Distance Domination-Support Thread

[Lizzie_Borden]

I know, but it makes me feel a bit guilty since he always gets so mopey and mororse after I go...but then, I guilt really easily. *sigh* It doesn't help that I won't be back to visit until I graduate (that'll be 2 years). He's going to try to come here next year, but...that's still a whole year again. This last few times, it's only been 6 months between seeing each other

I think it's always harder, being the one left, as opposed to the one leaving.

I always struggle more when Mr leaves my house, than I do when we both leave somewhere else, or when I left his house.

Him leaving here suddenly makes it feel empty, even if he was only here briefly, and it's no more empty than when he arrived.

 

[the captians wench]

I know, but it makes me feel a bit guilty since he always gets so mopey and mororse after I go...but then, I guilt really easily. *sigh* It doesn't help that I won't be back to visit until I graduate (that'll be 2 years). He's going to try to come here next year, but...that's still a whole year again. This last few times, it's only been 6 months between seeing each other

I know what you mean. I think not having a secure date haunts me more than anything.

I tend to be the mopey one. When life gets busy, and I'm not missing him every second of the day, when it slows down again, I feel guilty that I wasn't missing him more.

Sometimes I think I'm just too emotional and silly.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

thanks, guys. I feel a bit better now

 

[scarletnym]

I've been avoiding this page because I feel like I've done not a lot more than complain when I'm here but I gotta let it out this time.

I'm really feeling the distance since my accident (back injury at work). I'm not getting a lot of social interaction, especially since I'm off work now, and I'm really missing not having some one here to bug, even part time.

And to top it off, he's been out of town all week (surprise trip) when we thought he'd be around, so there's disapointment there.

Just a little (a lot) attention starved right now.

I get like that a lot. It's usually when I tend to act up a bit more. I've realized in the past year and a half that I need to feel the physical parts of our relationship...it's a deep need that when not fulfilled, I get attention starved too. I think I have about 10 minutes of punishment to go through when we meet again.

I know what you mean. I think not having a secure date haunts me more than anything.
Sometimes I think I'm just too emotional and silly.

I like having the date too. It's easier for me to get through the times in between. I feel very emotional when we are apart but the emails, IM's and lit do help. Plus the little surprise tasks he sends.

 

[KoPilot]

I'm engaged! c:

Hope everyone else is doing well? Hang in there!

 

[urh0227]

I'm engaged! c:

Hope everyone else is doing well? Hang in there!

Congrats! Do tell!

 

[seela]

I'm engaged! c:

Hope everyone else is doing well? Hang in there!

That's really amazing! Congrats!

Reading things like this always gave (give) me hope in my own LDR. We're currently living together, and even though the past few months have been difficult in some ways, I definitely do not regret moving here. In September we'll be separated again, but this time it's for a definite time period (about 4 months), and after that the LDR part of our lives is hopefully over for good.

Congrats, again!

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm engaged! c:

Hope everyone else is doing well? Hang in there!

Congratulations!! So happy for you.

 

[erika39]

I'm engaged! c:

Hope everyone else is doing well? Hang in there!

Congratulations! All the happiness to you both!

 

[urh0227]

The threads here have been very helpful lately....there are things that I would never have thought of discussing with him that he and I have now talked about.....things like the use of no contact as a punishment and whether anyone in our life knows how to contact us if something happened.

mmm,....we've set a date of our first real life meeting.....i'm flying to him at the end of sept......up until now this has seemed something that was only half real.....like any day i would wake up and it would have all have been a dream....but the idea of submitting to someone IRL for the first time ever is both terrifying and exciting...

 

[ecstaticsub]

The threads here have been very helpful lately....there are things that I would never have thought of discussing with him that he and I have now talked about.....things like the use of no contact as a punishment and whether anyone in our life knows how to contact us if something happened.

mmm,....we've set a date of our first real life meeting.....i'm flying to him at the end of sept......up until now this has seemed something that was only half real.....like any day i would wake up and it would have all have been a dream....but the idea of submitting to someone IRL for the first time ever is both terrifying and exciting...

Congrats on making plans to meet! I'm excited for you.

 

[MsSelton]

I read and was intrigued by the previous thread, so I thought I'd post here. My Master lives in Canada and is currently going to school. We are due to see eachother when he graduates in January. I am a firm believer in this distance domination theory you have going. Distance doesnt make a difference in the intesity of the feelings between people, nor the attraction. If both people are willing to accept and embrace it, this can be a beautiful thing.

I confess though, that as January grows near I have grown very restless and impatient. My master has had his hands full keeping me in line lately but maybe that adds to the fun of it eh? Crops, canes, floggers and spanking, I do it all for him, and never once did it occur to me to lie, I feel that trust is *essential* in this sort of long distance relationship and the smallest lie can explode into something major. Best to keep the slate clean to avoid any sort of repercussion or guilt later. Thanks for starting this thread Boob, I'll be keeping tabs on it.

Yes, Boob! Thank you for starting this thread!
Wow.. this issue of trust. It HAS to be there, IRL is BTS (Behind The Screen) too! Too often we forget the print on the screen has been made by folks just like us. Such a terrible forgetfulness on our part! We hurt, so do they. Chances are, they have been damaged or they're hurting when they come to us; something we, as Masters, must ferret out before Shadow Play ever takes place or irreparable harm make take place.
This may be play time for some and that is all well and fine. A Master should ask such though. We have a responsibility to our slaves and their mental health.
My two dinars.
MsSelton

 

[Lilac_Sky]

I think it's always harder, being the one left, as opposed to the one leaving.

I always struggle more when Mr leaves my house, than I do when we both leave somewhere else, or when I left his house.

Him leaving here suddenly makes it feel empty, even if he was only here briefly, and it's no more empty than when he arrived.

Lizzie,
I feel the same way ... when Mistress left here after her visit, I cried for hours and hours. Leaving her was hard, but having to focus on my travel (we live very far apart) kept the sadness at bay. Also, after she left here I kept walking through my home picturing her here. It was so hard.

I know what you mean. I think not having a secure date haunts me more than anything.
<snip>
Sometimes I think I'm just too emotional and silly.

Oh, tcw, I am totally emotional and silly .... but it is part of who I am so I am trying to not fight it any more.

But yes, I would be much much happier if I knew when we would be together again. I don't even need a specific date at the moment, but a general idea would help- right now we just don't know when it is going to happen next.

I'm engaged! c:

Hope everyone else is doing well? Hang in there!

That is so wonderful! Congrats!!

 

[the captians wench]

Something a bit unexpected has happened.

I'm not sure what to make of it.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Something a bit unexpected has happened.

I'm not sure what to make of it.

I truly hope it is something unexpectingly good.

Meanwhile I will patiently wait for details.

 

[the captians wench]

I truly hope it is something unexpectingly good.

Meanwhile I will patiently wait for details.

It's neither really. Just .... odd.

I'll pm you.

I'm probably being silly again.

 

[the captians wench]

The worst part of a 5 hour time difference is that more often than not I will get so excited about something and look at the clock and realize he's already in bed for the night.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

The worst part of a 5 hour time difference is that more often than not I will get so excited about something and look at the clock and realize he's already in bed for the night.

Story of my life -.- except not the 5 hr time difference part. What sucks now is that whenever we're chatting, he's usually just getting home from work (overnight shifts), so he's tired/burnt out and not really inclined to any playtime...or much conversation, really! Like we chit chat, and it's certainly better than nothing! but since classes haven't started up again and neither has work, I've nothing to do all day and well...it's just a recipe for some serious horny angst

 

[GrimsPet]

Story of my life -.- except not the 5 hr time difference part. What sucks now is that whenever we're chatting, he's usually just getting home from work (overnight shifts), so he's tired/burnt out and not really inclined to any playtime...or much conversation, really! Like we chit chat, and it's certainly better than nothing! but since classes haven't started up again and neither has work, I've nothing to do all day and well...it's just a recipe for some serious horny angst

I'm luck in that Master and I have only a one hour time difference.
However, he also works some weird hours as he will work four days on day shift, have off for four days and then work four days on night shift - all are 12 hour shifts. So depending on what is going on for him, we don't always meet up online. I have gone at times a week or better between chats with him, with a random email message here or there letting me know he's thinking of me.

Yesterday we were really lovey towards each other on chat and subconsciously I think I know why. It hit me out of the blue middle of the night last night after he was offline that it was the two year anniversary of the last time him and I were physically intimate with each other.

I've been asked what keeps me going - it's love and the fact we both love each other so much. The fact we fit each other like a glove. How else do you explain reading each others minds over 1500 miles and a timezone? I know my submission is something he is so honored to have, and I am honored to be dominated by a man as mentally strong and caring as he is.

 

[LisbethElliot]

293 pages is rather intimidating, but I'm going to try to read through...a little at a time. I'm new to the whole BDSM thing anyway, and recently I entered into a distance domination relationship. I have much to learn but my Master is patient with my lack of knowledge and my fears. I began corresponding with him mostly because I was hoping to pump him for information for my writing. But he has become much more. I didn't really believe this kind of relationship could be fulfilling....the idea of being aroused by doing things to myself because someone on the other side of the country ordered me to seemed...ridiculous at best. But he has made a believer out of me. And while we talk about sex...a lot...this is so much more than sex. We email every day, at least once. Well...I email morning and nighttime, by order of my Master. Coordinating time to be online together for a session is a challenge, but so far we manage it about once a week. I don't know that we will ever have the opportunity to do these things in person...I hope so, but it seems unlikely. For now, this is enough. It's more than enough. I'm thrilled that this thread is here. I know I can ask Master anything, but getting perspective from other subs (or whatever I am) will be helpful.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I know I can ask Master anything, but getting perspective from other people (or whatever I am) will be helpful.

I've edited your statement because you'll find the most difficult challenges you run into will have little to do with your power dynamic with your s.o. It will be the same problems that everyone has in a relationship, and distance relationships always have the potential to be so much more difficult.

If you just remember that this is a relationship, like any other, you'll probably find you need less advice from us than you expect

And besides, half what we do here is just support each other's bemoaning That last bit is tongue in cheek, but it is hard to do the distance thing. The simple "YOU CAN DO EHT!!", hugs and pats on the back from others here is always uplifting

Welcome to the LDR club. Here is your box of tissues and hard alcohol. Enjoy your stay

 

[kimuk]

Why do we do it?

Thats what I'm asking myself today. Why do i put myself through this emotinal rollercoster. Wouldnt it be knider to myself if I just put my feeling, both sexual and emotional back in the box " marked fragile" locked the lid. Stored it in a dark place and threw away the key.

Can subs seperated Sex from affection? or love even? i knew exactly where I stood when we started this but I cant control and repress the emotional side of it. And I know I have to else were going no where. Because it will piss him off and scare him off big time and it will hurt me.

Please point me in the direction of the LDR D/s handbook lol .......i need something to straighten out all these consfused feelings and mixed messages I'm sending the poor man.

 

[LisbethElliot]

I've edited your statement because you'll find the most difficult challenges you run into will have little to do with your power dynamic with your s.o. It will be the same problems that everyone has in a relationship, and distance relationships always have the potential to be so much more difficult.

If you just remember that this is a relationship, like any other, you'll probably find you need less advice from us than you expect

And besides, half what we do here is just support each other's bemoaning That last bit is tongue in cheek, but it is hard to do the distance thing. The simple "YOU CAN DO EHT!!", hugs and pats on the back from others here is always uplifting

Welcome to the LDR club. Here is your box of tissues and hard alcohol. Enjoy your stay

Thank you for the welcome! And the tissues and alcohol. I'm still adjusting to the idea of having a Master, of answering to someone. Of asking for permission to cum...and being denied at times. I confess there are times that I think, "He'll never know." But I would know, so I sadly leave my favorite little vibe alone. So far he has not made too many demands on tasks throughout my day...once he told me to go to work without panties, once he made me do my weekly cleaning while wearing a rope crotch tie. I've been alone for so long, raised four children on my own...it's a whole new mentality for me. And I'm enjoying it immensely!

 

[the captians wench]

Why do we do it?

Thats what I'm asking myself today. Why do i put myself through this emotinal rollercoster. Wouldnt it be knider to myself if I just put my feeling, both sexual and emotional back in the box " marked fragile" locked the lid. Stored it in a dark place and threw away the key.

Can subs seperated Sex from affection? or love even? i knew exactly where I stood when we started this but I cant control and repress the emotional side of it. And I know I have to else were going no where. Because it will piss him off and scare him off big time and it will hurt me.

Please point me in the direction of the LDR D/s handbook lol .......i need something to straighten out all these consfused feelings and mixed messages I'm sending the poor man.

Some can, some can't, and some who can can't with certain people.

I'm one of those people who can categorize relationships. I won't say that I haven't loved each person (that lasted longer than a night), but it was a different kind of love for each. I always knew what was expected, what the limits were, where the boundaries lie. Sometimes the boundaries were kept, and some times the lines blurred.

I think it's harder to separate emotion from play in the D/s area because we open ourselves up so much. We're expected to lay everything out there, to be an open jar. That kind of vulnerability leaves it's mark.

No one can tell you you're not allowed to love. That's an impossible request. They can tell you you're not allowed to act on it, and if you can't handle that, then it might be time for some heart ache.

Me, I always live with hope. I love with so much of myself, it's hard for me to let go of people, even adjusting their catagory. It probably would be easier if I could shut that off, but I don't know that I'd be happier.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Why do we do it?

Thats what I'm asking myself today. Why do i put myself through this emotinal rollercoster. Wouldnt it be knider to myself if I just put my feeling, both sexual and emotional back in the box " marked fragile" locked the lid. Stored it in a dark place and threw away the key.

Can subs seperated Sex from affection? or love even? i knew exactly where I stood when we started this but I cant control and repress the emotional side of it. And I know I have to else were going no where. Because it will piss him off and scare him off big time and it will hurt me.

Please point me in the direction of the LDR D/s handbook lol .......i need something to straighten out all these consfused feelings and mixed messages I'm sending the poor man.

I would never enter a relationship lasting more then one night if I was told I was not allowed to love or become emotionally attached. I can't do it. I have guidelines to follow since I am married to someone else, but those guidelines only guide my actions, not my heart.