Dissect my sentence

[sr71plt]

I believe I answered the question exactly within the limits of the information provided in the OP.

 

[Dream_Operator]

"And there she was, with her tits in all their glory on open display for the world to see."

My version:

"And there she was, her glorious tits on display for the entire world to see."

 

[sr71plt]

My version:

"And there she was, her glorious tits on display for the entire world to see."

I would agree that this one is an improvement while staying faithful to what was originally given (provided elsewhere it isn't revealed that they weren't really that glorious. "In all their glory" bows to the possibility that their glory is limited and possibly overblown. "Glorious" provides agreement that they are so.) That doesn't mean that the original isn't just fine if that's the way the author wants to express it.

 

[CyranoJ]

"And there she was, with her tits in all their glory on open display for the world to see."

I would write it:

"And there she was, with her tits on full display in all their glory."

Or alternatively:

"And there she was, with all six breasts on glorious display for all the galaxy."

Or alternatively:

"And there she was, with all twelve massive breasts displayed gloriously above her pulsating egg sacs for all the universe."

Or alternatively:

"And there she was, a pulsing mass of enormous mammaries whose egg sacs were ripe with ravening alien monstrosities awaiting their time to feed on the flesh of all the terrified humanoids in the cosmos."

Or alternatively:

"And there she was, basically just one enormous breast the size of a planet, with lots of tiny little fang-rimmed mouths on its underside relentlessly chomping at any space debris in its path, pursuing her ancient dream of devouring all the matter in the multiverse."

Or alternatively:

"And there she was, basically the equivalent of Galactus, but shaped like an enormous breast adorned with a billion fanged maws whose mission was to mercilessly devour every object in every possible parallel universe."

Or alternatively:

"And there she was with her tits out."

 

[sr71plt]

"And there she was, with all twelve massive breasts displayed gloriously above her pulsating egg sacs for all the universe."

I think the 12-tit one is the Indian version.

 

[CyranoJ]

I think the 12-tit one is the Indian version.

Got it in one.

 

[CyranoJ]

Some of you need a quick timeout, but if you can be nice, there will be candy canes to suck on. Sorry, no milk and cookies today, but you can all have extra crayon time.

I would write it this way:

"She desperately wanted milk and cookies, but instead got a sweet-flavoured candy cane to suck on. She scribbled on the nearest available surface with the crayons that had materialised in her left hand. 'Oh yeah, you like that? I'm you're dirty bitch, Tommy!' she wrote, savouring her son/stepson/nephew/brother's surging cock in the tightness of her love tunnel. When on Literotica, she was thinking as she climaxed: do as the Literoticans do.

 

[Hypoxia]

At least nobody mentioned tentacles.

Until now.

 

[sr71plt]

I would never mention tentacles.

 

[SimonDoom]

IMO, AH is at its best when I can use it to improve my writing. So for that purpose, consider the following sentence:

"And there she was, with her tits in all their glory on open display for the world to see."

I know this sentence works without the comma, and I think it's even grammatically incorrect with it (the second clause got no verb). But I want the sentence to be read with a slight pause after "was". I think an em dash would work as an alternative, but somehow it doesn't feel right. Suggestions?

Tomlitilia, bet you had no idea what you'd get started with this thread.

For what it's worth, I think the comma is right, and I'd probably get rid of "open" as redundant. But without context it's hard to say exactly what the right words are.

This thread is a good example of how too many cooks not only spoil the broth but are apt to shove each other's heads in the broth after a short time arguing over the right spice to add.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

This thread is a good example of how too many cooks not only spoil the broth but are apt to shove each other's heads in the broth after a short time arguing over the right spice to add.

Welcome to AH.

And God bless us, every single one.

 

[NicoleZ]

This thread is a good example of how too many cooks not only spoil the broth but are apt to shove each other's heads in the broth after a short time arguing over the right spice to add.

That is a very good metaphor!

Now imagine a hot-dog vendor who has "sold millions of hot dogs" ticking the young sous-chef off for not being able to make a white sauce and to shove his fancy Bechamel where the sun doesn't shine 'cos it's not what his customers want.

 

[tomlitilia]

Thanks everybody, I appreciate your suggestions. It's of course hard to consider the perfect way of phrasing it without context, but for what it's worth, I did get some useful feedback out of all this.