Developing fantasies

[Little Bird]

English is not me native language, so don't get confused by "strange" use of words like in the Thread-Title. I'm almost sure it sounds silly...

Okay, I have small question but didn't find a thread to put it in there:
I have, lets say a friend with benefits, who's much younger but much more experienced the me (I have yet to benefit of the benefits...).
Maybe it's just because I had so much time to think of fantasies that now with 21 I have enough to fill several books with or maybe I'm just gifted with a great imagination (fueled by for years of exposure to lit ) but she seems to have about none.
It's not that bad that she thinks sex is 10 minutes (or better 5 to malethe point) of action and that's all, and she told she would like to have sex with a girl once someday and the one think she mentioned was anal-sex (which is quite cool I think, for I never dared to mention it ) but every time I ask her and encourage her to use her imagination, she just says she could not think of anything she would like, she would leave the choice to me.

I think most stories of uncommon or even kinky fantasies I red here where from "older" people over 40 or 50 years, so could it be, that I'm just very early in this (as late as I'm in everything else ).
She just got 18 this year and it somewhat surprises me that she seems to have almost no fantasies, for she never had been inhibited to speak of her sexuality.

Well, I know I should be more than happy (and indeed: I am! ) to have such an imagination and seem to be one of the most thought after guys, judging from what women complain of their man, but I just would like to know if this is, lets say "uncommon" or it most girls develope such fantasy later in life?



(Sorry, I know: It's about 12:00 AM (you know, in the night) and my selfasurance is most times equal of the grade I'm tired and if I get much sugar over the day and had a nice day, well, than I just know I'm good! )

 

[catalina_francisco]

Not sure....my fantasies started in early childhood before I really realised what they were. As time passed and I gained more experiences, they developed and were in the realm of what many think extreme by the time I reached 18. From there it has been a matter of living some of them out, planning on many of the rest....and still new ones develop even though I am in my late 40's.

Catalina

 

[Little Bird]

To now she liked almost all of them. Once she begged me to tell her of everything I could imagine or have heard off and though I never liked the thought I told her of tit-fucking. I don't think it would feel great, I was never the one for big breasts and though I think everything is okay, if both enjoy it I think almost every position it can be done in is somehow degrading. (I know, this would not turn you away from it in any way. )
But that she want's to try it anyway totally changes everything.

The only thing she didn't liked when I told her about is watching her masturbate. Unfortunately this is the one thing I would like to do more than anything else, but looking at her with huge bambi-eyes and telling her how much it would mean to me, I think I got her into it, as long as I do as well. A little wired to imagine but I would not like to do it alone, too.

 

[Seduce]

I am, and have always been, like your girlfriend.
I have no fantasies.

When I get turned on it is just sort of warm and undefined feeling...... I may remember something I already experienced, but I can never think of something new.

I am always too willing to try any of my husbands fantasies though (he is bursting with them)...... but I do feel he is a bit disappointed I never think out something myself.

I am quite creative person really but only when it comes to performing physical tasks and I have to see and touch things to be fully aware of their existence (since English is not my mother language either it is a bit hard to express myself).

 

[bisexplicit]

Is it possible that shes just shy? I'm just suggesting this as an option because I can't imagine a complete lack of fantasies...

 

[Little Bird]

I can't, too but as Seduce said there are some who do.

Shyness could be an explanation, but I think it unlikely. She's more than willing to imagine things and she's far from shy to tell me. Most times she was the driving factor in the sexual part of our friendship. Every time we got more intimate with each other it was her making the first move. Once she starts to talk of things we could do together she can paint really hot pictures but it's allways in the "regual" ways.
But on the other hand, these are things she's used to to some degree, while I try to get her imagine things beyond this.
Maybe it is one thing to lead someone to places you know, but a drasticaly others to jump into the cold waters with someone who has no experiances about it himself.

But it's not really that big a problem: There are allready that many things that months could pass by and we still would not have tried half of them to full degree. And supposed this friendship would become closer, we would find a way to dig deeper.
I just wanted to know...

 

[Munachi]

As Catalina Francisco, my fantasies also already started in childhood, but of course I could not recognize them for what they were then... I liked to write stories even then, and when I read some of them now, or remember things I imagined, it is quite possible to reinterprete them in connection to the kind of things I now like sexually...

But in my case it took me quite a while to become able to voice them... I would say with 15 or 16 the latest I knew some, but I couldn't really speak clearly of them until I was 20 or 21 - and that had a lot to do with the guy I went out with then, who even though he wasn't necessarily into the same things helped me to know myself better in that respect...

Anyway, on the other hand with this guy I did have a similar problem - whenever I asked him if there was anything he always wanted to try, or really liked, or any fantasy he had (and I asked so because I really felt I wanted to do something for him that I wouldn't do for any guy, nor that any girl he had been with might have done for him), he never knew anything... Ah well, people are different I guess...

 

[Seduce]

Is it possible that shes just shy? I'm just suggesting this as an option because I can't imagine a complete lack of fantasies...

It is not complete lack of fantasies I think, to me it seems like a twich in imagination sphere.

Although I am incapable of thinking of something new, I have great ability of compilation. I always had some good bussiness ideas that seemed grand to others, but really were derived from couple of already existed ones that I logically put together and shaped.

My stories too..... people always complimented me on my writing, but only I knew that in fact I always wrote not plagiaries but sort of compilations of the last 10 or so books I red.
I took a little bit of this and little bit of that and made something new, and none ever suspected my work was not original.

 

[Little Bird]

I think it's not neccesarily a bad thing, there may even be some similarities to domination and sumbmission:

There is one partner who likes to be in charge and one who likes to do as he/she is told to do. Being dominant does not necessarily mean that one has to controll everything in live and through that the sexual part of a relationship. I think it is totaly possible to live in a relatonship as full equals and to me it seems that many who like to dominate are loving and kind people. I never thougt of it before (in fact it comes to my mind exactly this moment for the first time) but maybe I have dominating tendecies in me.
But I would NEVER try to force anyone to anything without knowing of their full approval of it.

I think it is simmilar with sharing fantasies: I feel slightly bad about being the only one bringing forth new fantasies. It's somehow like forcing thinks on someone who dies not like it. Do I get no replies because she has nothing to share or maybe because she dislikes the whole thing and only pretends to enjoy then to not make me feel bad?
But as some people like to be dominated (spelling?) maybe there are some who like to lay back and enjoy the new things their partner bring up.
You would very unlikely find a sub who likes to dominate from time to time (though some DO exist) just because they don't enjoy it. I think is very likely possible that some people really like it to live out the fantasies of their partners but have no desire to imagine their own.

As I write all this I come to think more and more of all this as a different kind of D/s: It's one enjoying to push the line of acceptable things and another one who likes to be pushed there. Don't get me wrong: I don't want to say that people with many fantasies are dominating and people with few are submissiv, but I think you see the similarity...

I really like where this thread is going. It started as a short and simple queston, to which I expected three or four Yes or No and it leads to a discussion about things I never thought of.



(And now I have to really think of all the last years and the possibility of my dominating side... Amazing how things go sometimes.)

 

[Seduce]

Do I get no replies because she has nothing to share or maybe because she dislikes the whole thing and only pretends to enjoy then to not make me feel bad?

Just a small add on from my point of view:

I am genuinely delighted when my man comes up with a new fantasies..... if he wouldnt whisper them to me while we make love I would really feel something was badly missing from our sex life.

And I am always too willing to try them out in real too...... sometimes I have to make an effort cos I am awfully shy, but I never regreted anything and I found lot of new and exciting pleasures.

 

[Little Bird]

If you're both okay with it there's no need to make a problem out of it.

But if you want to really really surprise him think of something unusual or rarely done that you like (I know, it's not easy ). It needs not to be something new or even special, if he is even only slightly like me it has not even to be something that he really likes, but something he would like to do for you. It can be even something he really likes himself, just ask him for it!

 

[Seduce]

If you're both okay with it there's no need to make a problem out of it.

But if you want to really really surprise him think of something unusual or rarely done that you like (I know, it's not easy ). It needs not to be something new or even special, if he is even only slightly like me it has not even to be something that he really likes, but something he would like to do for you. It can be even something he really likes himself, just ask him for it!

You are right, it is not easy *sigh*

But I do think your advice could do me much good...... I will do my best and try to think of something

 

[Little Bird]

Men a very simply beings: If we know we did good, we're happy
That's even before food, shelter and a soft bed.

 

[Seduce]

Men a very simply beings: If we know we did good, we're happy
That's even before food, shelter and a soft bed.

I know that, dear
Some women even use that to manipulate men...... there is no better way if one wants to be a bitch.