Diary for my Dom

[CutieMouse]

B asked me when he gets a girlfriend, if I wanted to be in the loop or be in the dark about their relationship. I honestly didn't know how to answer him, I *do and I don't. Of course I would be jealous, I am a female after all. But he did assure me that I shouldn't feel threaten and that I should see her as a partner to help me pleasure B.*

~R

Open relationships are a lot more work than "oh, but you should [ignore your valid fears] and be happy because this makes ME (B) happy!"

My gentle suggestion would be a conversation without the D/s "rules" in place. What does adding #2 look like (in his head)? How will he ensure everyone is getting enough time & attention? Are you getting enough time & attention now, without another girl in the picture? What motivated the decision to add another partner?

I read back a bit, and it appears your relationship is still new (< a year). And you started out as a typical dating couple, the evolved into D/s? Why does that automatically mean he gets to see other people and you are not in a "relationship" (his girlfriend)? Agreeing to open the relationship because you feel that's what "a good slave" may not be in your best interest.

Question (and interesting exercise) - if it isn't a relationship (in the formal sense), and you're suffering from long distance as much as he is (missing physical companionship, someone to hang out with, etc)... Do you get to have a boyfriend on the side? And, if so, does he want to know about it or not?

 

[RBkinky]

@Sweetdaisymae: Thanks for the comment, I'm not good with opening up and talking about my feelings (if you can't already tell by my posts)

@Cutiemouse: He can't ensure that I'll get any of his time, but it's the same with me. Once school starts in the fall, we'll both be busy with our lives. There wasn't a sudden motivation, we agreed on it from the start that he wouldn't be exclusive to me and that he would be dating others. It wasn't a smooth transaction from typical relationship right to D/s, we broke up because we figured being in a long distance relationship wouldn't work. He only 18, he still young, and he wants to do crazy wild college-boy things and don't want to end up hurting me if something were to happen. I totally understand, and I like what we have right now; and I really don't think him adding a girlfriend would ruin things between us. I can play nice and I can share ;-)
I'm not allowed to date other guys while I am B's slave, however, I am allowed to date other women, if I chose to do so, or have random hook ups as long as I ask for permission first.

Entry #12
I worked all day.. And not getting paid. I already feel that I'm going to be aching all over tomorrow. I hardly got to talk to B today. He is hanging out with friends right now.

if I didn't have my tasks to do I would be asleep right now. I was hoping he would say "go back to sleep, you don't have to do your tasks today" but nope, tasks first, sleep later. I'm awake now. I sent him ugly pictures with crazy bed head and looking half asleep.

I've never been with a female before, I can't see myself in an actual relationship with a girl. I guess I am bi-curious, but how do I meet gay/bi girls?! Honestly, I don't even know how to meet guys (I first met B on Lit) I'm very quiet, and a bit socially awkward, even online. I don't do normal young-people-hungout-fun-stuff, because one: I'm broke and two: I'm always busy with school, and three: I don't have any close friends.

I tried to make my entries more personal, but I really have no idea what to talk about, so it really does help when you guys ask me questions.
~R

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #13
My day was nice, I hung out with a friend and dis some shopping (very unproductive, but that's how I like it!)

My special task today was to put on a pair of cute soft panties, and rub myself through my panties until I cum. (since I was taking forever, I also had to clamp my nipples and give myself a few spanks) Afterwards, I had to strip off my panties and shove them inside of my drenching pussy. Lastly, I made a video of me pulling the panties out, showing him how wet they are, and then sucking on them. Didn't go smoothly as I would have liked, I had a few interruptions in between, and made B wait.

I like being able to cum, but some so, I like cumming for my dom ;-)
~R

 

[ecstaticsub]

@Sweetdaisymae: Thanks for the comment, I'm not good with opening up and talking about my feelings (if you can't already tell by my posts)

@Cutiemouse: He can't ensure that I'll get any of his time, but it's the same with me. Once school starts in the fall, we'll both be busy with our lives. There wasn't a sudden motivation, we agreed on it from the start that he wouldn't be exclusive to me and that he would be dating others. It wasn't a smooth transaction from typical relationship right to D/s, we broke up because we figured being in a long distance relationship wouldn't work. He only 18, he still young, and he wants to do crazy wild college-boy things and don't want to end up hurting me if something were to happen. I totally understand, and I like what we have right now; and I really don't think him adding a girlfriend would ruin things between us. I can play nice and I can share ;-)
I'm not allowed to date other guys while I am B's slave, however, I am allowed to date other women, if I chose to do so, or have random hook ups as long as I ask for permission first.

Entry #12
I worked all day.. And not getting paid. I already feel that I'm going to be aching all over tomorrow. I hardly got to talk to B today. He is hanging out with friends right now.

if I didn't have my tasks to do I would be asleep right now. I was hoping he would say "go back to sleep, you don't have to do your tasks today" but nope, tasks first, sleep later. I'm awake now. I sent him ugly pictures with crazy bed head and looking half asleep.

I've never been with a female before, I can't see myself in an actual relationship with a girl. I guess I am bi-curious, but how do I meet gay/bi girls?! Honestly, I don't even know how to meet guys (I first met B on Lit) I'm very quiet, and a bit socially awkward, even online. I don't do normal young-people-hungout-fun-stuff, because one: I'm broke and two: I'm always busy with school, and three: I don't have any close friends.

I tried to make my entries more personal, but I really have no idea what to talk about, so it really does help when you guys ask me questions.
~R

The part I bolded...Right now you may think adding another girlfriend would ruin your relationship. But a person can't control where their heart goes. He may be completely dedicated to you and can never see himself as happy with someone else as he is with you. But what happens if he does meet someone who he feels chemistry with? And they live much closer to each other? How would you feel if he told you they were seeing each other every week? Maybe you find out that he makes her keep a journal on-line, too. Maybe you find out they are doing things that you have only fantasied about being able to do with them. Maybe you can share but maybe she decides that she isn't very good as sharing.


Relationships like this can work. But, please, know exactly what you are expecting, what she is expecting and what your PYL is expecting.

 

[RBkinky]

@ecstaticsub: I know, that is very possible. He really is a great guy and I can see all those scenarios possibly happening. When he gets a girlfriend, she would most likely be local, and I'd still be seven hours away. But with that being said, I'm don't want to be selfish and hog him all to myself when I'm not going to be there for him. I'm not confident enough to say that if she's not willing to share, he would pick me over her. But it's a gamble I'm willing to take...

entry #14
okay, I'm going to keep this entry simple. Its already after 4:30am and I'm tired. Kind of unrelated but I spilled water all over my bed and it has soaked through my sheets so I'm not going to bother changing it, and I'm tired. But sleeping naked on wet sheets.. Very uncomfortable.

So my task today was to learn how to strip tease/ lap dance. Actually, it has been my task for a while now, but I'm only just now doing it because B kindly reminded me to work on it. I've been watching videos randomly throughout the day, tried doing it in front of the mirror a few times, looking very ridiculous. And then B was like, oh make a video... So 4 hours later, I finallly sent him a 30 second clip of me making a fool of myself. Yay. And my nipples were clamped the whole time so they're very sore.

I can't stop thinking about wearing a collar and cuffs for B, even the leash idea is growing on me
;-)
~R

 

[Loverskitten]

So why does this B want you to share this stuff with us?
I also hope you realize all these videos and pics you send could end up (or are already) shared with his friends, their friends, and eventually porn sites?

 

[Loverskitten]

Thanks for the lengthy PM explaining why you want all if us to read this. You could have answered here though.
" What we don't find fulfilling or helpful is people complaining about it being public without thinking about why it is, asking why it is, or considering that their opinion may not be shared or appreciated by other more friendly or understanding users"

Ummm isn't that what I did? Ask why?

BTW, I am NOT subscribed to this thread. I think it may disappear if I block your user name, never blocked anyone before. Hmmmm maybe I'll stay tuned. I love a good restroom report.

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #15
My day started off very mundane. But ended the night with a nice long conversation with B; it really helped to put all of my concerns aside.

Special task for the day was to find ideas for a future collar. B doesn't really like my choices, ones I picked out were too girly and cute, instead of being more sexy and kinky. I think I would always see myself as cute before I see myself as being sexy.

I fully trust B and I'm doing everything wilingly. This is what I truly want.

 

[RBkinky]

entry #16

I had a pretty good day, got some studying in and watched a movie. I've been sleeping too late, and B is enforcing the bedtime again. I need to start waking up before noon!

B had to go fix his truck and my task was to find something to do to make him smile later. So I borrowed my dog's collar and took a picture with it on. Earlier, B showed me a blueprint of a collar he's planning on making, and it was really impressive. It had an intricate design and will have padding. Yes, I think I do like the idea now.

I think B is a great Dom, and that I'm lucky to have him.
~R

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #17
I swear 12 o'clock snuck up on me! I like to put off everything till the last minute (I know, terrible habit) and yeah, I still have a couple tasks I need to do. Already started off this morning with some spanking for staying past my bedtime last night :-( I actually promised to do better today. How am I going to fix this? I have a 10:10pm alarm set, well tomorrow I'll start getting ready for bed then. And hopefully be ready to sleep by midnight.

soo... Really weird request today. A long term thing. I'm suppose to induce lactation. I don't know much about my mammary glands, so I had to do some research. Its called galactorrhea by the way. Since I can't over produce prolactin or or have hypothyroidism, I need to do some behavioral modification.. Like breast stimulation! I have really sensitive breast, especially in the nipple area, and honestly I'm a bit self conscious about my breasts so I don't play with them much. I'm not turning down the idea, its really not that much of a chore, I just find it odd.

yeah, not fond of bedtime. Going to get punished for keeping B up.
P.S. I hate milk.
~R

 

[gretchenmilliner]

Unless you are ill or on certain medications there is really only one way to induce lactation efficiently, that is to have a baby. You can attempt this most efficiently by having unprotected sex with a youngish man who is already a father, preferably of several children. The results are, however, rather disruptive of college work and not inexpensive.

Still do try nipple manipulation it might work in the long term. I came across an article in a scientific journal, I think it was JIR, that claimed that nipple manipulation was far more effective for inducing lactation if you massage your clitoris at the same time but I must warn you that in that study it was discovered to be a very long term project which required several sessions of simultaneous breast and clitoral play every day!

 

[seela]

. I'm not turning down the idea, its really not that much of a chore, I just find it odd.

As you read more on the topic, you'll find that if you really want to induce lactation, it's going to be very, very much of chore. Far from an easy task. It'll take several months of extremely regular stimulation and even then it might not work. It's something you really need to commit to.

And I do share LK's worry about the videos. I know you trust, but...things do turn sour sometimes. At least be aware of the possible outcome of sharing such videos - once it's out there, there's no backsies.

 

[CutieMouse]

Inducing lactation usually requires a combined approach - herbal and physical. The most important thing is stimulation, which raises prolactin levels. 15-20 minutes with a hospital grade double breast pump every 2 1/2-3 hours should result in some degree of milk production after 4-8 weeks. Herbal supplements might speed things along a bit, but no promises.

So yes - his interest would require time + expenses (increasing with complications, should any arise).

 

[RBkinky]

@gretchenmilliner: haha you're funny. I don't want a baby.

yes, girls, I'm aware that it is a long process and it can possibly not work, but no harm in trying.

entry #18
good day, but nothing really stood out. I started getting ready so I wont get in trouble.
no special task except for my punishment.
had to stand still in a spot for 68mins, because I has 34mins over my bedtime. Also with my left middle finger in my ass and my right in my mouth, and not move under any circumstance, including if someone walks in on me. So I did move.. I turned off the lights and did my time in my closet. And because I moved, I earned myself 68spanks.

I know I deserved the punishment, so I can't complain.
I like rewards more, so going to bed, night.
~R

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #19

I'm posting a lot earlier today because I would like to go to the movies, I'd most likely not make it home by midnight. But I am done with most of my tasks, and B isn't home for me to ask permission.

no special task, the only think I'm missing is nude pics, which I'll take as soon as I get home.

I miss B I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to him in a few days.

~R

 

[Etoile]

Ooooh lordy. Induced lactation. It is...hard. I've heard of it being done by people who are seeking to adopt an infant and breastfeed the child, but it is a lot more work than one thinks. Even with proper equipment, it requires so much time...it's just ridiculously time-consuming and painful. I know you've said you know this, I am just chiming in too.

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #20

I didn't get to talk to all today but overall good day.

no special task.

Hopefully I'll get to talk to him tomorrow.

I'm debating.. Run over curfew or writing a terrible entry.

I don't gave much to say today, like mist days, nothing interesting happening.

night
~R

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #21
B has been very busy so didn't get to talk to him much today. But I got some shopping in, which made it a good day ;-)

Special task today was to make a video, but due to some technical difficultites, I was only able to make the vid 45 seconds long. It was a progress video to show B that I've been practicing my strip dancing. I know I'm still going way too fast, I'll keep working on that. Oh, and I was able to show off my new bra I just bought today; it's nude with black lace detail

I'll get more of B's time once school gets started and he gets into the swing of things. I'm already dreading next school semester though, I don't want my summer break to end!

~R

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #22
My day was nice, though I do feel lonely without B. I haven't talked to him much for the past few days, and I miss him. I almost forgot that I have to get up early tomorrow.

no special task today, I did everything else though.

I do miss B. I miss him telling me what a good girl I am. And just talking to him.

~R

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #23
I got a lot done today. Classes are starting next week, and I had to play catch up with all the stuff I procrastinated on this summer. I had to get up early this morning, and I woke up 20mins before my alarm and couldn't fall back asleep, so I made myself an amazing breakfast.

I'm really tired, wouldn't have trouble falling asleep tonight!

no new tasks, I still gave to send in a nude, I don't know how to get creative with it, there's only so many poses I can do.

still missing B,
~R

 

[RBkinky]

Entry #24
I'm sad that this is my last weekend before classes start. I enjoy being lazy and doing absolutely nothing.

No special task. Oh yeah, my mom walked in on me last night while I was taking my nudes...

B said our relationship might not work out because of his busy schedule, but he's willing to keep trying. I admit, this is definitely not as fun without him, my tasks seems more like a chore than something that is exciting. B had a few minutes to talk to me today, and I didn't even know what to say to him besides the usual polite talk involving "how are you, what have you been up to, I'm doing good, thanks, have a good day."

~R

 

[Etoile]

Is it over?