Do I Have to?

[Britcock72]

Here's an idea - why not just let her catch you in bed with her sister / best friend / mother / brother?

That'd work, and probably be about your level...

 

[rowseyone]

Here's an idea - why not just let her catch you in bed with her sister / best friend / mother / brother?

That'd work, and probably be about your level...

Perfect!

 

[satindesire]

I often wonder why people make a thread asking for advice when they have absolutely no interest in following any.

 

[badmatt]

Okay, so I pretty much stopped reading after the first page and decided to reply.

First, you're a grade A jackass for even thinking of doing the 'stretch it out for the film fest and then just disappear' thing.

All the ladies who called you a cunt could have called you worse. If I knew you personally, I'd already have called the girl and told her what a fucking cunt you are.

And, as others have pointed out, only a dumbass posts an advice thread with no intent of taking any advice. That said, you should end it, now.

 

[MsGoodBody]

.....

 

[Felix_Jones]

I'll be honest - I didn't read all the replies, just the first page. That was enough.
There is another side to this. She might not be that into you either.
So you tell her the truth. It's the best thing to do. By phone or in person (best way).
If she is still interested in the film festival then you still have a date, but don't count on it. Women have pride too, even if they are not that into you. You may hurt her pride more than anything.
Curious - who is keeping tabs on whether you show up at the film festival with a date? You might find someone at the film festival with similar interests if you don't have a date with you.

It's like my version of Valentine's Day. If you catch a good obscure film, which I have in the past, it's an experience best shared, then talked about later. None of my friends really seem as into it as I am, but women seem to think me cultured and sophisticated for going.

I imagine part of posting what I did in here was self serving, maybe somehow expecting a pat on the back. All the venom shouldn't be all that surprising, the anonimty of the internet allows people to say things they wouldn't in person. Point of interest, I was out this weekend with a bunch of friends and acquaintances, all guys, and I brought up the same thing. The opinions were quite a bit different, and slightly more muted, than some of the ones here.

 

[Firebrain]

This possibly says more about your friends than it does about Lit

Good friends tell other friends that they're cunts; they might have a bit more tact than the internet but it does depend on how you measure on a scale of one to cunt.

 

[VelvetSin]

This possibly says more about your friends than it does about Lit

Good friends tell other friends that they're cunts; they might have a bit more tact than the internet but it does depend on how you measure on a scale of one to cunt.

Or, much like some that have read this thread, rolled their eyes, and chosen not to respond, his friends may have realized by now that he's going to go the Asshole (with a capital "A") route no matter what others say, so what's the point in arguing? Resignation and vague amusement so they can watch just how big a mess he makes for himself does not necessarily mean they're asshats and support his prickish nature. Without knowing them, one couldn't say for sure though.

As someone with a friend that makes a mess of nearly every relationship she enters, there's only so much honesty one can share before the repetition becomes tiresome. At that point, the good friend will be around to help pick up the pieces, but if honest advice hasn't helped dozens and dozens of other times, maybe they'll eventually learn from their mistakes. Maybe.

 

[Felix_Jones]

This possibly says more about your friends than it does about Lit

Good friends tell other friends that they're cunts; they might have a bit more tact than the internet but it does depend on how you measure on a scale of one to cunt.

Well I would think that I'm friends with people because in many ways our ethics and experiences align. More or less anyway, that's why I imagine I didn't get called a cunt or an asshole. I might be alone in this, but I generally try to avoid people who pontificate about my behaviour.

 

[VelvetSin]

Well I would think that I'm friends with people because in many ways our ethics and experiences align. More or less anyway, that's why I imagine I didn't get called a cunt or an asshole. I might be alone in this, but I generally try to avoid people who pontificate about my behaviour.

Some friends are great companions outside of a romantic relationship, but when dealing with a potential "love" interest they just can't seem to get it right. In this case, judging solely upon the comments throughout this thread, it looks like any advice would fall upon deaf ears (or be accused of pontification), so I can certainly see how a friend in that situation would just keep their advice or true opinions to themselves to avoid an argument with someone convinced he's right even when he's not. If that friend is determined to treat an unsuspecting woman as if she is nothing more than a call girl from an escort service, to be used thoroughly and eventually discarded when her intended use is done, maybe when he throws her away she'll finally be the one to slap enough sense into him to treat others with the respect they're due.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Some friends are great companions outside of a romantic relationship, but when dealing with a potential "love" interest they just can't seem to get it right. In this case, judging solely upon the comments throughout this thread, it looks like any advice would fall upon deaf ears (or be accused of pontification), so I can certainly see how a friend in that situation would just keep their advice or true opinions to themselves to avoid an argument with someone convinced he's right even when he's not. If that friend is determined to treat an unsuspecting woman as if she is nothing more than a call girl from an escort service, to be used thoroughly and eventually discarded when her intended use is done, maybe when he throws her away she'll finally be the one to slap enough sense into him to treat others with the respect they're due.

Now you're wishing violence for me?

 

[VelvetSin]

Now you're wishing violence for me?

Hardly. I don't know you, you're not a friend, and quite honestly I don't have enough concern one way or another about you to think anything I'll say could make you snap out of what appears to be a selfish need to put on appearances at a film festival instead of treating someone with respect. By that, I mean a need to look "cultured and sophisticated" versus sincere and considerate. (FYI, the latter is much more attractive than the former.) Some women don't mind being used as arm candy, or used in general, but it's considered good manners and good grace to give her the choice.

As a human being, I do have enough care to hope something much less hands-on would eventually bring about that epiphany, but I somehow doubt even that would serve its intended purpose. Lacking good manners and good grace, or the sophistication to treat an unsuspecting woman like a rental not deserving of a consensual choice, by all means, continue with your original plan.

 

[FloridaCouple]

Now you're wishing violence for me?

I am

Look, you are probably an okay guy, but you want to break it off, but not until a few more dates because you want a companion to accompany you to the festival.

That just sounds really bad. Imagine if she did that to you. How would you feel?

 

[Felix_Jones]

I am

Look, you are probably an okay guy, but you want to break it off, but not until a few more dates because you want a companion to accompany you to the festival.

That just sounds really bad. Imagine if she did that to you. How would you feel?

I'd be pretty happy about free tickets to one of the three major film festivals on the planet.

 

[southernsky]

I think manliness is sorta like going shopping at a store where if you have to ask, you can't afford it. If you have to come on here and figure out if what you're doing is manly and appropriate, it isn't. I think you're really pathetic and I can't believe I just posted on your thread. *headdesk*

 

[FloridaCouple]

I'd be pretty happy about free tickets to one of the three major film festivals on the planet.

Yes, you would. But when I asked "Imagine if she did that to you. How would you feel?" you were supposed to put yourself in her shoes. Does she even want to go to the festival as much as you do? Has she been to the festival in the past?

I have a great idea. Since this festival is so cool, and like you said, you'd be happy with free tickets (as would she in your mind), tell her you want to stop seeing her. And also tell her you want her to go to this cool festival with you.

Report back (I already know what she'll say)

 

[pairodoxxx]

The consensus is clear, do the right thing.

 

[Felix_Jones]

I think manliness is sorta like going shopping at a store where if you have to ask, you can't afford it. If you have to come on here and figure out if what you're doing is manly and appropriate, it isn't. I think you're really pathetic and I can't believe I just posted on your thread. *headdesk*

I didn't call you names. Do you abandon manners every time you come on the internet? Are you from Alberta?

 

[Felix_Jones]

Yes, you would. But when I asked "Imagine if she did that to you. How would you feel?" you were supposed to put yourself in her shoes. Does she even want to go to the festival as much as you do? Has she been to the festival in the past?

I have a great idea. Since this festival is so cool, and like you said, you'd be happy with free tickets (as would she in your mind), tell her you want to stop seeing her. And also tell her you want her to go to this cool festival with you.

Report back (I already know what she'll say)

I understand the advice, be forthright. But I just plain old don'twant to.

Still I think your put yourself in her shoes advice is a bit disingenuous, you were simply trying to get me to think the way yo do, not the way she might.

 

[FloridaCouple]

I understand the advice, be forthright. But I just plain old don'twant to.

That was funny

Still I think your put yourself in her shoes advice is a bit disingenuous, you were simply trying to get me to think the way yo do, not the way she might.

I truly meant to put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine what she would really think. Seriously. But based on your quote, you don't want to be forthright. And that is okay.

And now to your original post. You do not have to tell her explicitly that you want to break it off. Unless she is a moron, she'll get the hint after several un-returned calls/texts. Us guys have been doing that since time began.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Man, women are clingy! I guess guys who aren't me can be as well, so I shouldn't generalize. Is this attachment-ability a female trait, or does it span the sexes? I think it's the second, what about you?

 

[VelvetSin]

Man, women are clingy! I guess guys who aren't me can be as well, so I shouldn't generalize. Is this attachment-ability a female trait, or does it span the sexes? I think it's the second, what about you?

So how did your plan work out for you?

It spans the sexes. I can only speak from personal experience, but many men seem quite capable of forming attachments, and seem to prefer it if the chemistry is right.

 

[Felix_Jones]

So how did your plan work out for you?

It spans the sexes. I can only speak from personal experience, but many men seem quite capable of forming attachments, and seem to prefer it if the chemistry is right.

Not too bad actually, certainly hassle-free for me. Although I think I've mired myself with a desperately needy one this time. I'm really hoping she doesn't go all stalker on me. That would be awkward.

 

[toshiskitten]

Not too bad actually, certainly hassle-free for me. Although I think I've mired myself with a desperately needy one this time. I'm really hoping she doesn't go all stalker on me. That would be awkward.

I hope she doesn't too cause you are definitely not worth stalking. Hopefully she'll just move on and find someone worth her time and affection.

 

[Mrtouf]

Sometimes you can have a frank and open discussion about where things are (not) going. Sometimes, just initiating the discussion is awkward. But at least if you have the talk, even if it leads to tears and angry words, then your conscience is clear.

We're all human (well, except for the bots) and none of us are going to be here forever. Less dawdling and time-wasting potentially means less reason for clinginess and more time to find the next relationship which will hopefully be better. No point clinging on to someone who's made it clear they don't want to keep seeing you, and plenty motivation to move on.

Remember also that just because a relationship doesn't work now, doesn't mean that there is no point in seeing that person again. As time passes, you can reasonably expect to want someone that you wanted in the past, and perhaps know how to get more out of a relationship a second time around. That isn't going to happen though if the first thing someone recalls about you is that you dropped off the face of the planet.

Relationships do not last for an arbitrary period of time, they last so long as both partners are willing to invest themselves in it. Regardless of whether you have the talk, when you stop wanting a relationship, it is surely over there and then, not two weeks down the line.