Do I Have to?

[Felix_Jones]

Maybe a little slow fade to give her the hint followed by a follow up call to say "I'm just not that into you." However, I do not think you need to join hands and sing Kumbyya.

Your not a bad guy. You just don't like the girl that much to go out with her anymore.

Hey, cheers to that. I don't think I am either. Like I said, it's not got to be some abrupt separation...just a cooling of relations.

 

[chaosgirl42]

*sigh* okay, last attempt. As a woman, it would feel better to have the "abrupt separation" than the "cooling of relations" IF she has any feelings for you at all.

If you think this is just as casual for her than by all means - fade away, and don't take her to the festival. If she is into you and you do this 'cooling' bullshit you're just going to cause her pain and confusion. Obviously you like this method more because it's less upfront (or honest), but as Somehowyou said

...
Your not a bad guy. You just don't like the girl that much to go out with her anymore.

So don't bad guy and JUST TELL HER THAT

(seriously, some one stick a peg up his ass so he stops trying to squirm out of this one. For fuck's sake.)

 

[SweetErika]

Not likely, but since when did anyone have to be mature to have sex?

You're kidding, right?
If you're not mature enough to say, "You know, I had fun with you and I think you're a great person, but I'm not interested in continuing our relationship [in a romantic capacity]," how can you possibly be mature enough to deal with the potential consequences of sex, like pregnancy, parenthood and STIs?

Either way we're both adults, why is this responsibility on my shoulders? I'm not talking rude or manipulative, just a touch more reticent.

It's your responsibility because you want to end the relationship. If she wanted to end it first, she'd have a duty to do it in a kind, clear manner in person or on the phone. That's how it works with adults.

 

[Firebrain]

You seem to be conveniently ignoring the fact that you're using her because you need a date. That's pretty rude regardless of how long you've been together. FFS, take a friend instead.

Dump her any which way you like; don't expect any support for taking a coward's way out, though.

The more you date somebody, the more obligation you have to be honest and respectful. You'd do that for a friend, whether you were screwing them or not.

 

[Somehowyou]

What I object to is the tone of everyone? Why I we trying to villianize this guy. Look at the tone of some of the responses. This is what I think about Felix and his situation:

1. He thought about it enough to post in the "How To" thread so he cares.

2. Woman are liberated in this country and equal (Hell Erica goes out and fucks men with her husbands permission) so why can't we assume she was using him for sex and maybe even a few free meals and movie tickets?

3. Its been 5 dates. This is about 1 month. Felix has confirmed that he did not propose, discuss mutual exlusivity. This was just a feeling out period.

I got it! Call her and tell her that your reserve unit has been reactivated and you are heading to the afghan front. You have volunteered for a dangerous job as a sapper (which guaranteed a larger signing bonus - "dumb luck that was") and it is unlikely that you will make it back in one peice. Therefore ist would be irresponsible to embark on a long term exclusive relationship at this point. Maybe you get together for one night of goodbye sex?

Or you just say listen...I'm just not that inot you and I would prefer that I go to the film festival as friends or you will go by yourself or with your buds...or you have to report to your reserve unit the night of the festival so give her the tickets and get on a the first plane to Montreal and call John at Eleganza escorts for some meaningful romance with a 19 yo beauty!

 

[Firebrain]

What I object to is the tone of everyone? Why I we trying to villianize this guy. Look at the tone of some of the responses.

But he "villainised" himself. I said in my above post - it's about respect. Even if you're just fooling around with somebody, you treat them with the same courtesy as you would a friend. Nobody has suggested that he is obligated to do this because they're dating; it's about what a nice, decent human being would do.

If I didn't want to be friends with someone then I wouldn't wait until I'd used them enough to break the frienship off. She might be using him, yeah - but we don't know.

He was told to be honest and break it off. He admitted he'd use her for a date first, something he wouldn't otherwise do. I'm a bit surprised that I have to spell this out for you.

A date isn't a contract for a relationship but it sure as hell is one for respect.

 

[Somehowyou]

But he "villainised" himself
he was told to be honest and break it off. He admitted he'd use her for a date first, something he wouldn't otherwise do. I'm a bit surprised that I have to spell this out for you.

A date isn't a contract for a relationship but it sure as hell is one for respect.

I reread the post. You are correct. Everything you said is correct.

 

[pairodoxxx]

Listen to the women on this one. It will be more painful for her to drag it out than to end it. Women process relationships differently than men do. You are going out and having fun, and enjoying each other physically; she is having a relationship with you. The longer you drag it out, the more she becomes attached. It gets worse for her, not better.

 

[Somehowyou]

Listen to the women on this one. It will be more painful for her to drag it out than to end it. Women process relationships differently than men do. You are going out and having fun, and enjoying each other physically; she is having a relationship with you. The longer you drag it out, the more she becomes attached. It gets worse for her, not better.

Hmmm. Are we over generalizing here? I like having relationships with women. When you click with a woman on an intellectual and emotional level it is a beautiful thing. I just like a beautiful woman's company...to watch her prepare for the evening, putting on make up and eyeliner. To gaze into her eyes at the dinner table. To see her enjoy herself and know that it is you that is making her laugh making her feel special...exchanging emails, notes, cards, gifts. Anticipation of seeing her again...Just as satisfying than a roll in the hay.

 

[fuckmeat]

Listen to the women on this one. It will be more painful for her to drag it out than to end it. Women process relationships differently than men do. You are going out and having fun, and enjoying each other physically; she is having a relationship with you. The longer you drag it out, the more she becomes attached. It gets worse for her, not better.

Agreed. What you can quantify as 'five dates and two fucks,' she will see as the thrilling first days of a promising romance. If you're going to use the poor bitch as a convenience, at least pay her the courtesy of some closure when you're done.

Fading out and leaving her hoping or God forbid, worrying about you, is cowardly and low.

And I seriously hope you use condoms, considering how pathologically irresponsible you are. Get an STD screen too, cause I'll lay money you stick your head in the sand and don't bother. An STD is no romantic parting gift, you could have any number of things and not know, some of which can be passed through unprotected oral. That's another reason why you have to be a fucking grown up to have sex.

*Adds my vote to the pile labelled 'cunt'*

 

[Somehowyou]

Agreed. What you can quantify as 'five dates and two fucks,' she will see as the thrilling first days of a promising romance. If you're going to use the poor bitch as a convenience, at least pay her the courtesy of some closure when you're done.

Fading out and leaving her hoping or God forbid, worrying about you, is cowardly and low.

And I seriously hope you use condoms, considering how pathologically irresponsible you are. Get an STD screen too, cause I'll lay money you stick your head in the sand and don't bother. An STD is no romantic parting gift, you could have any number of things and not know, some of which can be passed through unprotected oral. That's another reason why you have to be a fucking grown up to have sex.

*Adds my vote to the pile labelled 'cunt'*

Thanks for proving my point Fuckmeat or do you prefer "Wothless cunt?"

 

[fuckmeat]

Thanks for proving my point Fuckmeat or do you prefer "Wothless cunt?"

You are not one of the people blessed with the privilege of addressing me as a cunt.

And what point am I supposed to have proven?

 

[CurvyAndCurly]

Well, overall it is your choice on how to go about breaking up with her.

Personally, though? If I were in her shoes I would want a fast, clean break. If you don't want to break up with her until after the festival, it's completely your choice. Not a nice thing to do, but to each his own, I suppose.

Buuuuuut it's not such a hot idea to just 'fade out'. Some girls don't usually pick up on hints like that (which has happened once or twice to yours truly ), so to avoid her annoying you when you don't want to talk to her, just tell her flat out that you don't want to be in a relationship anymore.

Sure, she'll be hurt and upset, but I think it's easier to recover from a quick break than being dragged along on a drifter.

I'm not condemning any choice you may make, because we all make mistakes and eventually learn from them. Any way, I hope this thread helps you out.

 

[infinity706]

What I object to is the tone of everyone? Why I we trying to villianize this guy. Look at the tone of some of the responses. This is what I think about Felix and his situation:

1. He thought about it enough to post in the "How To" thread so he cares.

2. Woman are liberated in this country and equal (Hell Erica goes out and fucks men with her husbands permission) so why can't we assume she was using him for sex and maybe even a few free meals and movie tickets?

3. Its been 5 dates. This is about 1 month. Felix has confirmed that he did not propose, discuss mutual exlusivity. This was just a feeling out period.

I got it! Call her and tell her that your reserve unit has been reactivated and you are heading to the afghan front. You have volunteered for a dangerous job as a sapper (which guaranteed a larger signing bonus - "dumb luck that was") and it is unlikely that you will make it back in one peice. Therefore ist would be irresponsible to embark on a long term exclusive relationship at this point. Maybe you get together for one night of goodbye sex?

Or you just say listen...I'm just not that inot you and I would prefer that I go to the film festival as friends or you will go by yourself or with your buds...or you have to report to your reserve unit the night of the festival so give her the tickets and get on a the first plane to Montreal and call John at Eleganza escorts for some meaningful romance with a 19 yo beauty!

Seriously, I wouldn't even do stupid shit like waiting until after some event to dump someone and everyone knows how much promiscuous sex I've had. People still deserve to be treated respectfully unless they prove they aren't worth the effort to do so. Of course, that being said, I've been dumped by the person disappearing, multiple times and it's annoying as hell.

 

[infinity706]

You are not one of the people blessed with the privilege of addressing me as a cunt.

And what point am I supposed to have proven?

I don't think Somehowyou was calling you a cunt. I think the poster was just making a sarcastic comment, referencing your signature, and hinting that you might put Felix_Jones in the "worthless cunt" category.

 

[Somehowyou]

Seriously, I wouldn't even do stupid shit like waiting until after some event to dump someone and everyone knows how much promiscuous sex I've had. People still deserve to be treated respectfully unless they prove they aren't worth the effort to do so. Of course, that being said, I've been dumped by the person disappearing, multiple times and it's annoying as hell.

I agree. I was just kidding of course.

 

[Somehowyou]

I don't think Somehowyou was calling you a cunt. I think the poster was just making a sarcastic comment, referencing your signature, and hinting that you might put Felix_Jones in the "worthless cunt" category.

Exactly!

 

[RawHumor]

Hey, cheers to that. I don't think I am either. Like I said, it's not got to be some abrupt separation...just a cooling of relations.

So why did you make this thread?

It's obvious that you just want to hear "it's okay to take the easy chicken shit way out" and "don't worry about her feelings" or "it's her own fault if she can't take a hint".

I'll say it - you CAN take the easy way out, but don't go calling it the manly thing to do. It's chicken shit, whoever does it to whomever.

 

[fuckmeat]

I don't think Somehowyou was calling you a cunt. I think the poster was just making a sarcastic comment, referencing your signature, and hinting that you might put Felix_Jones in the "worthless cunt" category.

Ah, ok. Missed that.

 

[fuckmeat]

So why did you make this thread?

It's obvious that you just want to hear "it's okay to take the easy chicken shit way out" and "don't worry about her feelings" or "it's her own fault if she can't take a hint".

I'll say it - you CAN take the easy way out, but don't go calling it the manly thing to do. It's chicken shit, whoever does it to whomever.

I'm curious, how did 'chicken shit' come to mean cowardly in the USA?

 

[chaosgirl42]

I'm curious, how did 'chicken shit' come to mean cowardly in the USA?

It seems to have come about in response to petty, nasty and unnecessary commands during the second world war. I think the idea is that a commander was a chickenshit if they cared more about trivial matters than actually "fighting the war".
The chickenshits were the pencil pushers who docked a real soldier for not being clean shaven or wearing a tie etc.
Felix will be a chickenshit if he punts the responsibility of being honest with this woman and instead chooses to make lame excuses, and give her the run around.

 

[Firebrain]

I reread the post. You are correct. Everything you said is correct.

And now, you can have a lapdance [shimmies]

 

[fuckmeat]

It seems to have come about in response to petty, nasty and unnecessary commands during the second world war. I think the idea is that a commander was a chickenshit if they cared more about trivial matters than actually "fighting the war".
The chickenshits were the pencil pushers who docked a real soldier for not being clean shaven or wearing a tie etc.
Felix will be a chickenshit if he punts the responsibility of being honest with this woman and instead chooses to make lame excuses, and give her the run around.

That's an interesting bit of trivia, thankyou.

 

[chaosgirl42]

That's an interesting bit of trivia, thankyou.

 

[Somehowyou]

And now, you can have a lapdance [shimmies]

really? I like lap dances!