Distance Domination-Support Thread

[minx1]

Serijules,

I just wanted to say that I think that you have given really good advice.....and something I shall bear in mind for future reference. I am getting better though and I am also accepting more that he makes mistakes just like any other person but its how we deal with them and resolve them that is the important thing.
It made me smile when you explained that you often want to discuss things NOW while your Ma'am takes time to mull the issue over. This is so much the same for me and my Master.....it actually facinates me, seeing how he deals with a 'crisis' or argument and I think I have learnt a great deal from him.

Littleone,

I am glad you feel bit better. I can't really add any more than the advice Serijules has given. As always talking is key and I hope you are able to talk to your Sir and resolve it very soon. *hugs*

 

[UK_Strawberry]

I was gone for about a week. During that time my Sir sought out a female sub on Lit to ask questions. Questions about how best to be a Sir and to give me what I supposedly need. Never once has he asked me those questions, just her. I feel hurt, anger and humiliation. In one of his emails to me he said that he knows now that I am normal. Ack.

This is totally new to me. Always before in relationships he and I have asked the other if questions, concerns rose. If there was a need after that we sought out a third party. Now I feel as if our whole relationship is going to be tainted with her opinion or perception. How can I trust him or his actions? And make him understand what exactly he has made me feel.

I feel hopeless.

Hey Littleone

I can understand where you are coming from on this one. If I were in the same situation I too would be very hurt etc. I don't really have any very practical advice other than to communicate your feelings which is pretty much what the others have said. And just to say I feel for you and hope you can both work it out.

 

[shy slave]

Littleone I am sorry to read things are not easy for you right now.
Your difficulties have made an interesting discussion, seri talks alot of sense and I can see how upset you must be.
I don't see what he did as a deliberate way to hurt you, more a way of trying to get another perspective on a situation he is too close to.

However, his talking to someone with poor spelling...I agree that is hard to take

Minx I am like you, when something happens I want to talk about it now. He usually wants to mull it over, think about it and then return to it later. I find all of that quite difficult, and it really does test my submission at times. That said, it usually works better his way

 

[bobbylou43]

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[minx1]

Minx I am like you, when something happens I want to talk about it now. He usually wants to mull it over, think about it and then return to it later. I find all of that quite difficult, and it really does test my submission at times. That said, it usually works better his way

*smile* yeah it really tests me too Shy. I remember one time we had quite a bad disagreement. I needed to sort it out right there and then and behaved quite badly really texting and leaving messages lol! When he came back to me a few hours later he told me quite sternly that he had needed time to calm down before he dealt with it and that I had to learn that not everything works to my time scale! I was so embarrassed, but it did me a lot of good actually. I agree with you, though don't tell him *giggle*, that it works much better his way.
Sometimes time to cool off and think it over, brings clarity to an issue that wasn't there before.

 

[minx1]

Hey Littleone

I can understand where you are coming from on this one. If I were in the same situation I too would be very hurt etc. I don't really have any very practical advice other than to communicate your feelings which is pretty much what the others have said. And just to say I feel for you and hope you can both work it out.

*waves* Hi Strawberry, hope you are well and enjoying the bank holiday

 

[UK_Strawberry]

*waves* Hi Strawberry, hope you are well and enjoying the bank holiday

Hey Minx

Enjoying the bank holiday yes - for sure.

As you are online, perhaps you can give me a little input on something that's happening with me and Cream at the moment.

We're fine - very much in love, exploring our new found lifestyle *winks* etc. What's not fine is our friends, and in my case family.

The long and short of it is that neither of us think they take our relationship seriously. It's very frustrating and is leading to both of us pulling away from our friends etc. And I know that in the long run that's not healthly.

Just wondering if you or anyone else has come up against similar issues.

 

[minx1]

Hey Minx

Enjoying the bank holiday yes - for sure.

As you are online, perhaps you can give me a little input on something that's happening with me and Cream at the moment.

We're fine - very much in love, exploring our new found lifestyle *winks* etc. What's not fine is our friends, and in my case family.

The long and short of it is that neither of us think they take our relationship seriously. It's very frustrating and is leading to both of us pulling away from our friends etc. And I know that in the long run that's not healthly.

Just wondering if you or anyone else has come up against similar issues.

Glad that you are both good and that things are developing well between you and Cream hon.
Do they not take it seriously because they know its BDSM based or because its mainly an online thing at the moment?

 

[UK_Strawberry]

Glad that you are both good and that things are developing well between you and Cream hon.
Do they not take it seriously because they know its BDSM based or because its mainly an online thing at the moment?

They don't know about the BDSM side of our relationship although I think one of my friends might have an idea. It's just the online side of things. I don't think they can understand how we can be in love if we've never met or seen each other. And I don't know how to begin to explain the depth of feeling there is between us, why should I anyway.

I have never felt like this in my life - it's bloody amazing.

 

[minx1]

They don't know about the BDSM side of our relationship although I think one of my friends might have an idea. It's just the online side of things. I don't think they can understand how we can be in love if we've never met or seen each other. And I don't know how to begin to explain the depth of feeling there is between us, why should I anyway.

I have never felt like this in my life - it's bloody amazing.

Yeah I can understand that, I feel pretty blown away at times myself.

I think you have to put yourself in their position. I know that previously, if a good friend told me that they had falled in love with someone online, who they had never met, yes part of me would be pleased they were happy, but another part would be full of hestitation and concern on their behalf.
I would be thinking....how does she really know he is who he says he is? How can they feel love...they don't even know each other properly! I would be worried that the happiness would be shortlived and that she would end up being heartbroken. I would worry that she would miss all sorts of opportunities to develop 'real life' relationships.

I know that these are worries that my friends and family have had. And the thing is, some of them are valid things to be concerned about imo. But life is a gamble, you can be let down equally by someone that you've met down the pub. You can not really know someone you've spent years married to (I know I didn't). I bet you have a sense that you know Cream better than you have known many people, because you spend so much time talking to him...its the same for many of us I think.

I think the thing you have to do is accept that they will be concerned or not take it seriously at first. I have found that peoples attitude change over time, when they can see that its not just a flash in the pan and that you are both there for the duration and committed to your relationship. I think by showing them that you have a sense of persepective too and that you continue to live your life too helps, imo.

I gave up defending it and treated it like a 'fait accompli'. It existed, it was there and I was going to refer to him, just as they would refer to things in their life.

For us 8 months on, my mum knows I have something with him..though she doesn't know the true extent of it, she does know I am going to Oz to see him. She accepts that we are close and speak daily and doesn't question it anymore.
My very good friend knows everthing, including that he is my Master and is fully supportive of it now.

Hope some of my ramblings helps a little

 

[shy slave]

Strawberry, just wanted to chime in here.

The media coverage here in the UK relating to meeting people online is never good.
Women's magazine scream headlines of how women are duped by men they meet online (God, I hate those magazines, all of them!), newspapers hint that it is not real or safe and in general the only news people here about online is bad news.

There will always be people who think a relationship won't last. It can be because of the age gap, the distance, the timing, the 'net; there will always be something.

I wouldn't say that you should step back from your friends but realise they are not in the same mind set as you.

That's ok, they care about you and their not taking it seriously is only because they do not understand it. Perhaps they think it is not love but infatuation.
Whatever their views, withdrawing will only reinforce their view of it all. Plus they will start to wonder what hold he has over you. Bearing in mind how negative the media are and how it always comes back to the man duping the woman.

If it were me, I would give up on trying to explain. Let time and actions show them. That can be much more effective than words.

If there are people around you who are openly hostile I would start to decide if it is because they care or because they are out of their depth or because they are unpleasant people. If it is the latter then you don't need them as a friend, if it is one of the other two; give them time and space to wrap their heads around it.

Bluntly, if a friend of mine declared love for a man she had never met, I would be concerned. Yet I met Andante online and had strong feelings for him before we met in person. I am hypocritical enough to admit that lol

If media coverage were more positive then people would view things differently. But people can only go on what they read and their own experiences.

I think you should enjoy your friends company and try to accept they care about you but don't understand what you are feeling at this point in time.

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

Hello Everyone,

I just thought I would introduce myself as it has been very supportive for me to read this thread. I'm a newly awakened sub who has found an online Dom. I'm still somewhat blown away by how well we have connected. Because of our respective situations we don't plan on ever meeting in real life (of course there is that pesky Atlantic Ocean in the way too ). We both knew that it would be online only from the outset. He is really helping me open my mind to that D/s part of myself that I repressed so long, and he does it in such a gentle way. I feel very blessed. We do really seem to provide eachother with the Dom space/sub space mindset we need in our lives right now.

I put an ad on lit that seems to have paid off incredibly well. I just wanted to chime in to support others here and say how possible it really is to find someone special (as many of you know).

Ivy

 

[minx1]

Hello Everyone,

I just thought I would introduce myself as it has been very supportive for me to read this thread. I'm a newly awakened sub who has found an online Dom. I'm still somewhat blown away by how well we have connected. Because of our respective situations we don't plan on ever meeting in real life (of course there is that pesky Atlantic Ocean in the way too ). We both knew that it would be online only from the outset. He is really helping me open my mind to that D/s part of myself that I repressed so long, and he does it in such a gentle way. I feel very blessed. We do really seem to provide eachother with the Dom space/sub space mindset we need in our lives right now.

I put an ad on lit that seems to have paid off incredibly well. I just wanted to chime in to support others here and say how possible it really is to find someone special (as many of you know).

Ivy

Welcome Ivy and congrats on finding you Dom

 

[minx1]

I think I have ruined everything. I hate this friggin medium sometimes.

 

[intothewoods]

I think I have ruined everything. I hate this friggin medium sometimes.

Can you give him a call on the phone?

 

[intothewoods]

They don't know about the BDSM side of our relationship although I think one of my friends might have an idea. It's just the online side of things. I don't think they can understand how we can be in love if we've never met or seen each other. And I don't know how to begin to explain the depth of feeling there is between us, why should I anyway.

I have never felt like this in my life - it's bloody amazing.

Well, there's no harm in being cautious. That he posts here is a good thing though. And I agree with shy, actions speak louder than words.

 

[minx1]

.......................

 

[intothewoods]

Hey ITW, I could but I'm not sure he'll want to speak to me at the minute, I don't know what to say and I don't want to piss him off even more.

My ability to fuck things up astounds me sometimes.

Ha! Oh no, you haven't heard my stories. I am certain you are positively amateur-ish at fucking things up in comparison to me, the Queen, her Royal Highness of Fucking Things Up!!!!! <giggle>

 

[minx1]

Ha! Oh no, you haven't heard my stories. I am certain you are positively amateur-ish at fucking things up in comparison to me, the Queen, her Royal Highness of Fucking Things Up!!!!! <giggle>

lol no really, I'm a first class fucker upper! ask my ex husband...infact ask my all my ex's. My nan even used to say I'd kick a dog to make sure it was dead *soft smile*.

Its like I'm forever waiting for something to go wrong...so I give it a shove in that direction, and help it along.

Its official......I am hardwork

 

[FluteMaster]

lol no really, I'm a first class fucker upper! ask my ex husband...infact ask my all my ex's. My nan even used to say I'd kick a dog to make sure it was dead *soft smile*.

Its like I'm forever waiting for something to go wrong...so I give it a shove in that direction, and help it along.

Its official......I am hardwork

Maybe I am speaking out of turn here...but you said a few posts back that whereas you want to sort things out now...he preferes to go away, calm down, and then work on it.

Don't be too hard on yourself...he is also committed to this, and I can't believe that after what you two have been through that a case of bad communication will destroy it all. However bad the situation now...give Him time.

I hope it works out.

 

[minx1]

Maybe I am speaking out of turn here...but you said a few posts back that whereas you want to sort things out now...he preferes to go away, calm down, and then work on it.

Don't be too hard on yourself...he is also committed to this, and I can't believe that after what you two have been through that a case of bad communication will destroy it all. However bad the situation now...give Him time.

I hope it works out.

Thankyou FM I appreciate that.

I don't suppose I should be talking about it here, but I couldn't get hold of my friend, was upset and needed to blurt.

I have huge faith in him. I'm sure it will be ok

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

Hey ITW, I could but I'm not sure he'll want to speak to me at the minute, I don't know what to say and I don't want to piss him off even more.

My ability to fuck things up astounds me sometimes.

Oh hon I hope that everything is okay!!! *hugs* x 12

 

[minx1]

Oh hon I hope that everything is okay!!! *hugs* x 12

*waves* hey hon, thanks for the hugs....they are very welcome!

I am worried now that I should have kept my trap shut lol, but I was upset and needed to chat to someone. god what a mess

I hope you are ok DWB. Did you get to see your Master today? How are you coping?

 

[intothewoods]

lol no really, I'm a first class fucker upper! ask my ex husband...infact ask my all my ex's. My nan even used to say I'd kick a dog to make sure it was dead *soft smile*.

Its like I'm forever waiting for something to go wrong...so I give it a shove in that direction, and help it along.

Its official......I am hardwork

Well, I am sure I could give you a run for your money. As for venting here, well, I understand, but you didn't say anything negative about him. And you can always delete your posts.

 

[minx1]

Well, I am sure I could give you a run for your money. As for venting here, well, I understand, but you didn't say anything negative about him. And you can always delete your posts.

*giggles* yeah but then I'd have to try and do deals with everyone who'd quoted me!