Dear X

[ninefe2dg]

Dear College football fans....


I just read my UT newsletter, two longhorns were rated the most exciting college football players of all times by SI....Vince and Earl........


Sincerely nannynannybooboohahaha.....Longhorn Fan......

Dear Anyone within Five Feet of my ass,

Kindly kick it. Swiftly. Then whirl me around and grab me by the collar and remind me she's going through a tough time, give her some space, and stop bringing up shit that just gets added to her plate.

Then remind me it'll be ok tomorrow, and that some I love you's will go a long way.

Men.

How the fuck do y'all live with us?

Sincerely,

Dumbass

 

[sydney6385]

Dear Idiot Sister,

I laughed when Mom told me that you and your douche bag loser of an ex were not only back together, but engaged. And I giggle every time I time I think about it. I'm still wondering how someone can become even more senseless and moronic as you continue to prove so.

Sincerely,

Your Annoyed Sister


PS - I'm sure when you tell me yourself, I'll laugh again.

 

[availableslave2u]

dear comcast cable company,
here's a few suggestions for you

• why don't you find out what the problem is that is causing me to lose service every night, instead of issuing me credit every day.
• when i call in to report that i don't have cable, internet, or phone, please don't ask me why the number that i'm calling from doesn't match the number on the account. if i had a home phone, then i'd have service and i wouldn't be calling you.
• don't suggest that i go to www.comcast.com to talk to a technician live. if i could do that, then i'd have service, and i wouldn't need to talk to a technician.
• don't you think it's sad that i have the cell phone numbers for the customer service manager and the field operations manager for my area? i even sent the customer service manager a get well card when he had knee surgery. i don't really want to know these people that well.
• please hire people who give a shit to man your customer service phones. if i'm a little irritated when i call in because this is the fourth time in two weeks that i lost my service deal with it.

thank you for listening. talk to you tomorrow when the same fucking problem happens.
irritated triple play customer

 

[WaitingLips]

DearRightRoyalBiotchneighbourLady,

We are all done,the lot of us,trying to befriend you.
You are stuck in a world of disfunction and unhappiness,
your choice.
http://i20.imgbin.us/s/ca5c11736d29113b005bae776466077bb28de57cc282ec60c47fe1bd05e7b643.gif

Unfortunately, from the "unlucky one" who has to live within a 5 mile radius of your voice.

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

Dear Iced Up Freezer
Please defrost yourself. Please. Go on.
Me

 

[omahaman2]

Dear job,
Can't you do yourself today and give me the credit for it?
Your holding on to the door jam,don't want to go Litser

 

[Lorilei]

Dear X,

Bitterness and hostility really don't suit you. It makes me wonder which one of you is real.

Love,
Me

 

[husky4life]

Dear Earth,

Thanks for the amazing sunrise today!

Sincerely,
Amazed Lister.

 

[DoRaMe]

Dear Coffee,

Please keep me functioning today. I really need you. Yes, it was't smart to switch all my appts from yesterday to today. Just keep that caffeine flowing through my veins....4 hours sleep just doesn't cut it.

Walking In a Fog

 

[MollyDolly]

Dear Internet Book Sellers,

I realize that I ordered three different books from three different sellers, but please, help me out here. How is it that a book from the UK, ordered a week after two ordered from the US, arrived before the books from the US?

And why is it that the one book I don't need arrived first? Not that I'm not looking forward to reading Russell Brand's autobiography, but I clearly need my philosophy textbooks first.

And then, today, when I hear another book thunk against my front door and race to the door to check, I discover it's the secondary text, and not the one I need to complete my homework for tomorrow. Why must you taunt me like this?

If this book arrives tomorrow a hour or two before I need to leave for class, I will be upset. Seriously. Well, I'll be happy to finally have it, but I'll be pissed that I had to wait for it. I know I'm up here in Canada, but it's not like the book has to cross, I don't know, an OCEAN or something.

Yes, I saved myself $50 by ordering them online, but that doesn't mean I need $50 worth of stress while waiting, ya jerks!

A Pissed-off Student Still Waiting

 

[GoodOmen]

Dear goddess in the black cotton dress,
You looked really cute riding your bike while your dogs followed behind you. I would've liked to meet you under the bridge and run my hands over your entire body. Thanks for adding to the scenery on my morning run.
Sincerely,
Wide eyed runner

 

[Morrigu]

Dear New Toy

Oh my, I'm still recovering. It was amazing enough and then I switched you on....................

I think I love you

Yours
Still-trembling-besotted-addict

 

[CMsPrincess]

Dear Nap,

You feel soooooooooooooooooooooo good during, but afterwards I feel like I'm a crabby bitch. I don't get it.

Anyway, thanks..I think...
Crabby

 

[XsnowbunnyX]

Dear Former-Idiot,

You didn't annoy the hell out of me today. This thing might actually work out.

A little surprised,
Your wife.

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

Dear doubt
fuck you
leave my head,,,my heart knows more
Ill melt you down,,,freeze you into cubes and drink you down with gin
now GO!!!!

 

[janeyl]

Dear doubt
fuck you
leave my head,,,my heart knows more
Ill melt you down,,,freeze you into cubes and drink you down with gin
now GO!!!!

Thanks Ali-was wracked with doubt myself tonight-now I know what to do with it-good call!!

 

[Pinktacokitty]

Dear Tony Romo....

I do not blame you, a Ken And Barbie party planned for her 29th birthday should have raised a red flag or two when you found out about it.



Sincerely A fan and a willing date.....

 

[omahaman2]

Dear national league all stars,

Can't you win one all star game? Please!!

Cardinal fan!!

 

[GoodOmen]

Dear national league all stars,

Can't you win one all star game? Please!!

Cardinal fan!!

Also from an Astros fan.

 

[ninefe2dg]

Dear Anyone within Five Feet of my ass,

Kindly kick it. Swiftly. Then whirl me around and grab me by the collar and remind me she's going through a tough time, give her some space, and stop bringing up shit that just gets added to her plate.

Then remind me it'll be ok tomorrow, and that some I love you's will go a long way.

Men.

How the fuck do y'all live with us?

Sincerely,

Dumbass

Dear Love of My Life,

Thank you for all the things that you are, and for letting me in your life, even when you're not at your best, and I'm sure as hell not at mine.

I love you,

Dumbass, but moving down the Learning Curve

 

[kendra1980]

Dear Chocolate Cookies in the Cabinet,

You cried out my name as I walked past you in the grocery and rather than leave you orphaned there, with the other cookies looking for homes, all calling my name, I chose you...I'm wishing I had not.

You are not behaving at all. I hear you calling from the cabinet to me all the time. Wanting, no...demanding my attention.

I have made a solemn vow to leave your brother and sisters at the store, no matter how much they beg to come home with me.

~she who will no longer listen to the siren call of chocolate cookies.

 

[GoodOmen]

Dear Fox Sports,
If you can't make it back from commercial break to catch the first pitch of the inning, you're showing too many commercials.
Sincerely,
Peeved baseball fan.

 

[Pinktacokitty]

Dear Peeved baseball fan

Watching the commercials is more interesting than watching baseball on tv....Fox sports knows that....lmao



Sincerely , bored with tv altogether....can't wait for college football.

 

[ninefe2dg]

Dear New Toy

Oh my, I'm still recovering. It was amazing enough and then I switched you on....................

I think I love you

Yours
Still-trembling-besotted-addict

Dear New Toy,

Would you mind backing off a bit? You're putting us outta business.

Penises and Tongues

 

[goodgirl79]

Dear X,

Thank you so much for filling me in on the intimate details of your sexlife with that pre-pubescent boy looking tramp I work with. Perhaps the next time you join a new "club" the entire OR won't have to hear about it.

Truly,
your pissed off circulator

PS you think you're hot shit, but your hair is thinning and turning gray...and soon after your wife has taken you for everything you have-the little girls won't idolize you, anymore.