Distance Domination-Support Thread

[Lilac_Sky]

Why do we do it?

Thats what I'm asking myself today. Why do i put myself through this emotinal rollercoster. Wouldnt it be knider to myself if I just put my feeling, both sexual and emotional back in the box " marked fragile" locked the lid. Stored it in a dark place and threw away the key.

Can subs seperated Sex from affection? or love even? i knew exactly where I stood when we started this but I cant control and repress the emotional side of it. And I know I have to else were going no where. Because it will piss him off and scare him off big time and it will hurt me.

Please point me in the direction of the LDR D/s handbook lol .......i need something to straighten out all these consfused feelings and mixed messages I'm sending the poor man.

I feel like my journal has back fired on me. That I've revealed a bit to much about i feel about him. The problem being of course that once its written you cant take it back. His comments on it were reassuring and fair. But i regret sending it. Like I've bared my soul a bit too openly.

Another case of keep your mouth shut woman because your too open about how you feel! lol

Sometimes I think this is just a bit too hard.

kim, your posts today have made me so sad and worried for you. You didn’t go into much detail, but the tone is so lost and forlorn.

The bold portion is concerning me. I have to think that controlling and repressing your emotions would only open up an entirely new set of problems. You said his comments were reassuring and fair. And you said to not control your emotions would piss him off and scare him off.

Does he want you to hide or manipulate your feelings? Or do you just feel like you should?

In your thread about your “no contact” punishment, you commented that it worried you that such a punishment would incite you to hide your actions and feelings. And your posts today seem to be of a similar vein.

I do think communication is vitally important in any BDSM relationship. And to be in a Master/sub type relationship depends on an openness between the parties. Hiding thoughts and feelings can be a slippery slope that can lead to a level of mistrust that can be catastrophic.

(((HUGS))) I hope you find peace.

 

[kimuk]

kim, your posts today have made me so sad and worried for you. You didn’t go into much detail, but the tone is so lost and forlorn.

The bold portion is concerning me. I have to think that controlling and repressing your emotions would only open up an entirely new set of problems. You said his comments were reassuring and fair. And you said to not control your emotions would piss him off and scare him off.

Does he want you to hide or manipulate your feelings? Or do you just feel like you should?

In your thread about your “no contact” punishment, you commented that it worried you that such a punishment would incite you to hide your actions and feelings. And your posts today seem to be of a similar vein.

I do think communication is vitally important in any BDSM relationship. And to be in a Master/sub type relationship depends on an openness between the parties. Hiding thoughts and feelings can be a slippery slope that can lead to a level of mistrust that can be catastrophic.

(((HUGS))) I hope you find peace.

PM'd you lilac

 

[bhndblueyes88]

<hug> I don't really have anything to help you, kimuk, but I'm sending good feelings your way!!

 

[LisbethElliot]

I had a date with my Master this morning...Saturday mornings seem to work best for us to be online at the same time, although we email every day. I was so excited, but at the last minute his work schedule was changed and he had to cancel. So sad. But, sweet man that he is, he gave me permission to play and cum by myself. I needed it...I had spent last night and this evening writing a scene for him, and just writing it and imagining the two of us doing those things had me so turned on!

This is new for me, and only being allowed to cum with permission has been a challenge...and has made the orgasms I do have incredibly intense!

 

[kimuk]

<hug> I don't really have anything to help you, kimuk, but I'm sending good feelings your way!!

Thanks for you concern . But dont worry . All sorted and in a good place. we have done lots of talking and he has given me lots of reassurance . Everything is fine

thanks so much KIm

 

[bhndblueyes88]

it just tears me up when he gets all snuggly teddy-beary and talks about how much he misses me and wishes I was there he's right though, we are past the half way point. Downhill from here?

 

[kimuk]

it just tears me up when he gets all snuggly teddy-beary and talks about how much he misses me and wishes I was there he's right though, we are past the half way point. Downhill from here?

No way! relationships grow and evolve , they dont reach a pinnacle and drop! .....if its good it can stay good.......come on smlie?

 

[bhndblueyes88]

No I meant that we're past the half way point until we don't have to live apart So the downhill is a good thing

 

[kimuk]

Oh i seeeeeeee!!!!!!!! stupid me! good luck my darling x

 

[Sexplorer2011]

Online domination

Well I personally have met a couple of persons, with whom we shared a very special online domination relation. While it was only online, it was still really intense. I saddly did not find so open minded persons in real life yet, they always seemed to stop much quicker. So I personally am pro online domination.

 

[m0r1arty]

Done a bit of online playing but the other participants lived on the other side of the planet. Bit annoying. Still fun in its own way, of course, but I wish at least one of them lived closer!

 

[lacandy]

What do you do when communication disappears?

I've been lucky enough to have to great Doms to play with and submit to over the past months - and they were exactly what I needed and knew just how to take care of me...

THEN - POOF! They were gone??

THe first just stopped all contact (which had happened for a week before) after talking and playing for three months. We'd had a discussion about my abandonment issues and while I needed emails daily, I understood that we both have real lives. Then He just stopped...

I waited almost a month with no cotact at all from Him before seeking out a new Dom. One thing He told me in the first few exchanges, without knowing about my past experience, was that His pet peeve was a sub disappearing for days at a time. Last night my emails were undeliverable because now His email address doesn't exist anymore?? We were just playing yesterday??

I'm at a loss. Maybe it's me??

 

[m0r1arty]

What do you do when communication disappears?

I've been lucky enough to have to great Doms to play with and submit to over the past months - and they were exactly what I needed and knew just how to take care of me...

THEN - POOF! They were gone??

THe first just stopped all contact (which had happened for a week before) after talking and playing for three months. We'd had a discussion about my abandonment issues and while I needed emails daily, I understood that we both have real lives. Then He just stopped...

I waited almost a month with no cotact at all from Him before seeking out a new Dom. One thing He told me in the first few exchanges, without knowing about my past experience, was that His pet peeve was a sub disappearing for days at a time. Last night my emails were undeliverable because now His email address doesn't exist anymore?? We were just playing yesterday??

I'm at a loss. Maybe it's me??

That's a shame. I've had the same thing happen with some subs, we just sort of drift apart and stop speaking. Never had the thing with the e-mail address not even existing though.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

What do you do when communication disappears?

I've been lucky enough to have to great Doms to play with and submit to over the past months - and they were exactly what I needed and knew just how to take care of me...

THEN - POOF! They were gone??

THe first just stopped all contact (which had happened for a week before) after talking and playing for three months. We'd had a discussion about my abandonment issues and while I needed emails daily, I understood that we both have real lives. Then He just stopped...

I waited almost a month with no cotact at all from Him before seeking out a new Dom. One thing He told me in the first few exchanges, without knowing about my past experience, was that His pet peeve was a sub disappearing for days at a time. Last night my emails were undeliverable because now His email address doesn't exist anymore?? We were just playing yesterday??

I'm at a loss. Maybe it's me??

That sounds rough Particularly if you have no other way of contacting him. There's usually a reason (besides avoidance) that an email goes "missing", though. he could have been hacked, or there was a problem with the servers, or some other sort of technical issue. I say give it a shot again in a couple days and see what happens

 

[wicked woman]

Lacandy very little you do, short of being a stalker when someone tells you that they want to break things off, would justify someone being so inconsiderate. Unfortunately too often people on the Internet forget, or worse yet don't care, that there are real people behind the screens. It's easier for them to disappear.

There is the possibility that they are in relationships where it is not OK for them to play with others and they got caught. Hence a quick retreat and change of email.

Hoping you have better luck next time.

 

[kimuk]

What do you do when communication disappears?

I've been lucky enough to have to great Doms to play with and submit to over the past months - and they were exactly what I needed and knew just how to take care of me...

THEN - POOF! They were gone??

THe first just stopped all contact (which had happened for a week before) after talking and playing for three months. We'd had a discussion about my abandonment issues and while I needed emails daily, I understood that we both have real lives. Then He just stopped...

I waited almost a month with no cotact at all from Him before seeking out a new Dom. One thing He told me in the first few exchanges, without knowing about my past experience, was that His pet peeve was a sub disappearing for days at a time. Last night my emails were undeliverable because now His email address doesn't exist anymore?? We were just playing yesterday??

I'm at a loss. Maybe it's me??

No . If he's just "disappeared" then I would take it as his way of opting out. What a rat bag. Don't let it put you off, there are lots of princes amongst the frogs

hugs x

 

[lacandy]

Lacandy very little you do, short of being a stalker when someone tells you that they want to break things off, would justify someone being so inconsiderate. Unfortunately too often people on the Internet forget, or worse yet don't care, that there are real people behind the screens. It's easier for them to disappear.

There is the possibility that they are in relationships where it is not OK for them to play with others and they got caught. Hence a quick retreat and change of email.

Hoping you have better luck next time.

Well, he didn't even break it off - just up and disappeared. There was never any hint that things were going badly. Like I said, we had just played (for two hours) earlier in the day. He had to go but said he'd be back...then a few hours later everything was gone.

I do think that something in his real life happened and he had to cut ties...BUT he could have sent me a quick PM or email while he was deleting everything.

Thank you all for the advice, I think that what some people don't understand is that while we have real lives outside of this kind of relationship, there is a connection that exists and you can't just "claim" someone to be yours and then disappear with no explanation.

 

[wicked woman]

Well, he didn't even break it off - just up and disappeared. There was never any hint that things were going badly. Like I said, we had just played (for two hours) earlier in the day. He had to go but said he'd be back...then a few hours later everything was gone.

I do think that something in his real life happened and he had to cut ties...BUT he could have sent me a quick PM or email while he was deleting everything.

Thank you all for the advice, I think that what some people don't understand is that while we have real lives outside of this kind of relationship, there is a connection that exists and you can't just "claim" someone to be yours and then disappear with no explanation.

I wasn't suggesting you were stalking only giving the only example I could think of where it might have been you, to answer your question that no it wasn't you.

Of course he should have contacted you, but he didn't. Not disagreeing with you, just offering some ideas why it occurred.

 

[Skytripper]

Well, he didn't even break it off - just up and disappeared. There was never any hint that things were going badly. Like I said, we had just played (for two hours) earlier in the day. He had to go but said he'd be back...then a few hours later everything was gone.

I do think that something in his real life happened and he had to cut ties...BUT he could have sent me a quick PM or email while he was deleting everything.

Thank you all for the advice, I think that what some people don't understand is that while we have real lives outside of this kind of relationship, there is a connection that exists and you can't just "claim" someone to be yours and then disappear with no explanation.

I'm sorry this happened to you, lacandy. Would you mind if I sent you a PM?

 

[lacandy]

I wasn't suggesting you were stalking only giving the only example I could think of where it might have been you, to answer your question that no it wasn't you.

Of course he should have contacted you, but he didn't. Not disagreeing with you, just offering some ideas why it occurred.

Oh, I hope that I didn't come off as I was arguing...not my intention AT ALL. I really appreciated the thought and completely agreed with you...just more expressing my frustration at the whole thing!

I'm truly sorry if it came off differently...

 

[Lilac_Sky]

Oh, I hope that I didn't come off as I was arguing...not my intention AT ALL. I really appreciated the thought and completely agreed with you...just more expressing my frustration at the whole thing!

I'm truly sorry if it came off differently...

Your frustration is entirely understandable .... and I am so sorry this happened to you. LDRs are so hard; there is so much opportunity for dishonesty and/or hurt.

 

[wicked woman]

Oh, I hope that I didn't come off as I was arguing...not my intention AT ALL. I really appreciated the thought and completely agreed with you...just more expressing my frustration at the whole thing!

I'm truly sorry if it came off differently...

No need to apologize. I just wanted to clarify to make sure you knew I was agreeing with you but trying to answer your question and give a possible explanation.

 

[sadangel]

With my Sir until Nov.3. This is a large part of what I have been needing. To be WITH him. It's hard being in an LDR to begin with, but when you are both sub and married to Him, gack, it's so painful. I know it's only until I get proper immigration papers to move here to Canada for good, but it doesn't make it any easier.

To those above, it's very hard to be in an LDR...and having your Dom just dissappear, no, when I was scrambling to get to a safe house 2 years ago, I still had time to let my Sir know what was happing, and thankfully, he gave me his phone number, and I was able to call it and let him know I was safe and what was happening every step of the way.

It's not your fault that the Dom just split. It's his. Don't take it on you.

 

[Lilac_Sky]

With my Sir until Nov.3. This is a large part of what I have been needing. To be WITH him. It's hard being in an LDR to begin with, but when you are both sub and married to Him, gack, it's so painful. I know it's only until I get proper immigration papers to move here to Canada for good, but it doesn't make it any easier.<snip>

Enjoy your time with him .... over two months together *wistful sigh* I am so jealous.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

Enjoy your time with him .... over two months together *wistful sigh* I am so jealous.

Don't worry, soon you'll be wondering how you could get along with only 2 months