Defining Love

[luvnhim]

Dream
Thank you for caring and you are so right. And that is why I ended it with him, long ago. I don't know why I still love him, but I do. In time, I may heal and it will lessen. At least I hope it does. I just have my days where I struggle. I didn't mean to intrude on this thread but I had an overwhelming need to post (?)... I enjoy reading everyone's thoughts on love.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

Dream
Thank you for caring and you are so right. And that is why I ended it with him, long ago. I don't know why I still love him, but I do. In time, I may heal and it will lessen. At least I hope it does. I just have my days where I struggle. I didn't mean to intrude on this thread but I had an overwhelming need to post (?)... I enjoy reading everyone's thoughts on love.

How could you be intruding on this thread?
That's what it's about...
Welcome to those of us that think too much sometimes..

 

[MT_Pitcher]

Dream was it hard having two men that loved you..and what point did you realize that it was one that you loved the most???Can you love two at once..is this possible...this is a subject i would like to dicuss..anyone here involved in 2 "loving" relationships?? or more for that matter?

Is it possible??
I think so, for a time anyway...
Usually one or the other wins out.
And the only reason you can love two or more is because the loves are completely different.. For example, one can be comfortable, and one exciting. In that case loving two people is very possible, because you are almost splitting yourself in two.

 

[luvnhim]

Thanks for the warm welcome MT.
Yes, I am one who thinks too much. Not always a good trait.
Love should never make a person feel lonely but it has lately. One sided love whether as friends or lovers isn't good for anyone.

Here's a question. How does one stop loving? Can it be done? If so, how?

 

[MT_Pitcher]

Thanks for the warm welcome MT.
Yes, I am one who thinks too much. Not always a good trait.
Love should never make a person feel lonely but it has lately. One sided love whether as friends or lovers isn't good for anyone.

Here's a question. How does one stop loving? Can it be done? If so, how?

Wish I knew... It has to die a natural death....
Only time and distance will heal it.
I don't think it's possible to stay in love if it's not returned..
I think LOVE needs two to survive. Other than that, it's just memories.... And they fade..

 

[luvnhim]

The distance is there. I guess I just need more time and hope it would pass quicker!

 

[Wyldfire]

Is it possible??
I think so, for a time anyway...
Usually one or the other wins out.
And the only reason you can love two or more is because the loves are completely different.. For example, one can be comfortable, and one exciting. In that case loving two people is very possible, because you are almost splitting yourself in two.

He he he Okay time fer me ta weigh in on this topic . I'm quite happily in a relationship wit a guy an a girl. We're all three happy as equals in th relationship. It works if ya got th right mindset fer it. It c'n last as long if not longer then a "normal" relationship.......

 

[MT_Pitcher]

He he he Okay time fer me ta weigh in on this topic . I'm quite happily in a relationship wit a guy an a girl. We're all three happy as equals in th relationship. It works if ya got th right mindset fer it. It c'n last as long if not longer then a "normal" relationship.......

I agree with you Dam.
It's a lot better when all the parties love each other..
But most of us don't have have that. We get split between two, or have to sneak around. That's when it gets hard!!

 

[MT_Pitcher]

The distance is there. I guess I just need more time and hope it would pass quicker!

You're taking a good step here in talking about it.
Meeting people and talking will do you a world of good.

 

[midwestyankee]

Dream
Thank you for caring and you are so right. And that is why I ended it with him, long ago. I don't know why I still love him, but I do. In time, I may heal and it will lessen. At least I hope it does. I just have my days where I struggle. I didn't mean to intrude on this thread but I had an overwhelming need to post (?)... I enjoy reading everyone's thoughts on love.

Welcome to the thread, luvnhim.

It's not at all an intrusion to discuss your love here. We get very theoretical in this thread sometimes, so it's great to talk about real-life loves to keep us in the real world.

I just wonder, given the Lit name you chose for yourself, what you feel about letting go of this love you had. Are you still hanging onto it for some reason? Our feelings will fade and die on their own so long as we don't feed them. It appears that you might be feeding your feelings of loss by reminding yourself of this love on a daily basis.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

Welcome to the thread, luvnhim.

It's not at all an intrusion to discuss your love here. We get very theoretical in this thread sometimes, so it's great to talk about real-life loves to keep us in the real world.

I just wonder, given the Lit name you chose for yourself, what you feel about letting go of this love you had. Are you still hanging onto it for some reason? Our feelings will fade and die on their own so long as we don't feed them. It appears that you might be feeding your feelings of loss by reminding yourself of this love on a daily basis.

Very good point, Yank...
Love can only die when you finally decide to let it go...

 

[luvnhim]

MW,
Yes, on a day to day basis I guess I do feed that love. I'm not sure why I can't stop. Maybe because it could have been my first love? I get angry at times but not enough to stop loving him. I have tried, many times.
I should hate him by now but I can't and don't know why. How does one just forget it all? I stay busy and try to forget but no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I can't.
And I've never had this problem before he came along. It was easy for me to just go on and not look back. That's the part I can't understand.

 

[luvnhim]

MT
I've kept it in far too long. Thanks to all for allowing me to talk.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Welcome to the thread, luvnhim.

It's not at all an intrusion to discuss your love here. We get very theoretical in this thread sometimes, so it's great to talk about real-life loves to keep us in the real world.

I just wonder, given the Lit name you chose for yourself, what you feel about letting go of this love you had. Are you still hanging onto it for some reason? Our feelings will fade and die on their own so long as we don't feed them. It appears that you might be feeding your feelings of loss by reminding yourself of this love on a daily basis.

Rut Roh fellow DL-ers.....look who's back and in his finest form!

Welcome back Yank

 

[GiveawayGirl]

But it's Dracoa who has and is in my heart

And given the little bit that I know you Dream, I'd say he is a very fortunate man

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Welcome home Yank ~ glad you enjoyed the vacation.

Missing someone can certainly be physical, there is an ache or a heaviness in me when he isn't near. Life's tasks can become more challenging, more like a chore.

I think emotionally the connection still remains, I still keep a smile in my heart while apart. The anticipation of uniting seems to keep the emotional part high.

I think if I keep an attitude of togetherness within me then the separation can actually become beneficial in that I learn what is in my heart.

Hi Cathleen

I couldn't agree with you more. I think, for me, a little distance once in awhile is good for keep perspective. It makes me grateful for what I have and I appreciate it a gread deal more. In essence, it prevents me from taking it for granted.

 

[GiveawayGirl]

I have read these posts and must say, it has kept me going through a very troubled time in my life. Adding to the thread, I found the man that holds my heart. I fell in love after all these years and felt love for the very first time. Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to tell him that before he shut me out. I hope someday he reads this thread and knows who he is.

This man gave his love to me so I could feel it if only once in my lifetime. I have to thank him for that and it's something I cherish but will never feel again. He held me like no other. He lifted me up and put me on a pedestal and held me there for awhile. He kept me close to him, as much as he could but I wasn't enough to make him happy. And even though I wasn't enough, on my darkest days, I drift back to those times to feel his arms surround me and comfort me. He'll always be in my heart, no one can take that from me.
No matter what - I still love you. Today, tomorrow, always.

Welcome to the thread luvnhim

Please try to remember during this difficult time that it is not up to YOU to make him happy. His happiness is HIS responsibility. If you contribute to his happiness then it's a wonderful thing but no one can make someone else happy simply by loving them. We all need to find our own inner peace and happiness first, then let it grow within our relationships with others.

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by luvnhim
MW,
Yes, on a day to day basis I guess I do feed that love. I'm not sure why I can't stop. Maybe because it could have been my first love? I get angry at times but not enough to stop loving him. I have tried, many times.
I should hate him by now but I can't and don't know why. How does one just forget it all? I stay busy and try to forget but no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I can't.
And I've never had this problem before he came along. It was easy for me to just go on and not look back. That's the part I can't understand.

my 2 cents worth....Most intimate relationships begin when we first meet someone and for a few intoxicating weeks or months and yes even years, we believe that this person is our only soul mate, someone just like us and will make us whole. We speak of ‘falling in love’ with him or her, yet discovering a second innocence in love is perhaps more of a ‘stepping into love’. Falling is something beyond our control, the strike of cupid’s arrow, but stepping is an act of will, the choice to embrace this person for all they are and may yet become. This first stage in intimacy is almost always about us, we may care about this other person, but we are attracted to what we perceive he/she may do for us. This is precisely why so many people leave relationships when they no longer feel their needs are being met and wake up one morning to discover they don’t love their mate anymore, at least not as they did before.
Genuine love is not love that never disappoints us, but love that always stretches us and challenges us to become a better human being.
I think dont regret the relationship but don't let it hold you back....The world is full of many hearts wanting a home...

DLL

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Thanks for the warm welcome MT.
Yes, I am one who thinks too much. Not always a good trait.
Love should never make a person feel lonely but it has lately. One sided love whether as friends or lovers isn't good for anyone.

Here's a question. How does one stop loving? Can it be done? If so, how?

I know that I for one have never stopped loving someone. Love is a living, breathing entity. When it is fed, it grows. When it isn't, it stagnates. Then it fades into loving memories and fondness of the heart that remains forever.

 

[Ammo44]

Yes it was very hard sweety ,Let me tell ya...still is ...
I was living here with my bf ,but I was still upset with him about an unrelated subject so I think that kinda help feed into my straying awhile and I was spending more and more of my time writing to James and on the phone with him,But still feeling very physically attracted to Dracoa.and also NOt wanting to hurt him..
I had actually made plans to go see James back In june for his b-day and i really wanted to straighten all these confusing feelings out in my mind and my heart,however He ( James ) waited till 2 days before my trip to see him and up and decided it wouldnt be a GOOD thing for me to come visit( did I mention the FACt that I purchased Bus tickets 1 week in advance and they were non-refundable?) and how when he got out of Prison ,he'd probably be much too busy to see me and howI just seemed to wanna spend WAY TOO MUCH time with my friends online anyways and 'I'd just 'FALL IN LOVE' with another guy online in a week anyways !!! yes!! Those words by a man that PROFESSED to LOVE me...that was the breaking point for me ...I hung up on him cause not only was I devastated,I was pissed!!
I went back to my bedroom and tore up ALOT of our pics together,his pics alone but none of his poetry or artwork...( Dracoa even offered to get me some matches) lol

James didnt bother to call or write me for 2 whole weeks even after I didnt show up for the visit ( he later told me he thought I'd still come ,lmao)...when he didnt call or write ..that kinda Proved to me how little he really cared..and i decided i really needed and DESERVED someone that was gonna be RIGHT HERE for me....Not a player ...to me ,players are LOSERS....

James has since called me about 2 weeks ago after I wrote him wishing him a nice life and telling Him I dont hate him and still wanna be friends but I will never ever send him $$ any more and i wont be toyed with..I said i have 5 main ppl in my life, 4 are my children ..and the last one is Brian ( Dracoa)...he's like where does that leave me?? I said where YOU wanna be ,I guess,You are my friend ,take it or leave it,he started apologizing and kissing my ass biggtime but its way too late...I have talked with him 2 times and not wrote him yet...dont know what words to say really...He seems to think being bi-polar just explains things away ,well I am bi-polar also and I still dont treat ppl like shit!!

I am working on strengthening my relationship with Dracoa cause he really and truly loves me as I do him,he's HERE for me NOW ..and he says he isnt goin anywhere else...


My daughter (youngest) recently found out that I'm posting pics again and questioned me about it yesterday ( I lied) what could i say?? when do your kids have the right to tell ya what to do?? I feel I am an adult and if i wanna pose nude with or without my man ,I should be able to ...oh well..another stress-filled day ..I'm sure

I'm not sure.....was DLL's question answered?

 

[GiveawayGirl]

my 2 cents worth....Most intimate relationships begin when we first meet someone and for a few intoxicating weeks or months and yes even years, we believe that this person is our only soul mate, someone just like us and will make us whole. We speak of ‘falling in love’ with him or her, yet discovering a second innocence in love is perhaps more of a ‘stepping into love’. Falling is something beyond our control, the strike of cupid’s arrow, but stepping is an act of will, the choice to embrace this person for all they are and may yet become. This first stage in intimacy is almost always about us, we may care about this other person, but we are attracted to what we perceive he/she may do for us. This is precisely why so many people leave relationships when they no longer feel their needs are being met and wake up one morning to discover they don’t love their mate anymore, at least not as they did before.
Genuine love is not love that never disappoints us, but love that always stretches us and challenges us to become a better human being.
I think dont regret the relationship but don't let it hold you back....The world is full of many hearts wanting a home...

DLL

Wise as always DLL....but no yankee's score????



OK Yank, I'm all caught up now...sorry for the bevy of posts

 

[luvnhim]

Thanks GG.
I understand what you are saying but even if it stagnates and you are left with good memories, will the bad memories continue to pop up? Some days I just wish I could erase the past but we all know that doesn't happen. He's the only one I've had a hard time letting go of. I have so many unanswered questions, he refuses to talk to me about it. Is that best or not? Is it cowardly?
I've been taught when you love someone, talk. Be open and honest with each other.

 

[midwestyankee]

my 2 cents worth....Most intimate relationships begin when we first meet someone and for a few intoxicating weeks or months and yes even years, we believe that this person is our only soul mate, someone just like us and will make us whole. We speak of ‘falling in love’ with him or her, yet discovering a second innocence in love is perhaps more of a ‘stepping into love’. Falling is something beyond our control, the strike of cupid’s arrow, but stepping is an act of will, the choice to embrace this person for all they are and may yet become. This first stage in intimacy is almost always about us, we may care about this other person, but we are attracted to what we perceive he/she may do for us. This is precisely why so many people leave relationships when they no longer feel their needs are being met and wake up one morning to discover they don’t love their mate anymore, at least not as they did before.
Genuine love is not love that never disappoints us, but love that always stretches us and challenges us to become a better human being.
I think dont regret the relationship but don't let it hold you back....The world is full of many hearts wanting a home...

DLL

~Cueing up my best Rex Harrison voice~

By George, I think she's got it!

 

[MT_Pitcher]

~Cueing up my best Rex Harrison voice~

By George, I think she's got it!

Pretty good one for a Yankee's fan...

 

[GiveawayGirl]

Thanks GG.
I understand what you are saying but even if it stagnates and you are left with good memories, will the bad memories continue to pop up? Some days I just wish I could erase the past but we all know that doesn't happen. He's the only one I've had a hard time letting go of. I have so many unanswered questions, he refuses to talk to me about it. Is that best or not? Is it cowardly?
I've been taught when you love someone, talk. Be open and honest with each other.

I think you just hit on the problem luvnhim.....closure. You need some closure and you don't have the answers you need to find it.

This same thing happened to me and I naturally blamed myself for the failure of the relationship because I assumed the worst. It took me a long time to realize that it had nothing to do with me. At the point the communication broke down, the relationship was already damaged beyond saving. And I tried to save it numerous times despite that fact. It took a lot of banging my head against a brick wall to finally realize that it wasn't me that had failed. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but when you are ready you will be able to let go of the pain and have a much clearer perspective. Until then, just hang on. It will get better and the pain will fade in time......a lot of time.