Dirty Nursery Rhymes. Post them here!

[glorfindale39]

Not much need for explanation here. Post any dirty nursery rhymes you learned as a kid (or adult) on this thread. Should be good for a laugh. Or, if you like invent a dirty rhyme all together!!

Maybe we should make this a contest for the best dirty rhyme or lymrick. Though I have no idea what the prize would be. lol Anyway, have fun.

G.

 

[DarkAngel]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack fucked Jill really quick!

 

[plasticman33]

Yankee doodle went to town

He was hung just like a pony.

He dropped his pants and his prick fell off.

Seems it was a phoney!

 

[plasticman33]

Mary had a little ram
She also had a bull.
Three horses and an elephant
she had no shame at all.

She had them here.
She had them there.
She had not a shred of morality
'cuz Mary was a pervert
Into beastiality!

 

[glorfindale39]

It was pointed out to me that I should have added one myself, so here goes...

The rework of an old classic:

Old mother Hupbard, went to the cupboard, to fetch her old self her Bone.
The cupboard was bare, and so in despair, she diddled herself alone.

My Shel Silverstien Impersonation:

Why oh why can’t I unclip your bra?
We sigh and sigh and role in the straw,
But I still can’t unclip your bra!

Why oh why won’t you suck my penis?
You try and defy with it in-between us,
But still you won’t just suck my penis!

Why oh why don’t fuck me hard?
I buy and buy things on my card,
but still you will not fuck me hard!

Why oh why must I stroke alone?
I cry and comply but still I can’t get blown,
So I sit and I stroke alone.


G.

 

[TxBelle]

Old Mother Hubbard
went to her cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
Rover drove her
Cuz Rover had a bone of his own

Little Mis Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said, "What's in the bowl Bitch?"

You can thank my Daddy for sharing these wonderful childhood stories with me. All together now...."Awe...."

 

[acitore_vuli]

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Shave your pussy it's too damn hairy!

 

[acitore_vuli]

Hickory dickory dock
Some chick was suckin' my cock
The clock struck two
I shot my goo
And dropped the bitch off at the next block

 

[teddybear4play]

Old Mother Hubbard
went to her cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
Rover drove her
Cuz Rover had a bone of his own

Little Mis Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said, "What's in the bowl Bitch?"

You can thank my Daddy for sharing these wonderful childhood stories with me. All together now...."Awe...."

Your daddy ripped them off of Andrew Dice Clay.

I think the fairy tales already lend themselves to naughty thoughts. Snow White shared a place with seven single guys, after all . . .

TB4p

 

[plasticman33]

Your daddy ripped them off of Andrew Dice Clay.

I think the fairy tales already lend themselves to naughty thoughts. Snow White shared a place with seven single guys, after all . . .

TB4p

The dwarfs were gay!

 

[I'mVan]

Little Mis Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
<snip>

And she siad, "Fuck off hairy legs"

 

[RawHumor]

I was wondering how long it would be before people started quoting Andrew Dice Clay in here. Here's my fav of his:

Little Bo Beep
Fucked a sheep

Blew a horse
Licked his feet

She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls NOT ONCE BUT TWICE!

 

[mickey522]

Little Boy Blew.............


he needed the money!

 

[acitore_vuli]

Three blind mice...
Where the fuck are they goin'?

 

[LustrusStorm]

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
to have a little fun.
Jill forgot to take the pill,
so now Jack has a son.

 

[Ladyhawke]

Jack wasn't nimble
Jack wasn't quick
Burned his dick
On the candlestick

 

[plasticman33]

Georgie Porgy, pudding pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay!

 

[plasticman33]

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good,
She was very, very good.
When she was bad
She got a fur coat, diamonds, a sports car.............

 

[glorfindale39]

These are fantastic. Plasticman, your on a role. Come on folks, join in if you haven't already.

G.

 

[hotlittlegirlwv]

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good,
She was very, very good.
When she was bad
She got a fur coat, diamonds, a sports car.............

OMG!
My mom used to say this original about me allll the time! Guess I was horrid!
Maybe I should work on getting some perks for that!

 

[plasticman33]

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,
Between two slices of bread.

 

[PepperminTrish]

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,
Between two slices of bread.

That one is just so not right ......... but damn it, it IS funny as all get out.
I'm laughing over it and feeling really bad about it!

 

[Star of Penumbra]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to smoke a little weed.
Jack got high, zipped down his fly,
and Jill said "Where's the beef?"

 

[juicylips]

I'm tellin' Santa. You're all naughty.

 

[PepperminTrish]

I'm tellin' Santa. You're all naughty.

Not me!
I was just laughing, that's all.
I wasn't being naughty.
Really, I wasn't!!











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