Distance Domination-Support Thread

[Little_Kitten]

Hey Kitten

You sound pretty upset and angry. I hope you are ok hon.

What made your dad change his mind about supporting your trip? Is it just that he's worried about you... not just going to the US but also devoting your time to something that he sees as 'only' online and therefore doesn't realy understand?
I'm just throwing ideas out there...but would it help things if your dad could speak to him and put his mind at rest a little?

Yea I'm upset with him =( This is like the thenthousandth time he makes me feel like complete crap
And yes, he sees him as only online... But I don't care.. Cos I don't. and I don't care about people who who don't understand my relationship, cos I know they can't relate. But I'm still really tired of people not supporting me.
Bah I knew I shouldn't have relied on my dad >< But for once I thought it would work out.

I'll survive though... I'm 18 and he can't hold me back anymore. I just need to shake this off... It's not like it's the end... I'll just save up money myself. It wont take long before I have enough...

 

[intothewoods]

Yes.. I got so angry at my dad last night.... angry n sad =( Cos then he decided to be a total bitch and he criticized my relationship with my love. Just cos it's online. I don't get him at all... And then he was all up for the idea about me going to the us but not staying with my love =(
I mean, what would be safer? For me to stay somewhere in the US all alone? Or to be with someone who I actually know... well partly... And who lives in a somewhat clean neighborhood and all.
Oof well whatever. I don't need his money. I get about 800 buck monthly anyway. Within two months I'll have enough to go myself. My plan about going to a school still stands.
I'm just so disappointed though. Cos I thought that finally my dad would support me in something that would actually make me happy and fulfilled. Something i just KNOW is right. But no... He has to be arrogant and act like he doesn't owe me anything, which he does... after all the years of being nothing but nonsupporting and a cold hearted..

But I'm ok now... My love said some words that I've really wanted to hear for a very long time So it cheered me up alot. Nothing will stop us from being together ^_^

I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but why should your dad pay for your trip?

Don't mind me, jewish mother and all. nag, nag, nag...

 

[minx1]

I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but why should your dad pay for your trip?

Don't mind me, jewish mother and all. nag, nag, nag...

I don't think Kittens here at the mo ITW.

I think its the fact that he did offer and now has decided against it thats upset her so much

 

[lil_slave_rose]

No problem. Lil Slave Rose I don't think you came off as a bitch. You and I have vast differences in how we live our lifes, and see things but asking questions and discussing it doesn't have to mean either of us are bitches or oppose one another at all IMO.

*hug*

I don't agree that I'm stronger than you btw. I know you've been through some really horrible things and made it out, made a good life that's strong.

Fury

*smiles* i'm glad you took it the way i meant, that i was just curious. and i agree differences don't mean we're opposed, just different . and yes you are right i have been through alot, however without Him by my side i wouldn't have made it, so i'm not sure how strong that makes me, but the truth remains that through a bad situation things were made better for me i guess that's what matters. *hugs*

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Yea I'm upset with him =( This is like the thenthousandth time he makes me feel like complete crap
And yes, he sees him as only online... But I don't care.. Cos I don't. and I don't care about people who who don't understand my relationship, cos I know they can't relate. But I'm still really tired of people not supporting me.
Bah I knew I shouldn't have relied on my dad >< But for once I thought it would work out.

I'll survive though... I'm 18 and he can't hold me back anymore. I just need to shake this off... It's not like it's the end... I'll just save up money myself. It wont take long before I have enough...

sorry, but as a mother, i understand your Dad's position on this. i'm not trying to burst your bubble or be a bitch, BUT if my 18 year old daughter wanted to go out of the country to meet a man that she met on the internet i would be less than supportive also. maybe you should look at it from his point of view. your his baby and you want to leave the COUNTRY to go see some guy that you really barely know. you yourself even said 'well kinda' when you said you knew him. try not to be so mad at your dad for caring about you. you see him not supporting your trip as negative and him not loving you, when through my eyes as a mother i see it as him loving and caring about you VERY much and not wanting to see you hurt. just my two cents

 

[intothewoods]

I don't think Kittens here at the mo ITW.

I think its the fact that he did offer and now has decided against it thats upset her so much

I see your point. Well, I'll just shut up now. Maybe I should throw in a "wait until you have kids, Kitten" just to complete the nagginess.

 

[Little_Kitten]

sorry, but as a mother, i understand your Dad's position on this. i'm not trying to burst your bubble or be a bitch, BUT if my 18 year old daughter wanted to go out of the country to meet a man that she met on the internet i would be less than supportive also. maybe you should look at it from his point of view. your his baby and you want to leave the COUNTRY to go see some guy that you really barely know. you yourself even said 'well kinda' when you said you knew him. try not to be so mad at your dad for caring about you. you see him not supporting your trip as negative and him not loving you, when through my eyes as a mother i see it as him loving and caring about you VERY much and not wanting to see you hurt. just my two cents

I do understand it from that point of view... but for me it's just too late for him to be caring and whatnot... And I meant that I partly know my guy cos well.. You can't know someone fully over the net. THat's something I do know. But still, I've known this guy for quite some time. We are both fans of the the same game, and we were both member of the forum fanforum for some time. He's very productive and intelligent. And he's good at what he does. Justm all my instincts scream "YES YES go for it"... and If it doesnt work out, well at least I'm glad that I tried.... If I don't do this now it will haunt me forever... So it's better to learn from my mistakes than to never have tried something that could potentially turn into something wonderful.
It's just that my dad has to shoot down eveything I do...or show his "care" in the most mean and hurtful way and stuff... But I still don't see the logic in letting me go to a foreign country, but amongst people I dont know at all... instead of letting me be with someone that i do... know. It just seems weird to me.

I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but why should your dad pay for your trip?

Don't mind me, jewish mother and all. nag, nag, nag...

Well he doesn't have to... But he offered and then he decided not to... or something...

 

[minx1]

sorry, but as a mother, i understand your Dad's position on this. i'm not trying to burst your bubble or be a bitch, BUT if my 18 year old daughter wanted to go out of the country to meet a man that she met on the internet i would be less than supportive also. maybe you should look at it from his point of view. your his baby and you want to leave the COUNTRY to go see some guy that you really barely know. you yourself even said 'well kinda' when you said you knew him. try not to be so mad at your dad for caring about you. you see him not supporting your trip as negative and him not loving you, when through my eyes as a mother i see it as him loving and caring about you VERY much and not wanting to see you hurt. just my two cents

Hey Rose,

I kinda shared the same sentiments, because I know now that even though my mum knows about my Master she would probably worry like hell with me upping sticks and setting off for OZ lol! and I'm 37 now!
I still think if her dad offered in the first place, something has happened to change his mind whether its a sudden realisation that his daughter doesn't really 'know' this man. I know Kitten feels that her dad has let her down a lot, but maybe thats the upset talking.
I just think that if Kitten is serious about still going there could be a way at resolving it. Perhaps that might be by Kittens partner and her dad getting to know eachother a bit more. I don't know....I'm just seeing it from my families viewpoint.

 

[minx1]

I see your point. Well, I'll just shut up now. Maybe I should throw in a "wait until you have kids, Kitten" just to complete the nagginess.

*smile* well I don't have then either, but I know I would probably be very protective of them if I did, just as you and Rose have said.

Take no notice of me lol I guess I am trying to look for a compromise. I can totally see why a parent would worry..as I say I know I would myself, but I guess I can also see it with the shoe on the other foot.
And that sheer bloody mindedness (no offence Kitten) of well I'm going!

I hope that there is a solution so that all parties are at least a little happier with it

 

[intothewoods]

I don't know how old you are, but once my kid is over 18, I will pay for college and something educational, but not a visit to see a boyfriend/girlfriend - no matter where you met. I'd just figure if it were important to you, it's up to you to raise the funds.

He's not being consistent, I agree, but assuming you're of age, you are old enough to make your own decisions. And if it's important to you, you'll raise your own money.

 

[intothewoods]

Btw, for me it's not about the safety issues. I just think that if you're mature enough to be in a relationship, you should be mature enough to be able to handle your finances, and budget for the fun stuff too.

You sort of can't have it both ways - if you still get the financial support, you have to suffer through someone else having the final word.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Btw, for me it's not about the safety issues. I just think that if you're mature enough to be in a relationship, you should be mature enough to be able to handle your finances, and budget for the fun stuff too.

You sort of can't have it both ways - if you still get the financial support, you have to suffer through someone else having the final word.

Well I said I'm gonna do that... I get 800 monthly... But that's not from my parents. I raise my funds myself... half of them will probably go to food ... so in two months i'll probably have enough for a plain ticket or whatever.
It's just nice with support and stuff.

I know 18 is a young age for such a decision... but I guess you have to understand me to understand why I wanna do this... The relations btween my family is so screwed at the moment... At least I still have my mom's support... unless she decides to withdraw that too... >_< I hope not.
I wish I was older though... people would be much more understanding then...

 

[intothewoods]

Well I said I'm gonna do that... I get 800 monthly... But that's not from my parents. I raise my funds myself... half of them will probably go to food ... so in two months i'll probably have enough for a plain ticket or whatever.
It's just nice with support and stuff.

I know 18 is a young age for such a decision... but I guess you have to understand me to understand why I wanna do this... The relations btween my family is so screwed at the moment... At least I still have my mom's support... unless she decides to withdraw that too... >_< I hope not.
I wish I was older though... people would be much more understanding then...

Ah, you're 18. That actually makes me feel better. If you were 25 and pissed off that your dad wasn't paying for the trip, I'd have far less patience. Ok, no patience.

18 to about 22 or so is such a hard age, because you're not quite fully grown up, but you're not a kid either. Frankly, I still look around and think, oh my god, I'm in my 30s!!! How did that happen. I'm 32 btw.

I did remember that you said you would raise it on your own, and I think that's great. I know it stinks to have your parents doubt your decisions, and feel like you're being treated like a kid. Your relationship is real. I'm not telling you it's less important somehow because you're 18, or because you met online. And I don't think it's too young to decide to go visit a boyfriend. Why not?

All I'm saying is that it if this is important to you, it will also be worth saving for. And in time, your dad will hopefully come around.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Ah, you're 18. That actually makes me feel better. If you were 25 and pissed off that your dad wasn't paying for the trip, I'd have far less patience. Ok, no patience.

18 to about 22 or so is such a hard age, because you're not quite fully grown up, but you're not a kid either. Frankly, I still look around and think, oh my god, I'm in my 30s!!! How did that happen. I'm 32 btw.

I did remember that you said you would raise it on your own, and I think that's great. I know it stinks to have your parents doubt your decisions, and feel like you're being treated like a kid. Your relationship is real. I'm not telling you it's less important somehow because you're 18, or because you met online. And I don't think it's too young to decide to go visit a boyfriend. Why not?

All I'm saying is that it if this is important to you, it will also be worth saving for. And in time, your dad will hopefully come around.

Thank you

I hope that when my dad sees how happy im gonna be... He'll realize that I was right... He probably wont admit it though cos he's so stubborn as always.

 

[the captians wench]

I met my love almost 2 years ago, and lemme tell you being a 21 year old devorce who wants to go to ireland to spend a week with a guy she met because he liked her naked pics does not inspire much suport either. *giggles* Infact, until about 6 months ago my mom was still very much against me meeting Jounar. But she's seen how happy he makes me. It takes a lot for people to understand that you can have such a connection with some one you've never met face to face.

I will say this. Do your home work before you get over here. I think you can stay here 30 days on a passport alone, but you will not be able to work with just that. Make sure you have enough money to stay at a hotel and buy your own food should you need to. I know you love this guy, but you still need to make sure you are taken care of should things not work out. I'm not trying to be negitive, just realistic. Even when Jounar had a place of his own and I was planing on staying with him durring my visit, I was planing enough money to stay at a hotel for the week should anything come up and I wouldn't be able to stay with him. When you're practiaclly alone in a strange country you just need to protect yourself a bit.

I'm not sure you can really be able to move here in 2 months, there's a lot of paperwork to be done to be able to do that, but I won't say it's never happened before, just look at cat. (granted she didn't move to the us) But a visit should be more than feezable for you, and that's what I'd sujest. I mean, you don't know how things will work out with this person, you don't want to get here and find out things aren't going to work and then not be able to get back home.

Man I really hate when I sound all negitive , but I've been there. I still haven't gotten to my love because of different things that have come up in our lives. but I will.

 

[Little_Kitten]

I met my love almost 2 years ago, and lemme tell you being a 21 year old devorce who wants to go to ireland to spend a week with a guy she met because he liked her naked pics does not inspire much suport either. *giggles* Infact, until about 6 months ago my mom was still very much against me meeting Jounar. But she's seen how happy he makes me. It takes a lot for people to understand that you can have such a connection with some one you've never met face to face.

I will say this. Do your home work before you get over here. I think you can stay here 30 days on a passport alone, but you will not be able to work with just that. Make sure you have enough money to stay at a hotel and buy your own food should you need to. I know you love this guy, but you still need to make sure you are taken care of should things not work out. I'm not trying to be negitive, just realistic. Even when Jounar had a place of his own and I was planing on staying with him durring my visit, I was planing enough money to stay at a hotel for the week should anything come up and I wouldn't be able to stay with him. When you're practiaclly alone in a strange country you just need to protect yourself a bit.

I'm not sure you can really be able to move here in 2 months, there's a lot of paperwork to be done to be able to do that, but I won't say it's never happened before, just look at cat. (granted she didn't move to the us) But a visit should be more than feezable for you, and that's what I'd sujest. I mean, you don't know how things will work out with this person, you don't want to get here and find out things aren't going to work and then not be able to get back home.

Man I really hate when I sound all negitive , but I've been there. I still haven't gotten to my love because of different things that have come up in our lives. but I will.

Don't worry I have been thinking about these things.... Im just saying that in two months i will have enough for a plane ticket... But I have been thinking about having enough money for a hotel or something in case something went wrong or that maybe he cant show up in the airport? o.o...
And since I'm from Denmark I can stay 90 days without a visa... But I plan on getting one... From what I've read they cost about about 100 bucks unless I misunderstood something. But I have alot of time to research, so I'm pretty sure I'll be ready by the time i decide to go...
I just hope my story will end just as happy as yours

Edit: Actually... the whole deal about a greencard sounds nice o.o.... But i'm confused. Can I only get them through lotteries? I can't seem to find any answers on that.

 

[littleone77]

Little Kitten

You and I are in similiar situations I think, both age wise and relationships. Its scary when you are so young in a relationship of this sort. You hear all the 'horror' stories of what can happen when the internet is involved. With mine I am taking things quite slow which works for both us. We each want this to last and we are taking no chances. I have no doubt that you know him very well but it never hurts to consider the 'what ifs'. Even though I trust Him with my life I still have a 'safety' plan in place. You sound like a smart woman.

Parents come around in time. I told my mother when things became serious (He actually made me, lol). At first she was curious, then judged Him as a old, senile 'child' molester. *rolls eyes* She has gotten better though. Time is needed for that. She no way trusts Him but has realized that I am serious about Him and that until I have proof other wise will not listen to her untoward claims. Just be patient with your parent and him. There isn't no rush after all is there?

 

[Little_Kitten]

Well... I'd like to get in as soon as possible... And it's summer soon... I'm not really sure how long it takes to find schools and such... I'll have to find that out too.. >_< I hope it can be done in .. uh.. 3 or 4 months or whatever it takes till the schools start.

Im not so sure though.. because it looks like a complicated process.

 

[littleone77]

Well... I'd like to get in as soon as possible... And it's summer soon... I'm not really sure how long it takes to find schools and such... I'll have to find that out too.. >_< I hope it can be done in .. uh.. 3 or 4 months or whatever it takes till the schools start.

Im not so sure though.. because it looks like a complicated process.

Some times the best things are the most complicated. If its not too much of a personal question, how long have you been with him? It sounds as if you have planned your life already. Wish you the best

 

[Little_Kitten]

Well... We've been "together" for about a year... But I've known him for longer than that...

 

[littleone77]

Well... We've been "together" for about a year... But I've known him for longer than that...

*smiles* that has made me feel a whole lot better, thanks for that

PA is a nice area. Takes some getting use to but its sweet

 

[Little_Kitten]

*smiles* that has made me feel a whole lot better, thanks for that

PA is a nice area. Takes some getting use to but its sweet

Well no problem I guess... But that made you feel better how?

 

[littleone77]

Well no problem I guess... But that made you feel better how?

*laughs* I checked through your postings and you never mentioned the length of your relationship. A year is a long time, versus a few months. No one does online that long who has 'bad' intentions.

 

[Little_Kitten]

*laughs* I checked through your postings and you never mentioned the length of your relationship. A year is a long time, versus a few months. No one does online that long who has 'bad' intentions.

Well exactly >_< And what internet psycho would be on a gamer's forum? :-/ And be productive and stuff... The chances of him being a psycho or something are very very very low....

 

[littleone77]

Well exactly >_< And what internet psycho would be on a gamer's forum? :-/ And be productive and stuff... The chances of him being a psycho or something are very very very low....

That is what I have been trying to drill into my mother's head. No man would invest that much time into a relationship if He didn't want it and you. Plus the psycho factor goes both ways. (I tend to be quiet sane unless my hormones begin to introduce themselves)