to his behavior not your emotion - which just escalates and sidetracks the discussion. This is an abusive act (to you and your children) - denying them a family celebration, essentially lying to them and you, not prtecting your health, etc. You need to get him to respond with what is going on and why he was being so dishonest with the financial situation.

Just my opinion, I wish you the best.

activesense

 

[RawHumor]

Man... I'm sorry I even made a joke about this.

Wow, that's low. I'm so sorry.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Ok, I'm having a low tollerence for stupid stubborn selfish men kind of week.

Here's what I want to know: What was keeping that money in the bank that was more important than your health and your childrens nutrition???

He "forgot" there was money in his business account... and he "didn't want to tell me he got paid on Friday, because then I'd make him go to the movie"

If I were you I'd pay more attention to what moeny was comming into the house and where it was going.

Obviously. I'm going to the bank today and opening a checking account in my name with some of the money that's in his business account. And when I get a job, my checks will be direct deposited to my account. Then, I don't have to worry about anyone but me and my kids. Shouldn't be that way when you've been together almost 9 years, but I suppose, in this case, that's the way it'll be.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Man... I'm sorry I even made a joke about this.

Wow, that's low. I'm so sorry.

You didn't know why I was pissed... no apology necessary. And you're probably right about the orgasms.

 

[RawHumor]

You didn't know why I was pissed... no apology necessary. And you're probably right about the orgasms.

Or homicide?

 

[sunstruck]

Re: inserting my social worker language...

I would write out exactly what he did and how it made you feel and why. You want him to respond to his behavior not your emotion - which just escalates and sidetracks the discussion. This is an abusive act (to you and your children) - denying them a family celebration, essentially lying to them and you, not prtecting your health, etc. You need to get him to respond with what is going on and why he was being so dishonest with the financial situation.

I agree with everything except the letter part. There's so much room for misinterpritation with the writen word. When it's something this serious you really need to sit down calmly face to face.

Oh, and the most important thing to know about men (this goes for all men, friends, family memebers, spouces) is they react MUCH more amiably when they know they've hurt you then when they know they've pissed you off.

This was a huge breaking of trust and a blatent display of his lack of caring. Making him see that will probably be more affective than letting him know he fucked up and you're pissed.

 

[red_rose]

Can I come out there and smack him around a bit for you?


Puh-leeeaaase?

People (notice I did not say men) can be such assholes at times. Argh.

 

[activesense]

thanks for the addition sunstruck

Sunstruck is right,

I meant to conclude with "write everything down and then practice saying it". The writing part was to help with getting the right words - not to avoid having the conversation - you need to talk this out directly.

Sorry for the ommission,

activesense

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Re: inserting my social worker language...

I agree with everything except the letter part. There's so much room for misinterpritation with the writen word. When it's something this serious you really need to sit down calmly face to face.

Yes, especially with him. It has to be face to face, or not at all. As soon as I can do it without yelling, we'll do that.

Oh, and the most important thing to know about men (this goes for all men, friends, family memebers, spouces) is they react MUCH more amiably when they know they've hurt you then when they know they've pissed you off.

This was a huge breaking of trust and a blatent display of his lack of caring. Making him see that will probably be more affective than letting him know he fucked up and you're pissed.

Too true. However, I'm pissed off because I'm hurt. Makes me wonder what else he's been lying about while demanding 100% full disclosure about every minute of my day.

Perhaps I need to go spend the rest of the week at a friend's house just to cool down.