Dilemma!

[Lit Annon]

No, this is not a post discussing the virtues (or possible lack of them – depending on your viewpoint) of the song of the same title by Nelly & Kelly, it is a LIT-regular with a interesting and difficult choice ahead of her…

I have posted on this name as I wish to remain Anon, I am well-known on here and my SO among others frequents the GB.

And so to my problem…

It is the age old ‘To stray or stay’ dilemma, I am currently in a steady relationship, that till recently has given me all I need, and in a lot of cases still does. I have been happily monogamous, and even though the sex has tailed off a bit, when it happens it is still good (ok, I don’t get oral as much as I like, but then few do).

I never really went out much, didn’t have many friends – all that changed when I got a job. Suddenly I had friends and was in contact with people again… It was great for awhile, then the inevitable happened.

There is this guy at work, he is nothing special to look at, has an average personality, the sort that most wouldn’t give a second look too, but there is SOMETHING about him… I have fancied him since three weeks after I met the guy.

He knew this, but never showed that he liked me that way, we were just good mates. We flirt at work and that was fine, nothing more then harmless fun. At the Christmas party this year we got tipsy, danced, talked, hugged and finally kissed, just once a chaste little thing, but I was buzzing….

It was a week before I saw him, we sent the occasional text message, he told me he was sorry it had happened, that I would have ‘got lucky’ but he was glad we hadn’t as it would have been for the wrong reasons, that it shouldn’t have happened at all…

I was disappointed he felt that way, but could understand it – I wasn’t single, we were both drunk on the night in question, so it was fine… life as normal…

Then the last few nights he has been back on the internet and we have been chatting on there. We carried on the same chat we have had at work since the party, that he didn’t want me to get the wrong idea, we were mates nothing else!

So imagine my surprise when tonight he starts talking to me, and then out of the blue tells me he is a virgin and would I ‘deflower’ him as he trusts me and can’t think of anyone better!

Do I have this no-strings, one nighter, and hope it cures the craving to stray, or do I decline and wonder instead?

Advice appreciated!

 

[Lancecastor]

If you're not married to or living with your SO and you want to deflower the alleged virgin at work, fill your boots.

You'll wind up losing both of them in the end and be called a slut behind your back at work after he tells everyone, but hey, you'll get a strange piece of tail in the bargain!

Lance

 

[MissTaken]

If you aren't certain, don't do anything.

Just my two cents.

 

[ExLimey]

I'm not going to tell you what to do but I do have a question.

Would it stay as a one-time thing, a one-night stand type of thing. Or would either of you get a little more out of it and wish it to continue?

I'm thinking that since you're asking that maybe you won't be able to keep this a short-term thing.

 

[Lit Annon]

I'm not going to tell you what to do but I do have a question.

Would it stay as a one-time thing, a one-night stand type of thing. Or would either of you get a little more out of it and wish it to continue?

I'm thinking that since you're asking that maybe you won't be able to keep this a short-term thing.

Good point, I am not certain about that but I think it would just be a one night thing. It isn't in my nature to stray, I think this is more the buzz of being told (in a back handed way) some still see me as attractive.

The 'Deal' if you like, was just a one nighter, no-strings, and it never happened if asked - I know him well enough to know he means just that, as do I - we both have alot to lose.

 

[modest mouse]

If you would do the 'one-nighter' then your relationship is on shaky ground.

The 'one nighter' is a bad idea regardless of your current relationship.

What you need to do is decide if you want to address the problems in your current relationship, whether you think its worth some effort on your part and on his. Don't let this thing with your freind be the incident that forces out issues. ley yourself deal with them on your terms, with your boyfreind(I dont know what else to call the man with whom you have a relationship).

Another point I will bring up for you to consider is how good of a friend this guy at works is. If you are just mates and he cares for you then why would he put you in such a position. It seems selfish on his part.

 

[Guest]

If you aren't certain, don't do anything.

Just my two cents.

She's right.

 

[ksmybuttons]

There are a certain percentage of people out there with whom you will find mutual attraction. You can either act on it or not.

So. It is question of personal integrity. How will you feel about yourself after you do it? How will it affect your long term relationship? How important is your self-esteem? How much do you value yourself?

Fantasies are good things. Some can be attained and others should stay fantasies.

You have to live with yourself. Your choice. Your decision.

 

[Vivacia]

Some good points raised by all on here.. they are right Anon... if you aren't sure, don't do it... you will regret it eventually!

 

[curious2c]

Temptation is hard to ignore. When things are not as you think they should be in a marriage it is easy to open the gate so to speak and try out things with others. Remember though...if you still feel anything for your SO, you should think twice. If you do this and get caught...what then? Are you prepared for the fallout that cheating will bring?

I am not one to throw stones as I have been on the brink several times in my marriage. One of the many reasons I come to lit is to 'relieve' a bit of pressure that way. I love my wife, else I would have left her already. I always weigh the consequences of such an action with what the gains would be...always stay with the monogamy of marriage. If I felt that I was going to stray over that line at some point...well I think I would go for a divorce first.

Just my own humble opinion. I hope that you find your answer.