Dear X

[alisonwunderlnd]

Dear man on the bus
whilst i think you meant what you said as a compliment
and you were dressed rather well
I was fine standing and did NOT need your face as a bus seat

 

[Madcapsule]

Dear X,

This is fairly petty, but mind your own business. Also I am astute to notice a silence occurring when I walk in the room, and I don't appreciate it. I'm being pernickity, but that's just my current mood!

Your Housemate.

 

[pedicur8her]

Dear "hottie" that sits in front of me in Literature class,

Please buy and wear some jeans that cover your butt. I understand that you are trying to keep up with fashion trend; however, I don't much care for the sight of half your rump bulging out of pants that you must need lots of time or lube, or both: to get into. If you wear panties at all, it never shows and the cellulite on your cheeks causes them to resemble two oranges in a denim bag.

I hope this gets your attention and helps you see more than the "bottom line" as I am forced to do, each day.

TTFN,

Ever so tired of seeing much too much ...

 

[Millianthe]

Okay I have several to cover, so bear with me

Dear Friends I Ate Lunch With Yesterday;

Was it really necessary I witness the sniping and growling between you two about the house you want to buy? I mean, I know there are things you both want but it's called Compromise for a reason.

~*~*~*~*~

Dear Purple Dress Substituted For The Black Print Dress

I'm sorry... I put you on last night and it just wasn't working out. It's not you, it's me. The other dress just had more of the dressier feel than you did. I promise I will wear you soon, probably when I have to travel at the end of the month and be a bitch to the loan officers face to face. You'll like that, I promise.

~*~*~*~*~

Dear Loving Dog Of Mine

I have not changed your kibble or diet in any form or fashion so I'm trying to think as clearly as I can this morning as to why you decided to gas me out of bed at 6:30. Although you can act so dippy at times, I think you do have an Evil streak in you, or else you would NOT have planted your fluffy backside so close to my point of inhalation. Dear gawd, they should use you for chemical warfare.

~*~*~*~*~

Dear Elvis Impersonator At My Friend's Anniversary Party Last Night Held At The Very Ritzy Private Club Downtown,

Some things you should note:

~ Just because your family says that your voice sounds like Elvis when you sing, does not mean that you actually look like him or truly sound like him

~ Not exactly sure WHY you had to go with the entire fat bloated Elvis live from Hawaii look, but trust me, white double stretch polyester across your gut is NOT a good look.

~ Dear gawd, do NOT ever hip thrust again like that. Not only was it painful to watch, you almost caused collateral damage when I started laughing while drinking my water.

~ You passed out business cards during your set. Really? I mean... really???

~ Exactly WHY do you think anybody wanted you to wipe you sweat laden face with those turquoise colored scarves then drape them around womens' necks? Be glad you didn't approach me with it or you would have been garrotted.

~ You were off-key waaaaaaay too many times. There are injured dogs in Scotland begging you to stop hitting a high note and sounding like Tiny Tim.

~ Oh no you di'int. You shredded "Sweet Caroline" and "Unchained Melody." Gakkkk.


Signed,
Having One Hell Of A Weekend But Laughing Through It All

 

[someoneyouknow]

Dear Weather,

You're done. I know you think you're being funny by the continual dropping of frozen precipitation upon the lands, but you're not. The first time was mildly nice. The second annoying. This last time just frackin off-the-chart pissed me off.

Whatever you think you're going to do today, don't. There will be no second chance.

That is all.

Seriously Done with Winter from Now until the Sun swells and turns this planet into a blackened husk

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear missing sock,

Where the fuck are you? Did you get eaten by the drier again? Did the dog eat you? I highly doubt it since he has a fetish for her panties and well I pray my feet and her vag are not made up of the same scent.

Come out come out wherever you are

 

[sexy_hottie_2003]

Dear Cupid,

You really suprised me this year. Thank you for making this Valentine's Day a good one. I better keep my eye on you

Me

 

[Thomasoir]

Dear X

I'm sorry

me

 

[kendra1980]

Dear man on the bus
whilst i think you meant what you said as a compliment
and you were dressed rather well
I was fine standing and did NOT need your face as a bus seat

bwahahahahahaha.

Dear Bus Face Sitting Litster.

this made me snort.

 

[strike_gently]

Dear NY MTA,

STOP FUCKING UP MY LIFE. I don't have the money for this.

Thank you.

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear pooches

I love you both to bits, but is it really necessary that everytime I move you have to follow me? I'm gonna fall over one or both of you very soon and I'm not sure who's gonna come off worse.

Just calm the f*ck down I'm not going anywhere

Dog owner/sitter extraordinaire.

 

[kendra1980]

Dear Powers that Be,

You know what we need, you know when we need it, and we are counting on you to make it happen.

I have great faith,


Counting on you

 

[flirtygirly]

Dear X:

so now that you're realizing life sucks on your own, and you may be sober enough to get thru a few days here and there, doesn't mean that you're healed, that you're better, or you've improved much. this is just your pattern. you give it try, a half ass try, and get mad when the people around you don't recognize your making an effort. or shall i say a half ass effort. you had the nerve to call me cold-hearted among other things which i have forgotten...but that one is the most laughable. i am a very giving, loyal & flexible person. sometimes too much. that was the case with you. i helped you, i was loyal & faithful, covered for you, and even lied for you. and in doing so i hurt myself and lied to myself every day. i was in deep denial. so deep i was in over my head, and afraid to ask for help. it hurt like a bitch to leave, to finally say i had had enough, to admit that there was nothing worth staying around for. the hardest part was admitting to myself that it was over, that everything i did to try and save us didn't work, and i felt like a failure. it took a while to realize that no matter what i would have tried, said or done it wouldn't have mattered. you were on a path to destruction...and i couldn't be a part of it anymore..i was already a witness to enough of your nightmares. i look back now and am embarassed at the things i put up with. truly fucking embarassed. i was scared to leave, scared to be alone, scared to let go. it's been 9 months now. i may not be completely healed or whole again, but i am much happier than i have been in years. i'm not where i want to be, but am making progress. there i things i need to work on, and i'll be the first to admit it. now that you can see that i am doing something for myself, and not caring about what you are doing, you think i am mean and selfish or cold-hearted. you're just pissed because i'm not worried about you, asking how you're doing, calling to check on you. i refuse to let you become the center of my worries and concerns. the fact that i have moved on in certain ways irritates you and makes you frustrated. i am not the one who threw away all those years...you did...yet now you're blaming it all on me. just because i don't want you back. can you really fucking blame me. the only feelings i have left for you are ones of hate and frustration. i will never love you again, not sure if i can like you again. and if you keep up all the irritating things you've been saying the last few days, how do you expect me to like you? you've burned bridges with almost everyone you know, and you get pissed when they don't believe you, or seem not to care. you blame us...and ofcourse we're all wrong, and you must be the one who's right. you could never be wrong...

 

[artlover637]

Dear Father Time

Take some time off. I don't need to get any older.


Feeling older today

 

[artlover637]

Dear King Tut,

Were your ailments due to the fact that your mom and dad were siblings?


Curious Me

 

[godofdun]

Dear Brain,

Can't you shut the fuck up for one god damn second? I don't need EVERY one of my decisions second guessed thank you very much.

Me

 

[pedicur8her]

Dear Literotica Server Farm,

If you can't keep up with my slow typing, then please upgrade. Too much lag time is really quite annoying.

Pedicur8her ...

 

[DoRaMe]

Dear Life,

It is my time now! And I mean NOW!!!! I am tired of being told, "You can't", "How could you?", "Don't do that", "I need......". Enough is enough. I hit some of my lowest points this last two weeks and have realized I had two options...give up, or get up. This last episode was like an emotional slap in the face. I needed it to realize I have to make my life what I want. The rest of you can join me, follow me....or eat my dust!!!!

Making up for lost time litster.....

 

[availableslave2u]

dear giggles,
stop attacking at the most inappropriate time. you're making me look silly.
signed,
finding sean connery funny

 

[Lorilei]

Dear Life,

Fuck off.

Sick of it all,
Me

 

[Keira1960]

Dear X,

You may not like that I found this website, but what's a girl to do when her man would rather sit in front of a computer and masturbate rather than come down to the bedroom where a very willing and ready real life woman is waiting.

Wonder if this is why your first marriage failed.

 

[availableslave2u]

dear gas company,
your customer service representatives suck. when i call concerned that my bill is $40 higher this month than last month, i would like an explanation. i don't want to hear, you used a lot of therms last january too.

i haven't touched the thermostat. Lord knows i'm not cooking more. i'm not taking in laundry for the neighborhood. it doesn't matter what i did last january, i'm asking about this january.

i could come work for you to teach your representatives about customer service. i did it for 17 years. i treated your representative pleasantly until he pushed me over the edge. that's when i asked to speak with a supervisor. when he asked me the reason for my wanting to speak with a supervisor and i told him "because you're an asshole" i really don't think he should have disconnected me.
signed,
pissed off and $40 poorer

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear Subaru Guy

Sorry but no I really wasn't impressed. I'm not 20 years old. Yes you have a cute smile, but you look a lot like my son, so it's kind of a no no. The car; while you undoubtedly have spent thousands on it, would look more at home racing around Sainsbury's carpark at midnight than with me in it, and the fact it has a really LOUD and fast engine really isn't floating my boat, I actually began wondering whether you could really afford the insurance rather than taking in the fact you were actually trying to hit on me.

Oh and just as a side note, if you're trying to impress a woman over 30....going for a burn up against her at the traffic lights doesn't melt our panties off....no really we don't care

Amused But Thinking You May Be Punching Above Your Weight Neighbour.

 

[miss_noir]

Dear Annoying Co-Worker,

Shut the fuck up.


Irritated,

Me

 

[aniram]

Dear Amused Litster
You can borrow my car anytime. It might not melt your panties either, but it will for sure make punching above his weight cream his jeans