Distance Domination-Support Thread

[Sweetdaisymae]

Ancilla, so sorry that thing didnt work out with Frank.
Did he give any explanation why his sudden turnaround? sounds horribly sudden and brutal.
Pls take care of yourself physically and emotionally, give youself healing time.
Big hugs comming your way xxx

 

[the captians wench]

I'm an author. the Gor books were written by a philosophy professor ... it taught me that philosophy professors should keep their day jobs ....

As the the lifestyle it spawned ... it has always been difficult for me to understand the transition from fiction to real life, but again.. it's me.

Well no it's no War and Peace, but I enjoyed it all the same. I usually have a hard time reading well, anything, the Gor novels were something that I could easily get through, though not as quickly and easily as my latest obsession.

Some authors tend to over write, and while the Gor novels had a lot of "preachiness" to them, I was able to tune that out and enjoy what was there. *shrug* it's kind of like going from painting with oil paints to coloring with crayons. I enjoy both, but some times I choose the less challenging of the two.

As for the life style that followed, I witnessed it before I was exposed to the books. I think it made it easier for me to see. But again, I never took it further than some afternoon roleplay hanky panky. *shrug*

 

[Ancilla1968]

Ancilla, so sorry that thing didnt work out with Frank.
Did he give any explanation why his sudden turnaround? sounds horribly sudden and brutal.
Pls take care of yourself physically and emotionally, give youself healing time.
Big hugs comming your way xxx

Thanks so much ... and I was having some personal problems ... and he decided the answer to my peace was ... releasing me. sighs

 

[Ancilla1968]

Well no it's no War and Peace, but I enjoyed it all the same. I usually have a hard time reading well, anything, the Gor novels were something that I could easily get through, though not as quickly and easily as my latest obsession.

Some authors tend to over write, and while the Gor novels had a lot of "preachiness" to them, I was able to tune that out and enjoy what was there. *shrug* it's kind of like going from painting with oil paints to coloring with crayons. I enjoy both, but some times I choose the less challenging of the two.

As for the life style that followed, I witnessed it before I was exposed to the books. I think it made it easier for me to see. But again, I never took it further than some afternoon roleplay hanky panky. *shrug*

LOL AMEN .....

But I was ALSO exposed to Gor before the books. It is why I continue to despise Gor. The Gorean slave girl I knew had been repeatedly raped to have the Gorean community cover it up .. not allow her to report it. Then one of her Mistresses carved her initials into her chest witha knife .. scarring her permantly. Just to dump her later with the marks of another owner carved into her skin. She always bemoaned that her value had been lowered but .. hell .. she was a slave, right?

sighs

 

[the captians wench]

LOL AMEN .....

But I was ALSO exposed to Gor before the books. It is why I continue to despise Gor. The Gorean slave girl I knew had been repeatedly raped to have the Gorean community cover it up .. not allow her to report it. Then one of her Mistresses carved her initials into her chest witha knife .. scarring her permantly. Just to dump her later with the marks of another owner carved into her skin. She always bemoaned that her value had been lowered but .. hell .. she was a slave, right?

sighs

Like I said, what works for one....

 

[Ancilla1968]

Like I said, what works for one....

Ahh but it didn't work for her. *shrugs* What "worked" for her got her Mistress arrested. I had a great laugh over that one.

 

[missy_me]

This question is not specifically for Ancilla but this conversation made me think of something..

What is the difference between becoming a submissive to a particular dominant and being collared in your opinion? I think this would differ in the reality that is LDRs and on-line as opposed to people who live closer to their PYLs.

*snip*

I'm no longer in a LDR, but I'll answer anyway.

In general, to me the difference between being a submissive and being collared to someone is in the level of commitment. I don't make any difference between LDRs and other relationships in this case, but I personally wouldn't be able to feel deep enough commitment to the relationship to feel myself being collared, without meeting in person at first.

We met online and I became his submissive before we had ever met. He laid the ground rules and I was more than happy to comply. But I didn't really feel his before we met in person for the first time. Then his ownership became crystal clear to me, and commitment-wise we pretty much jumped straight to the deep end during the first meeting, even if there were no collars or the like involved. That's what I would call being my collaring, because I define it more in terms of commitment than anything bound to a specific object. (which is actually kinda crazy, given the term "collaring")

It's difficult for me to see big changes in our relationship in terms of commitment, other than the first meeting in person. That was when I started to really feel like I belong to him and the feeling didn't really change at all even though we first went from LRD to living in the same city and then living under the same roof and splitting the bills. Of course the relationship evolves as time goes by, but I haven't been any less committed to the relationship or any less his during the LDR periods than I am now that we live together.

Collars were and are are used only as a tool in bondage and they have no special meaning attached to them. At some point, when we already were living together, I did get a "collar" to wear 24/7 (a necklace with an o-ring pendant on it), but the collaring wasn't a big deal to either of us really and there were no big talks about the meaning of the necklace or anything. I was already his and both of us knew it, but the necklace is a nice physical reminder of it and it was especially important for me during our LD phases.

The only concrete moment that I feel has deepened our commitment since our first meeting was our engagement. I love the fact that I will soon be legally bound to him. Legally his.

I don't consider myself a submissive or a slave, but rather just his. His girlfriend, his personal assistant, his best friend, his housekeeper, soon his wife. But I do consider myself being in training, and most likely will do so as long as BDSM continues to be an active part of our life.

 

[Ancilla1968]

I'm no longer in a LDR, but I'll answer anyway.

In general, to me the difference between being a submissive and being collared to someone is in the level of commitment. I don't make any difference between LDRs and other relationships in this case, but I personally wouldn't be able to feel deep enough commitment to the relationship to feel myself being collared, without meeting in person at first.

We met online and I became his submissive before we had ever met. He laid the ground rules and I was more than happy to comply. But I didn't really feel his before we met in person for the first time. Then his ownership became crystal clear to me, and commitment-wise we pretty much jumped straight to the deep end during the first meeting, even if there were no collars or the like involved. That's what I would call being my collaring, because I define it more in terms of commitment than anything bound to a specific object. (which is actually kinda crazy, given the term "collaring")

It's difficult for me to see big changes in our relationship in terms of commitment, other than the first meeting in person. That was when I started to really feel like I belong to him and the feeling didn't really change at all even though we first went from LRD to living in the same city and then living under the same roof and splitting the bills. Of course the relationship evolves as time goes by, but I haven't been any less committed to the relationship or any less his during the LDR periods than I am now that we live together.

Collars were and are are used only as a tool in bondage and they have no special meaning attached to them. At some point, when we already were living together, I did get a "collar" to wear 24/7 (a necklace with an o-ring pendant on it), but the collaring wasn't a big deal to either of us really and there were no big talks about the meaning of the necklace or anything. I was already his and both of us knew it, but the necklace is a nice physical reminder of it and it was especially important for me during our LD phases.

The only concrete moment that I feel has deepened our commitment since our first meeting was our engagement. I love the fact that I will soon be legally bound to him. Legally his.

I don't consider myself a submissive or a slave, but rather just his. His girlfriend, his personal assistant, his best friend, his housekeeper, soon his wife. But I do consider myself being in training, and most likely will do so as long as BDSM continues to be an active part of our life.

ES I completely missed the question ROFL

Submission is serious, of course. But so is getting a boyfriend. Sooo master is my only "boyfriend" but we aren't engaged or married. It could end at any time.

Collar ... for me, if a man offers me a play collar, i now (hindsight being 20/20) know it means nothing. I don't take play wedding rings as I mentioned before.

SOOOOOOOO ... as my master tells me ... when the time comes I will get HIS collar. Not a "play" collar or anything liek that. Because for us it is like a wedding ring .. which neither of us is interested in wearing either LOL.

Why?

I've been divorced twice .... might work on my 3rd. marriage has no meaning to me anymore.

Collaring DOES.

Am I making sense yet?

 

[Bandit58]

I didn't have any form of "collar" other than a play collar until we decided to get married three years into the relationship.

I wear engagement and wedding rings, and also a Tiffany padlock on a chain as my "collar". This isn't the original collar - I first had a snake chain choker but Sir didn't like the look of it and it kept getting twisted around.

It's a symbol to us both of the kind of relationship we share.

 

[MrMentor7]

Do any of you feel distance domination can be more enjoyable or effective if the two people actually plan on meeting in person in the near future?

 

[the captians wench]

Do any of you feel distance domination can be more enjoyable or effective if the two people actually plan on meeting in person in the near future?

it can. but it doesn't have to.

I mean the probability of meeting doesn't have to be the fuel for the fire. I know quite a few Onliners who choose not to meet at all, don't desire it one bit. I don't think they'd continue if they didn't enjoy it though.

And near future is relative. My "near future" has been as long as 3 years. Though I'm hoping with all my might that this one isn't quite that long.

 

[the captians wench]

I've been writing again.

I wanted to write my story, our story, my first visit ever since I came home, but I just couldn't do it. The words never seemed to be right.

As I've drifted in and out of believing that whole trip was just some wonderful dream I had one night, I've noticed the words are coming. It's not in one fluid motion like all of my other writings have been. It's been a paragraph here and there, maybe a chapter in the middle, and another sintence to the end. It's scattered, but I've allowed myself to write what comes out that moment. The other day it was about how we ended up seeing St Patrick Cathidral. and two days ago it was my "Oh shit!" moment midway over the atlantic. Tonight was my flight home. It's wierd, disjointed, but it's kind of cathardic as well.

I miss him so much, that world, my fairytale land with my prince waiting close to the castle.

Maybe I'm reading too much right now.

 

[MrMentor7]

it can. but it doesn't have to.

I mean the probability of meeting doesn't have to be the fuel for the fire. I know quite a few Onliners who choose not to meet at all, don't desire it one bit. I don't think they'd continue if they didn't enjoy it though.

And near future is relative. My "near future" has been as long as 3 years. Though I'm hoping with all my might that this one isn't quite that long.

That makes sense. While I haven't thought of myself as having a longterm d/s relationship, I would like at least some real life meetings. Considering there are so many ways to practice BDSM, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

 

[Ancilla1968]

I've been writing again.

I wanted to write my story, our story, my first visit ever since I came home, but I just couldn't do it. The words never seemed to be right.

As I've drifted in and out of believing that whole trip was just some wonderful dream I had one night, I've noticed the words are coming. It's not in one fluid motion like all of my other writings have been. It's been a paragraph here and there, maybe a chapter in the middle, and another sintence to the end. It's scattered, but I've allowed myself to write what comes out that moment. The other day it was about how we ended up seeing St Patrick Cathidral. and two days ago it was my "Oh shit!" moment midway over the atlantic. Tonight was my flight home. It's wierd, disjointed, but it's kind of cathardic as well.

I miss him so much, that world, my fairytale land with my prince waiting close to the castle.

Maybe I'm reading too much right now.

*tries to wait patiently and realizes she isn't going to be Patient unless her master NAMES her Patience*

 

[Ancilla1968]

That makes sense. While I haven't thought of myself as having a longterm d/s relationship, I would like at least some real life meetings. Considering there are so many ways to practice BDSM, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

If YOU want RL .. don't get involved in a situation where it is not possible. Granted I swore I'd never get involved in another LDR and .... did LOL

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm no longer in a LDR, but I'll answer anyway.

In general, to me the difference between being a submissive and being collared to someone is in the level of commitment. I don't make any difference between LDRs and other relationships in this case, but I personally wouldn't be able to feel deep enough commitment to the relationship to feel myself being collared, without meeting in person at first.

We met online and I became his submissive before we had ever met. He laid the ground rules and I was more than happy to comply. But I didn't really feel his before we met in person for the first time. Then his ownership became crystal clear to me, and commitment-wise we pretty much jumped straight to the deep end during the first meeting, even if there were no collars or the like involved. That's what I would call being my collaring, because I define it more in terms of commitment than anything bound to a specific object. (which is actually kinda crazy, given the term "collaring")

It's difficult for me to see big changes in our relationship in terms of commitment, other than the first meeting in person. That was when I started to really feel like I belong to him and the feeling didn't really change at all even though we first went from LRD to living in the same city and then living under the same roof and splitting the bills. Of course the relationship evolves as time goes by, but I haven't been any less committed to the relationship or any less his during the LDR periods than I am now that we live together.

Collars were and are are used only as a tool in bondage and they have no special meaning attached to them. At some point, when we already were living together, I did get a "collar" to wear 24/7 (a necklace with an o-ring pendant on it), but the collaring wasn't a big deal to either of us really and there were no big talks about the meaning of the necklace or anything. I was already his and both of us knew it, but the necklace is a nice physical reminder of it and it was especially important for me during our LD phases.

The only concrete moment that I feel has deepened our commitment since our first meeting was our engagement. I love the fact that I will soon be legally bound to him. Legally his.

I don't consider myself a submissive or a slave, but rather just his. His girlfriend, his personal assistant, his best friend, his housekeeper, soon his wife. But I do consider myself being in training, and most likely will do so as long as BDSM continues to be an active part of our life.

Thanks missy for your explanation. It sounds similar to my own in many ways. It is always so wonderful to see a relationship that has started as a LDR progress to the level yours has. Congratulations on your engagment.

ES I completely missed the question ROFL

Submission is serious, of course. But so is getting a boyfriend. Sooo master is my only "boyfriend" but we aren't engaged or married. It could end at any time.

Collar ... for me, if a man offers me a play collar, i now (hindsight being 20/20) know it means nothing. I don't take play wedding rings as I mentioned before.

SOOOOOOOO ... as my master tells me ... when the time comes I will get HIS collar. Not a "play" collar or anything liek that. Because for us it is like a wedding ring .. which neither of us is interested in wearing either LOL.

Why?

I've been divorced twice .... might work on my 3rd. marriage has no meaning to me anymore.

Collaring DOES.

Am I making sense yet?

Yes. Thank you for your explanation. Everyone is different. I am in my 40's. My husband and I have been into wifesharing almost since we got married over 20 yrs ago. For me the boyfriends/FWB/fuckbuddies I had then were never as important to me as my Daddy is now. For one...I never promised to obey them lmao

I appreciate and respect your viewpoint.

I didn't have any form of "collar" other than a play collar until we decided to get married three years into the relationship.

I wear engagement and wedding rings, and also a Tiffany padlock on a chain as my "collar". This isn't the original collar - I first had a snake chain choker but Sir didn't like the look of it and it kept getting twisted around.

It's a symbol to us both of the kind of relationship we share.

Just curious if you would mind answering...Before you became engaged did you consider yourself his submissive? I know I have read your explanation of how you two met, but I can't remember it now. I'm just wondering at what point into the relationship you agreed to obey him?

------

Thanks all for the answers. For a few reasons I've been thinking back to how my relationship started and how we went from on-lines friends to phone sex buddies and eventually to where we are now. I find it interesting how other people went through that transition from first meeting someone to a commitment of some sort.

 

[MrMentor7]

If YOU want RL .. don't get involved in a situation where it is not possible. Granted I swore I'd never get involved in another LDR and .... did LOL

Well, I do not have to have a real life d/s relationship, but I want that potential, at least.

 

[the captians wench]

That makes sense. While I haven't thought of myself as having a longterm d/s relationship, I would like at least some real life meetings. Considering there are so many ways to practice BDSM, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

If you want that as a posibility, just be upfront about that and know what you're getting into.

I swore I wouldn't get involved with some one seriously, ever. (after seperating from my husband)
I did not even consider some one outside my city (let alone the country!) to be a posibility
I swore I would never submit to any man nor would I commit to one as fully as I did my ex
I swore I would never even think about marriage again.
We said it was just a light thing

Things happen...thank heavens that things happen.

 

[Ancilla1968]

Yes. Thank you for your explanation. Everyone is different. I am in my 40's. My husband and I have been into wifesharing almost since we got married over 20 yrs ago. For me the boyfriends/FWB/fuckbuddies I had then were never as important to me as my Daddy is now. For one...I never promised to obey them lmao

I appreciate and respect your viewpoint.


------

Thanks all for the answers. For a few reasons I've been thinking back to how my relationship started and how we went from on-lines friends to phone sex buddies and eventually to where we are now. I find it interesting how other people went through that transition from first meeting someone to a commitment of some sort.

No problem hun. As you say .. everyone is different. I am ALSO in my 40's and on my third husband .... if you want him, I am selling him at 75% off ...

 

[the captians wench]

No problem hun. As you say .. everyone is different. I am ALSO in my 40's and on my third husband .... if you want him, I am selling him at 75% off ...

What 75% did you take off?

 

[ecstaticsub]

Do any of you feel distance domination can be more enjoyable or effective if the two people actually plan on meeting in person in the near future?

For me absolutely YES. We don't get to see each other often (or as often as I would like). If I didn't think there was a strong likelihood of us meeting I never would have become his submissive in the first place.

I know it is time for another visit when I start getting cranky and more of a handful for him.

 

[Ancilla1968]

What 75% did you take off?

He still has a decent cock .... the rest i advise replacing ........

 

[the captians wench]

------

Thanks all for the answers. For a few reasons I've been thinking back to how my relationship started and how we went from on-lines friends to phone sex buddies and eventually to where we are now. I find it interesting how other people went through that transition from first meeting someone to a commitment of some sort.

*giggles* you make me want to share my story on this board yet again.

 

[Ancilla1968]

*giggles* you make me want to share my story on this board yet again.

Grabs a pillow nad looks all cute "Tell us a tory, Mama!!"

 

[the captians wench]

Grabs a pillow nad looks all cute "Tell us a tory, Mama!!"

*giggles*

I forget we have a lot of new people here who aren't completely bored of hearing my story over and over. I'm a shameless open book.

Jounar and I met here, well in the AM Pic boards actually. He was a regular poster on my thread and we bantered and flirted there. (It seemed like a month or so, but as I look back at that thread it was really only a few days. ) One night while we were carrying on on my thread, we PMed each other at the exact same moment. (gooey awe) And decided to move on to YIM.

It didn't take long before I was rushing home from work looking for him on my IM. I started taking pics from his sugestions, and working up to playdates on cam.

Three months after he first posted on my thread we were chatting and he made a comment about it being weird to be with out a sub. I answered back that I would be if it were possible. A couple of messages later he clairified, "would be, or will be" and that was that I was his, but we wouldn't let this "get int the way of real life". That lasted all of another three months. *giggles*

We still kept playmates up until about 4 months before my first visit to see him. By that time I was totally his, and our face to face just solidified everything we had known over the prior 3 years.

And I'm scheduled to see him almost 2 years to the day after that first visit, and a week to the day after our 5 year anniversery.