Defining Love

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
Temporary walls are good, they give you time to regroup. It's the permanent walls that will kill you eventually, if not physically, emotionally.
Been there, done that, came to close to death.
Not recommended as a life changing experience even if it did work for me.

Have to agree with you on this one MT...on a number of counts.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by GiveawayGirl
I have to believe that if you come across the right person, the walls will come down even if it takes a little work. Until it feels like they are ready to crumble, I say "reinforce, fortify, and reinforce some more"

hmmm agree and disagree with you GG. I agree with you that the right person with a LOT of work and patience can help tear down the walls IF the person with the walls up is at a point where they are receptive to having help tear down the walls. I don't think it's automatic by any means though.


I also beg to differ on your last statement. I know personally I did a lot of work on myself bringing to my conscious that I'd even built up the walls, working at knowing I wanted them torn down, purposely opening myself up to opportunities and in the end taking a huge risk in letting my walls down. I had to convince myself that the benefit was worth more than the cost/risk...that I was strong enough to survive if when I let down my walls, the world came crashing in and I got hurt again....which I eventually did...but the timing was right... the person was right...and we both survived in tact and as friends and as lovers...just with a different definition now.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

hmmm agree and disagree with you GG. I agree with you that the right person with a LOT of work and patience can help tear down the walls IF the person with the walls up is at a point where they are receptive to having help tear down the walls. I don't think it's automatic by any means though.


I also beg to differ on your last statement. I know personally I did a lot of work on myself bringing to my conscious that I'd even built up the walls, working at knowing I wanted them torn down, purposely opening myself up to opportunities and in the end taking a huge risk in letting my walls down. I had to convince myself that the benefit was worth more than the cost/risk...that I was strong enough to survive if when I let down my walls, the world came crashing in and I got hurt again....which I eventually did...but the timing was right... the person was right...and we both survived in tact and as friends and as lovers...just with a different definition now.

I'm with Wicked on this one.
The walls don't come down by themselves or even when you think you've met the right person. The only one who can bring them down is YOU! And the longer they stay up, the more comfortable they are, and ever so much harder to bring down.
I think I'd rather be open to having my heart broken, then to have a stone heart that can't be broken. I'd rather be able to feel...

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
I think I'd rather be open to having my heart broken, then to have a stone heart that can't be broken. I'd rather be able to feel...

That's the conclusion I came to...just took me too long to get there...but some of us take the road less travelled and I've never been much for the 'normal' route.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

That's the conclusion I came to...just took me too long to get there...but some of us take the road less travelled and I've never been much for the 'normal' route.

Normal?? lol
We won't even get into my route!!!!!

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
Normal?? lol
We won't even get into my route!!!!!

All of us are born with the need to share
our lives with someone. During the years
the fulfillment of this need can be the cause
of constant concern and occasional pain.
For it can’t be fulfilled by one person
reaching, but only when two are willing
to meet halfway
DLL

 

[MT_Pitcher]

All of us are born with the need to share
our lives with someone. During the years
the fulfillment of this need can be the cause
of constant concern and occasional pain.
For it can’t be fulfilled by one person
reaching, but only when two are willing
to meet halfway
DLL

Very well put, DLL....

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
Very well put, DLL....

ty tyvm (said in my best elvis voice)



bk at ya Mt

 

[~Dream~]

Love happens only when the person you are with accepts you for WHO YOU REALLY ARE ..heart ,mind,body and soul...and doesnt try to change or conform you into an image of some unattainable person that they admire..

I feel we have to be more accepting and less judgemental in order to have REAL love...and while ppl may say or do things we dont like or agree with and we say we forgive them but not forget ,well that's a big cop-out also ...I say TRUE love heals all wounds with time.....we are human but we need o use our brain as well as our heart...alot of stimulation even that we feel comes from the brain 1st ...our heart ,emotionally speaking can get us in trouble but still knows what's best for us

 

[Guest]

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Hooch
And as MT_Pitcher said: I think I'd rather be open to having my heart broken, then to have a stone heart that can't be broken. I'd rather be able to feel... The more the risk, the more you stand to gain. The higher the highs, and unfortunately, the lower the lows. That contrast is what makes it so freakin' scary sometimes.

Trust. Damn good question, GG. MWY will be proud.

Always enjoy reading this 'side' of you Hooch.

Have already stated I agree with MT's comment. Reminds me that my Mom once said that she tried to live her life on an emotional even keel....that the lows disturbed her so much she was willing to forego the highs. Knowing her, I understood where she was coming from...I'm not sure, maybe for her it was the right solution...I just know for me it's not. I don't like the lows any more than any one else...but I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on the highs! They just feel soooooooo good.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

Always enjoy reading this 'side' of you Hooch.

Have already stated I agree with MT's comment. Reminds me that my Mom once said that she tried to live her life on an emotional even keel....that the lows disturbed her so much she was willing to forego the highs. Knowing her, I understood where she was coming from...I'm not sure, maybe for her it was the right solution...I just know for me it's not. I don't like the lows any more than any one else...but I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on the highs! They just feel soooooooo good.

God knows I hate the lows.. But I tried to live on that even keel for many years, and without those occasional highs, I found that the lows finally took over completely. It didn't work for me.
The good thing about a breakdown is you have to rebuild from the ground up and throw away the garbage.
I don't have all of the answers, but at least I ask the questions now.

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
God knows I hate the lows.. But I tried to live on that even keel for many years, and without those occasional highs, I found that the lows finally took over completely. It didn't work for me.
The good thing about a breakdown is you have to rebuild from the ground up and throw away the garbage.
I don't have all of the answers, but at least I ask the questions now.

i tend to ask too many questions....

 

[Guest]

 

[MT_Pitcher]

i tend to ask too many questions....

Me too, but I talk to myself a LOT!!
Sometimes I even understand what I say...

 

[MT_Pitcher]

But I bet none of of shy away from the high spots.

No, actually I did, for many years, and maybe to an extent still do. It's a very hard habit to break.
It's hard to change to reaching for what you really want from just surviving with what you can live with.

 

[~Dream~]

As a regular derailer of this thread, I thought the least I could do was keep it near the top in Yank's absence.

So let's talk about trust, or lack thereof. I believe trust is an essential element to being able to sustain a loving relationship. What does one do when their trust has been broken, either by a current lover or from past experiences? What do you do when you find yourself questioning your beloved's motivations for doing or saying things? How to you stop yourself from allowing that to destroy current or any future relationships?

(Not a mwy caliber question but the best I can do )

well to me Trust and Communication are 2 essential qualities that any GOOD relationship must have..


what does one due when it's broken ?? very good question...My bf trusts me implicitly and I have given him no reason not to ,however he has brokem my trust by flirting online at a different site before and by flirting I DONT mean like what I do here at Lit...it was enough that it almost caused us to break-up...

I think that as a good friend of mine told me recently ,men see things differently than we women do in that respect..they think 'harmless flirting even online is ok...But there IS a line ya shouldnt cross ..I ask for any intimate exchanges and or use of the word LOVE to be directed at me only...I know how lil innocent cybering can take off into something more as I have 'been there, done that' before myself....I met My current bf here at Lit almost 2 yrs ago and then we chatted in messenger at yahoo ,then phone sex, then visits and here we are today living together ..so ...

I guess my point is ya really need to stop and think of other's feelings also..Trust IS earned ..I admit I usually trust ppl until THEY show me they dont deserve my trust...Once the trust is broken tho ..hmmm ..i'll use our current situation as an example ..ever since he was talking online to this lil snatch ( for lack of a better word) cause she KNEW he had a woman but still hit on him anyways ..well anyways ..still to this day..I dont trust him entirely..I want to with all my heart But now my defense mechanisms have kicked in and I see almost every woman he talks to as a potential threat...dont get me wrong here cause i KNOW he loves me however he IS a man and can be swayed...he is very sensitive to helping others in need out also cause that was 1 of the endearing qualities he had that caused me to fall for him in the 1st place..


we talked and cried about this the other night till our eyes were sore and our heads hurt..he wants me to be secure in his love and really does try to assure me that he wont ever leave me ,etc ..however I always have that lurking 'doubt 'in the back of my mind ..it only takes a seed for the fear to mount ...I said I want you to be able to have your privacy when you are online and I do trust you to a certain extent ,But I dont trust the other women ,Not at all....I mean I can picture someone else actually doing it to him when they type 'nuzzles your neck' ,etc ..and I dont like that picture...he has the power to not respond ..so I am leaving this in his court now ..I have already said I will NOT tolerate being cheated on again and I wont....I have the Right to feel that way ...we are trying to get our realtionship back on track now so I hope he respects me and if he shows me that he does ..I may give him alot more than my heart ,,he may actually earn My Trust

 

[Guest]

 

[~Dream~]

I agree with Hooch ,Mt ..you are truly Inspiring ..

 

[MT_Pitcher]

I agree with Hooch ,Mt ..you are truly Inspiring ..

All this serious shit gave me a headache....

 

[~Dream~]

All this serious shit gave me a headache....

awwww poor babe ..here have 2 tylenol

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by MT_Pitcher
All this serious shit gave me a headache....

me too because i run from seriousness.....wanna catch a baseball game and have a beer

 

[~Dream~]

oh well ,real life isnt just all Fun and games ..Most ppl cant handle serious crap anyways ..thats kinda sad ,really...always have to have an escape route ....

 

[MT_Pitcher]

me too because i run from seriousness.....wanna catch a baseball game and have a beer

You're on, sweetheart!!

 

[~Dream~]