Dear X

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Dear Universe,
FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO! Tomorrow! You could have had a little compassion this week and I'd have been having sex exactly FOUR AND A HALF YEARS from the last time I had it. It wasn't even that great of sex FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO.

Signed,
You Know Who It Is, I've Yelled at You Enough This Week
 
Dear Sidney,

Please restrain yourself from answering these letters.

Thank you,

The Playground
 
Dear Algebra Test Tomorrow,
Hi. So I am going to try so very hard to pass you. Truly. I know we don't have the best track record, but I really want/need/ feel like I can pass you. I understand synthetic division, we're cool. And yes, that bitch long division and I don't really get along, but I am willing to kiss her ass in order to pass.
So in short, please be easy. Please be just like what we studied, and please,please, please don't let me go blank.
Please?

I'm begging you
Me
 
Dear X

TY for opening up and allowing me into your life.. lil ole me..:eek:

Your trust, passion and friendship means more than I can express in words.. :)

Every day is full of fun and pleasant surprises and continues to exceed my expecations..;)

Signed
You know...

:kiss:
 
Dear Man in the Panama Hat,

Who wears a Panama hat to a venue like that. Apparently one who likes to be seen.

Really were those 8, yes, I counted them, trips to the lobby necessary during the show? Probably not. But you and your hat needed seen, it seems...and so, there you were, Panama Hat and 2000 Boston Marathon Runner jacket back and forth, and then back and forth again, during the performance.

My advice is if you are going to train for a freaking marathon, don't do it at a concert venue, especially an intimate one. Jack Ass.

~ Yeah, We all Saw You, and were VERY impressed.




Dear Girl in the Yellow Ruffled Tube Top,

My only regret with you is that my phone battery died. You did, indeed rival those "People You See In Walmart" pics that are all over the Internet. If I am lucky, you stopped at Walmart prior to the concert, and picked up a few things, and I will see you on the site again sometime soon.

It was 48 degrees. It was a nice sit down affair, your unfortunate choice in upper body wear was tragic, but quite amusing. Yep, nipply out indeed.

If you wanted seen...you got it too.

~Have you Met the Man in the Panama Hat?
 
Dear Universe,
Again! He asks me to Chicago. Again! And I'm getting my root canal finished. (Yeah, yeah. Good drugs.) Why must you dangle the carrot?

Signed,
Four Year, Six Months, and Three Days Without Sex

P.S. The drugs are almost worth it.
 
Dear Laffy Taffy,
I love your deliciously sweet banana and cherry treats. I think I may have an addiction to them. Oh, and I love the stupidly funny jokes. Laffy Taffy-You Rock!

Signed,
You Make the Universe a Little Better
 
dear mom,
please try to get stronger. please fight the alzheimer's with everything you have because i really miss who you are. please be having a good day tomorrow when i come to see you because i can't handle another bad one. know that i love you, no matter what. realize that the decisions i'm making are not to hurt you, but to keep you safe. try to remember me as long as you can. know that i love you.
your daughter
 
Dear Lurker Savant,

Knowing as I do your disdain for me and my profession, and how you so easily could have been a member had it not been for your high principles, I suggest you repair to your Drydenesque tendencies and be chivalrous for a change. Life is not all about satisfying your needs. You have been told gently. You have been given transparent hints. I strongly suggest you do the right thing before I am asked to step in and take matters into my own hands. I promise you I will not be nearly as charitable.

Stalking takes many forms. You may not see it as such. You're wrong. I will go to any length to protect her, and I do mean any length.

Fed Up
 
Dear Co-worker,
How do you even have the balls to bring that up at work? Do I want your hubby to fuck my ass? You're married!

Signed,
Seriously Considering the Offer, but Will Probably Say, "No."
 
Dear X,

Oh dear dear dear...

Rather that than...oh what was it?...disappointing and mediocre...that really made me howl...:D

Try a little positivity, it might take the bitter taste out of your mouth then someone might want to kiss it...:kiss:
 
dear God,
how much more do you think i can take? yadda yadda with the you don't give me more than i can handle crap. don't you think last night was kicking me when i'm down?

i am here to tell you that i am at my wit's end. i've been trying to have faith. i've been trying to believe. i can't do it anymore. you've taken two of the most important people in my life and altered their relationships with me.

i hurt. i'm afraid. will you just knock it off?
signed,
can't cry much more
 

Dear "I am so much better than thou, that I may judge"


You make me howl with laughter! Kudos to you!

I am curious though, how does it feel to be sooooooo perfect?

So perfect in fact that the notion "Live and Let Live" never crosses

your narcissistic mind, is it liberating? Do you get a natural high from

it? How do you feel when you wake up in the morning?


wow, just wow :rolleyes:


ETA: Food for thought.... and you are welcome.


Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition in which there is an inflated
sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with one's self.

Symptoms
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:

Reacts to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
Takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
Has feelings of self-importance
Exaggerates achievements and talents
Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
Requires constant attention and admiration
Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
Has obsessive self-interest
Pursues mainly selfish goals

Treatment
Psychotherapy may help the affected person relate to others in a more positive and compassionate manner.
 
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Dear Beachside Realtors and Property Managers:

WTF people. Did you not hear of a little thing called THE RECESSION. You have the unmitigated gall to not only keep prices artificially high -- like before the recession and housing market crash -- you have increased rents even as the prices of your for sale properties have taken a nose-dive. Here's a hint -- watch the freaking market! You know you have inventory and you know the inventory is not moving. Applying a standard increase on an annual basis regardless of market conditions or economic crises is way beyond stupid. I realize that most of you are former pizza delivery geeks and you wouldn't know a market condition is you fell down one. That is no excuse to be as unbelievably stubborn as you are. So while you wonder why you can't seem to get the properties under your care occupied -- take a look in the freaking mirror. The goofy puss ogling back at you - the one with the lifeless eyes - is the real cause of your woes. So when I tell you that you are way out of line with offered price for a literal dump -- believe me now because in six months when you are still trying to get the place occupied you will remember my words. Or you won't since you'll be back behind the wheel of your Yaris pushing slices and whole pies around the neighborhoods where the idle properties still sit vacant.

 
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