Distance Domination-Support Thread

[myinnerslut]

"i am moving to virginia after i graduate."

with every person i say this to, it becomes more real.

 

[Adakgirl]

Another one of the many challenges that we face in LDR's is how at times our imagination takes hold of our thoughts and can cause us undue stress and worry.

My Master and I had our 1st misunderstanding last week. I did not fully understand what he meant by the word "gape" and my definition of that word and his were entirely different. He sent me a link to a page with pic's of gaping assholes...and it freaked me out.
I glanced at it and only saw the ruined assholes and not the normal gaping ones he had intended me to look at. I was now getting upset with him.

I assumed he wanted me to ruin my asshole for him and that I was not willing to do. Even though he had explained what he meant in several sentences before he sent me the link...I blocked that out. Then he told me what he wanted and he offered me a reward if I did a good job. THAT really pissed me off and I told him " Fine, but I don't need any of your fucking rewards Master"

He got aggravated, he left, saying he was going now, so he would not act harshly towards me out of his aggravation. So it did not get resolved. I e-mailed him about it, I told him how grossed out I was by those pics, that I would not ruin my ass for anyone and how he had insulted me by offering me a reward, as if I needed a bribe in order to want to please him.

He e-mailed me back his clarification and explained to me what he meant. He also told me that his offer of reward had nothing to do with bribery, that I was expected to give him my best effort and him offering me a reward for a good job...was just him being nice, not a way to manipulate me into doing a good job.

This whole time I had been reacting badly out of my 1st wrong assumption. Out of my misunderstanding and out of my stubbornness. I did not stop and think "Now wait a minute here, I know Master would not ask me to do anything that would permanently damage me". So I e-mailed him back, saying I understood what he had intended now and I apologized for my bad behavior and disrespect towards him.

Then nothing for 3 days, no return e-mail, no showing up to chat at his normal time, no message left for me telling me he would not be on, like he always has done before. After the second night my imagination took hold and I was thinking that I had blown it, that he did not forgive me, that he had disappeared and I would never see him again.

I worked myself over good, thinking what an idiot I was not to have paid better attention to what he was trying to get through to me. That I was a failure and unworthy of him anyway...that I couldn't blame him for not coming back...I was soo stupid and on and on it went. I got myself very upset and thought for sure I had lost him.

This is what I mean when I say LDR's can make your imagination run wild. The 4th morning very early, I got an e-mail from him, had been called away, family emergency, he was so sorry he had not had the chance to tell me before he left. That this was the first chance he had to get back on line and that he would be home in a few days and we would chat then. What a huge relief!

All that distress over nothing! All that worry I put myself through! All the horrible things I thought about myself..over an imaginary problem that never existed in the 1st place!
How foolish one can make themselves feel.
But yet I learned from this and more than just one good lesson out of it too.

 

[YourCaptor]

That would be so hot though if you would.

 

[Adakgirl]

If you think your submissive having to wear Depends adult diapers the rest of her life because she can no longer hold in her own shit...is hot...well more power to you and to each their own.

 

[ecstaticsub]

If you think your submissive having to wear Depends adult diapers the rest of her life because she can no longer hold in her own shit...is hot...well more power to you and to each their own.

Just an FYI, you can get a gaping hole look without ruining your asshole. Asses can be fisted without any damage done if done carefully.

I know what you mean about our imaginations running wild with an LDR. The absence of being about to see body language and facial expressions makes misunderstanding much easier also. I'm glad to hear you heard back from him.

( though if I ever told my PYL something like "I don't need any of your fucking rewards" the relationship would be over.)

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Gonna sound like I'm whining for a minute but I'm really not. Just need to share with folks who understand what I'm going through:

I have two weeks before I go home to be with Master for a weekend that we have both waited way to long for, and approximately 27 weeks until I am home for good. The problem is that he and I are very close, closer than I would have ever dreamed possible, and the distance, no matter how many trips are planned between now and the time I am home permanently, or how much of a loving Master he is to do what he can to make it seem like we are together, is putting a strain on us...at least I think it is.

Today, for example, started out rather poorly and I couldn't even begin to understand what happened past the good morning and I love you texts on both ends. The stress of being apart is weighing on sleep, daily focus, and the precious time that we do have, and while I didn't wake up depressed, I am depressed now. I actually started crying at work and trust me when I say that I am generally a very tough cookie.

I'm having a tough time dealing with this and I know it makes it harder on him when I verbalize it to him because I know he feels the same way. I want to be home in the worst way and the closer we get to each other, the harder being apart is. I'm not coping well at all.

Not looking for advice, just being able to vent to my friends and those who can sympathize is a big help.

 

[Homburg]

*blink* You were crying?

You should've called or IM'ed or something. Damn.

*hugs*

It sucks, plain and simple. It's different when you don't have a date set, and aren't planning to see someone ever. You can pine for them, but it is abstract. Sort of like wishing you had a million dollars to blow. You want it, and it would be nice, but it will likely never happen. When you do have that date set, the calendar seems to crawl, the clock seems to freeze, and all you feel like you can do is wait, and hurt.

And you won't like to hear this, but it just gets worse. After you meet, assuming you really do click as well as you probably will, you will ache for him. Again, like that million dollars, even having a date set for that initial meet doesn't make it real. Looking into that person's eyes, feeling that body against yours, and the thousand little impression that physical presence brings will slam it all home. You will go from pining to actively craving, because now you know what you are missing when you aren't with that someone.

But... It is worth it. All that hurt, all that waiting, all that relationship strain. It's worth it if that person really is the special someone that you lack in your life. You just have to take each day as it comes and keep your eyes, and mind, and heart, focused on where you need to be, where you will be.

Yeah, it sucks to be told that it will get worse, and all you can do is try to survive and keep breathing, but that is the only true advice anyone can give.

*hugs*

 

[ecstaticsub]

Gonna sound like I'm whining for a minute but I'm really not. Just need to share with folks who understand what I'm going through:

I have two weeks before I go home to be with Master for a weekend that we have both waited way to long for, and approximately 27 weeks until I am home for good. The problem is that he and I are very close, closer than I would have ever dreamed possible, and the distance, no matter how many trips are planned between now and the time I am home permanently, or how much of a loving Master he is to do what he can to make it seem like we are together, is putting a strain on us...at least I think it is.

Today, for example, started out rather poorly and I couldn't even begin to understand what happened past the good morning and I love you texts on both ends. The stress of being apart is weighing on sleep, daily focus, and the precious time that we do have, and while I didn't wake up depressed, I am depressed now. I actually started crying at work and trust me when I say that I am generally a very tough cookie.

I'm having a tough time dealing with this and I know it makes it harder on him when I verbalize it to him because I know he feels the same way. I want to be home in the worst way and the closer we get to each other, the harder being apart is. I'm not coping well at all.

Not looking for advice, just being able to vent to my friends and those who can sympathize is a big help.

Big HUGS to you, sweetie. I certainly understand the stress from being apart.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

*blink* You were crying?

You should've called or IM'ed or something. Damn.

*hugs*

It sucks, plain and simple. It's different when you don't have a date set, and aren't planning to see someone ever. You can pine for them, but it is abstract. Sort of like wishing you had a million dollars to blow. You want it, and it would be nice, but it will likely never happen. When you do have that date set, the calendar seems to crawl, the clock seems to freeze, and all you feel like you can do is wait, and hurt.

And you won't like to hear this, but it just gets worse. After you meet, assuming you really do click as well as you probably will, you will ache for him. Again, like that million dollars, even having a date set for that initial meet doesn't make it real. Looking into that person's eyes, feeling that body against yours, and the thousand little impression that physical presence brings will slam it all home. You will go from pining to actively craving, because now you know what you are missing when you aren't with that someone.

But... It is worth it. All that hurt, all that waiting, all that relationship strain. It's worth it if that person really is the special someone that you lack in your life. You just have to take each day as it comes and keep your eyes, and mind, and heart, focused on where you need to be, where you will be.

Yeah, it sucks to be told that it will get worse, and all you can do is try to survive and keep breathing, but that is the only true advice anyone can give.

*hugs*

Yes I was crying and I know you know that it takes a lot to get me there. I also figured it wasn't going to get easier and it does suck to be told it's going to get worse- thanks for my kick in the ass

I really hate the strain because instead of spending time together, I'm a snotty emotional mess here and he's upset there and we're spending more time avoiding each other than anything else. On top of that, that first phone call after the strain is always the worst. Afraid to say the wrong thing and afraid not to say anything at all. When did I become so emotional?

Thank you *hugs*

Big HUGS to you, sweetie. I certainly understand the stress from being apart.

And thank you, Sweetie. *hugs*

 

[Homburg]

Yes I was crying and I know you know that it takes a lot to get me there. I also figured it wasn't going to get easier and it does suck to be told it's going to get worse- thanks for my kick in the ass

Better to give you fair warning than to let you hit the brick wall unawares later.

I really hate the strain because instead of spending time together, I'm a snotty emotional mess here and he's upset there and we're spending more time avoiding each other than anything else. On top of that, that first phone call after the strain is always the worst. Afraid to say the wrong thing and afraid not to say anything at all. When did I become so emotional?

It is a symptom of emotional commitment.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Better to give you fair warning than to let you hit the brick wall unawares later.

Thank you as always for looking out for me *hugs* and the kick in the ass

 

[kittenartist]

I really hate the strain because instead of spending time together, I'm a snotty emotional mess here and he's upset there and we're spending more time avoiding each other than anything else. On top of that, that first phone call after the strain is always the worst. Afraid to say the wrong thing and afraid not to say anything at all. When did I become so emotional?

I can really relate to what you said here. Me and my bunny boy have had very little contact for the last week. Just a few IMs in the morning and evening. Normally we have a phone call everyday. It just seems easier to have more emotional distance between us than to talk and remember how hard it is to be apart. Couple that with my emotional instability (worse than usual right now but I have always been emotional) and we are both afraid to say anything that could swing me back to that dark place. Its horrible.

 

[Adakgirl]

Just an FYI, you can get a gaping hole look without ruining your asshole. Asses can be fisted without any damage done if done carefully.

I know what you mean about our imaginations running wild with an LDR. The absence of being about to see body language and facial expressions makes misunderstanding much easier also. I'm glad to hear you heard back from him.

( though if I ever told my PYL something like "I don't need any of your fucking rewards" the relationship would be over.)

Yes, I know that now that was the whole/hole misunderstanding in the first place as I said. He is aware that I have a quick hot temper and we are working on that. Don't think I will get away with just an apology for saying something like that to him. I consider myself very lucky in the fact that he is willing to stick with me and work with me rather than abandon me because of my flaws and mistakes.

 

[Homburg]

the whole/hole misunderstanding

*snort*

That made me laugh.

 

[the captians wench]

I've always been emotional when it comes to him, but I don't have quite the same reaction.

I do send loads of emails telling him everything I'm feeling at that moment. Totally over whelmed his mailbox those days leading up to my first visit. But he doesn't usually feel the need to comment on them. I try not to stress him out too much with my needy emotions because I know he feels the same way, but he likes to hear how I am feeling, even if it's all over reactions.

I'm not used to getting a lot of time with Jounar, an hour or two a week if we're lucky. Maybe that has of barring on why we don't try to avoid each other, even when one or both of us are feeling glum and lost in our lack of physical closeness. *shrug* A mixed blessing as it were.

 

[KayKat]

We started shopping for a ticket tonight for my June visit! I will be out there serving him on my birthday..I can not wait..

 

[Adakgirl]

Alas! He will be even longer away than he expected. I am at loose ends now! I do have a surprise for him when he returns tho. I did manage to get my asshole to gape for him and have it on vid. I hope doing that might repair any residual damage from our misunderstanding.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

I can really relate to what you said here. Me and my bunny boy have had very little contact for the last week. Just a few IMs in the morning and evening. Normally we have a phone call everyday. It just seems easier to have more emotional distance between us than to talk and remember how hard it is to be apart. Couple that with my emotional instability (worse than usual right now but I have always been emotional) and we are both afraid to say anything that could swing me back to that dark place. Its horrible.

Sending you hugs, kittenartist (and a long time no see *waves emphatically*)

I can't imagine Master and I putting emotional distance between us though and it making it easier on the distance. We thrive on knowing everything the other is doing to make us feel closer and in talking about every feeling, every thought, everything.

I have been getting depressed a lot more though and I know that worries him.

 

[kittenartist]

Sending you hugs, kittenartist (and a long time no see *waves emphatically*)

Thanks for the hugs.

Me and him talked last night and decided to end the relationship. I suppose that is the real reason we were avoiding each other lately... We both knew that it was unavoidable.

I am not really sure how I feel about this yet. Numb. I keep wracking my brain for a way to make it work... But the only solution I see requires making a sacrifice I am not willing to make at this time. Maybe a solution will present itself and we will get back on track. It was such a beautiful relationship, I hate to see it end.

 

[the captians wench]

Thanks for the hugs.

Me and him talked last night and decided to end the relationship. I suppose that is the real reason we were avoiding each other lately... We both knew that it was unavoidable.

I am not really sure how I feel about this yet. Numb. I keep wracking my brain for a way to make it work... But the only solution I see requires making a sacrifice I am not willing to make at this time. Maybe a solution will present itself and we will get back on track. It was such a beautiful relationship, I hate to see it end.

*hugs* Sometimes a little seperation does wonders. It lets us take a step back and see if things really are how we want them, how they should be, and if they are what we think they are.

I hope things work out in a way that both of you are satisfied with.

 

[kittenartist]

*hugs* Sometimes a little seperation does wonders. It lets us take a step back and see if things really are how we want them, how they should be, and if they are what we think they are.

I hope things work out in a way that both of you are satisfied with.

Thanks.

I think that is part of why I am not terribly upset yet. Part of me thinks that being apart will make us realize how much we want to be together... Well, I already know I want to be with him but only if it is done my way. Stubborn cat.

I am just very up in the air right now.

 

[Adakgirl]

Well kitten, you made an important life decision that seems to me to be the most sensible for you. Instead of jumping in headfirst on emotional impulse, you are using your common sense and brain matter to keep your life on track. That is the kind of wisdom and inner strength that far too many women do not possess. Your new relationship with your family is so valuable. I am sorry you had to hit a brick wall in the relationship, but in my opinion you are doing the right thing. There is no reason you can't resume the relationship when he gets back to the states. If you both are still willing.

 

[Adakgirl]

I now want to whine about not having him around on-line for a whole 10 days! But I won't bc I have absolutely nothing to whine about. Tiz only a tiny speck in comparison.

 

[the captians wench]

I now want to whine about not having him around on-line for a whole 10 days! But I won't bc I have absolutely nothing to whine about. Tiz only a tiny speck in comparison.

*giggles*

I feel guilty some times about complaining that I've only been able to talk to him once a week for the past few months.

I'm a bit nervous that I'm starting to get used to it. Just the way things are at the moment. Doesn't really make it easier, just well, tollerable.


I hope his family issues are resolved soon and you get more time with him.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Thanks for the hugs.

Me and him talked last night and decided to end the relationship. I suppose that is the real reason we were avoiding each other lately... We both knew that it was unavoidable.

I am not really sure how I feel about this yet. Numb. I keep wracking my brain for a way to make it work... But the only solution I see requires making a sacrifice I am not willing to make at this time. Maybe a solution will present itself and we will get back on track. It was such a beautiful relationship, I hate to see it end.

I realy hope things work out for you. My husband and I dated for over five years before we got married because we were both in college at the time and didn't think it was the best timing to get married. At around the 3rd yr the presssure of studies etc were too much for our relationship and we ended up breaking up. We got back together after about two months, got maaried 2 years later and have been very happily marred for 22 years.

Be patient with each other. Sorry if this sounds cliche but I really believe that if you were meant to be together you will be.

Hugs