Do all Dom/mes collar?

[Ms_Lilith]

I have a friend who is a Dom. He is willing to devote his life to training, loving, supporting a sub, and making her his all. But he is completely unwilling to collar someone.

Anyone have any idea why? His sub is just DYING to be collared.. she's a wonderful lady who worships the ground he walks on, who loves him, who cherishes him, and she works very hard. He tells me she pleases him immensely, and that he loves her like his wife.

But he will not collar.

I don't understand.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I should add that they've been together for about 2 years now.

 

[Cirrus]

No, not all Dom/mes collar.

 

[kristydoll]

I'm sure he has his own reasons for this decision.

I live this lifestyle r/l and although I am committed to it - I, too, have never accepted a "collar". For me, its a big step - likened to marriage (for me).

Maybe one day, that time will come, but for now, I am truly satisfied being committed to one without the collar.

kristy

 

[TxBelle]

What exactly is that (being collared)? I've been reading a lot but have only read brief references to this.

 

[TxBelle]

nevermind I found out more by doing a more specific search.

Hugs
Belle

 

[Ebonyfire]

I should add that they've been together for about 2 years now.

That is not unusual. sissyboy has been my sub almost 2 years and he is not collared either. I do not collar part-time subs. I am reserving my collar for my 24/7.

The collar belongs to the dominant. So, the dominant can decide on whether to collar or not. A collar has the same weight as a wedding band the many D/s circles. Collaring is not to be taken lightly.

We have seen the repercussions of a hasty collaring many times in this very forum.

Ebony

 

[zipman]

<snip>
We have seen the repercussions of a hasty collaring many times in this very forum.

Ebony

Indeed we have Eb, indeed we have.

I have been involved with BDSM for about 15 years total, and the last 5 years pretty seriously. I have yet to collar a sub. That doesn't mean I won't, but it does represent a serious committment that I haven't felt to date.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

He's willing to marry her, but not collar her... she is his 24/7 sub, and he's told me that he would give her almost anything in the world.. a marriage, children, the rest of his life. But not a collar. It just confuses me.

 

[Hecate]

Collars may mean different things to all of us

As has been said above, not all dominants do support the practice of collaring, just as some people may not want to get married and still be serious in their committment to each other.

I can only speculate as to the why not of this particular Dominant, but either he has made some previous traumatic experience (e.g. I know of a guy who never gave a ring as a present to his gf, and she was getting desperate, wondering why he didn't as she was not expecting any propsal or such , only she felt a rind to show their "bond" at least would be nice, turned out that he had a "bad feeling" about it, since two of his previous relations had broken up shortly after he had made a ring for a gift.) So maybe he has some inner obstacles about collaring.

Another reason I cold come up with, again, totally fictional and possible way out of the real line of thinking, is that he feel collars are just "play stuff" and that he feels he would ridicule something as serious as this relation by falling into such a clichee pattern. I mean, they are an "invention" so to speak of the BDSM crowd to symbolize a bond, maybe he simply doesn't believe in it, thinks that if she truly is his submissive there is no need for any outward signs of his "posessing her", apart from the ones that our society deems regular for a married couple and which, from what I take he would be willing to give.

Last but not least - why is your friend's sub so much wanting to be collared? After all, a collar bears the weight of those sharing it, no more, no less - if it means nothing to him it can't mean anything to her either. Why does she project so much more into this than in a wedding ring for example? Is it because she can't get it? Or because "everyone else has one"?

Just some improvised thoghts, not claiming to have an answer !

 

[Andreina]

I dont collar my subs for the sole reason that I'm not into 24/7. For me, and that's only my two cents, collaring is something more attaching than I would like a relationship to become.

 

[naaki]

No not all dom/mes collar. I've seen it used as a very important next step in the direction of commitment for both partners, like my a wedding ring, which I do see as a type of collar that I can wear in my vanilla life too.

Taking my kids to the daycare wearing a bedroom collar? Not in my town.

 

[lilredwolph]

let me toss this thought into the ring.

a collar may stand for ownership to him and if he is feeling and saying the things you state he is he may not be willing to own her, he may just want to share his everything with her. a partnership no ownership

does that make sense

 

[artful]

An Opinion,...

...I have been involved with subs/slaves most of my adult life. Not the *scene* type of relationship,...but the private lifestyle. I am 59 years old,...I have only collared one woman,... and it was done August 12 th this year.

Shortly thereafter,...the relationship ended. No, all Dom/mes do not collar,...and in the world of BDSM,...as I understand it,...it is the most serious undertaking of committment that can be established.

Each collaring should have it's own individual meanings and committments,...dependent on the parties involved,...but it should never be taken or given lightly.

It is highly symbolic,(as is a wedding ring), and a clear understanding of the committment is crucial to the success or failure of a collaring.

JMHO,...but it's mine,...and I own it.

 

[~Dream~]

and I wore that collar with PRIDE

however I felt it very NECESSARY TO REMOVE it as well as end the relationship when MY needs as a sub were NOT getting met .

DOMS ARE definately about Control ,at least my last one was , however I think I preferred for MY feelings and deep needs and desires to ALSO count within the relationship , yes i guess you could say I AM an attention-seeker , but I am who i am and thats NOT changing , to be told so many 'confusing things is detrimental to a submissive's sanity and esp by someone who professes LOVE for the other , Love = Honesty .. if you truly Dont want your submissive to be with anyone else BUT You , as a Master you should say so from the get go .. not TEASE or confuse her , maybe I am wrong here BUT I highly Doubt it , I am after all Still a 1-man woman MHO ..

 

[Freya]

I would think that before accepting that collar, you should figure out if your needs are being met. It's not a pair of earrings that you can take back off if you don't like them. From what I understand of it, in some ways it is akin to an engagement or wedding ring - neither of which you should accept unless you are completely sure that this relationship is fulfilling every necessary part of yourself.

But I suppose, just as there are those who fall in deep, forever more love every few weeks, there are those who could switch Doms as if they are disposable panties.

 

[~Dream~]

I would think that before accepting that collar, you should figure out if your needs are being met. It's not a pair of earrings that you can take back off if you don't like them. From what I understand of it, in some ways it is akin to an engagement or wedding ring - neither of which you should accept unless you are completely sure that this relationship is fulfilling every necessary part of yourself.

But I suppose, just as there are those who fall in deep, forever more love every few weeks, there are those who could switch Doms as if they are disposable panties.

___________________

and thank God for those of us who Do know the difference , times change as do people dear FREYA and when my needs go "unmet" I have every right as a normal helathy human female to get out of the relationship if it displeases me ...hehe JMHO And imagine that I bet others do the same thing ,lol

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: and I wore that collar with PRIDE

I felt

MY needs .

MY feelings

I AM an attention-seeker

if you truly Dont want your submissive to be with anyone else BUT You , as a Master you should say so from the get go

"Me me me me me me me me me me me." ~Dream~

I remember when you were tossed out of the BBW threads for pretending to be "big".

And obviously you're not from Oz or the Midwest, unless Michigan has wheels.

And though you come back here every Full Moon with a new victi....er, "master" in tow, you're no Submissive.

But you are a bit of a strangeoid.

Have you thought about starting a Bi-Polar Support Thread, ~Dream~?

It might be a good way for you to find a real "home" on Lit.

Be well

Lance

 

[MissTaken]

Re: and I wore that collar with PRIDE

DOMS ARE definately about Control ,at least my last one was , however I think I preferred for MY feelings and deep needs and desires to ALSO count within the relationship ,

A submissive craves and needs that control.

A collar is a symbol far more binding than a wedding ring, IMHO.

One should give as much or more thought to collaring than to becoming engaged.

Sometimes, a novice submissive's view of BDSM is romanticized. Mine was....but I am not going to repeat myself. I discussed this in Lioness' thread. Take another read, if you want.

IT takes two to hook up and two to break up.

There are never any innocents.

 

[Freya]

___________________

and thank God for those of us who Do know the difference , times change as do people dear FREYA and when my needs go "unmet" I have every right as a normal helathy human female to get out of the relationship if it displeases me ...hehe JMHO And imagine that I bet others do the same thing ,lol

Every person has the right to have their needs met, and you're right, people do change - however not so drastically in the space of a few weeks to throw off something as serious as that. I stand by my statement that you should have done some deep thinking before accepting the collar, to determine if your needs were truly being met at that time, and if there were questions or concerns, they should have been handled before taking that step.

I don't know Artful from a hole in the wall, and don't give a rat's ass about you or your needs (although I do question the normal, healthy part of your description), my concern is for the young man whose mind you are currently fucking with. For a predatory, attention whore such as yourself to target one so young and naive makes me sick inside. And when you've finished with him and moved on to your next great, undying love in a few weeks, he'll be left trying to deal with the wreckage you've left behind. And he doesn't deserve that, not one bit.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I have never been collared and have not intention of that ever happening because I am not nor do I plan to ever be in a 24/7 type BDSM life.

I do think it is a serious undertaking and those who find that around the clock BDSM is for them, have to take it seriously or they make themselves a joke and the lifestyle a parody. I think we have seen that happen with ~Dream~.

 

[MissTaken]

That brings a question to my mind, DR.

Does a collar only have a place in 24/7?

Or can a collar play an equally important role in a lesser intense relationship?

 

[~Dream~]

I have never been collared and have not intention of that ever happening because I am not nor do I plan to ever be in a 24/7 type BDSM life.

I do think it is a serious undertaking and those who find that around the clock BDSM is for them, have to take it seriously or they make themselves a joke and the lifestyle a parody. I think we have seen that happen with ~Dream~.

_____________________

as always Rose you hold such "high" opinions of me as if ... anyways I am soo sure no man could keep you collared and as for my ex-relationship , let's just say we are both better off and see if YOU can leave it at that shall we? I doubt it cause you have such a mundane life that ya seem to have to pick at mine .. it's ok I 'm a big girl and I CAN take it lol

 

[silken_kitten]

I am in a 24/7 BDSM relationship, yes I do believe in the intentions of a "collar" in both the mental and physical sense. Master has given me earrings that I am not to take out in a sense that is a constant reminder that he is always near me as well as within me. Now earrings can be removed easily, though I haven't since the day gifted removed them. Master and I have talked at length about my wearing a collar more perminate, though we both came to the agreement that one I am not ready for the weight and implications of bearing his collar and two that it will be him that decides when I am ready. I leave this to his hands because I trust his judemnent with absolution. I have opened myself to him fully so that I am an open book to him. I may be a paradox to others where he understands completely what I'm thinking just by looking into my eyes. So yes when enough time has lapsed I will eventually wear his collar, though I do not forsee that in the near future. A collar is something to be waited for, treasured, sacred, and kept safe when given. It is essentially the Dom/mes gift to his sub that he/she will be there for them. That they will be the pillar of strength when needed at times, the kiss of pain when required, and the arms to envelope in loving company. Those are just my views, take them as you will.

 

[Lancecastor]

Dracoa is my reality however Legalus is my fantasy....

Has the next contestant been selected?