Do Dom(me)s do this?

[Lizzie_Borden]

Also it'd seem that people are reading too much into this abusive behavior...I was literally talking about spanking- open handed ...etc. I'll grant the abuse point, within the apparent confines of how the posters define a D/s relationship, but, it sounds like you guys are imagining broken bones and such.....

Well no, no broken bones, but a simple bare handed spanking, and telling me I was being punished, when I'd done nothing wrong would fuck with my head in bad ways. If it continued, it'd probably build up to some form of emotional abuse.

Everyone else has pretty much covered anything I'd say. Yes, if I've been frustrated or had a bad day, I'd ask for something particular. And yes, I've even offered up myself for some 'venting frustrations' play. So long as I've offered, or I've been told beforehand that's what's going on, it's no biggie.

 

[Homburg]

I specifically avoid any sort of hitting/hurting when I am in a truly rotten, shitty mood. I consider anger to be as damaging to control and judgement as alcohol or drugs. Thus Anger is not the state of mind to be in when hitting something you want to keep.

 

[Hecate]

Answer from a Domme

If I am in any "unsettled" state of mind I don't play.

I will sort my own demons first - and only then and ONLY then will I even sconsider any form of corporal action of the more err.. violent .. sort.

That said - usually I am "a person" first and a Domme second. I may vent and rant to my partner (note: not my sub) if I have had a royaly piss-off day. But to me BDSM is tied to an erotic spark and I would hardly feel that in such a condition so why venture down that route at that moment?

Should however the situation arise that I find myself scening after having had a bad day then that is left at the scene's doorstep - as I said I can quite clearly distinguish between Domme-mode and "just pissed off me".

 

[ownedsubgal]

yes, the One who owns me uses me in this way when he gets the need. after a frustrating day/week, he may increase his time at the gym, he may subject me to something especially harsh and perverted sexually, or he may beat the tar out of me. the last option is the one he most rarely chooses, but also the most effective for draining the stress and tension quickly.

 

[FungiUg]

And I don't mean use alliteration

There are times I'm tempted to resort to alliteration. Other times I go for iambic pentameter, or even rhyming couplets.

Do you ever punish your subs 'cause you've had a rough day/week?

Punish, no. I will utilise my lover to help reduce frustration, certainly (for example, having her stand in the centre of the room, unmoving, as I work my way around her body with various painful implements). Just as, if she has had a rough day/week, I will do something special (like tie her up and cover her in pegs until she is screaming and crying) to help relieve her stress.

Or, do you let your frustrations with your subs build up and then take them out on the subs in one glorious fit of spanking?

I don't punish my lover. Ever. If it came down to her needing a punishment, it would be an issue that needed to be dealt with as two adults. She's not a child, she's my equal, so we just don't get the whole "punishment" thing.

And for her, spanking is a reward that she has to earn. One minute of yoga equals one spank.

One thing I will add: when I am angry, I become very cold and controlled. I don't lose my temper, I fume. So I can play safely in this circumstance, and trust myself not to damage someone. If I were out of control in anger, I wouldn't play. I don't like breaking my toys!

 

[KoPilot]

I flat out tell him "I'm grouchy today. I'm sorry." And that's that.

If he's had a shitty day, he'll usually rant about it to me and then thank me for listening when he's all done and feel much better.

That might just be the LDR factoring in, though. But on second thought, I can't imagine that it would be much different when I move in anyways.

So to echo someone else, it shouldn't be happening if not everyone's okay with it first.

 

[Sweet_mikayla_grace]

And I don't mean use alliteration, but good guess if that's what you were going for.
Do you ever punish your subs 'cause you've had a rough day/week? Or, do you let your frustrations with your subs build up and then take them out on the subs in one glorious fit of spanking (or whatever your preferred method of punishment* is)?

*I'll grant that a naughty sub might be looking to get spanked, which would render the punishment into a reward....

If anyone doesn't matter who came in and tried to punish me for something i didn't do i'd mostly react to it in a bad way, i'd bite, yell,kick, scream, and punch even if he or she were my SO. if on the other hand they came in and said hey i have had a bad day i'd do all in my power to make it better for them even if it meant going out and beating somebody else's ass for them. but hey that's just me.

If i did something that deserved punishment i'd willingly accept it if it fit what i did and was truly meant as a teaching tool.But then to me there is a difference in abuse and in punishing someone you love and care for.Even if you're into S/M and enjoy pain for pleasure there is still a difference and just because someone has had a bad day it doesn't give that someone a right to take it out me no matter who that someone is.

 

[sb2009]

When I am particularly stressed (i am generally a ball of anxiety and stress, but when it's more than my usual) I will often ask for some impact play...spanking, flogging, etc. It makes me feel more relaxed.

I wrote a journal entry on Fetlife about how one day I was being a total bitch and my husband had enough and tackled me and we wrestled on the floor, him taunting me to make me even more angry. At the end of the whole thing I felt pretty drained of the tension.

I don't think I could, if I were a top, take out my frustration on a bottom...too many triggers of childhood and angry parents.

 

[Soumis]

I don't think I could, if I were a top, take out my frustration on a bottom...too many triggers of childhood and angry parents.

This was my first thought with this thread. I'm not saying there isn't a place for venting anger in impact, but if I thought the PYL in question didn't have control of their emotions, I'd have to be in a extra special place to volunteer my backside.

 

[FungiUg]

This was my first thought with this thread. I'm not saying there isn't a place for venting anger in impact, but if I thought the PYL in question didn't have control of their emotions, I'd have to be in a extra special place to volunteer my backside.

I think in general BDSM is safer when both people are in control of their emotions. Someone in an uncontrolled rage would be just as dangerous as someone drugged or who had been drinking.

We need a Zen of BDSM. "Strike from love."

 

[MechaBlade]

And I don't mean use alliteration, but good guess if that's what you were going for.
Do you ever punish your subs 'cause you've had a rough day/week? Or, do you let your frustrations with your subs build up and then take them out on the subs in one glorious fit of spanking (or whatever your preferred method of punishment* is)?

*I'll grant that a naughty sub might be looking to get spanked, which would render the punishment into a reward....

I don't have a sub, but I do find that I am at my most dominant when I'm in a bad mood. I like to channel my anger and humiliation into sexual energy.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

When I am particularly stressed (i am generally a ball of anxiety and stress, but when it's more than my usual) I will often ask for some impact play...spanking, flogging, etc. It makes me feel more relaxed.

For me, it depends on the kind of stress. If I'm just feeling overwhelmed because everything has built up, and need something to send me over the edge so I can have a good cry and let it go, then that works well for me.

Funnily enough, I realised the other night that humiliation play actually works well for my anxiety. It tends to drain away after.. and I think it's because all of a sudden I have a *reason* for the feelings, and it makes them more manageable and gives me a tangible way to channel them out.

And that leaves me even more exhausted than a beating!

 

[Homburg]

For me, it depends on the kind of stress. If I'm just feeling overwhelmed because everything has built up, and need something to send me over the edge so I can have a good cry and let it go, then that works well for me.

Funnily enough, I realised the other night that humiliation play actually works well for my anxiety. It tends to drain away after.. and I think it's because all of a sudden I have a *reason* for the feelings, and it makes them more manageable and gives me a tangible way to channel them out.

And that leaves me even more exhausted than a beating!

It also provides an element of control over those feelings. BEcause it is a scene/activity, it has an end. You can safeword, if you have such a structure in place, or, at worst, your top will tire of it eventually and it will cease. This means there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and thus easier to handle than unspecified anxiety that has no clear ending.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

It also provides an element of control over those feelings. BEcause it is a scene/activity, it has an end. You can safeword, if you have such a structure in place, or, at worst, your top will tire of it eventually and it will cease. This means there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and thus easier to handle than unspecified anxiety that has no clear ending.

Definitely.

It seemed to let everything run a complete course, even if it's entirely unrelated. It was interesting to think about. It appears my brain is much more easily controlled when I'm climbing the walls, because it latches onto that focus like it's a shiny object.