Describing Sex in Stories

[Hercules_T_Rockafella]

Hello. This is my first post so I hope this question is appropriate for this part of the Forum.

After taking a creative writing class for school, I have found my creative juices starting to flow again, particularly in the erotic genre. The one thing I grapple with is how I describe the sexual encounters. To me, my work always sounds a little too penthouse forum. I really want to try to focus on the passion and emotion of it while being able to paint a picture of what is going on. Does anyone have a recommendation(s) of a way to approach this?

I currently have a submitted story that is under review. I'm not sure if I can openly mention it in these forums but can PM anybody wanting to know its title.

Thanks in advance for any feedback

 

[sr71plt]

Sorry, but I think writing sex scenes are so fundamental to writing erotica (or porn, for that matter) that if you don't have the knack for it (at least in your own estimation)--or can't find that knack on your own--you really should be writing something else. Writing really isn't done well in committee.

 

[Derroreaper]

You already answered your own question If it sounds like Penthouse forum, its probably going fine. Give your new release some time to be viewed and see how its received by the readers.

Just keep writing, and do some reading as well. You can find good emotional stories here, that pull off what you're talking about.

Derro-

 

[cocput]

Depending on the sub-genre you want to work on, you try the tags in the categories. You can also try reading through the stories in Hall of Fame.

The only way you can know how good you are is by reading the public comments. They will usually reflect the current level of your writing. You can forget about the anonymous comments though. I am a better writer now than when I pushed my first story, primarily because of the good comments by named readers and the support of my editors. I am still learning.

In Lit, there is readership for any type of story you push. So don't bother too much about being too Penthouse-ish. I think the experienced writers here(I am a total rookie) can tell you that they were not perfect when they wrote the first story. Just don't stop learning. And read lots of stories.

Most importantly, Get an editor. I think you have already done my first mistake. An editor can point out to you the mistakes that you have made. Just don't take it personal, if they blast you. I have learned a lot when a good editor in this forum called me a worthless inexperienced writer, citing clearly all the mistakes that were seen in just three paras.

--cocput

 

[Addyson]

Help

Send me a PM and I'll help you out.

A

 

[HeyAll]

Do you have a favorite story? Read it over and over again and think why it makes you arouse. Build your writing around that style.

 

[PennLady]

Do you have a favorite story? Read it over and over again and think why it makes you arouse. Build your writing around that style.

I was going to suggest something similar. One thing that helps writing is reading. I'm not advising that you copy someone's style, but as others said, find what you like, and then see if you can emulate that in some way, in your own style.

I found it difficult to write sex scenes at first, but as with most things, it's gotten easier with practice. But I've also read a lot so I know what I prefer and what I don't like.

 

[lovecraft68]

Hello. This is my first post so I hope this question is appropriate for this part of the Forum.

After taking a creative writing class for school, I have found my creative juices starting to flow again, particularly in the erotic genre. The one thing I grapple with is how I describe the sexual encounters. To me, my work always sounds a little too penthouse forum. I really want to try to focus on the passion and emotion of it while being able to paint a picture of what is going on. Does anyone have a recommendation(s) of a way to approach this?

I currently have a submitted story that is under review. I'm not sure if I can openly mention it in these forums but can PM anybody wanting to know its title.

Thanks in advance for any feedback

I think this is the way most people start. The penthouse style good hard dirty fucking seems to come easier. After awhile you'll develop the knack to expand into the emotional aspects and a lot of that comes with confidence and repetition.

 

[nakdsub]

It has to fit the story...

If you're writing a loving scene I believe it should be done with a lot of metaphors, that's not to say you throw in a few, "my hard cock," shots to mix things up, but the scene should hinge more on the emotions.

Now, if you're writing a sex scene, the opposite should apply.

After awhile, it's not easy to keep coming up with new adjectives and adverbs for a climax.
I think you had a good piece of advise from the person who said find a couple authors you like and analyze what it is that turns you on. I'm not advocating you should copy them, just see what stirs your soul and elaborate on it.

 

[cocput]

One thing that helps writing is reading.

Well said. To write a a simple 19k story, I had read 5 very good stories in this site, two classics from gutenberg, and a lot of forum posts. One wise lady said that research is a mandatory part of a good author

Since you claim that you can write the garden variety sex scenes, you can try reading a lot of stories in which the author describes in the beginning as either slow-starter, or having no sex.

I think this is the way most people start. The penthouse style good hard dirty fucking seems to come easier. After awhile you'll develop the knack to expand into the emotional aspects and a lot of that comes with confidence and repetition.

I thought everyone started like that. Either you are good at sex and evolve to add more than just meat to the story, or you are good at writing non-erotic stories and want to add erotic contents later. My first few attempts(not in any site) were always Pole A + Slot B = sex story. When I started posting to other sites, I had started looking for the need for the hot sex scene. I had written tens of unpublished (unedited) simple sex stories with simple plots before I could even think of writing a story with more than one main character. One can only write emotionless stories for a while, after that the heart will start demanding more than the genitalia.

If you're writing a loving scene I believe it should be done with a lot of metaphors, ... but the scene should hinge more on the emotions.

Now, if you're writing a sex scene, the opposite should apply.

After awhile, it's not easy to keep coming up with new adjectives and adverbs for a climax.

Spoken like a true master.
I have seen a story written in this site(author is in my fav list, don't remember which one), in which there was not a single reference to 'cock', 'pussy', 'dick', etc., but still the author wrote a scintillating sex/love scene.
Also an actual sex scene is not mandatory for an erotic work. I have read a work, where there was not a single sex scene, but the author gave me a boner from the very second para.(I didn't consider a kissing scene as a sex scene, as per OP's definition.) I'm not giving reference here, as it is in taboo section.

--scorpio

 

[HeyAll]

I agree with that headline a few posts up that "It has to fit the story..."

You can't just insert any generic sex scene in any story and expect it to be okay. I mean, it'll work to an extent, but it'll be generic.

The sex has to match the content of the story. For instance, if the woman is the one doing the lusting, then when the sex occurs, she's a little more forceful and excited (and vice versa). If the guy is the one initiating, then its hot for him to lead and for her to overcome her reluctance (and vice versa).

Dialogue in between the sex is also really good. Maybe one or both characters are nervous? Maybe they're excited? Maybe one is excited and the other is hesitant? ect...

 

[cocput]

Dialogue in between the sex is also really good. Maybe one or both characters are nervous? Maybe they're excited? Maybe one is excited and the other is hesitant? ect...

How much dialogue is too much in a sex scene? I mean, got fed up writing "AAAAHHHH" and "OOOOHHHHH" and had almost quit it. Nowadays, I'm most;y writing incoherent sounds, whimpering, blabbering, etc. I'm simply breaking the para if i find it going too long; or I go for a switch of POV starting in a fresh para.

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

... One thing that helps writing is [/I]reading. ...

Try the sex scenes in Lady Chatterley's Lover for an example of how to arouse the reader without lots of Oohing and Aahing, and without much need for anatomical description. The story is pretty good also, if you can be bothered to read the whole book.

 

[rwsteward]

I've read a lot of books on the subject of writing and one that stuck out was from Susie Bright.

She said, "Anytime you can remove the sex scene from a story and not change the story, then the sex scene wasn't part of the story."

So if you delete the sex scenes and you're story remains unchanged, then you didn't write a erotic story to begin with.

I'm guilty of this and strive to improve all the time.

For me, I don't write a story in an linear fashion. From the beginning to end as a straight line in time. Usually, I start from the end, I know how the story will end, and then work in scenes as needed.

When it comes time for the characters to exchange body fluids, I write the scene and lace it into the story so it doesn't seem like it was simply dropped into place.

By weaving the sex parts into the story like a tapestry, removing any single part would destroy the story.

Although I'm no Susie Bright, and never will be, what she said makes sense to me and I challenge myself with every word I type.

 

[MichaelWest]

Just another opinion

Sex in a story should be part of the story telling, otherwise it is simply porn and no longer erotic in my opinion. Each sex scene I write has meaning inside of it as to the characters involved.

I write a sex scene based on what I am trying to say about the characters. Sometimes I write scenes that are described as if being watched, detailed and descriptive of what is seen, heard, etc. Other times I write from one lover's perspective, then I make descriptions less precise, add more feeling, senses of smell and taste, emotional states and often that fuzzy recollection as euphoria takes over. But I tend to keep it detailed, touching on all five senses, not forgetting how sex makes one feel, the emotions, the mental states.

As to dialogue, I struggle with it because in my opinion much of what is said during sex sounds silly or fake when not in that moment. Thus, I try to preface or follow up the words spoken with emotions or feelings. I use "moaning" or "gasping" or such sparingly, but often as an observation by either the one moaning or the lover witnessing it.

 

[HeyAll]

How much dialogue is too much in a sex scene? I mean, got fed up writing "AAAAHHHH" and "OOOOHHHHH" and had almost quit it. Nowadays, I'm most;y writing incoherent sounds, whimpering, blabbering, etc. I'm simply breaking the para if i find it going too long; or I go for a switch of POV starting in a fresh para.

I agree. I tend to skin the "AAHHH!!!'s and "OOHHH"'s.


But what I think is really hot is when the characters engage in full on dialogue.

For instance, when the woman is on her knees giving oral, she might take it out of her mouth and ask, "How am I doing?" or "Do you like it so far?"

Or if they're having sex, it could be, "God, I never thought I'd fucking ___"

 

[AsylumSeeker]

My input would be to avoid the vitals. In other words instead of saying a woman is 5'8" say she is of average height, and don't describe her boobs as C-cup but instead small, perky, large, etc. I have received comments that readers were relieved that I didn't give precise anatomocal descriptions. Other than that use words like "petite" or "large-boned" to describe the body.

I think you get the idea.

 

[Ironiclaconic]

Story. Story. Story.

There are only so many ways of describing the mechanics and physical sensations of sex without descending into purple prose. Where you get variety is in the emotions drawn from this particular sex scene in this particular story. The emotions of a rich debutante slumming with the doorman to defy a controlling father are going to be wildly different from those of a newlywed husband who finds out about his bride's bondage fetish on their wedding night.

Build a conflict around the sexual act and the the natural emotions and passion that spring from that conflict will fuel your writing.

 

[cocput]

To add to what was said, the mere act of sex is not interesting unless there is something more to it. The expectations of the encounter (or lack of it ) and how they are met can add that extra bit. The sudden emotional shifts, if well written, can really give wonderful highs to the reader.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Sorry, but I think writing sex scenes are so fundamental to writing erotica (or porn, for that matter) that if you don't have the knack for it (at least in your own estimation)--or can't find that knack on your own--you really should be writing something else. Writing really isn't done well in committee.

I can agree with this post. I mean give me a pen and paper and I can't draw anything more than stick figures. You can teach me to draw but I don't think I can ever get beyond elaborate stick figures because I lack the natural talent. And there's no shame in that.

But I do have writing talent. I'm not sure why I have no interest in writing stories that are more mainstream but here I am writing erotica. Okay, so I have accepted this.

Point being, just because someone wants to write doesn't necessarily mean they are capable of it. However, on the other side, if someone has the desire and some talent, they can grow as a writer. I think I have grown here at Lit. If you compare my earliest endeavors to my most recent, I think they will be better.

In closing my final comment is not to give up, if writing is your heart's desire then keep it up. But if you lack the talent it will be an uphill battle.

Just saying.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Story. Story. Story.

There are only so many ways of describing the mechanics and physical sensations of sex without descending into purple prose. Where you get variety is in the emotions drawn from this particular sex scene in this particular story. The emotions of a rich debutante slumming with the doorman to defy a controlling father are going to be wildly different from those of a newlywed husband who finds out about his bride's bondage fetish on their wedding night.

Build a conflict around the sexual act and the the natural emotions and passion that spring from that conflict will fuel your writing.

Great advice!

 

[cocput]

if someone has the desire and some talent, they can grow as a writer.

If someone has taken the pains to knock on this forum for help, then I don't think we should believe that desire is lacking. Most of the experimenters will post once, see that they had bad reviews, and then quit writing. I don't have stats to support this. (i haven't figured out the search functionality of the site yet.) It would be interesting to see how many people with less than 5 stories submitted have quit writing for more than a year.

Talent is an acquired trait; unless we are talking about physical stuff where the genes passed to them have a larger say. Creativity is totally mental, though grammar may have something to do with brain development. With sufficient training, anyone should hypothetically be able to improve.

I think what most of the new writers want is just a bit of encouragement, and a lot of support. The will to learn from mistakes and the subconscious desire to get a few H-rated stories, would automatically guide them towards the right direction,.

Just my thoughts..

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

I've read a lot of books on the subject of writing ...

I have tried quite a few and have never found any of them of much use, beyond defining the basic principles like A story has a beginning a middle and an end.

My input would be to avoid the vitals.

SO true. See Dickens' description of one character: "In came Mrs. Fezziwig, one vast substantial smile." Can't you just see her in your mind's eye?

... (i haven't figured out the search functionality of the site yet.) ...

That isn't easy, and even when you think you have it won't do the search you seem to want.

... I think what most of the new writers want is just a bit of encouragement ...

I am sure that's right.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hello. This is my first post so I hope this question is appropriate for this part of the Forum.

After taking a creative writing class for school, I have found my creative juices starting to flow again, particularly in the erotic genre. The one thing I grapple with is how I describe the sexual encounters. To me, my work always sounds a little too penthouse forum. I really want to try to focus on the passion and emotion of it while being able to paint a picture of what is going on. Does anyone have a recommendation(s) of a way to approach this?

I currently have a submitted story that is under review. I'm not sure if I can openly mention it in these forums but can PM anybody wanting to know its title.

Thanks in advance for any feedback

Give a thumbs-up here as soon as it's posted (with an URL link) and we'll all go pore over it.

Ignoring sr's banal advice that the ability to write sex scenes passes with mother's milk - a few suggestions.

The Penthouse forum approach tends to use first person narrative with no dialogue. In fact it is just a report or diary entry. Even if you want to use first person, try third person (in draft) as a discipline to see where you need to show two people interreacting. The sex act is mechanical. What goes on in the minds and words of the partners makes or breaks the erotica.

Often, for older woman with young guy, the most erotic element is how she teaches him to pleasure her.

People don't jump into bed for no reason (except in scouries' stories). The preamble with lots of hesitation/passion/lust/nervousness or whatever, sets the scene. Then you play on the issues to develop a scene where emotion and desire create an unique coupling. Use the 5 senses and get your protagonist to respond.

The most crucial thing is how the two players relate to each other.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

If someone has taken the pains to knock on this forum for help, then I don't think we should believe that desire is lacking. Most of the experimenters will post once, see that they had bad reviews, and then quit writing. I don't have stats to support this. (i haven't figured out the search functionality of the site yet.) It would be interesting to see how many people with less than 5 stories submitted have quit writing for more than a year.

Talent is an acquired trait; unless we are talking about physical stuff where the genes passed to them have a larger say. Creativity is totally mental, though grammar may have something to do with brain development. With sufficient training, anyone should hypothetically be able to improve.

I think what most of the new writers want is just a bit of encouragement, and a lot of support. The will to learn from mistakes and the subconscious desire to get a few H-rated stories, would automatically guide them towards the right direction,.

Just my thoughts..

Yes, absolutely. And you have just earned me as your mentor. If you'll have me. Look at my stories and be sure my style suits yours.

Or not, your call

Won't be offended.
.