Dear X

[BlueEyedGent]

Dear 7" dildo
Thanks for not being 6" cuz you really came through when I needed you. See ya real soon.

Dear "Fun Size" Snicker Bars,
I usually eat four of you at one time but I only had ONE of you left....
Why couldn't you be here for me when I needed you?????
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????

 

[beachbaby179]

Dear 7" dildo
Thanks for not being 6" cuz you really came through when I needed you. See ya real soon.

That just made me lol. I think I woke everybody up. Classic!

 

[Que Va]

Dear Troll,

I have tried ignoring you, playful bantering you, kicking your ass (you are incapable of discerning when you have had your ass handed to you), publicly shaming you, wandering in to threads you DO care about, feeding you, not feeding you, feeding you but not after midnight, letting you "win."

So here you go. You know, and I know that you only feel like a big strong man arguing on the internet, so have at it. Hurl your lamest of insults. I'll check in from time to time.

 

[Thomasoir]

Dear X

Let me know.

Thanks,

Me.

 

[someoneyouknow]

Dear grocery store cashier,

Holy crap do you talk a lot. I don't mean the generic, "How are you doing?" or banter with your co-worker, but in the 3 minutes or so it took to ring, bag and pay for my order I'm not sure you took more than 2 breaths.

It's after Thanksgiving. The crowds are done. Relax.

Used to be that way



Dear young Asian women,

Without trying to sound like a pervy old guy, you wearing those short(er) skirts which deliciously swirl around your nubile legs as you walk is quite the distraction. Yes, I know, thinking such unseemly thoughts about young women is borderline creepy, but in my defense I only think such thoughts when I'm sure you're at least 18 years old.

That said, please continue. It is nice seeing women dressing to a higher standard, even while grocery shopping, than most of what is out there.

Enjoying the sights

 

[BrokenRomantic]

Dear Coworkers:

Fuck you. Fuck all of you. How many times have I covered your shifts and worked extra days for you? How many fucking times have I told you it was okay to call out that I'll work for you? How many fucking times have you called out and I didn't complain once when I had to work your shift or work alone? How many fucking times have you been given days off for working extra when I've never been given one? How many times have I given and given and given when none of you lifted a finger to do anything for me or anyone else on the team? I've not called in sick from work in three fucking years! Most of you can't go six weeks without missing a day!

Today.. today I found out I was given an extra day off when I should have been working tonight. So I was going to take it! I was excited! Before I got to enjoy the thought completely, however, one of you fucking fucks decides that you can't make it in. So now I have to work. Fuck you, you fucking scumbag cunt fuck.

Signed:

Me

 

[SexyRedLace]

Dear X,

I really wish you'd get your act together. You're old enough to know better and you know that you can't do the things that you've done and think that it doesn't affect other people. You don't live in a vacuum regardless of what you tell yourself. It's never too late to make things right, so make things right.

Denial doesn't make it go away.

Me

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Dear X,

Don't think I didn't notice the kiss you snuck in there when you gave me a hug. lol

 

[Thandi]

Dear X...

You know I do too.

I will miss you terribly. I already do.

 

[Treasured]

Dear X,

You're a class act. Just another form of hit it and quit it. I am thankful for spam folders

Signed
Me

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

Dear Dee,

Stop being an idiot. You are worth more than that. Come on, girl, pull yerself together already!!

Love,

Dee

 

[TongueLust]

Dear Dee,

Stop being an idiot. You are worth more than that. Come on, girl, pull yerself together already!!

Love,

Dee

Dear Dee,

Yes, you are worthy!

Love,

Me

 

[TongueLust]

Dear Chicken,

I'm not sure what to cook.

Signed,

I need a chef.

 

[jameslewis]

Dear Dee,

Stop being an idiot. You are worth more than that. Come on, girl, pull yerself together already!!

Love,

Dee

Dear Dee;
It's ok to be an idiot from time to time. Learn to accept, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. Treat yourself like you would your own kid, accept the mistakes, and still love the person.
Love,
Professional Idiot

 

[37_ttej]

Dear Self Professed Friend Zoned Lister,

Thank you for the words and also for the giggle. It's nice to know it is not unique and doable.

I will take you up on the offer and remember.... 30 minutes away.

Cheers,
You friend zoned friend.

Your moving back to the Sunshine State!?? Woot!!



Oh, wait. Some other friend. Oh.
S'OK, I can handle that.

(sniffs, shuffles feet)

 

[RickTango]

Dear lit friend that I'm not flirting up
It's more like two days away but who's counting
Signed always happy to be a friend

 

[Thandi]

Dear x.

I hate this.

 

[37_ttej]

Naaaaw *squeezes face* You'll just have to settle for continual Facebook harassment as usual.

*brightens*

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Dear X,

Get your head out of your ass. Asshole-itis isn't becoming on anyone.

Remember: the higher you are, the harder you fall.

 

[pfflyerhot]

Nevermind

...........

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Dog,

Quit looking at me while licking your twat. It is uncomfortable that you feel the need to try and hold eye contact with me as you lap away. Sure there was a time around 16 or so when I wish I could do that to myself, but after pulling every muscle trying it I gave up on that dream. So do us both a favor and leave the fucking room so I don't have to hear that awful noise as your eyes roll back in your head.

Fucking Bitch.

 

[badjanus]

Dear Dog,

Quit looking at me while licking your twat. It is uncomfortable that you feel the need to try and hold eye contact with me as you lap away. Sure there was a time around 16 or so when I wish I could do that to myself, but after pulling every muscle trying it I gave up on that dream. So do us both a favor and leave the fucking room so I don't have to hear that awful noise as your eyes roll vack in your head.

Fucking Bitch.

Roflmao. ..jealousy is a cruel mistress.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Super Strength,

I am unsure where you came from but I am amazed that you have developed within me. When I was in my teens, 20's and early 30's try as I might, I was never able to bend or pull down as easily my morning hard-on. I would wake up to his glorious majesty and I would pull it back, slap it against my stomach and do whatever else I coukd think of to have him take a bow so I wouldn't have to do a handstand to take my morning piss. No matter how much I tried it was like trying to bend steel. Instead I would have to hop in the shower and see if I could hit the ceiling.

Not today though. Or even recently. For some reason, without working out, I have super human strength because I have no problem bending it like Beckham. Not only that but my super human strength has made my mind powerful as well. I can simply will my morning wood down with just my mind. Before I prayed my teacher wouldn't wall me to the front of the class, especially when Amy Lamoreaux was sitting in front of me. Now I can go get a check up, turn and cough and have no concerns of causing a mushroom bruise on the forehead of my General Practitioner.

Super strength is awesome.

 

[Kalamain]

Dear todays client.

Yes, I was mocking you.
Sure, I could buy in 40 tons of top soil, get it delivered and then get someone in to dig it all in for you... But its REALLY going to make a dent in your wallet.

So when I recommend fixing your soil in other ways I would suggest at least LISTENING to me rather than having me spend hours getting quotes, working out costs and time scales typing it all up and THEN having you say it was too expensive.

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!

Its a fucking good job I had already put in a quote for doing my part of this debacle.

You have my plan for the garden and you signed off on it. My bit is done.

God help the guys who actually do the job.

 

[Twlightdreamer]

^^ *cheers*





Dear all my friends who are having/had babies recently,

I'm happy for you all.

Really, I am.

Forgive me if I don't jump for joy or seem a bit quiet when it comes to the typical "ohhs" and "ahhs." Yes, your baby is cute but, no, I don't want to hold him/her. I don't hate you or dislike your child- I'm still healing, that's all. Try to be patient with me and not to take this personal.

-Needs More Time