Divide by Zero

And the band played on
 
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This may have meant the least.
 
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All that said, I would shave

today

in exchange

for a blowjob
 
This a time of strange choices.
 
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It’s human nature to consider others’ opinions. And some seem to have more weight than others.

There’s this woman I kind of have a thing for. She doesn’t like when I have a beard. Or if I don’t cut my hair. You need a shave she tells me. And a cut. And color.

There’s another woman I find attractive. She likes the beard. Not the hair.

I woke to a text from a different woman offering me her opinion on hair and beards. The longer hair is okay, she says about me, but I need to trim the beard.

“Just my opinion,” is how she ended it.

When a woman is younger and attractive, she can plant a seed. And the fucking thing can grow and take on a life.

Influential.

I’m guessing it’s my age above all else, though. I let my hair go gray. I accepted it.

The truth is that not one of those women mentioned are running their hands through my hair.
Or feeling my beard against their inner thigh.
They are not wrapping a hand around the back of my neck as I slide inside of them.

I’m not listening to anybody’s opinions because nobody is fucking me.

Nobody is leaving teeth marks upon my skin.
Nobody is sliding down my erection and running her fingers across the hairs on my chest.
There are no moans in my ear influencing my behavior.
There are no soft fingers wrapped around my cock
While parted lips
Press against my neck
Or a tongue tracing my Adam’s Apple.
There isn’t a perked nipple that feels the tickle of my beard immediately before my tongue and lips.

That never seems to slow opinion.
From people who are friends.
Co-workers.
Employees.
Acquaintances.

A woman once asked me why I had a beard years ago. I had generally been clean shaven.
I said I grow it as a measurement since the last time I had sex because she hates my beard.
The woman laughed.
And then looked at me. Studying.
I’m guessing she was trying to determine how long it had been.

It had only been a couple of months.

I did not reply to the text I received last night.

I won’t.

I have no desire to.

Love this.
 
I have saved you from this
 
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It’s been wonderful days.
Visually.
Just from the looks of it.
Walking around.
Taking in the air.

The sun has been out.

But we all know.

I can walk down the road.
The dog excitedly pulling me along.
Stopping to smell dogs past.
Or other scents of interest

An oncoming pair of people
Maybe a dog
One of us must move
Make room
Take the road and not the sidewalk

The looks of others reminiscent of
Those younger years
When boys and girls had cooties
And she better not get near me
Or else

When will we once again reach our hands out to one another?
Will the sun be out?
Or will the economy crash?
Will we all become like Howie Mandel?
Germaphobes
Whether we need to be or not

Will
Anybody
Reach out
To another
Again
?
 
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I’m exhausted today. My watch says I slept 9 hours. I think it’s accurate.

Yet I can feel it behind my eyes.

It’s that point that I know I need a break. Yeah, I took a few days off in January. A full week last August.

But my body is telling me something.

I look for music to help my grinding jaw.

I will dismiss this new Fiona Apple album. I get it. I know what she’s saying. I can hear the appeal. It’s not for me, but I tried it and now I can block all the rave reviews and noise.

I have albums I will try when I’m in a better space. Heavier.

I try an album by Shannon Wright. I need southing else. Rarely am I interested in piano as the primary instrument.

Cocaine Piss? Not today.

I search Elysian Fields. A band I listened to often during the heyday of MG over a decade ago. Apple tells me an album just came out. All I have to lose is time.

I stare at this speaker for a minute or more. This is not Jennifer Charles. This sounds like Styx. And not even the garbage which passed as good Styx. I go back to the group profile. Find the old albums I enjoyed. Click around.

Okay. This is Jennifer Charles. How does Apple get two completely different bands confused like this?

That’s my Saturday morning.
 
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Here’s the thing that gets lost. Especially right now. But for certain occasions, because we get so wrapped up in current events.

We allow ourselves to forget that life goes on. That all the struggles which existed before the pandemic are all still there. Maybe exaggerated now. Maybe forgotten.

I hear all these stories of great human interactions. It seems just as likely we will forget how to interact. How to be humane.

Stay healthy has replaced be kind.

How are you has been replaced with how are you feeling.

People still get non corona sick. Still have pains. Still have the same thoughts. Same desires.

The news is exhausting.

All actors and shows are suddenly the same as a YouTube performer.

Mostly...

I’m exhausted.

The distractions which normally keep our focus from all our little challenges are not available. It’s too easy to disengage.

But how do we tell a person if we have something consuming us which is not pandemic related? Are we exposed as selfish?

Or are we simply human in a non humane time?
 
You are hitting all the right buttons with this

Your thoughts take me to a place where I can escape
 
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Music Break

The Epilogue


It's a strange day
The roses are in bloom
But in a strange way
I know somehow we're doomed
Look around through the town
Not a soul to be found
In silence, not a sound
There's no one around but you
In the back of the car
On the way from the bar
In silence, here we are
Reminding us how we're doomed
We'll get set it's time we've come to the end
We've circled around our doom
And I won't stop, not till I get what I want
And all that I want is you
In a strange place
When the sun goes down, we move
Into a strange phase
Like we've got nothing left to lose
So we slip through the town
With our heads in the clouds
In silence, not a sound
For miles and miles around
Fall asleep in the park
Underneath all the stars
In silence, here we are
Reminded of how we're doomed
Get set it's time we've come to the end
We've circled around our doom
Yeah, I won't stop, not till I get what I want
And all that I want is you
It's you
All that I want is you
Yeah, you
All that I want is you
So get set it's we come to the end
We've circled around our doom
Yeah, I won't stop, not till I get what I want
And all that I want is you
Now get set it's time we've come to the end
We've circled around our doom
Yeah, I won't stop, not till I get what I want
'Cause all that I want is you
 
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