Distance Domination-Support Thread

[minx1]

I am not OK....

I'm not up to much myself MP, but I will gladly help in any way I can. Is there anything we can do?

 

[minx1]

Just stopping by to say hello to all

Hey hon *hugs*

hope you are ok

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

Hey hon *hugs*

hope you are ok

Hey Sweetie *hugs*

I am good...hope you are having an okay day

 

[minx1]

Hey Sweetie *hugs*

I am good...hope you are having an okay day

yeah a strange, but ok day *soft smile*

How's that Master of yours?

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

yeah a strange, but ok day *soft smile*

How's that Master of yours?

*hugs* to you!

He is sick today and not feeling well..He just went back to bed..I hate that he is sick and I can't do anything for him

 

[minx1]

*hugs* to you!

He is sick today and not feeling well..He just went back to bed..I hate that he is sick and I can't do anything for him

awww I know chick. But you can do something for him, just by being his subbie, being there for him and showing you care.

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

awww I know chick. But you can do something for him, just by being his subbie, being there for him and showing you care.

Thank you hon..that is true..I am here for him and hope he feels better..Thankfully he was off work today so he could try to feel better

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I'm not up to much myself MP, but I will gladly help in any way I can. Is there anything we can do?

I just feel like I am walking in about 4 feet of water, and the current is against me...

I've hardly been able to talk to rose, becuase she has been with her friend...

and I probably fucked up yesterday, when I talked to a very close mutual friend, and asked her to have a chat with rose... rose was not too happy about that... but I was feeling desperate and like I was spirilaing out of control....

Shit, I hate ariing personal stuff on here...

 

[minx1]

Thank you hon..that is true..I am here for him and hope he feels better..Thankfully he was off work today so he could try to feel better

*hugs* I hope he gets better real soon hon

 

[minx1]

I just feel like I am walking in about 4 feet of water, and the current is against me...

I've hardly been able to talk to rose, becuase she has been with her friend...

and I probably fucked up yesterday, when I talked to a very close mutual friend, and asked her to have a chat with rose... rose was not too happy about that... but I was feeling desperate and like I was spirilaing out of control....

Shit, I hate ariing personal stuff on here...

I can imagine how difficult it must be for you MP and such a huge wrench after spending such alovely time together and being close.

I empathise with both of you and poor Rose must feel like she's being stretched in all directions.....she is being a good friend to her pal eh.

Don't worry too much about yesterday, Rose will calm down and see it for what it is......you missing her. If I were you I would try and give her as much support as possible. Enabling her to be there for her friend with your support and strength and in the knowledge that you are waiting for her. I know you know that already though and I know you are trying...just finding it difficult

You will be together so very soon MP and then all these worries will be a faded memory. Please PM me if you ever want to blurt away from here

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

*hugs* I hope he gets better real soon hon

Thank you hon!!

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

I just feel like I am walking in about 4 feet of water, and the current is against me...

I've hardly been able to talk to rose, becuase she has been with her friend...

and I probably fucked up yesterday, when I talked to a very close mutual friend, and asked her to have a chat with rose... rose was not too happy about that... but I was feeling desperate and like I was spirilaing out of control....

Shit, I hate ariing personal stuff on here...

Hate that you are feeling so bad MP...

Like Minx said Rose will calm down and see that you are just missing, needing and loving her so much that you just need to hear her and talk to her....

We are here to listen and support in any way we can!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Eh, a little. I'm just drained. And trying to accept the whole submissive thing. You know, it's one thing to say I like kinky sex. Not such a big deal. I mean, at the end of the day, I'm pretty open-minded about sex. I was raised to be pretty liberal and open-minded, and most of my friends are the same. But it's another thing to say I want the power exchange outside of the bedroom as well. And it's not as though I need to wear it on a tshirt. But I feel so much shame. I'm a feminist. I present myself as a very strong individual - I'm a professional, and I'm confident, I speak my mind, yada yada. And I know my Master doesn't want to change that, and loves me for it.

I'm just struggling with the shame. What can I say? I am struggling to accept myself.

Try to remember the main standpoint of feminism is and always has been about giving women the freedom to be who they choose to be, not who or what they are told they should be to qualify as a real woman and/or feminist, or to please others first and foremost. It is not easy as there seem to be more out there who like to believe otherwise, and a lot of women who believe that as feminists they now have the right to police and control the behaviour, thoughts, and lifestyle choices of other women, supposedly in the interests of saving them from themselves and keeping the image of feminism cleansed and pure from anything which may be able to be labelled deviant, psychotic, oppressive, or abnormal. To be fair, a lot of this pendulum stype swing is brought about by the long struggle to win the most minor of rights and freedoms for women, but I do not believe adopting another regime which attempts to judge and control women's choices by their own gender in the interests of 'appearing legitimate and right' is a logical or good direction to go, especially when based on fear and over reaction.

LOL, I was topping my year at university in feminist studies, and was fortunate to have a highly respected feminist who works globally for women's rights as the year co-ordinater, lecturer and my tutor. Our final assignment for the 2 years of this particular subject was to write a lengthy paper on a particular area in regard to the feminist view. Of course, to get good marks it is always best to choose something which is controversial and presents a good debate as to how feminism can actually support or not support the subject matter. That was easy for me as I had personally long argued the point of sex work as a legitimate form of work for women if it was of their own choosing, not controlled by others, and not as a last resort. When I handed in my plan to her, she thought she should warn me I would be risking my top mark if I failed to prove my point, especially as she had the view a lot of feminists had that it was exploiting women. Hmmm, I assured her she and I had nothing to worry about as far as my ability to present a good argument and retain my marks went. LOL, well when it came back, she actually said I had managed to get her to see it from a whole new angle and one which actually showed it as a very proactive and feminist minded choice for women to make as a career, and I remained top of the year level!! My main argument was based on the right to choose, right to an income, and arguments backed by similar careers such as modelling which often relied heavily on using the body to make money (along with a few other complex points) but which were not awarded the same exploited labels by most. It was not only a good exercise for me to hone my argument, but also highlighted for me how much feminism is about personal choice for women, not the collective approval of the majority, and that the strong feminists are the ones who can maintain their right to live the life they choose despite the criticisms they may get from others who feel we should all fit into a neat carbon copy of each other.....where is the freedom in that?!!

If you are happy being submissive, it is your right to follow that path in whichever direction you feel necessary, not the direction others would have you believe is the best way for the furtherment of the feminist cause, nor based on what others choose for themselves based on their own values and ethics of what is best for women...that is just taking up the banner which was long held over the heads of oppressed women by the male majority who had and made sure they held on to all power within the community. As a feminist, you have the right to live your life without fear or oppression, and not be compelled to justify why you do not need to seek the approval of every woman who calls herself a feminist before making those decisions which are right for you.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/134/376824463_a0ed881d79_s.jpg Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

Thank you all for your comments, really. I truly appreciate the support.

Cat, thanks so much for posting your perspective. I agree with you about sex workers, btw. And I also disagree with feminists who are for censorship of pornography.

I believe I have the right to live my life the way I choose, of course, and that no one should tell me otherwise.

I spent a good chunk of time in therapy today discussing this. It's not that I am worried I'll lose my feminist membership card, or that I don't have the right to live how I choose. But in every other area of my life, I strive to be treated as equal to men - in my job, when I was a student, etc. I am conscientious of gender stereotypes as a parent. Not to the point of absurdity, but my son cleans, can wear pink if he chooses, and is comfortable in the kitchen.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

*giggles* well the ticker is now counting down the months, weeks, and days *giggles* i am so friggin excited. and this time, i'm going to make it MUCH better than last time.....last time was good..but well, there were some issues that i really really hope have been resolved for this time.

and yes, three years was forever.....but omg..SO frigging worth it!!

*sigh

 

[intothewoods]

*sigh

Oh, sorry, MP. Didn't mean to ignore your issues.

You guys will work it out, but it sounds like you both are under a lot of stress right now. I know you have posted about depression before. And forgive me if you said this before, but have you tried therapy? I'm a big believer in therapy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you all for your comments, really. I truly appreciate the support.

Cat, thanks so much for posting your perspective. I agree with you about sex workers, btw. And I also disagree with feminists who are for censorship of pornography.

I believe I have the right to live my life the way I choose, of course, and that no one should tell me otherwise.

I spent a good chunk of time in therapy today discussing this. It's not that I am worried I'll lose my feminist membership card, or that I don't have the right to live how I choose. But in every other area of my life, I strive to be treated as equal to men - in my job, when I was a student, etc. I am conscientious of gender stereotypes as a parent. Not to the point of absurdity, but my son cleans, can wear pink if he chooses, and is comfortable in the kitchen.

I had a hard time describing what I want from a D/s relationship to my therapist, and I'm paying her! And I didn't even mention the kneeling. It was embarassing enough to admit that I want someone to take care of me, to make decisions for me, to have control over me, basically. It's at odds with the rest of my life - my career, the way I am as a mother, etc.

At the end of the day, I think I am, first, wired somewhat differently, and second, happy and content as a submissive. And I will be okay with that eventually.

I also wonder how I will explain relationships to my son. I don't imagine presenting D/s as the norm, by any means, or even necessarily telling him about D/s at all. But how will I talk about marriage, relationships, love. At this time, all I can figure is that it looks differently for different people. And thank God I have a few years before I have to get my story straight.

LOL, I'm not so sure you are wired that differently to a number of subs/slaves here and elsewhere. I have a reputation in professional and private arenas for being an 'amazingly strong woman' (so I was told recently) who can basically take on any situation and survive, who has helped more than a few against the odds rebuild their own lives, and who has also rebuilt her own life and career while paying a mortgage, living most of that time in poverty, and raising 2 children alone. That does not detract from my role as a slave, in some ways it actually enhances and builds on it as it means I am of much more use to F than someone who can't tie their shoelaces without help, or falls apart whenever things are not perfect. Submitting to him does not invalidate those qualities and achievements in my own life, nor do they threaten my ability to submit...at times I think they actually make it easier.

The way I see life is we fill many roles.....mother/father, son/daughter, employer/employee, neighbour, friend, associate, PYL/pyl etc......these roles are all separate, but also overlap and lend themselves to each other in various ways and situations....together they make up who we are as a whole. At the end of the day, whether someone is submissive or Dominant should not really have anything to do with others or how they are perceived. It is very easy to keep it personal without anyone else having to even know, and without that being a deliberate act of deception....it is private to you and your partner, much the same as what happens in your bedroom is...it really doesn't have to be known about by others or have their approval. My own personal view is submission takes a lot of strength and knowledge of self, so being a feminist and also strong in your own life actually gives you something to submit.

Catalina

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Oh, sorry, MP. Didn't mean to ignore your issues.

You guys will work it out, but it sounds like you both are under a lot of stress right now. I know you have posted about depression before. And forgive me if you said this before, but have you tried therapy? I'm a big believer in therapy.

I don't really believe in therapy... I tried it...

I also studied psych in college, so I know enough about it to know that half the time they don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

Here's your diagnosis, take these pills... been there done that...

I was admitted once for near suicidal depression about ten years ago. (Damn, has it been that long?) A good deal of the cause was My 'friend' at the time who was a complete nutcase, who turned My mind inside out. Basically they gave me prozac, and sent me on my merry way. Oh yeah, then they added traizadone to the mix. That was fun, I was a zombie....

I am not good at letting out my negative feelings, I have a lot of my father and step-father in me that way. It frustrates my rose to know end, because she knows when I am upset, because I get silent as a tomb, and sigh a lot. I have trouble articulating what is wrong. I HATE that, but thats how I am. The second hardest thing for me is to say that I am not OK. The hardest is for me to say why I am not ok. Especially when its something that could hurt her.

Part of it is as her Daddy I am supposed to protect her from anything that would hurt her. But then as her lover, I also need to let these things out. Frankly, as I have spent the bulk of my life without a lover I am not used to having that. As her Master, I do correct her, and guide her so its a double edged sword.

Its hard because I have been hurt so many damn times before her. Yeah, its been four years and I trust her with my life. But with the recent pullback, it started all the old voices in my head that can't shut the fuck up. They keep telling Me that once again, I am not enough. I aim not good enough. Somehow I fucked up. I am destined to lose her. and on and on and on....

I know instead of sounding like a Dominant, I sound like a whiney emo bitch. But shit, those voices had shut up. Its not that its not the 24-7 that we used to talk that is gnawing at me, but instead where its like pulling teeth to get an hour... or when I say that I fucking need to talk to her becuase I am depressed... she falls asleep before I get home from work...

Whats a shrink going to tell me that I don't already know? I have abandonment issues? No fucking shit, asswipe. Just about everyone who has ever loved me, has fucked me over in the end. My dad turned his back on me for my step mom for many years. any number of girlfriends have found it easy to cast me aside like I was yesterday's stock report, and the one lovely human being tried to tell me it had all been in my head. Is it any wonder I have abandonment issues?

I'm not saying that is what is happening here, because in My heart I know that rose loves me, and my wounded self. I don't believe that she is getting ready to put me in the trash can. But I feel pushed away, so enter the bullshit voices of times past. I KNOW that it frustrates the hell out of her too.

As she said I think too much, and worry too much. I admit it.

Its like Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of the Sith. (Way to go from emo bitch to Star Wars nerd, there pal.) It was this burning fear in him that caused his fall. (It plays out so much better in the novelization.)

I would just give anything to be able to lie there and watch her sleep again... or to have another minute or ten to hold her... Those were moments of perfection... Shit, I just need to hear another I love you right now...

I am not blasting your belief in therapy, if it works for you, then more power to you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yuk, I hate being told I think too much, worry too much...especially when at times if I didn't disaster would follow, and has. I am a thinker, it is part of who I am, it is part of who my mother is though I seem to have carried it to another level from hers. Thinking is not a problem, though sometimes where it leads can be and needs awareness of how to control or at least watch over that....you seem to already know that MP. Depression is also something some of us have to learn to live with and though some soul searching and self awareness can help over time, it is never going to be cured. That is what I find is the hard message for those who care for people with depression, and who do not suffer with it themselves, or not to the same depth.

Learning to live with someone with depression is not easy, but it is a lot easier if you don't feel compelled to try and fix it, if you recognise when you are really needed and how, and often if you have a thick skin to avoid taking things personally when it is more a part of depression acting out than reality. It took me a few decades of trying to change my reality, trying to be 'normal', trying to apologise up front for my depression (and even then most didn't realise what it was until they saw it), trying to be someone I could never be for me to realise the reality is this is who I am, it is not always negative, and to love me or be near me means accepting this as my reality and also that I have reached a place where I am usually able to deal with it if not pushed 24/7 to go get some pills, or get 'cured'. Hope you feel better soon MP....my PM box is always there if you need to vent and let the demons out.

Catalina

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I just feel like I am walking in about 4 feet of water, and the current is against me...

I've hardly been able to talk to rose, becuase she has been with her friend...

and I probably fucked up yesterday, when I talked to a very close mutual friend, and asked her to have a chat with rose... rose was not too happy about that... but I was feeling desperate and like I was spirilaing out of control....

Shit, I hate ariing personal stuff on here...

You did not fuck up. no, i wasn't happy when i got the call from her, but i did understand why You had her call me. i hate airing all this out here too, but You are in bed right now and i don't want to wake You up. i know things have been crazy for us, and things have changed, i'm not able to sit on the phone like i used to. i have things here that i have to do. as Felisha said, life sometimes gets in the way and i've tried to make time to talk to You atleast once a day but by the end of the day i am so tired that i can't help but fall asleep.

none of this is personal, i love You just as much as i always have. there is something inside of me right now that i don't like, but it has nothing to do with You. it is my depression a huge part of who i am, and i need to work through it in my own head if that makes sense. i have so much on my plate that sometimes it's really hard to know what the right thing to do is. and then i think i do the right thing, and it's the wrong thing by someone else, i just feel like i can't win, like i am being pulled in 400 different directions and i don't know the right direction to go. *sighs* anyway, thanks everyone for listening (reading) sorry to air all of this out here..i'm just lost and hate reading these posts from Master knowing He's hurting and i don't know what to do to stop His pain when i can't even clear my own head.

 

[intothewoods]

Hugs, rose. I know you must feel stressed with all this on your plate.

MP, I hear you on therapy, but I would strongly urge you to reconsider. There are good therapists out there who can help you learn tools to manage your depression. It won't go away, ever. I have anxiety, myself, and that won't ever go away. But I learn to manage it, deal with it the best I can. It's amazing and wonderful that you have rose to lean on, and you have us here as well, but therapy would provide another outlet.

 

[intothewoods]

LOL, I'm not so sure you are wired that differently to a number of subs/slaves here and elsewhere. I have a reputation in professional and private arenas for being an 'amazingly strong woman' (so I was told recently) who can basically take on any situation and survive, who has helped more than a few against the odds rebuild their own lives, and who has also rebuilt her own life and career while paying a mortgage, living most of that time in poverty, and raising 2 children alone. That does not detract from my role as a slave, in some ways it actually enhances and builds on it as it means I am of much more use to F than someone who can't tie their shoelaces without help, or falls apart whenever things are not perfect. Submitting to him does not invalidate those qualities and achievements in my own life, nor do they threaten my ability to submit...at times I think they actually make it easier.

The way I see life is we fill many roles.....mother/father, son/daughter, employer/employee, neighbour, friend, associate, PYL/pyl etc......these roles are all separate, but also overlap and lend themselves to each other in various ways and situations....together they make up who we are as a whole. At the end of the day, whether someone is submissive or Dominant should not really have anything to do with others or how they are perceived. It is very easy to keep it personal without anyone else having to even know, and without that being a deliberate act of deception....it is private to you and your partner, much the same as what happens in your bedroom is...it really doesn't have to be known about by others or have their approval. My own personal view is submission takes a lot of strength and knowledge of self, so being a feminist and also strong in your own life actually gives you something to submit.

Catalina

About the wiring...I just meant different than a vanilla, as far as the pain stuff goes.

I think you're right - in that the D/s relationship is the balance to the other aspects of my life. They compliment each other. Lots to think about, lol. And it's still my first cup of coffee.

 

[FluteMaster]

To MP and Rose..

I, like so many others here, have suffered depression, a breakdown, and I have my own abandonment issues. Those feelings are always there, ready to pounce, ready to tell me that what I have is going to go wrong, that I am not worth the good things in life.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I remember that my emotions aren't a measure of reality, they are an expression of my interpretation of the reality. They may the result of tiredness, stress, loss or all sort of negative things. (And I think having to part after time together has to be about the most negative I can think of).

At other times I let ITW know how I am feeling, and then I have to let her reach out to me and try and comfort me. She is learning that her doing that doesn't solve anything as such, in fact it can often seem to have no effect at the time...but afterwards I remember her kindness and her support, and I value them.

I suppose what I want to say is that from what I have seen, your relationship is like a lake...

When the winds blow, (like the stresses and strains you are going through), the waves can seem nasty and dangerous. But, it also has depths that mean that it will last if you guys want it to. Trust in the quiet depths of your relationship, of the promises made and fulfilled, of the love you know you each have for the other. And give that trust to the other.

MP...trust Rose, that in her stress and hurt, that she loves you more than anyone else in the world.

Rose...trust MP that even though he is hurting...he is sharing his hurt because he longs for you.

I think you guys are suffering the whiplash of parting and that has aggravated all the other pains and injuries you already carry. But that very whiplash speaks volumes as to how much you love each other.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to both of you.

 

[the captians wench]

Rose and MP I offer hugs. I wish I had words of wisdom at this time, but I'm not exactly in the best space myself.

I remember you both saying that you didn't think you could have a ldr with some one you couldn't have constant contact with, and I know myself and a few others around here caustioned you both that things don't always work out that way, that life some times happens. This is one of those moments when life happens, and you have to remember what you had before has not changed, it's still there. This is not easy, but nothing in life really is, and the effort and hardship you put into it, will just make it that much sweeter.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

At least I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel....