Dear X:

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Dear X..

I wish things could be different. I wish you would feel as special as I think you are.
I wish things were not so difficult.

I really don't want to let go, but I really don't know if I have any choice.

Love me..

xxx
 
Dear X,

I've worked for you for 5 months, I already know as mych as the much applauded Irene, yet you talk about her as if she was the gift from god or something and treat me like shit. Getting sick of it. A thankyou on occasion would go a long way. So I havent been there for 20 years yet...big whoop!

Besides, I do your job just as well and sometimes better than you do so piss off already!

btw...a .50 cent raise is a pittance when compared to the amount I've learned in 5 months (Though yes, I do know, I am the second highest paid employee there so I guess I will keep my trap shut), but my 1 year review will come soon enough...

Me
 
Dear x,

Its been 8 years. After deciding to find you it took me literally less than 20 min. If you were so interested in what your son was doing, how come you haven't done the same?? Blehh.

Ok that would be my illogical mind speaking I know my phone hasn't been in my name in 4 years. I know I hide under the public radar as much as possible making it nearly impossible to find me unless you know exactly where to look. So yeah, I get it.

Talking to you today was hard damn it!

Like I said...Blehh

Me
 
Dear X ... I'm in my room ... my space .... and all I can think about is what I've done in here ... I look at my "props" and sigh longingly at them ... This room no longer seems like mine anymore ... I need to change spaces if I'm going to function in here any more ... I thought I could ignore my thoughts .... but somehow that's not working too well. I hate to admit that you effected me that way. I have taken you away from me .... and am trying to to ..... I hope this works

Dear M ... Same goes for the above statement .... I hate that you're still in my mind, my life, my space ... but you're really not. My heart aches for you, for a word from you, something from you ...

Dear G ... I love you .... I wish you knew how much, and how badly I want you to be part of me ... how badly I wish you'd meet me half way ... I'm lonely in this place .... please wake up and see that ... see what you're destroying every day ...
 
Dear R,

Thank you. Thank you for always being here for me. I know the past few weeks (months, really) have been difficult. Having you to turn to when I'm at my weakest makes all the difference in the world. You're the light to everything dark in my life.

Me
 
Dear X,

I'm so so sorry I missed your birthday. For the first time in four years, I missed that day. :( I feel so guilty. Heap that on top of the guilt I already feel and you got a whole lot of guilt. I'm sorry that you can remember to send me a $300 gift because you knew I'd been coveting it for months, I'm sorry I forgot. I care, I'll always care, I promised I would never forget my friend...and I forgot. I have no excuse apart from the fact I'm self absorbed and selfish. R always tells me I have to be a little selfish...it's how we survive, but you just keep on giving.

You are a good man, I'm sorry there is something inside me that's broken, a little twisted, a little warped when it comes to relationships. I'm sorry I have a screwed up need to 'bleed' and you never made me, not once. You knew what happened, you knew my self esteem was shattered and you help piece me back together, you still loved me. And I'm sorry that wasn't enough.

I'm just so sorry.

Me
 
Dear You,

If we are ever gonna have a chance, if we are ever gonna to make this work, you a going to *H*A*V*E* to make an effort and meet me half way. Period. There is no other way. I can give all I am, do all I can do, but in the end if you can't do your part we are doomed. If you don't want this, if you have lost interest, if no longer care then just say so. Don't pretend and drag things out. I deserve happiness just as much as you, so don't deny me my chance.

i still love you

still ribh
 
Dear X,

I envy the wind
That whispers in your ear
That howls through the winter
That freezes your fingers
That moves through your hair
And cracks your lips
And chills you to the bone
I envy the wind

I envy the rain
That falls on your face
That wets your eyelashes
And dampens your skin
And touches your tongue
And soaks through your shirt
And drips down your back
I envy the rain

I envy the sun
That brightens your summer
That warms your body
And holds you in her heat
And makes your days longer
And makes you hot
And makes you sweat
I envy the sun

I envy the wind
I envy the rain
I envy the sun
I envy the wind

:kiss::heart:
 
So, I just spent the last hour and a half crying in the shower, until I let the water run cold. I don't know what brought it on exactly. It hit me around dinner time and it just got worse until I couldn't stop weeping. It's not as bad as it used to be. This used to happen five + times a day. Now it's about once a week. So I'm getting better I guess.

It's just days like this where I think I can't take it. Not life, just this whole watching you live your life and know that you don't really care about me. I used to wake up every day needing you, and no one was there but me.

I guess what really threw me for a loop, and still does is that you told me you loved me - and I took it to heart. I believed it, and I never thought that you'd take it away.
It was one of the few constants in my life, or so I thought it was, and when I heard how flat your voice was when you told me that you didn't love me, and that you were never going to love me the way that I thought you did - it pulled the rug right out from under me.

I know I fucked up from time to time. I'm no saint. I complain, I've been depressed; I've got my issues, and I flipped out. I'm sorry. We've gone over this, but I can't get the whole thing out of my head.

I mean you were my family. I never thought I could ever be "some people" to you. Never. You just gave up on me when I needed you most. I love you. I would do anything for you, but it doesn't matter. I don't matter.

I know of certain things about myself that I need to change. I've worked on them, but I still can't help but wonder what it is that I'm missing. Why you don't want me. What it is that they have that I don't.

I dunno. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. That's all I can do. It only comes once a week now. I think I'm getting better.


(((((((PM)))))))))) :rose:

You can't make someone love you, you are not 'missing' anything, you don't need to change who you are and you will drive yourself crazy wondering what they have that you don't....believe me, I know:rose:
 
So, I just spent the last hour and a half crying in the shower, until I let the water run cold. I don't know what brought it on exactly. It hit me around dinner time and it just got worse until I couldn't stop weeping. It's not as bad as it used to be. This used to happen five + times a day. Now it's about once a week. So I'm getting better I guess.

It's just days like this where I think I can't take it. Not life, just this whole watching you live your life and know that you don't really care about me. I used to wake up every day needing you, and no one was there but me.

I guess what really threw me for a loop, and still does is that you told me you loved me - and I took it to heart. I believed it, and I never thought that you'd take it away.
It was one of the few constants in my life, or so I thought it was, and when I heard how flat your voice was when you told me that you didn't love me, and that you were never going to love me the way that I thought you did - it pulled the rug right out from under me.

I know I fucked up from time to time. I'm no saint. I complain, I've been depressed; I've got my issues, and I flipped out. I'm sorry. We've gone over this, but I can't get the whole thing out of my head.

I mean you were my family. I never thought I could ever be "some people" to you. Never. You just gave up on me when I needed you most. I love you. I would do anything for you, but it doesn't matter. I don't matter.

I know of certain things about myself that I need to change. I've worked on them, but I still can't help but wonder what it is that I'm missing. Why you don't want me. What it is that they have that I don't.

I dunno. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. That's all I can do. It only comes once a week now. I think I'm getting better.

*grabs PM and gives her a huge hug*..

Oh my dear PM. You are wonderful, you really are. It is his loss, not yours. Please do not let yourself think you are not good enough, you are amazing :rose:
 
I hope you are doing better today, PM. You are in my thoughts. I know something of how you feel- hang in there.

Dear S,

You did marvelously last night. You held up like a champ. Your obedience was spectacular and made me very happy. See, when you are a good boy you are rewarded. I think we are gonna have a lot of fun together. I will talk to Victory tonight and see about a session for you with her. At any rate, I am looking forward to abusing you more very soon. I think this simple play patner thing might be just the thing for me.

G
 
Dear x,

I really wanted you to be a part of the house thing....hoped you would want to be *soft smile*. Just as i hoped you would ask me about the things i wrote in that email. Hoped that you were interested and wanted to know more.

I guess all the hope in the world can't make you want those things.

So you leave me to do it without you.
 
Dear X ... I'm thinking of you too much today ... and I really hate that.
Oh bugger to hell, I'm thinking of too many things thanks to you X .... make this end please X ... This isn't fair on my anymore or my sanity. Give me a break!!! Crap, I'm sick of this .... I'm sick of how you make me feel .... Either give me back what we once had, or just get out of my head. I hate no getting "closure" ... enough enough enough!

Dear G ... you surprised me yesterday ... I wish that was every day ... I wish you'd see how happy that made me .

Dear Mind, body and soul ... you deserve a break ... I hope it comes soon
 
Dear X

I saw you for the second time today... and all I can say, is I love you already. I love you with everything I am. And I cant wait until I can see you again.

Me
 
Dear Ghostie,

I love you. It's not something I can ever admit any other way, but you and S saved me that week. I feel for you, and have been searching for someone to be you for me for the past 3, almost 4 years.

It's not working. And now you're back in my life, and it's all I can do not to tell you how incredibly jealous I am of her. She has no idea how lucky she is to be able to hold you, kiss you, wake up next to you. So I'm writing this in hopes that if I recognize and accept the feelings, maybe they'll start to be something I can ignore, instead of obsess over every time you do somethin so I'll smile and be a good girl. My heart almost died when you said that to me...I'd wanted to hear it so long, that I almost couldn't believe it.

You know what it means to me, and what you do every time you see me means.
Without your hugs, I'm not really sure what I would do, since everyone else who gives me affection seems to have decided to quit touchin me altogether.

I just..wish you could finish saving me.

Your Ria
 
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