difficulty w/ achieving orgasms

[angelika]

The relationship that I'm in w/ my SO is unquestionably the best relationship I've ever been in.

He is a very attentive and creative lover and sensitive to my needs/wants. When I am with him it is almost as if he had found MY map with the way he'll touch/caress me here or there with perfect timing.

And yet -- I have never been able to reach an orgasm either during utterly exquisite oral (which almost makes me cry it feels so good) or during intercourse with additional manual/clitoral stimulation.


It has always been difficult for me to cross the threshold with someone the first time but although he is fine with this I am feeling frustrated (and occassionally insecure) about this.

Any suggestions will be appreciated.
thanks in advance.

 

[angelika]

a brief clarification

(it is a long distance relationship...we visit once a month for several days.)

 

[becca80]

Do you find yourself constantly thinking about reaching orgasm while you're making love? I find that when you try too hard or think too hard about it, it becomes more difficult to reach orgasm. On the other hand, when I try NOT to cum while my partner manually stimulates me, I see fireworks. Maybe it's just an issue of relaxing and enjoying yourself.

 

[angelika]

trying to hard

I never thought of trying not to... Thanks becca80!

 

[Guest]

Re: trying to hard

 

[Fun4Wolfgang]

with some of my partners and now my wife, I have found that there is something to be said about the trying to hard thing. One girl I went out with had never been licked before, let alone had an orgasm that way, so the first time I went down on her, she was so tense, she would get close, but wouldn't cum. Until I finally had to switch to something else to relax her, and then go back down to finally get her to cum. After that first time, she learned to go with the feeling and didn't have a problem anymore.

My wife, sometimes is SO worked up and wanting to cum, she can't, and we have to switch to something else (from licking to missionary, missionary to her riding or oral). And it works both ways too, there have been times when I work and work, and she sucks and licks...and I just can't get off....

But we do enjoy all the trying!

 

[CuriouslilQT]

Similar Situation

hey angel
I am in a similar situation as you. I am also in a long distance relationship. My problem was that since he hardly saw each other I kind of became tensed around him. He would try so hard to help me reach an orgasm but I just wouldnt and couldnt. I am hoping this time will be different, because for some reason we have had some great great phone sex which has helped relief me being so tensed around him. And i agree with thinking of it to much...it always works best when you dont pay so much attention on it.
And let me know how it ever goes with you.

Good Luck

 

[StevenWill]

good advice

angelika, these folks have hit the nail on the head I think. There is even a word for thinking too much about orgasm during sex. It's called "spectatoring." You are your own spectator and critic.
"Will it happen; is it taking too long; is he getting tired; am I disappionting him." That takes your mind away from pleasure.

First, I would ask if you can masturbate to orgasm. If you can, good. That means you know the path to orgasm. Then the problem is when you add another person. One way to start is to lie in bed with your back against his chest and touch yourself. He can place his hand over yours, a technique known as "hand riding." You aren't looking in his eyes so it is relatively non threatening. He learns how to touch you and you get comfortable touching yourslef while he is there. You get an orgasm and he gets the thrill of seeing that. That will lead to more comfort in touching yourself during intercourse or oral sex.

Once you break through a few barriers and know that your orgasm is there for the taking anytime you want, you will stop spectatoring and enjoy the process. You can have intercourse or oral sex and, if no orgasm happens and you want one, you can masturbate to orgasm. Some of the sweetest, warmest most erotic times for me have been when I am just holding a partner while she masturbates to orgasm after intercourse or oral sex have not produced one for her. It makes you feel like you are on the same team and not just putting on a performance.

When people get hung up on performance and orgasm and signs or sexual adequacy, the fun stops and orgasms never happen.

Good luck.

Steve

 

[angelika]

Thanks ...

to all who were willing to share!