Dear X:

[intothewoods]

Dear X,

Hey. That's it. Just wanted to say hey.

itw

 

[intothewoods]

Dear other X,

It turns out I can read, so it's not like I'm not aware. It doesn't change what I think about you. You will always have to live with the consequences of your actions, and I am one of those. I am not your friend. I will not ever change my mind. At best, I pity you. At worst, you repulse me. Over time, I just won't care. I don't think about it as much as I used to, and that's a relief. That you are so self-righteous and self-asborbed does still smart, however. Just go away.

-itw

 

[Netzach]

Dear Lit, people I love who have PM'd me, etc.

I am not dissing you. I am extremely real-world super swamped at the moment, all good. PM me anyway, and I will answer you when I can. I am not an asshole. I may have time for a one-word post and not enough to PM back in the extent you deserve.

Love, Netz.

Oh and you can continue to perv on me, my av, and anything you want in my absence.

 

[HB1965]

deleted

 

[minx1]

Dear other X,

It turns out I can read, so it's not like I'm not aware. It doesn't change what I think about you. You will always have to live with the consequences of your actions, and I am one of those. I am not your friend. I will not ever change my mind. At best, I pity you. At worst, you repulse me. Over time, I just won't care. I don't think about it as much as I used to, and that's a relief. That you are so self-righteous and self-asborbed does still smart, however. Just go away.

-itw

I can relate to this *nods*

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Dear X,

so we going to the court tomorrow and your pissed you gotta pay for your kids, your pissed you gotta pay for the rent, your pissed you got almost nothing left then and now you blame ME for that? uh oh. Well you know what? I also pay for the kids! All my damn cash goes to them and the rent. I also must pay the rent. Did you expect me to pay it for you or what?!!

Your so nasty for blaming me for your flauts... Start being responisble and at least admit you have done something wrong!! You got very less of cash left yes, but so do i. Is it my fault the rent is so fukin high???? Is it my fault the court want you to pay that child support?? No! But i am glad they will make you pay, because else you wouldnt give me a shit.

We have kids. We have to take care of them no matter if you like that or not, we just must. Both of us. I pay and you'll pay too. You moaning when you give me the child support and the half of the rent, that you giving me almost your whole income. Ehh, is that my fault you got shits to pay???? I have lots of probs myself and i have to deal with it. You deal with yours!!

Its pissing me off to no end, when you start this suicide shit. When you trying to make me feel responsible for the fact you didnt eat for last 3 days as you say (btw thats lie, but a nice try!). Do you sometimes think of someone else than YOU?!? Do you know i am runing out of cash for the last week and for 7 more days untill my salary, just BECAUSE OF YOU!!? Because you dunno keep one damn promise you make!!

You cry your hungry. If you gave me the cash you suposed to give me, we would be all okay. Me, our kids and you too. You didnt, so not please shut the fuck up and deal with it. I am trying to be nice and not to bash this over your head as i know you feel shit, BUT even my patienece have its limits. Its NOT my fault you got no food. Its YOUR fuking fault!! Act like an adult and at least admit it. Stop blaming me for the shits you going thro. Do i blame you for mine? No!!

I made lots of wrong decisions, now i pay for them and will for like next fuking 50 years i guess, so pardon me, if i am not in the mood to listen to your suicidial shits. I am fucked myself. Do i blame you or anyone else for that? No. Its my fault, i know that very well. Your probs are YOUR own fault, too. Deal with it. I have to do the same.

If you think the child support you gotta pay for our kids is too much? just say it to the court tomorrow! Geez i dont give a fuck how much you gonna pay. The social worker and the court gonna decide how much is okay with your and mine income. Feel free to argue with them and tell them you dont wanna pay that much. It could be interesting to see what they would reply to you.

We have responsibility on our shoulders. I know your going thro a tough time and i know your not handeling it well, but you know what? Me too!! You dont have a fuking clue how do i feel, inside. If you really think i am being a bitch only because i want your half of the rent and the child support, i am sorry then. If you wanna go, go then? If you think you can find cheaper rent, well go. Good luck. Its not like your bound to my bed or anything. If you think the rent here is too much and that you can live cheaper, well go then. I dont mind at all.

Do you think i love it to wash your cloths, make you food etc etc, then see you date all those girls, then come back here and bash me for your probs, then no, i dont need that. I wont miss this at all. You say your hungry. Well why dont you tell your new bitch to feed you??? Or is it she gets the good of you and me all the shits? Your so argghhhhh!!! FUCK YOU

I dont have a clue how i am gonna handle pay the rent here all by myself once you leave, but i cannot wait till your outta here. I am so much better without you. Anytime i am with you, i end totaly in the ass. Even without a food. Thats so fucked up!! God i should be better on it when we are together, shouldnt i? But you bring me down. Always. So get your shits and hit the door!! Cant wait till your gone. sigh

~your ex

 

[sexycaz22]

Dear X,

so we going to the court tomorrow and your pissed you gotta pay for your kids, your pissed you gotta pay for the rent, your pissed you got almost nothing left then and now you blame ME for that? uh oh. Well you know what? I also pay for the kids! All my damn cash goes to them and the rent. I also must pay the rent. Did you expect me to pay it for you or what?!!......................................

*HUGS* Hope it works out well for you

My mother have been there with my father (but not to the courts) so I sorta of know what you are going through. It was hard seeing my mother suffer with the money issues when they separated.

why does the men think its all the women's fault all the time? Why can't they accept at least some of the blame????

Anyway...my thoughts and wishes are with you for tomorrow.

 

[SweetGigi]

deleted at the request of OP.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

*HUGS* Hope it works out well for you

My mother have been there with my father (but not to the courts) so I sorta of know what you are going through. It was hard seeing my mother suffer with the money issues when they separated.

why does the men think its all the women's fault all the time? Why can't they accept at least some of the blame????

Anyway...my thoughts and wishes are with you for tomorrow.

Thank you Cazz!

My ex says i wanna ruin him, but i dont, i just have things to pay, just as he does. sigh

He just told me he have a woman who want just 2000,- from him monthly while i want 4000,-. Well i need that 4000,- for the rent. If he gives her only 2000,- she cannot be able to pay the rent and the food for that lol, which neans he just simply looking for someone who will take care of him. Someone who will give him food and place to live for very less, or even better, for none cash, thats so lame. I told him hes sad fuck who use women to take care of him. I cannot affort to do that, got no cash for that and i refuse to feed my ex from money that belongs to our our kids and thats exactely what he want me to do. It wont happen tho. He can go, i dont care.

I just wanna have holy peace finaly. Wish it was over. Now.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Dear Mom and God,
Please look out for Sir's family right now... Please make sure it isnt her time to come to you as I am praying his family and himself dont have to go thru the mourning Ive been going thru... with your loss... Let his family arrive to say thier goodbyes if it is her time.. not saying goodbye sucks.. I know you are my guardian angel mom and I miss you more than I ever can express espically now with all I am going thru... Please look out for those I care and love..

SKL

 

[intothewoods]

I can relate to this *nods*

Thanks, babe.

 

[satindesire]

Dear Honda Rebel,

Just as I was getting to like you, you wreck on me? Thanks for the sprained knee, broken eye socket and stitches. You're swell.

I'm swell, too. Swollen, actually.

I hate you and love you at the same time. When I get this cast off we're gonna have a nice long talk, you and I.

Love, Me

 

[EmpressFi]

Dear Honda Rebel,

Just as I was getting to like you, you wreck on me? Thanks for the sprained knee, broken eye socket and stitches. You're swell.

I'm swell, too. Swollen, actually.

I hate you and love you at the same time. When I get this cast off we're gonna have a nice long talk, you and I.

Love, Me

*hugs gently* Malin and I hope you're ok

 

[00Syd]

Dear Honda Rebel,

Just as I was getting to like you, you wreck on me? Thanks for the sprained knee, broken eye socket and stitches. You're swell.

I'm swell, too. Swollen, actually.

I hate you and love you at the same time. When I get this cast off we're gonna have a nice long talk, you and I.

Love, Me

I hope your okay! Well, obviously your not totally okay, but.. you know what I mean. Best wishes for getting well and for talking some sense into that stupid Honda.

 

[FuckMeEyes]

Wow, what a great thread. I can only wish I saw this sooner.

I am adding something of my own that I wrote years ago. I wrote this for X to make sure I could say everything I needed to say without being interrupted and without forgetting a single point, nor arguing over how I feel. I gave it to her the last time I saw her, simply said goodbye, and never looked back.

She text-messaged me a while back about flying into the area and calling it ironic. The first thought that came to mind is how ironic is it that the tables have turned? To think she's closer to someone who, in reality, is much further away; physically and emotionally. Anyways, this is just my little attempt at trying to be open and to share something that others here have already shared.

This isn't about getting you to see clearly or any of that crap. This isn't about getting you back or trying to help you straighten your shit out. This is for me.

You remember telling me that I'm the first person to ever grab you and just give it to you straight and blunt? Well here it is, no, don't be mistaken, it's not any different other than that I'm not a third party, it happened to me.

What's the matter with you? Why do you have to lie so much? You've been lying since the start only to tell the truth when you actually couldn't stop yourself from feeling guilty.

I remember telling you I wanted to go out with someone, but then you got jealous. You couldn't even admit you were cause of this whole "I don't get jealous," crap. You want one of the very first instances of why I can't stand to hear you spout some crap about "For the first time in my life, I'm doing something for myself"? That was it. Here you were, wanting to have me even though you were married and lying about it. That's not self-centered, that's selfish. You lied to me about being married and you lied to me about kids. You lied to me when I asked about your life, how you were depressed because you wanted someone to come home to that cared for you to come home. Never mind the fact that you had two kids who cared and a husband. Then you bawled your eyes out hoping to God I wouldn't leave you after you told me.

Even before then... remember when I took a week off from work in case you'd let me come down and see you? You didn't want me to come down because you didn't want to be honest, but you still wanted me to spend that week with you instead of just going back to work. You had some nerve to get pissed off at me for looking for your phone number and talking to me about the betrayal of your trust when all that time you had been betraying mine.

I don't know what happened to you after you finally told the truth about your boys. I thought it was great, you opened up, you cared, though you still held back, I felt things were good. Then something happened that makes me think of my 25th birthday. I ask myself and snicker, "What did X do for your birthday?" Nothing, she didn't even talk to me, much less say something as simple as Happy Birthday, but her husband did...

You asked for time and I gave it to you only for you to take space and everything else. I realize now, back in November and even before we physically met, you weren't being just you in a good relationship. You were struggling and trying to do what you thought you should enjoy in a good relationship, but you never had a good relationship before. You didn't know how to handle it and you couldn't handle it. You were scared shitless that you would fuck things up, "waiting for the other shoe to fall...," because how you were was something you had never done before. All the while you didn't wait for the other shoe to fall, you forced it off because you didn't know what the hell to do with yourself when you actually showed you cared and loved me.

Every now and then, though more rarely than when I was younger, I look back at my life and ask myself, "What's the biggest mistake of my life?" My answer now, even more so than throwing away a chance to get a degree that was handed to me on a plate, is coming down there in January. Boy what a fucking mistake that was. Now I just feel like I've wasted the past two years of my life, thrown away on you. I was so depressed to see you tell me some bullshit about taking time to yourself to think things over only to see you go out with your buddy, S, almost every day. Hell, you couldn't even explain to me what it was you were doing, instead you left it to me to try to figure it out. Now that's consideration for you. But what was that time with you worth? Absolutely nothing in the end, I see now, well except the learning experience that a bad job that pays well is worth more than a... I'll get back to that in my own way.

I remember the talks we had, the way you said you take care of the leaves on a tree before anything else because you want to get them out of the way and focus on the roots. Then I ask myself, why does she always tout so much about multi-tasking? My thoughts on that is because you can't handle much more than one important thing at a time and it's just a way of you trying to convince yourself that you can handle everything. Like a tree, there is no fucking tree if there aren't any roots. You spend so much time taking care of all the things that don't matter and you're too... whatever the hell is the matter with you to realize that the things that do matter are the ones that can be around forever. Everyone goes through friends, they come and they go, sometimes they're around for good, but you know what? That's their choice, not yours, no matter how you "take care" of them. The things that matter are the things that you actually have a say in. Like your kids, like your relationship with me, like your relationship with C. It's not about us, it's about you and your life being a part of ours. Note: not just me, not just you, not just your kids, but you interacting with everything and everyone around you.

I've thought about you a lot. Thought about your life. Thought about what things would be like if I actually had a chance to enjoy a relationship with you, without wondering if you're going to break it, November and before was the longest time I didn't feel that way but then there was still the stress of C being around. I've thought about the things you told me about what you've done with S. Then I thought about that moment on the beach when you told me. I've thought about all the crap you put me through and all the times I've ever expressed something that was bothering me.

Boy, did I see a big fucking difference there. When you do something shitty, I'm always the one who has to understand or has to watch what I do because I might fuck it up. Though whenever I just say something about what I don't like, you get all pissed off, magnify whatever it was I mentioned like a little child, and then turn around on me like I fucked up because I had an opinion that wasn't positive. The more I think about this, the more I think that it comes down to guilt. You want to do things, have it your way, and you don't want to feel guilty if you shit on someone else or fuck up your life during the process. Guilt is the only reason why you bothered to tell the truth about S. Even in the car your fucked up mentality changed. It went from you feeling bad because you did something wrong, to feeling bad because you did something that affected me, to feeling bad cause of what it means about you, and then to you needed to do something that I just need to understand. What the fuck is this?

You continued to tell me the things you've done with S and wanted me to be okay about it. I wondered why. Hell, I was even blinded by the perception that you valued my friendship. No... it wasn't that at all, was it? You just wanted to not feel guilty about it. Then there's the whole shit I think about back when I thought things were good. So much feeling, expression, thought, and words spoken from your heart, all given to me... Then the question you'd ask in different ways... "What's the matter with you, H? Why can't you understand that I love you more than anyone but still fuck my husband?" Hmmm, what is wrong with that? Nothing wrong with that if having no faithfulness is important to you. Then that ties in with having no faith lets you have no guilt, too.

And you wondered why I thought you were self-destructive? Why would you want to throw away something that in your words and heart was the best relationship you've ever had? My twist is: the best one you never enjoyed... but even I admit isn't appropriate considering what I said at the start of this.

When I questioned why you kept bullshitting me about being busy all the time, but at the same time you had plenty of time to talk to everyone else, you told me you only talked to the people you wanted to. Two words came to mind, fucking cunt. You sat around bullshitting me, directly wasting 5 months of my life without a fucking word or thought of consideration of saying anything. You used me. Used me without cares or guilt for the last 5 months since before I paid for your vacation. Then I got to thinking... I remember you once told me that you didn't want to be a fallback girlfriend. The girlfriend who gives what I don't get from another. Looking at the things you've said and looking back at you, that's exactly what you were doing to me when you didn't have the decency to tell me the truth about your life. You used me to give you all the things you weren't getting, to help you when you fucked up, to console you when you didn't have anyone else to cheer you up, and even get your pussy wet when no one else could do it for you. Yeah, vacation... You used me to give you one, to support you and help you get your shit together to go away with P. You used me afterwards when you finally decided to get a divorce as a cushion so you wouldn't feel like you were fucking up and doing something stupid, to help you keep going cause you couldn't help or push yourself. You used me like you used C, like you used P, like you used S, like you used the other affair you had before me, and used me like you did L. The more I think about all of this, the more I can't help but to congratulate you on becoming everything you've ever hated about every relationship you've ever had. I used to admire you, foolishly, now I can't even respect you. You're a fucking leach to everyone you supposedly care about. Sucking in everything you can without feeling desire to give anything that doesn't benefit you.

What's the matter with you? I wouldn't just give you everything. I did give you everything. I gave you my heart, my thoughts, my memories, my body, my trust, my faith, my belief, my courage, my vulnerability, my respect, and my spirit. For what? You tell me what all of that was worth to you.

In one of my last e-mails, I said that I was worth more than you've ever given, meaning that you've always held back. Is all I've given to you really worth some half-ass relationship? I know how I feel about it, but how do you feel about it? Guilty or not thinking about it so you don't feel guilty?

I'm sick of all of your lies. I'm sick of you hiding everything. I'm sick of your insecurities in everything you do in a relationship. I'm sick of your lying to yourself. Damn, every time I'm close to you, it's like all you can do is say nothing because you're too afraid to admit you have feelings or lie about things to push me away. You're so afraid of living your own life that you keep lying to yourself about everything and letting your past and all your shitty comparisons run your life for you. Yeah, that's so fair of you. Instead of looking at me for who I am as an individual, you looked at me in what I had and what I lacked compared to everyone else. Going through the motions? You're beyond that. You've been going through all the negative motions of everything you've hated about every relationship you've ever had and it's so damn unfair that I had to be the object of it all.

Yeah, my e-mails are what turned you off to me, as you fumble around for more excuses to the things you were shitty about. I know you’re hurt by me telling you to take my heart off, of course your walls are going to go soaring up, but I'm convinced you never truly loved me. All your fucked up problems with having to struggle to be close to someone and then shitting on the ones you are close to when they don't suit your wants. I don't remember a time when you acted completely selflessly, only selfishly because everything you do, you do it because it benefits you in one way or another, even when it inconveniences you, something as simple as having the peace of mind that someone wont keep asking you for something is enough for you to do a "favor." You can't be close to anyone, because when you are, you suck the blood dry and get pissed off and run away from them as if they pissed on your cheerios and smiled as you ate them.

You came back from you trip to WV with this whole new attitude like you were finally ready to live YOUR life. Instead it seems like you only wanted to believe you were ready without putting in the effort to ENJOY your life. You have so much baggage, it's not even funny. Where did it all start? Instead of looking at all your relationships and how they compare to each other and how the people you've fucked compare to each other, maybe you should be looking further back and ask yourself; what the fuck went wrong with you? I know it wasn't the last two long-term relationships you've had. No, for you to make statements about yourself like "I've never known love, before," it had to come before anything crappy happened to you. So many secrets... Is there anyone you've ever known worth sharing them with? I used to believe you felt that way with me. I used to believe a lot of things about you. Simply stated, I used to believe so much in you. What happened to you? Don't try convincing yourself that you've always been this way and nothing is wrong with you. I know you've gone through some big changes this year. I know you've questioned everything this year and I know you've been questioning your life since last you could remember. I also know you've been questioning everything for most of your cold life, when what you should have been questioning is yourself.

You know what the really funny thing is? The thing that hurts me the most? I would have stayed by your side if you had simply just talked to me about it... What hurts the most is that you didn't say anything, you turned that corner and headed right back into the same circle I followed you into, earlier this year. I know nothing has positively progressed when you've become predictable in a negative way. I had a feeling you'd wind up with S again... well what do you know, glad you're doing your best for you, because if it were my best, I'd be ashamed. I have a question for you, how many of your friends that you introduced me to did you NOT fuck?

How appreciative of me could you possibly be when I call and wish you a Happy Anniversary and the only thing you have to say is, "The date wasn't lost on me..." How faithful could you possibly be when I ask if you've been cheating on me and instead of yes, you tell me, "I'm doing what's best for me." How much can you be doing for yourself when you keep changing who or what your motivation for doing what you're doing is for? I've heard you say for yourself, I've heard you get upset as if it's for me, I even heard you say you're doing it for your kids. What are you doing?

You're depressed about your life slipping away? Take a look at everything you've ever had and realize who was responsible for not enjoying the things you've lost. I gave my all to you, jumped off my cliff to be with you, only to watch you throw it away because nothing is ever good enough for you to care enough about to make a faithful effort, not even yourself... well, not unless some shallow pleasure can bring a 5 second smile to your face. Even then I wondered so much about why you couldn't be around someone after fucking them. The thought just came to me, you can't be around anyone probably because you're disgraced with who you are and everything shitty you've ever done. You live your life without regrets? I don't think so... They all come out when you're naked in bed and feeling open as they rush so strongly out of you, demanding an explanation, and you can't ignore them anymore. You can't be around anyone because you struggle hard enough as it is just being with yourself...

I remember a dream. Two people in the air. A third person on the ground reaching up to grab her. She held onto him in the air, clung to him, and the scary part ended along with the dream. You let go of me and now the only place for you to fall is down...

You told me before, that you married C because he did something no one else had, he loved you. Wouldn't most people rather marry someone they loved also? You're right. You don't know what true love really is. You don't know how to care about someone and truly enjoy them without conditions. You place your limits on yourself for when it's convenient for you to care, place limits on yourself on enjoying only the things that focus on you, and you place limits on yourself on how much you can enjoy anything. It's sad to the point of being disgusting when I think about your lack of perseverance in trying to overcome those limits. The best things in life come to those who pursue with patience and perseverance... And now you know what I mean by having the potential for so much more... all of it Wasted.

You don't realize it now. You may not even realize it five years from now. But when you do realize it, you'll know that you fucked up the best relationship you've ever had. I want you to know that you fucked up and there's no reason or person you can blame other than yourself. Your lack of effort in anything worthwhile and your quickness to run away from everything is disgusting. I'm not better than you, I'm just not you.

You've always pleaded with me, "Why can't you be mad at me? At least I would know how to handle it." Well, here it is. I hate you, X, to the point of loathing and despise. Don't reply to this. Don't call me. Don't even bother trying to talk to me or respond. You don't have to "handle" anything other than looking at yourself in a mirror for the rest of your life. I don't ever want to talk to you again. I loved you like I had never loved anyone else before, like I had never been hurt, like I was truly yours and yours alone and even now, the only thing you can do is be pissed off and try to convince yourself that I'm the one to blame because you didn't do anything at all... Wasted!

 

[Essene]

 

[sinnocence]

Dear Daddy,

Wow. It feels so weird to be on here after so many weeks without. But i'm hoping You will read this soon since i got a chance to log on. i miss You terribly and i can't wait to get home JUST so i can talk to You. my nights have been so empty without hearing Your voice before i go to sleep. i will be home tomorrow night, so expect Your phone to ring. Of course, that's if You have the damn thing on. i love You more than anything and can't wait to hear Your voice.

Love always,
me

 

[MelancholyBaby]

Dear SpaceyGuy,

I know you are away now and I won't talk to you for a month maybe, but I miss you. I never meant to hurt you the times I did and I thank you so very much for your forgiveness and your unconditional regard and encouragement of me. Thanks for helping me see things inside myself that I couldn't see. I'm sorry that everything always had to be about me.

I hope you are enjoying your trip. Know I'm thinking about you.

All my love,
SpaceyGirl

 

[satindesire]

Dearest Satin,

*hugs*

-PM

Dear PM,

*hugs back tightly with a big dimple-y smile*

Thanks baby. You're the best ever.

Hugs and kisses,

Megs

 

[Essene]

 

[satindesire]

Dear Meggie,

Thank you. Your kind words really mean a lot to me. I needed that!

I'm going to remember you said that and take it to heart - Even if you are all sorts of doped up on meds!



Big *HUGS*

-PM

Dear PM,

*Looks around suspiciously* Shhh! Keep it down now, you don't want any of these junkies around here lookin for handouts, wouldja?

I may be high as a kite right now, but that doesn't mean you're any less awesome. I'm just brave enough to say what I've wanted to for a while when I've got all this courage-in-pill-form in me.

I'm typically shy. These next few days should be interesting.

You're still the best.

Smoochies,

Your Meggie

 

[twysted73]

BC & FRO,

If you had of sent the OM 2 montsh ago like I asked then we wouldn't have had to deal with all the phone calls & associated problems. Now that I do have it, it is too F***ing late, but as per SOC I have to pass the word. Which just creates more work for my girls.

Do you need any lube? Or a flashlight? It appears that you heads are so far up your arses that you must need something.

Your dedicated & relentless FRT saviour

THAT is precicely why they kissed your ass the second you stepped in there.
And you were worried.....

 

[minx1]

Dear X

I miss you so much today.

I just wish that we could have a conversation...a proper conversation *soft smile*

Nearly there now and I can't wait. Really can't wait. Yet at the same time I'm so nervous about it. Nervous about leaving, nervous about being there, nervous about not being there! *laugh*. Nervous about the effects of these last few weeks.
See I have been thinking way too much! I know.....shush. What I would give to hear you tell me that in the way only you can.

In all this uncertainty and nervousness there is one thing I am sure about though...you.

I adore you,

Always,

Me xx

 

[naxalite0906]

Dear Minx..
Good luck with everything, my thoughts are with you still..


Dear Banana lady..
You are the best, satin isnt the only one to think that.
Get well soon

 

[satindesire]

Dear Pimmy,

You are so sweet, all your posts have made me feel loved.

Let me take you out to lunch sometime, if we're ever in the same town one day.

xo

meggie