Distance Relationships!

[Quimmy]

Oh, woe is me. I started dating this amazing gal early this summer (I had known her for about 6 years before). Everything is fantastic. The sex is more than i ever imagined it could be, and we have tons in common. We're probably looking at marriage within a year or two. The Problem (capital P) is that she lives 1000 km (12 hours driving) away... Actually, she goes to school in my hometown, whereas I moved away 4 years ago.

Anyways, this is driving me insane! We can afford to talk to each other a few hours per week, which is great. And we can see each other every 2 months or so. She may be moving here (Ottawa, Canada) in about 8 months. But with the job market like it is, nothing is certain.

I'm constantly thinking about her, and I can't seem to shake the feeling of anxiety and, umm, horniness. Everything in my life here just seems to be temporary until her next visit, which is bad because I have to concentrate on school, etc...

But in the meantime, my sanity is in jeopardy. Has anyone gone through this? How do you cope? Can a relationship like this even last for, possibly, a few years before we stabilize?

If I were to advise anyone from my experience, I'd say you have to concentrate on the small things. Personally, I really like getting a physical object from my partner in this situation, like a handwritten letter or a little present. It's like it creates an artificial bond and it really helps ease the pain. *hugs his new teddy bear* Love it!

 

[lovetoread]

Go here: http://www.literotica.com/forum/sho...d=54172&highlight=long+distance+relationships

They are some great people to know.

Good luck in your relationship. I was in your shoes too.

 

[Quimmy]

Merci beaucoup, my friend. I am in your feline debt.

 

[lovetoread]

Welcome to Lit.

Have a great time.

 

[sugar_cookies]

Hi, I'm new to this kind of thing. Message boards seem so obsolete compared to real time chat rooms.
Anyways, I just wanted to share with you that I too am in an LDR. Coming this February it will be 2 years. I've never in my life felt so connected to another human being. I never used to believe in soul mates until I met him, although it has not always been easy to say the least. The distance creates many obstacles (and we have definately been down some bumpy roads)but if you can overcome them it will only make your relationship stronger. I can't stress enough how important honesty is in an LDR, especially if you plan on making a future out of it. I read the posts in the URL that lovestoread posted (wish I had been around for them). Someone mentioned MSN voice, We use Yahoo instead...it seems much better than MSN as far as quality and is more like talking on the phone. The web cam feature isn't too bad, I've seen ALOT worse. It also is free and you don't HAVE to have a yahoo mail account unless you want one. You do however have to have a user ID and password just like right here. It only takes a few minutes to download the yahoo messenger and can be accessed from www.yahoo.com
I also wanted to point out that I too have heard of people meeting face to face after having an online romance and everything completely falling apart but on the other hand i KNOW of several couples who finally got to meet and ended up getting married. I know this doesn't apply to you personally but it might to others who read this.
I wish you the best of luck and just remember keep your hopes high, be strong, understanding, considerate, and make every second you have together count.

 

[Quimmy]

Forums obsolete? Ah c'mon, be fair. They have many advantages. For 1on1, real-time is better, but for communities, it's much more organized.


Anyways, thanks for the tips. I read that giant thread that was linked. But a lot of people are talking about relationships, in which they've never met the other person. I've been in one of those (bad move, really) but this one is much different, since I've spent several great weeks/months with this person. That's the hardest part... being separated again and again. Admittedly, it's exciting when we are together.

She sent my this teddy bear laced with her perfume, and I swear, that thing drives me over the edge whenever I smell it. Ahh, vanilla. It's interesting how visceral the memories are, when they're associated with scent or sound, since so many strong emotions are tied to it.

 

[sugar_cookies]

I think I can relate to what you mean by knowing this person on a physical level and then being seperated. This is the whole reason my cyber lover and I have not met yet...for personal reasons we are not able to be together at this time and I don't feel that a weekend here or there or even a week or two at a time and then go back to what we have now would be bearable. So in the meantime, until we can be together we make the best of what we have.
As far as the teddybear, I think that's great!!! I just sent my sweetie a stuffed bunny rabbit (i call him hunny bunny) with my own perfume on it as one of his b-day gifts.

 

[Quimmy]

That is interesting that you don't want to meet. Very wise of you, in a way. It makes life in between visits seem like just a waiting period. But I have to live in between too. Life is a journey, not a destination. But it seems so pale in comparison to living with her.

How far away are you two?

For us, it costs about 200$ US, or 12 hours on the bus. In Canada, there's a 4 day weekend in early October, and she's coming for 5 days. I can't wait. Grease up the bedsprings!

 

[Minout]

In Canada, there's a 4 day weekend in early October, and she's coming for 5 days. I can't wait. Grease up the bedsprings!

This is the part about LDR that is the worst. I have had two. We spent the majority of the year together, we met at university, then the summer apart except for a few visits on long weekends. It was impossible to have a real visit with them, the whole thing was about having sex. It was intoxicating but skewed the whole relationship. It is hard to have a really meaningful visit when you just want to get naked and fuck. It is a very challenging way to have a relationship.

Minout

 

[Quimmy]

Oh, man, I know what you mean. That is the downside, for sure. I went home for about 12 days in the summer. We went camping and spent a lot of time together and really moved forward in all parts of the relationship. The 12 days was enough.

But 4-5 days is just all sex and fawning over each other. We talk about this, actually, and we're planning on taking the first day off and getting it all out of our system, then having 4 days left to be more normal. It's just crazy enough to work.

But now I'm a bit worried... Minout, how long did the "skewed" (good word) relationship last before it showed the signs of stress? My relationship is temporarily distant, and we do have a solid friendship underneath, so it might last until we're united.

 

[sugar_cookies]

It's not that we don't WANT to meet....it's just not possible right now. I'm holding out for the future and hoping he can too.

I totally agree with Minout about occasional meetings becoming a fuck fest basically and we want more than that and are willing to wait, as hard as it gets sometimes.

The distance between us is over 1,200 miles (feels like a million at times)

 

[Quimmy]

The occasional meetings can be a fuck-fest, but they don't have to be, I think. To be honest, I missing the cuddling and talking, or cuddling and watching a movie, etc.. a lot more than the sex.

Actually, my fondest memory is laying on this secluded grassy hill with her and just holding each other and talking. It wasn't in the public eye, but it was very close to be right in the open. It was by the waterfront too. It was great.

And then an hour later, I was on the bus leaving the city. *sigh* C'est la vie, as we say here.

 

[sugar_cookies]

The way we've been able to share those things at a distance is through Yahoo.....we can talk in voice to each other as if we were right next to one another, we watch television together and movies, even listen to music together. Although the actual physical touching isn't there, the closeness is and it helps.

You sound like a very romantic guy,one of the things i find most endearing about my sweetie....something lacking in a lot of men these days.

 

[Minout]

Oh, man, I know what you mean. That is the downside, for sure. I went home for about 12 days in the summer. We went camping and spent a lot of time together and really moved forward in all parts of the relationship. The 12 days was enough.

Yes, 12 days is a long time. You probably started to feel normal afer 3 or 4. At least I did anyway.

But 4-5 days is just all sex and fawning over each other. We talk about this, actually, and we're planning on taking the first day off and getting it all out of our system, then having 4 days left to be more normal. It's just crazy enough to work.

Maybe you should give it 2 days.

But now I'm a bit worried... Minout, how long did the "skewed" (good word) relationship last before it showed the signs of stress? My relationship is temporarily distant, and we do have a solid friendship underneath, so it might last until we're united.

Well I was young, in my late teens and early twenties, and the relationships lasted about 2 years each so, they were relatively normal in all other respects. My situation was the opposite of yours though, together during the school year, apart during the summer. I wouldn't worry too much. Just don't be surprised by the fuck fests. They are normal and in my opinion necessary. Be sure you do lots of normal stuff too and don't put too much pressure on yourselves. I would have her take some urinary tract infection pre-emptive strike though. Nothing worse than a sexually induced bladder infection to spoil a good weekend of wild sexual abandon.


Minout

 

[Quimmy]

The way we've been able to share those things at a distance is through Yahoo.....we can talk in voice to each other as if we were right next to one another, we watch television together and movies, even listen to music together. Although the actual physical touching isn't there, the closeness is and it helps.

You sound like a very romantic guy,one of the things i find most endearing about my sweetie....something lacking in a lot of men these days.

Oh thank you. She tells me I'm sweet too. I really hope it works out for you.

Oh, I had another question. You're in a LDR, and you want to move to the city of your darling. Either you haven't met yet or you've met quite a bit but nothing long-term (like me). My question is, should you move in with the person right away? Is that too risky?

Oh, thanks for the reassurance, Minout. Your wise words do fall upon fertile soil. And we shouldn't have any problems with urinary tract disorders. We try to abstain from vaginal intercourse as much as possible. For religious and logical reasons. So it's usually an oral free-for-all, mostly. I tend to use the word sex for everything that happens when the pants come off.

 

[Latinababe]

I just met my online love this summer and he stayed for almost a month and we had know each other for 2 years online and we had finally decided to met each other. Well he lives far away also (England) and I live in the united states and I have broke down many times crying and missing him dearly and he is going through the steps on living here but it will take along time for this to happened. SO I understand how some people feel. I thought I could handle it when he left to go back home, but I feel so empty and lonely without him. I try to get through each day the best I can till he comes home for good.

 

[Sillyman]

I would reccomend a visit first to make sure the chemistry is there before moving in.

It's funny, my girl is in Ottowa too. Unfortunately I live in Alabama, which is the fucking bottom of the U.S.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

I just met my online love this summer and he stayed for almost a month and we had know each other for 2 years online and we had finally decided to met each other. Well he lives far away also (England) and I live in the united states and I have broke down many times crying and missing him dearly and he is going through the steps on living here but it will take along time for this to happened. SO I understand how some people feel. I thought I could handle it when he left to go back home, but I feel so empty and lonely without him. I try to get through each day the best I can till he comes home for good.

I met My-Sir online last year. HE is from England and I am from Florida. We kept in touch via the net and over the phone until last Feb. when I flew over to see HIM. I spent a month with HIM, which was paradise. The pain I felt upon leaving HIM was so great that on the flight home, I cried all of the way. In April, HE came for HIS first visit to the States. HE spent the next month with me. We had the joy of getting to know one another fully. It was with a heavy heart that I took HIM to the airport at the end of HIS visit. On the drive home, I again cried all of the way home. I felt as if a part of me had been ripped out. For the next few months, I went into a deep depression. It took some time for me to come to grips with the separation, but I have. Now I am looking forward to seeing HIM again next month when I will be flying over to visit. Even though I will only be with HIM for a couple of weeks, the time spent together will be worth all of the pain I have/will endure. I don't know when we will be able to be together on a more permanent basis, as the immigration laws of both of our countries are not easy to get around, unless we marry. So, we deal with what we must deal with, hoping that one fine day we will be able to overcome the walls that have been placed before us. As we meet each day, its good to rememeber; Good things come to those who wait.
Best wishes to all who struggle with this problem!

-kym- keeping my burning for MY-Sir

 

[Quimmy]

I met My-Sir online last year. HE is from England and I am from Florida. We kept in touch via the net and over the phone until last Feb. when I flew over to see HIM. I spent a month with HIM, which was paradise. The pain I felt upon leaving HIM was so great that on the flight home, I cried all of the way. In April, HE came for HIS first visit to the States. HE spent the next month with me. We had the joy of getting to know one another fully. It was with a heavy heart that I took HIM to the airport at the end of HIS visit. On the drive home, I again cried all of the way home. I felt as if a part of me had been ripped out. For the next few months, I went into a deep depression. It took some time for me to come to grips with the separation, but I have. Now I am looking forward to seeing HIM again next month when I will be flying over to visit. Even though I will only be with HIM for a couple of weeks, the time spent together will be worth all of the pain I have/will endure. I don't know when we will be able to be together on a more permanent basis, as the immigration laws of both of our countries are not easy to get around, unless we marry. So, we deal with what we must deal with, hoping that one fine day we will be able to overcome the walls that have been placed before us. As we meet each day, its good to rememeber; Good things come to those who wait.
Best wishes to all who struggle with this problem!

-kym- keeping my burning for MY-Sir

I cried a bit on the way home, I will admit. Just a bit as I saw her in the parking lot.

Hehe, we're so excited, only 2 weeks left for us!

 

[Bandit58]

I just got back today from spending 5 days with my long distance lover. He lives 5 hours drive away, which wouldn't be so bad.....if he wasn't married We also met via the net (ICQ to be exact) 4 1/2 months ago. He is my soulmate. In our eyes we are soul husband and wife.

We have been together twice before, the first time was for 5 days again, and the second was for a few hours in a motel a month ago. That first time we made love.....he took my wedding ring off and "unmarried" me from my emotionally abusive husband who I had left 2 1/2 months previously. I had only ever been with one man before him.....and never have I felt so loved and cherished as I did that day.

Of course it's a fuck fest when we get together.....we long so much for kisses and touching and loving. But we also go for walks and hold hands, we read together, we talk and cuddle......and kiss, I live for his kisses, never had many of those before, and his hands are so tender when he holds me. Yesterday was so damn hard....we made love for the last time and we held each other and cried. When he left I cried some more......then I went for a walk to clear my head, but lost it again when I came back to the motel room and went into the bedroom....I could still smell him on the sheets.

We are in contact most weekdays via ICQ and phone, but it's so difficult being apart. He has to get his life sorted.....he is a full time student and has a small computer business, but his wife is the main breadwinner. He has applied for a job which is a double edged sword.....if he gets it it may well be the means of us getting together, but will also mean that we can't talk like we do now. If he doesn't get it then it will be even longer (2 years or more) before he can leave his wife for me. I know the feeling of having your heart ripped out when you have to leave.....I drove home today feeling so empty and alone, but he sent me a lovely text message:

"See you again soon my only true love, I love you so much my soul wife, many kisses, drive carefully darling." I had tears, but they were happy tears......

 

[Quimmy]

Aww, that's quite the tale. Worthy of poetry.

You two are in quite the difficult position. It must be hard breaking out of 2 marriages to be with one another. I can't even imagine the stress and anxiety. But we're rooting for you.

 

[Bandit58]

I guess I should have mentioned that I left my husband before I met my lover It must have been fate because I had done a lot of cybering in those 3 weeks.......subconsciously searching maybe He told me he was looking too.....both online and in real life. When he contacted me that first day it was like we just clicked, and a couple of days later we talked for a whole afternoon and felt like we'd known each other for ages. My whole life has changed so much in the last few months, and even though it's painful being apart from him I know it will work out for us in the end

 

[Quimmy]

Ohh, well, that's all the better. I sounds like it will all work out for you. 5 hours really isn't too much. Even my 12 hour drive isn't too much, but it's enough to deter weekend visits.

I wonder how many more distance relationships exist now (with the Internet) than before (without the Internet)? I would guess around 500% or so. I'd love to read something about that.

 

[froggy_day]

oh the internet is a blessing to LDR's. My highschool best firend and I decided to be more then friends, which led to a 2 year LDR as she was in another stae at college. We emailed daily and chatted whenever possible and ran up hugh phone bills, and drove over every other month or so.

We are together today, our relationship was built on friendship and trust, and the distance didn't change that. We worked hard to keep each other part of our daily lives, while still enjoying ourselves as individuals. This has led to a fairly jealously free relationship now that we are living together. There is no worry about one or the other going out while the other is at work, we've been seperated by many miles and it worked out for us, so we have a great sense of security now.

Good luck in your relationship, remember to be a couple and a person, that should help.

 

[Guest]

oh the internet is a blessing to LDR's. My highschool best firend and I decided to be more then friends, which led to a 2 year LDR as she was in another stae at college. We emailed daily and chatted whenever possible and ran up hugh phone bills, and drove over every other month or so.

We are together today, our relationship was built on friendship and trust, and the distance didn't change that. We worked hard to keep each other part of our daily lives, while still enjoying ourselves as individuals. This has led to a fairly jealously free relationship now that we are living together. There is no worry about one or the other going out while the other is at work, we've been seperated by many miles and it worked out for us, so we have a great sense of security now.

Good luck in your relationship, remember to be a couple and a person, that should help.

Hey, I hope my relationship works out like that. It seems to be doing fine.