Distance Domination-Support Thread

[JMohegan]

But I was able to tell my Master I needed to step outside the domain and have a serious adult discussion about this, and we did. I told him my thoughts, my angst, my feelings in total on the situation and he explained his reasoning, his logic and we understood eachother perfectly. I came to a new understanding of how he thinks and why he does what he does, and he came to a greater understanding of how his punishments effect my mental well being.

Yes, that's exactly the point.

And that's the way time-outs have always worked (in the physical world) in a relationship with me.

 

[subfem1963]

Last weekend i spent with My Master, we had such a lovely time.
I know the time we do get to spend together is very precious to us both.
I really do miss him now, but we are in touch every day. The next time i get to visit will be sometime in the New year, Spring maybe. But its something i can look foward to.
And I always have the pics to remind me of the wonderful time we had together. *giggles*

 

[Sprinkles22]

Hi Everyone I'm in a LDR with a wonderful Master, a man I call Friend and Lover. We met 9 months ago, right here at Lit, and formed first a friendship as we simply discussed BDSM and D/s relationships then realized what we each were seeking was *each other*. We met in RL a month or so later, and now have had 3 RL episodes since beginning our relationship. We are separated by 1000 miles, but our distance is purely geographical. We are in contact daily unless some special event keeps apart, and even then, we find ways to communicate ... somehow, someway.

I'm going to jump into discussion on this thread by quoting something Boobsqueeezer said on Nov 17th ...

This is possible and it is a fine line that separates the "top from bottom" and 'give biofeedback' for improving the experience....

Many Doms consider it topping to be told and most subs hate to tell....but a frank talk would simplify things .... I know subs who would be willing to help their Masters extract the best out of them. I know this is bizarre since this appears to 'let the sub take control' but when we think...and realise that at every step in the relation when it has to be healthy, the sub should be in control.. to be able to stop when things go beyond a level(for eg; use of safe words!).

*Topping from the bottom* was a discussion Master and I had today. A discussion which left Him a bit unhappy with me because I have been *topping*, but from a subbie point of view. I have been intentionally holding back some of my thoughts and desires from Him because I felt I was protecting Him and trying to be what He wanted me to be, but I wasn't being true to my own needs/desires and I wasn't communicating them to Him. I have every right as a sub to talk to Master as an adult and openly express my thoughts or explain my needs.

After today's discussion with Him, He is not upset by my conversation (He is in fact thrilled with what I shared), but He is very disappointed that I was withholding this information from Him. My insecurities in myself prompted my decision to remain quiet, not a lack of trust in Him. I was afraid of what He would think of me if I told Him the truth, if I told Him what I desired.

In essence, I am now in in trouble for *topping from the bottom* not because I spoke out .. but because I did NOT speak out when I should have. It isn't my right to decide what I will and will not tell Master. It is my duty to put all the cards on the table and together He and I will decide our course of action.

For Shy Slave:
What an AWESOME post this is https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=20125473&postcount=53

I found many parallels between your relationship and mine, but most of all it seems you and Andante have the basis of friendship and respect, same as Raven and I. I wish you both the best of luck

~Sprinkles

 

[Luciden]

Sprinkles, this is totally off topic, but... I love your pic! It's freaking awesome!

 

[myinnerslut]

.....

 

[the captians wench]

Greetings, aficionados of virtual D/s and fellow kinksters.

I will confess upfront here that I have no experience with virtual D/s. I've never even had an IM conversation (of any kind), and do not own a webcam. In short, I am an Internet virgin. So please be gentle with me if you choose to respond to this post.

I would like to share with the submissives here a few maxims that I believe are an important part of any non-TPE consensual D/s relationship.

1 - A two-tiered safeword system is an essential part of consensual pain play. "Yellow" (or an equivalent) means: "I'm really not sure I can do this, may we please talk about it for a few minutes?" or "I need help, I'm approaching my limit!" or something like that. "Red" (or an equivalent) means: "I can't take any more." Play stops immediately.

2 - There should always be a system in place, 24/7, whereby a submissive who is extremely confused or concerned that she is being treated unfairly retains the right to call "time-out" from the D/s dynamic and have a candid exchange about what's going on.

3 - The Dominant is honor-bound to obey both the safeword system and the time-out system. And punishing a submissive for using her safeword or calling time-out is never okay.

4 - The submissive is honor-bound to use both the safeword system and the time-out system with integrity and honesty, and never for the purpose of manipulation.

5 - Insisting on a safeword system and time-out system in a non-TPE consensual D/s relationship does *not* mean you are unsubmissive. IMO, it simply means you are committed to healthy D/s.

These are just my personal opinions, of course. Not Gospel. YMMV.

If we got permission I could always break you in.

Seriously tho. I was thinking about the time out thing and at first I thought that we really don't have a system where I can call a time out. But then again we do of sorts. When I have something I'm unsure about, or confused or just curious, I ask if he wants to play 10 questions. If he says yes, then I'm free to ask anything I like, and he the same. Usually I just keep asking until either I have every thing answered or he has a question for me, and then I have to answer him. It's something that we started the very first night that I submitted to him, and do on most aniverseries, and then when ever I have something to ask. He's only once not agreed to play, and that was because it was going on 2 am his time. I really like this way, because it serves the perpous of a time out as you said, but there is no even minute apearance of a break in the dynamic.

Sorry if I'm rambling.

 

[JMohegan]

If we got permission I could always break you in.

What a great offer, Wench.

I'm a strictly "physical world" kind of a guy. But if I weren't......

Seriously tho. I was thinking about the time out thing and at first I thought that we really don't have a system where I can call a time out. But then again we do of sorts. When I have something I'm unsure about, or confused or just curious, I ask if he wants to play 10 questions. If he says yes, then I'm free to ask anything I like, and he the same. Usually I just keep asking until either I have every thing answered or he has a question for me, and then I have to answer him. It's something that we started the very first night that I submitted to him, and do on most aniverseries, and then when ever I have something to ask. He's only once not agreed to play, and that was because it was going on 2 am his time. I really like this way, because it serves the perpous of a time out as you said, but there is no even minute apearance of a break in the dynamic.

That's *awesome*. And it definitely sounds like creative time-out to me.

 

[Sprinkles22]

If we got permission I could always break you in.

Seriously tho. I was thinking about the time out thing and at first I thought that we really don't have a system where I can call a time out. But then again we do of sorts. When I have something I'm unsure about, or confused or just curious, I ask if he wants to play 10 questions. If he says yes, then I'm free to ask anything I like, and he the same. Usually I just keep asking until either I have every thing answered or he has a question for me, and then I have to answer him. It's something that we started the very first night that I submitted to him, and do on most aniverseries, and then when ever I have something to ask. He's only once not agreed to play, and that was because it was going on 2 am his time. I really like this way, because it serves the perpous of a time out as you said, but there is no even minute apearance of a break in the dynamic.

Sorry if I'm rambling.

We have a time out system like that, altho we've never given it a definition of sorts. But very simply, no matter what we're in the middle of, if either of us needs clarification or has an issue we use one word .... *question??* Whether we type that in IM as a single reply or utter in with voice when we are together, it momentarily opens an avenue for communication without repercussions.

I knew another Dom who employed the phrase *safe zone*, meaning that anything said in the safe zone could not be used against the sub. It was a time out of the dynamic, just like a *safe word* will time out a scene.

 

[Sprinkles22]

Sprinkles, this is totally off topic, but... I love your pic! It's freaking awesome!

Thank you ... I have a few along that line. I find them incredibly seductive without being slutty.

 

[Luciden]

Thank you ... I have a few along that line. I find them incredibly seductive without being slutty.

Indeed! You've inspired me to come up with some kinky stuff to tease Master with

 

[the captians wench]

What a great offer, Wench.

I'm a strictly "physical world" kind of a guy. But if I weren't......

That's *awesome*. And it definitely sounds like creative time-out to me.

*giggles*

the imagination is such a wonderful playground.

But if it were only rp, I think I'd go nuts!

 

[shy slave]

Thank you Sprinkles for your words on my post.

I am embarrassed, but appreciative

 

[raven2]

Thank you Sprinkles for your words on my post.

I am embarrassed, but appreciative

Hi Shy,

It has been a long time. Hope you are doing well.

Hello everyone.

 

[shy slave]

Hi Shy,

It has been a long time. Hope you are doing well.

Hello everyone.

Hi Raven

It has been a long time.

I am fine, just fine.

 

[raven2]

For me, it depends when and how I tell him.

He doesn't see it as 'topping from the bottom' that is very different.
(Yes, I do try that, no, it doesn't work *sigh*)

I would never tell him during a scene, that would be impolite and bad mannered.

If we are discussing things afterwards or even a long time later I do speak up.
He is willing to listen but he doesn't always follow my thoughts through. To me, that is how it should be. But without my thoughts he does not have all the information he needs to make a decision.

I think that it is very important to have honesty. Esp. in this situation when you cannot really see each other and any reactions, it is imperative that evreything be out in the open and as clear as can be.

 

[raven2]

Hi Raven

It has been a long time.

I am fine, just fine.

That is great. I have been around but just not posting as much in this area but I think this thread is excellent if you are in an LDR. Obviously you have more experience than most.

 

[shy slave]

That is great. I have been around but just not posting as much in this area but I think this thread is excellent if you are in an LDR. Obviously you have more experience than most.

We have been in LDR less than two years, so not sure how that compares.

I don't really come in here often for many reasons, but it is nice to see you again

 

[raven2]

We have been in LDR less than two years, so not sure how that compares.

I don't really come in here often for many reasons, but it is nice to see you again

You too. Will be here fairly often now, I expect.

 

[Sprinkles22]

We have been in LDR less than two years, so not sure how that compares.

I don't really come in here often for many reasons, but it is nice to see you again

*sigh* I know what you mean about not coming here often. I'm such a newb I feel overwhelmed by others with experience ... but I think I've done pretty well in MY relationship and it works for us. And something else I discovered and live by is that each D/s partnership is unique and what works for some might not work for others.

 

[Sprinkles22]

You too. Will be here fairly often now, I expect.

Were you surprised I put my two cents worth in, Raven? I hope you are not displeased.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

yeh.. the punishment for that one was to have to stick it in one more time after I had already done it.

Right now I have a vibrator in my ass. It's a long story, but let's just say I didn't pee when I orgasmed, and I really had to pee, apparently he was trying to make me do both at the same time. After I hadn't peed, he had me put the vibrator in my ass and go to the toilet (after much begging to be able to pee). I tried to pee for about 5 mins and he told me if I didn't pee within the next 10, then I would have to go and masturbate some more, and that if I could bring myself to an orgasm, to orgasm, and then go back to the toilet and try again. Luckily for me, I got to pee.

Anyways, I have more stuff to finish before he calls again, and I'm hungry.


Anyone have a similar story?

ok luci, usually i say everyone's kink is different, but do you know the damage a HOT battery can cause? when i think of a 'hot battery' i think of battery acid leaking otu of it. hot batteries can also explode, but even without exploding if the acid is even leaking out a little bit it can cause some REALLY serious injuries i.e. eating away the skin.....this is just, to me, outside the realm of Safe or Sane..and even sounds like outside the realm of consensual. it sounds like maybe your Sir needs to take a step back and read some safefty things before having you do something like stick a hot battery up inside you. i'm in no way saying i know what's best for your or your Dom but waht i am saying is i'm seeing a huge red flag and i think you should discuss it with your Sir. it just doesn't sound right and i'd hate to see you get hurt because you were following your Sir's orders. and if you feel like you can't talk to Him about this, then i would definantly be stepping back and taking a good look at your relationship. of course this is my opinion and i hope i'm coming off the way i'm meaning to, as concerned.
::hugs::
rose

 

[lil_slave_rose]

in defense of my punished state, he said something that very clearly lead me to believe that my mentioning my punishment was only serving to annoy him. i told him that if it would please him i wouldnt mention it again, but that it would be very very hard and i wouldnt enjoy it one bit, nor would i be able to say how not being able to talk about it would affect me as i have always been able to talk about it before. after i said all this, he told me he would indeed like me to not mention it again untill i was not longer being punished.

and last night i was very very stressed and upset and had to be up early this morning but couldnt sleep. he saw how upset i was and told me that i could wear my collar to sleep, but if i was still awake at 2, i would have to take it off. i asked him why, since i was being punished and not allowed to wear my collar. he corrected me and said i was not allowed to ask to wear my collar, but he never said anything about being told to wear it. (the only times i am allowed to wear it wear it are if i am masturbating(required), which there is none of since i cannot orgasm, if i ask for it, or if he tells me to). so he recognized my distress and calmed me down, without me having to tell him.

i am still unhappy to be punished, not enjoying not being able to cum, and not being able to sleep in my collar, and not happy to have my speech restricted on the subject, but thats what makes a punishment. only 9 days left.

again, i hope i'm coming off as concerned and not a 'know it all' but when i'm being punished i NEED my Master's reassurance that everything is ok and though i'm being punished He still loves me, therefore the whole 'can't talk to Him about my punishment or how i'm feeling during my punishment' just wouldn't work for me, it would isolate me to the point i'm not sure i could handle it and if i feel isolated from Sir, what is the point?? also, about the collar, so you are not allowed to wear the collar unless you ask? or unless He tells you to? i guess i don't understand teh point of a collar then? that, again, wouldn't work for us, and i'm saying for us because i realize you're not us *smiles* but i am required to wear my collar ALL of the time, except when i'm sleeping or taking a shower....that's it....and i love it that way, i couldn't imagine having to ask if i could put it on, it's just something i do everyday without thought....again i hpe your punishment is over soon, but if you are feeling too distant from your Sir, i do truly hope you will take the advice and ask for a 'time out' to discuss your feelings with HIm.....

::hugs::
rose

 

[raven2]

Were you surprised I put my two cents worth in, Raven? I hope you are not displeased.

I am not. It is one of the reasons I wanted you to look at this thread.

 

[Sprinkles22]

again, i hope i'm coming off as concerned and not a 'know it all' but when i'm being punished i NEED my Master's reassurance that everything is ok and though i'm being punished He still loves me, therefore the whole 'can't talk to Him about my punishment or how i'm feeling during my punishment' just wouldn't work for me, it would isolate me to the point i'm not sure i could handle it and if i feel isolated from Sir, what is the point??
rose

I identify with your statement Rose. I need Him to be closer to me than ever if I'm being punished. I need reassurrance that I'm still lovable and I haven't pushed Him away. In our situation, emotional withdrawal or refusal to communicate would not be a constructive discipline, it would be an inconsiderate torture.

I view discipline and punishment as tools to help me grow and learn. He brings me down so He can build me back up ... not bring me down to leave me there wondering and questioning.

 

[raven2]

let's see... for the past two days, I've been punished for small things like:
not wanting to stick a hot battery into myself and hesitating and saying no >_< (BIG MISTAKE, BTW) , cumming accidently, and begging him for 5 mins to play. That's all I can think of now. but.. that's what I get punished for.

WTF???? that is not something that should be done. It could be very dangerous.