Whatever gets you going. I for one could do without the drama.
Dear KK,
Being ignored or given the "silent treatment" is a BIG red flag/hard limit for me, so if anyone tried that with me they'd soon find themselves blocked/deleted/out of my life. I spent too many years with a domineering idiot who did this whenever he didn't get his own way. It's petty and childish and makes me so mad!
Isn't communication supposed to be one of the major parts of any relationship let alone a D/s one, and especially online since you don't have the benefit of face to face contact or body language.....
Should I apply such a term to one who torches my heart almost every time we speak?
You weren't perfect before you met me. And you've been anything but perfect since we split.
You've managed to screw everyone we knew! Everyone! Even the guy who you said was completely not your type and repulsed you. Yet you fucked him anyway.
What did you think you were doing on your little self-destructive sexual tour of our friends?
And it's not even about the sex!
Isn't that odd? A shower and a week erases all traces of them. In my mind, they don't exist.
But the hell you put my heart through (and that I allow you the ability to) leaves what little soft-sections of my heart I have left shredded and dangling like so much meat on a gnawed bone.
Are you TRYING to make me hate you?
You say "I know you. I know how you are."
If you did, you'd not say or do half the things you say and do.
I once called you lover. My love. Shade of my heart.
Your "favorite" Canadian once said, "Everyone has their limits."
Even though I know there's no way in hell you'd ever find this thread...
I wanted you to see the parts of me that you, yourself, are ruining.
Once I thought I would pine into eternity. The romanticised vestiges of a childhood left over, oddly carried and maintained into adulthood.
Those few things left from a lost part of my life. And you're breaking them.
I don't have much innocence left in me. Most burnt away by adulthood.....experience, pain, strife and the hell of war.
But these few pieces I have managed to save.
And I will not allow you to snuff them out through your inability to fucking get over the hurt I gave you through my ignorance and inability to let go fast enough for your tastes. Mistakes I have made up for and experienced myself in spades since then.
I doubt you think as often as I do. Relive and suffer as I do. Daily.
Not one day goes by. Did you know that?
Did you even notice?
Would you even let yourself believe it, even if you did?
You are as blind to what I harbor for you as I am to what other's hold for me.
Keep your hate then. Keep your hurt, your issues and your distrust as you begin to build that life with him. The man who doesn't even know about all the men you fucked after me and since you two started dating.
If you can't be true to him, to me, then atleast do it for yourself.
I stand before the sink....ready to wash my hands of you.
And you lead me here.
i just needed to get this out...no worries. I'm ok. Just getting tired.
They say, "It's not the years, it's the mileage."
I need an overhaul.
