Defining Love

[shyly curious]

I wonder if this is one of the secrets of great loves: that the two become fully conversant in a common language that only they speak. And they revel in being the only ones who can speak that language. It's unique unto them and they nourish themselves in its use.

I need to stop philosophizing before someone smacks me.

You're right, Shy. It's absolutely crucial to be able to understand the subtleties that lie beneath the surface of what your beloved says to you.

i think of facet of a great romance, is the awareness of what is the "coin of the realm" and to express oneself in the currency and to value the other using that currency ...

if the coin of the realm is going out to a fine restaurant, and each
values that and each makes an effort to include that regularly it will be seen and valued. and if that is the "coin ..." for only one of them, the other can show value and attention by offering that "coin ..."

i don't like the term "barter" here, smacks of giving to get, ...

i am thinking more that one wants to offer the beloved that which one knows they hold dear and treasured.

 

[midwestyankee]

i think of facet of a great romance, is the awareness of what is the "coin of the realm" and to express oneself in the currency and to value the other using that currency ...

if the coin of the realm is going out to a fine restaurant, and each
values that and each makes an effort to include that regularly it will be seen and valued. and if that is the "coin ..." for only one of them, the other can show value and attention by offering that "coin ..."

i don't like the term "barter" here, smacks of giving to get, ...

i am thinking more that one wants to offer the beloved that which one knows they hold dear and treasured.

How did we get from communication to "coin of the realm?"

And I thought money couldn't buy you love. Have I been wrong all these years?

 

[Wyldfire]

How did we get from communication to "coin of the realm?"

And I thought money couldn't buy you love. Have I been wrong all these years?

But MY, Couldn't communicatin BE "Coin a th realm"? He he he Jus my two pennies' worth

 

[midwestyankee]

But MY, Couldn't communicatin BE "Coin a th realm"? He he he Jus my two pennies' worth

Curses, foiled again!

 

[Wyldfire]

Curses, foiled again!

He he he Don ya jus hate it when th dumb one pipes up on ya?

 

[shyly curious]

But MY, Couldn't communicatin BE "Coin a th realm"? He he he Jus my two pennies' worth

that concept is worth far more then two pennies Damsel, ... far more!

at least to me.

 

[Wyldfire]

that concept is worth far more then two pennies Damsel, ... far more!

at least to me.

{BLUSH} ty

 

[shyly curious]

anybody got any drachmas???????

 

[shyly curious]

or any "loonies"???

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by shyly curious
or any "loonies"???

 

[midwestyankee]

anybody got any drachmas???????

or any "loonies"???

Originally posted by DLL
will monopoly money do???

Time to quote my favorite Peanuts character, Linus.


Aaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

 

[frustratedpoodle]

It's time to pose a few questions and open up a place for some serious discussion of an important topic: love.

To begin: What is your definition of love?

Unconditional emotion between two people who become partners in life, whether they marry or not.

What experiences helped shape your definition?

My marriage. We separated for a time and realized that it was a mistake. We cannot be without one another because we are too closely tied in the bonds of friendship, love, and partnership.

What have you read that helped form your definition?

Believe it or not, "Gone With the Wind". Rhett and Scarlett had that bond, but she refused to acknowledge it until it was too late.

Taking familial love as a given, what other forms of love can you identify?

Love for a partner, obviously, animals, nature, friends, and a love that is more like deep respect for the world around us and its inhabitants.

What are the limits on loving? Can we love more than one person at a time (again, all outside the category of familial love)?

I don't believe that in relationships, one can truly love two people. It's not love then, because that involves giving oneself over and having them do the same. As for the other forms of love, there is plenty to go around.

What freedom do we gain through love? What constraints do we take on through love?

Freedom through love is just that. Love is a freedom in and of itself because it is, at its best, unbridled emotion with no limit. The contraints are responsibility for the thing that we love, as well as consideration that might not otherwise apply.

What is the difference between being in love and loving someone?

The best way I can express this is through comparison. I love my husband and I share my physical being with him, and him only. I love my friends, but I do not sleep with them. To be in love requires fully giving and fully taking in return.

I guess that will do for starters.

 

[midwestyankee]

Welcome to the thread, frustratedpoodle.

Please come back soon and join in the discussion.

 

[DLL]

BTW the yanks are on a roll...........play ballllllllllllllllllll

 

[midwestyankee]

Love is an Opportunity
An Opportunity to give of one’s self
And receive from another
An Opportunity for two
To equal one

And like all opportunities
We never know
When Love might come

So we must learn
Not to try to force it
But just to be ready
When it comes
DLL

BTW the yanks are on a roll...........play ballllllllllllllllllll

So the Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde of the DL thread returns.

Being ready to see the opportunity is, indeed, an act of grace.

But didn't you get the memo about baseball?

 

[DLL]

Originally posted by midwestyankee
So the Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde of the DL thread returns.

Being ready to see the opportunity is, indeed, an act of grace.

But didn't you get the memo about baseball?

 

[69forever]

At what cost....

At what cost in personal sacrafice are we willing to fullfill a love in our life? It's not a rhetoritical question. Or a philosophical one for that matter. Practicality comes into play....but then there is the sacrafice involved with that. *I'm getting there...hold your horses*

I guess I should prefix this with the view of a long distance relationship, at this time. That hasn't always been the case with past relationships that held consequences and sarafice.

<past first> My second wife. We met when I was 20, she was 19. I was single, she married and pregnant. We were friends from day one. She left her husband and we got involved. The times, the politics (both of us were deep into anti-war and workers politics), life....we went our seperate ways. Both of us got married and had kids. <fast forward 4 years> She came looking for me and my life changed forever.

From the moment we saw each other that old spark was there. We always had clicked, mentally, emtionally and sexually. We stayed faithful and just reclaimed our closeness. She was a soul-mate from lives lived. Even then...a proclaimed athiest, I knew it, could feel it. We never did anything to betray our spouses, for over 2 years. Then I made plans to move away. With less than a month to go, she pulled me aside one day and confessed that she could not let me leave her life again. As she held me close and wept...the decision was made. No matter the consequences.

And there were many...from the nasty divorce, to the child custody fight. Death threats and legal harrassment. Some friends just accepted and knew it was in the cards from the beginning. We endured...but at a huge cost. Were happy. Until the wanderlust and history of lies and deception caught up with us. I couldn't take any more, and left. The damage had been done.

At what cost love?

Coming here a little over a year ago, I was coming out of a self-imposed exile...ten years worth. No date's, no serious inter-personal relationships at all with women, except business friends.
Hell, I swore one of these machines would never be in my house. *paronoid about Big Brother*

I meet a woman here...no cyber, no phone, no sex involved. We talk and from the very first...it was there. There were others before on Lit. I was searching. First for sex, then for friends.

This was different...not lonliness blindly reaching out. She never meant to come here. Our meeting was chance. Or was it? Goes back to our disscussion on the Philosophical thread....

There was, from before knowing each other a force driving us together. The time was right. Could we overcome the hurt and pain each had endured to be together? Even feeling in our hearts that it was meant to be? It was not easy, for either of us.

Then there was the distance...and still is. I have never been more in love in my life. Or several of the past ones. Yet, I cannot just pack up and go there to be with her. Even engaged to be married, there are issues we need to deal with. Sacrafice...yes.
Something that any real relationship has to deal with.

Learning from past mistakes...albeit slowly.

Sorry for the rambling....just seemed the right place to get it off my chest. ~soft smile~

Peace

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Defining Love

POODLEBABY!!!!!!!!!!!! Great ta see ya again sweetie

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: At what cost....

Sorry for the rambling....just seemed the right place to get it off my chest. ~soft smile~

Peace

Of course this was the right place.

Peace, friend.

 

[frustratedpoodle]

Re: Re: Re: Defining Love

POODLEBABY!!!!!!!!!!!! Great ta see ya again sweetie

Sweeeeetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[midwestyankee]

what memo??? get out the red sharpie and circle it next time....
Yankee u need a good long kiss from a real Yankee fan...kissing you slow and deliberate...sucking your tongue tasting you,biting your bottom lip..losing all rationale wrapping my one leg around you i begin to grind my hips against you..your head falls back and i trail soft kisses up your neck before whispering in your ear,"what time do the yankees play tonight?"

I missed this earlier.

All I can say is that Red Sox lovers do it in full color; none of that black and white pinstriped formality for us.

 

[Shoshisexy]

Re: At what cost....

At what cost in personal sacrafice are we willing to fullfill a love in our life? It's not a rhetoritical question. Or a philosophical one for that matter. Practicality comes into play....but then there is the sacrafice involved with that. *I'm getting there...hold your horses*

I meet a woman here...no cyber, no phone, no sex involved. We talk and from the very first...it was there. There were others before on Lit. I was searching. First for sex, then for friends.

This was different...not lonliness blindly reaching out. She never meant to come here. Our meeting was chance. Or was it? Goes back to our disscussion on the Philosophical thread....

There was, from before knowing each other a force driving us together. The time was right. Could we overcome the hurt and pain each had endured to be together? Even feeling in our hearts that it was meant to be? It was not easy, for either of us.

Then there was the distance...and still is. I have never been more in love in my life. Or several of the past ones. Yet, I cannot just pack up and go there to be with her. Even engaged to be married, there are issues we need to deal with. Sacrafice...yes.
Something that any real relationship has to deal with.

Learning from past mistakes...albeit slowly.

Sorry for the rambling....just seemed the right place to get it off my chest. ~soft smile~

Peace

69, I know what you mean as I have fallen in love for the first time in my life with not one, but two, people. Both are long distance and one is a female. I have never been in love before, let alone with a female. I have never even had sex with a female, although I did play a bit when I was in college.

Thing was...I fell in love with both Swain and Damsel as people LONG before the sex entered into the picture, really. Swain and I talk all the time, as do Damsel and I. We know the relationship isn't going to be easy and accept that. Things will be rocky at first, then they will get better and...well...there are all kinds of hopes for the future.

BTW...If I am not making sense, I am on pain meds, so please forgive me.

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: Re: At what cost....

69, I know what you mean as I have fallen in love for the first time in my life with not one, but two, people. Both are long distance and one is a female. I have never been in love before, let alone with a female. I have never even had sex with a female, although I did play a bit when I was in college.

Thing was...I fell in love with both Swain and Damsel as people LONG before the sex entered into the picture, really. Swain and I talk all the time, as do Damsel and I. We know the relationship isn't going to be easy and accept that. Things will be rocky at first, then they will get better and...well...there are all kinds of hopes for the future.

BTW...If I am not making sense, I am on pain meds, so please forgive me.

Distance and separation are forbidding challenges. I wish everyone well who loves while facing these challenges.

Shoshana, I'm sorry to hear you're on pain meds. I hope they're doing their job and that you'll be done with them soon.

 

[midwestyankee]

It's theory time again, folks. So I won't be offended if you just skip over this and wait for the next amusing post from someone else.

Love hurts, they say. I disagree.

Let's say I go for a hike in a beautiful meadow or a forest of such color and peacefulness that being there is a spiritual experience. Now imagine that on this hike I fall and twist my ankle. Do I say that hiking hurts? No. I recognize that being a klutz and allowing myself to trip on uneven ground is what caused the twisted, painful ankle. Likewise in love.

Now let's say that I fall in love so that being in the presence of my beloved is a spiritual experience. We journey together through days and weeks and months. Sometimes we share nothing but joy and laughter. Other times one of us might say something or do something that disappoints the other. Is it the love that causes the hurt, or is the love simply the condition that makes the hurt possible? What is it that causes the hurt in a case like this?

In love, we open ourselves into the care of another. To say we are vulnerable through love is to say ballet dancers are graceful. In order to become fully accepted by the beloved, we pull off the outer shells that guard our souls and offer them in trust. In turn, we accept the responsibility to care and nourish our beloved in the same way. It is a risky venture, this thing we call love. It is in the strength of the connection between us that the power to hurt each other resides.

Hurt in love comes from separation or the fear of separation. We find someone who seems to make us better, to "complete us" as the popular saying goes. In the presence of our beloved we know we are more closely in tune with the universe than we have ever been. We are elated simply to breathe the same air as our beloved. The thought of losing the beloved, of being separated from our beloved, is hell.

And so it is hell when anything happens that hints of separation. An insult, a slight, a time of neglect, a moment of mistrust. All these and more can raise the fear of separation. All these and more can force us to face the possibility of losing our beloved. And then, if it finally happens, the loss itself takes us into the fire.

Love is the journey. Do not blame the journey for the ills that befall you along the way. Do not blame the journey for the weather you encounter as you travel, nor for the poor condition of the road as you pass through unkempt places. It is not the fault of the journey when travelers quarrel as they go.

Love hurts? No, it does not. But the loss of love or the fear of that loss? That, my friends, is the original hurt.

 

[wicked woman]

Yank how can you take my initial response to your post from disagreement and end up agreeing with you? Man you're good.

Interesting perspective...kind of a glass half full approach. I like it. Actually I like it very much. Going to put that one to good use. Thanks hon.