Denial is not a River in Egypt

[Samuari]

It is a symptom of addiction. But how do you know whether you are 'in denial' or just honestly don't think that you have a problem? I like to drink, sometimes pretty heavily. This fall, it became an issue of increasing importance here in Samuariland. Thanksgiving weekend, Madam Samuari asked me not to drink through the hollidays (the first time that she had asked me not to drink). I complied, and really only missed it in Egg Nog and Christmas and New Years toasts. I stopped drinking with out going through any withdrawel that I was aware of, but there are times when a wee nip would be nice. Am I 'in denial' or not? And how do you know?

 

[Whispersecret]

I think the only way you can know is to ask people if they think you have a problem and make sure they know you really want the truth. From what I've observed (with parents in denial about their children's learning disabilities or lack of them) often everyone else sees the problem except you, and sometimes people aren't eager to tell you that you have a problem. It's always easier to ignore problems, your own and your friends'.

 

[Samuari]

thanks Whisper

The bottom line for me is that since Madam S has a problem with my drinking, than I do have a drinking promlem, regradless of what anybody else feels or thinks. But the general question remains, how do you know the difference between denial and disagreement? And can you get meaningful answers by polling your friends?

 

[Ezzy]

Yup you are in denial...

And there is no use trying to deny it.




EZ http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[fgarvb1]

I have a tee shirt that says that.!!
Binge drinker.? Holiday drunk.? Using it as tool. {using it to make interaction with people easier.?} Are do you really have a problem.? i just like the taste. Strange when i found out i was using it as a tool i started drinking less & less.

Your the only one who can find out. Read up on the subject
and maybe take a look at some AA meetings.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: thanks Whisper

The bottom line for me is that since Madam S has a problem with my drinking, than I do have a drinking promlem, regradless of what anybody else feels or thinks. But the general question remains, how do you know the difference between denial and disagreement? And can you get meaningful answers by polling your friends?

As a reformed lush, I don't think that if you are in denial, you'll be able to tell the difference without some outside input. Polling your friends is one way to get some input. You just have to remember those who say you don't have a problem may be reluctnat to tell you if you do. Those who say you do have a problem are probably being honest as they see things.

In my case, I determined I had a drinking problem when I took note of how my attitutde changed when I "needed" a drink. For example, at one point, I was having just one rum and coke after work. When I couldn't have that one drink a day at that particular time of the day for any reason, I got very irritable over things that wouldn't bother me otherwise.

The other and even bigger tip-off to my drinking problem is that I can't stop at three drinks. I get really "stupid" after the third drink and do things I won't do when not drinking. i.e. dancing, driving when impaired, drink enough to get sick, and a host of other things I don't do when sober.

It doesn't sound as if you have a serious drinking problem, but you could easily be a problem drinker. In other words, you don't have to drink, but like me, you "get stupid" when you do drink.

Have you asked your wife why she doesn't want you to drink? If you can get details about what you do when you drink that offends her, you'll have a better idea of whether you're in denial or not.

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: Re: thanks Whisper

Have you asked your wife why she doesn't want you to drink? If you can get details about what you do when you drink that offends her, you'll have a better idea of whether you're in denial or not.

Best answer I've seen so far. She loves you, she will tell you.

 

[tighe]

Sam,
Just a reflection, but, if there is a Question, it is a serious indication there is a Problem. Good luck old buddy.
~T~

 

[Samuari]

Thankyou Freinds

You guys are really unbelievable, I mean even Ezzy's smart ass remark was to the point (and very funny). I have scheeduled an apointment with an AA counciler, and have talked to to Madam S. Her concerns are centered around the fact that like WH I don't stop after the third drink. My stupidity is pretty limited becuse I usally drink alone late at night when there is no one else around or at least up. But that is another of her concerns: that I withdrawl from the world when I drink at this level. Finally she is concerned about long term health problems, as I have a liver that carries some damage from a childhood bout with Hypititius A. I have not had a drink since Thankgiving weekend, and although I miss getting that 'buzz', if I never have another one, I could certinally live with it. Anyway that is the report from Samuariland tonight. Once again, thanks to all of you for your concern, and help.

 

[Silverlily]

Caught this late, ((((Sam-man))))!

Good luck, whether they determine you have a problem or not, that you listen to your wife's concerns is a wonderful testament to the strength of your marriage.

 

[Ezzy]

Re: Thankyou Freinds

I mean even Ezzy's smart ass remark was to the point...

Been there same as WH, so I may be a smartass (sorry for that but I couldn't resist) but I am a smartass about those things I have been a smartass through before.

I can take a quiet drink now with friends and I don't take it at all on my own now.

So keep on keeping on, I quit smoking 13 days ago and either my will power is stronger than I thought, or it is easier to get off (tremble, quiver) or I am in denial too?




EZ http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[Samuari]

Ezzy, I quit smoking 12 years ago, and it was the hardest thing that I 've ever done. Good luck, I hope you have an easier time of it then I did.

Kitten Eyes, she is the smartest person that I know. For 30 years she has uasally been two steps ahaed of me. Like she is now.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Thankyou Freinds

I have scheduled an apointment with an AA counciler, and have talked to to Madam S. Her concerns are centered around the fact that like WH I don't stop after the third drink.

You'll note that I refered to myself as "a reformed lush" rather than as an "alcoholic." That is because I know that the difference between a lush and an alcoholic is that the lush doesn't go to meetings. <G>

I do wish you luck with the AA councilor, but It doesn't really sound like you need a support group just yet. If you find yourself backsliding, then it might be time to go to a support group, but for now it sounds as if you're doing just fine without one. (Other than Lit that is. <G>)

Your real test is going to be if you can drink a toast for a special occasion and leave it at just the toast. I disagree with AA's stand that the only solution is to become a teetotaler. You need to find the point where stupidity sets in and make a conscious decision to never cross that line. There are times when protocol and manners make a drink or two appropriate that AA doesn't allow for.

Find your own limits, and stick to them and you'll do better than trying to adhere to rigid rules that might not fit your situation.

 

[Ezzy]

Re: Re: Thankyou Freinds

Your real test is going to be if you can drink a toast for a special occasion and leave it at just the toast.
I disagree with AA's stand that the only solution is to become a teetotaler.

Find your own limits, and stick to them and you'll do better than trying to adhere to rigid rules that might not fit your situation.

This is the way I control it, but as usual WH puts it into words in a more complete way than I did.

Note I say control not cure.



EZ http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[Samuari]

Re: Re: Re: Thankyou Freinds

[B

This is the way I control it, but as usual WH puts it into words in a more complete way than I did.

Note I say control not cure.



EZ http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm2/sleep.gif [/B]

I take it that is because you do not think that there is an illness in this case to cure. I think that I agree,but we will start out with wine with diner and see how that goes. Once again, thanks for your help and concern. This is truly a unique comunity that has formed here.

 

[Ezzy]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Thank You Friends

I take it that is because you do not think that there is an illness in this case to cure.

Nope the addiction to the drink is not something that can be cured but it can be controlled.

I have been off the booze for 19 years, but I can still feel the pull of the drink when I am having one or two with friends, and so I think that there is no cure but with alot of will power and some friends help there is control.

It always was as if there were two voices one telling me to drink the other putting the don't drink point of view, I could feel and hear the arguments go round and round in my head as I drank more and more. OK so I am Crazy, don't worry about it.




EZ http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm2/sleep.gif