Do Doms like subs to rebel?

[Kailey_86]

i have been wondering this for a while. i hear that "true" Doms don't like it at all when a sub rebels in any way. For some reason i think that they would though. What do you think?

What about being afraid? i know for a fact that a lot of Doms like to see genuine fear of and pleasure in pain and humilation. Does it please you more when a sub admits that they would be ok with something because they are Yours or would you rather see them squirm in fear and anticipation? Do you want them to fight back?

Basically, i fear that i will be boring because i willingly submit to EVERYTHING. i live to serve but i also want to be sexy and interesting. How do i create a balance?

 

[SpectreT]

<snip>
Basically, i fear that i will be boring because i willingly submit to EVERYTHING. i live to serve but i also want to be sexy and interesting. How do i create a balance?

That's a balance you have to find for yourself. Personally, as far as my dominant side is concerned, a little brattiness and a strong independent streak are instant blood-boilers, in a good way. Outright rebellious, no. But a little attitude works wonders. But I'm not your Dom. That's something you need to discover and/or work out with that individual. Or, in forum shorthand, YMMV.

 

[FurryFury]

I think that's a great question. I've had some Dom's tell me that, yeah they like a challenge. It made me a bit sad, cause I'm so very easy ya see. Like you I want to submit. I don't want to fight it. I want to give it. Now my husband LOVES to fight it. So I guess he'd be more fun than me for some.

Fury

 

[Tuomas]

i have been wondering this for a while. i hear that "true" Doms don't like it at all when a sub rebels in any way. For some reason i think that they would though. What do you think?

What about being afraid? i know for a fact that a lot of Doms like to see genuine fear of and pleasure in pain and humilation. Does it please you more when a sub admits that they would be ok with something because they are Yours or would you rather see them squirm in fear and anticipation? Do you want them to fight back?

Basically, i fear that i will be boring because i willingly submit to EVERYTHING. i live to serve but i also want to be sexy and interesting. How do i create a balance?

This is another question that comes down to the individual Spectre mentions balance, but if you both like who you are, then that is balance. As for "true"... well, what's truer than being yourself?

 

[Kajira Callista]

This is another question that comes down to the individual Spectre mentions balance, but if you both like who you are, then that is balance. As for "true"... well, what's truer than being yourself?

agreed

 

[Kailey_86]

agreed

Same here.

 

[onyxvixen]

Speaking purely for myself, I get tremendous enjoyment from seeing fear/anticipation/fatigue/etc. I love the inner battle a sub goes through in order to serve me adquately. If it's no challenge for the sub to submit - it's therefore no effort at all for me to dominate. In order to push a sub, I need something to push against.

Outright rebellion or refusal I find frustrating and unenjoyable for both parties. Usually, if a sub is not prepared to carry out an instruction there's a reason and a compromise can be reached or things can be taken in a different direction.

If, on the other hand, you're talking about feigning resistance, as in a rape roleplay scenario, that would need discussing with your dominant. Safewords allow you to say no and mean yes but this is potentially dangerous territory that requires prior agreement.

 

[SpectreT]

This is another question that comes down to the individual Spectre mentions balance, but if you both like who you are, then that is balance. As for "true"... well, what's truer than being yourself?

Actually, Kailey_86 mentioned "balance". I just said it's within herself, and if she doesn't know where it is, she needs to find it. If she's the quick to obey type, being a bratty sub isn't going to work for her. If she wants to be a bit uppity, and her dominant isn't down with any guff from subs, that's another balance that doesn't work.

If she's just out to make her dominant happy, it's time to have a sit down, work out where they want to be. Then do it to it.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Being perfect in all ways and totally compliant its difficult to answer this question Kailey.

to

Well the truth is some know a little different .........smiles. SpectT has nailed it however that line is defined in relation specifically to the actual Dominant in question. Everyone is different thankfully. What may be considered cute rebellion for one may be grounds for termination of a relationship for another.

I don't 'do' SAM in fact I get squeamish watching others , I can be perceived here as bratty at times I guess but a large component is humor not disrespect. As I am not submissive to anyone here in Lit I will communicate within reason how I please .

Honesty is imperative. Never make the mistake of attempting to mold yourself to be what you are not to attempt more chemistry. If its not genuine as in all relationships it will fail you.

Perhaps consider not concerning yourself with being 'boring'. There is an inherent grace in being compliant and submissive and there will, believe me always be Dominants that have a preference for such.

Best of Luck

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Speaking purely for myself, I get tremendous enjoyment from seeing fear/anticipation/fatigue/etc. I love the inner battle a sub goes through in order to serve me adquately. If it's no challenge for the sub to submit - it's therefore no effort at all for me to dominate. In order to push a sub, I need something to push against.

Outright rebellion or refusal I find frustrating and unenjoyable for both parties. Usually, if a sub is not prepared to carry out an instruction there's a reason and a compromise can be reached or things can be taken in a different direction.

If, on the other hand, you're talking about feigning resistance, as in a rape roleplay scenario, that would need discussing with your dominant. Safewords allow you to say no and mean yes but this is potentially dangerous territory that requires prior agreement.

Would you still appreciate this kind of conduct if you were in a 24/7 relationship with a submissive ?

Sounds exhausting.....

 

[Tuomas]

Actually, Kailey_86 mentioned "balance". I just said it's within herself, and if she doesn't know where it is, she needs to find it. If she's the quick to obey type, being a bratty sub isn't going to work for her. If she wants to be a bit uppity, and her dominant isn't down with any guff from subs, that's another balance that doesn't work.

If she's just out to make her dominant happy, it's time to have a sit down, work out where they want to be. Then do it to it.

I understood her to be concerned about being too submissive (hehe, clearly not a problem from my standpoint) and was actually in need of some reassurance as to her way of being. "Balance" could be a way of putting it, but that word always annoys me. Balance is the harbinger of compromise, and another is that it is about "equality" -and we all know that D/s is not about being equal.

The case is not whether she wants to be rebellious or not -that's already decided: she doesn't want to. Good for her. She just needs to know that her Man will like it that way

 

[Kailey_86]

If she's just out to make her dominant happy, it's time to have a sit down, work out where they want to be. Then do it to it.

i had a sit down and i think my Dom and i are a match in yet another way.

i quote: "A submissive who challenges My will is not being submissive."

This is fabulous. Communication is key.

 

[onyxvixen]

Would you still appreciate this kind of conduct if you were in a 24/7 relationship with a submissive ?

Sounds exhausting.....

I can't ever see myself in a 24/7 relationship, so I've never really considered it that way. It's just that there are always new ways in which to challenge a sub and help them to grow. I don't mean that envelopes have to be pushed every session or anything like that. I do enjoy and appreciate willing servitude. But the D/s dynamic as a whole should never be allowed to stagnate IMO, there are always things to be learned about each other and ourselves.

 

[Kailey_86]

I can't ever see myself in a 24/7 relationship, so I've never really considered it that way. It's just that there are always new ways in which to challenge a sub and help them to grow. I don't mean that envelopes have to be pushed every session or anything like that. I do enjoy and appreciate willing servitude. But the D/s dynamic as a whole should never be allowed to stagnate IMO, there are always things to be learned about each other and ourselves.

My Dom told me that it is His job to make sure that He doesn't get bored. i know that many Doms wouldn't agree. He also said that He has plenty of amusing things to do to subbies. *ears perk up* i can't wait!

 

[FurryFury]

i had a sit down and i think my Dom and i are a match in yet another way.

i quote: "A submissive who challenges My will is not being submissive."

This is fabulous. Communication is key.

Good for you!

*smiles*

Fury

 

[John Doe]

I do like a challenge, but she'd better not push too far.

I don't allow myself to get bored.

The details related to those facts are negotiable.

 

[CutieMouse]

I don't believe it has anything to do with being a "true" anything. Some people enjoy the challenge of willful behaviour; some don't. *shrug*

When I think of rebel- it conjurs up images of smart ass brats. I can't stand that sort of behaviour in my young children, much less a grown woman or man.

Obedience/submission/acceptance, however, (IMO) does not necessarily mean blind, robotic-like behaviour. Beauty can be found in screwing up one's courage, to do something one abhores/fears/feels great trepidation about doing, but accepts, out of Devotion and/or Love. Robots are boring... watching the mental battle within a Lover's eyes, or hearing the quiver in their voice, as they willingly submit, is bliss.

Kailey- you'll submit to EVERYTHING, or you know you and the partner you have chosen are so well matched, that you'll submit to everything he suggests, because you trust him to never take things further than you are capable of withstanding physically/mentally/emotionally? (I'm not talking about the tired tired and true "Of course scat/pedophilia/beastiality is out of the question" thing, here, either.)

 

[BiBunny]

I'm only speaking for my own relationship here. I don't know about everyone else, but this is what works for us. Master is in control. He always is. I obey, and that's that. However, the little smartass comments I make, even while getting my ass spanked or something equally delicious, help keep him on his toes. I do it because it's my nature, and he enjoys it. I am never disrespectful, just playful. It may get me slapped, but he'll tell me (or anyone) in a heartbeat that he thinks it's funny that I have that kind of fire in me.

 

[MasterSnatch]

It depends on the woman I find.

There are some that have a natural tendecy to be submissive and others that have fire in them. For the ones that have fire I do enjoy a challenge and them rebelling I consider all part of the process. Sure there are times it can be iritating true enough but it can make the whole endevour all the worthwhile and as mentioned earlier it can keep things interesting.

Those that are submissive and purely that can provide a fully enriching experience however and are never to be discarded. Each have their worth and habits and deserve to be taught and taken care of fully.

 

[Never]

Kailey_86:
"i had a sit down and i think my Dom and i are a match in yet another way.

i quote: "A submissive who challenges My will is not being submissive."

Is that what he really meant or did he mean, "A submissive who challenges My will is not a submissive with which I'd want to have a relationship?"

 

[BeachGurl2]

Like a couple of the previous posters, when I hear the word 'rebel' I think bratty, and that just irritates the hell out of me. I don't see how a Dom could put up with that, but whatever. My personality, however, is to be a bit of a smartass. I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and enjoy being playful. I think there's a very big distinction between the two because while I may be smartass or playful, I'm never disrespectful or rebellious. (Well, there was that one Dom, but that was a brief moment of insanity on my part and he was very much an idiot.) Like you, Kailey, when in a relationship, I also pretty much submit to everything. But that doesn't mean I can't also be playful and sometimes a smartass. I just don't do the bratty, rebellious thing.

 

[ltnsfr007]

Like a couple of the previous posters, when I hear the word 'rebel' I think bratty, and that just irritates the hell out of me. I don't see how a Dom could put up with that, but whatever. My personality, however, is to be a bit of a smartass. I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and enjoy being playful. I think there's a very big distinction between the two because while I may be smartass or playful, I'm never disrespectful or rebellious. (Well, there was that one Dom, but that was a brief moment of insanity on my part and he was very much an idiot.) Like you, Kailey, when in a relationship, I also pretty much submit to everything. But that doesn't mean I can't also be playful and sometimes a smartass. I just don't do the bratty, rebellious thing.

What an angel

(wanna go to da beach instead of chuch tomorow ?)

 

[rexfelis]

Open, honest and proactive communication, is always the key, Kailey. When in doubt, approach your Master and ask.

Personally, I don't mind Mine being playful, but sarcastic, smartass, bratty, or recalcitrant types usually irritate me. I will not allow a person to submit to me if they display traits that irritate me in those directions. I prefer submissives who are just that - submissive. I have a friend who's a sub, and she could never be Mine. She's not nearly submissive enough. Not to mention that she doesn't respond to me that way naturally, as I believe it is important for a sub to do in a D/s relationship. We enjoy each other's company as friends, but she's the willful bratty sarcastic type, although she may be different with her Master.

My 2c.

 

[catalina_francisco]

As others have said, it depends on the relationship and those involved. I would caution you on your statement you would submit to everything though. Last I heard you still had not had sex and were a virgin (or am I mistaken?), and were inexperienced in D/s having no actual experience outside fantasy. IME many say they will submit to anything and everything, but on further discussion, or when the moment comes, have a long list of things they actually won't do but think because it is on their mental list it doesn't count because no-one would do those things anyway....surprise is for those people, often there are many people who would and have done those things and enjoyed them. Claiming to be 'no limits' when inexperienced is a very dangerous game to play.

Catalina

 

[Kailey_86]

Kailey_86:
"i had a sit down and i think my Dom and i are a match in yet another way.

i quote: "A submissive who challenges My will is not being submissive."

Is that what he really meant or did he mean, "A submissive who challenges My will is not a submissive with which I'd want to have a relationship?"

What you said is what He meant.

Catalina, i am still inexeperienced and i am still a virgin, it's true. my Dom knows this and He also knows that what i say i can do now might not necessarily be what i can actually do in RL. We have discussed this. i think that He is trying to help me figure out if i really am the masochist i say i am. He helps me do this by asking me why i think i am a masochist what have i done in the past. Have i ever caused myself pain during masturbation? (yes) What are my fantasies? (all involve pain) When did i start using pain? (when i was 8) And so on and so on. He knows that i might not be able to submit to everything but He is also willing to stretch the limits that might possible exist and that is the fun part. Getting over the fear and apprehension is part of the thrill.