ABSTRUSE
Cirque du Freak
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2003
- Posts
- 50,094
Dear Stupid Bitch,
Now I have someone to race my Caddy with. We can fly past those German U-Boats. Caddys rule!!!!
Abs, proud Caddy owner.
Dear X:
- Thread starter cloudy
- Start date
Dear Stupid Bitch,
Now I have someone to race my Caddy with. We can fly past those German U-Boats. Caddys rule!!!!
Abs, proud Caddy owner.
MagicaPractica
Alchemist
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2004
- Posts
- 20,069
Dear Stupid Bitch,
Now I have someone to race my Caddy with. We can fly past those German U-Boats. Caddys rule!!!!
Abs, proud Caddy owner.
Dear proud Caddy owners,
I got a baby Caddy at a fraction of the price. It's called getting a Buick LaCrosse made in a Caddy factory.
MP, happy driver.
Misty_Morning
Narcissistic Hedonist
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2006
- Posts
- 6,129
Dear All You Caddy and buick Drivers....
I drive a honda civic.
GREAT gas mileage and have never had any problems...(on my 3rd civic)...
Next time I see you broke down on the side of the road....I'll wave.
Signed,
The owner of the not too hip but extremely reliable auto owner.
Beep-beep.
I drive a honda civic.
GREAT gas mileage and have never had any problems...(on my 3rd civic)...
Next time I see you broke down on the side of the road....I'll wave.
Signed,
The owner of the not too hip but extremely reliable auto owner.
Beep-beep.
TheeGoatPig
There is no R in my name
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Posts
- 13,163
Dear classic car enthusiasts,
Does Pontiac being dissolved mean that my Firebird is an instant classic? Does this mean that I should fix all of the dents in it and paint the replacement door to match the rest of the car's color? What about the engine? Should I get that cleaned, rebuilt even, and fine tuned? Maybe I should replace my poor little six cylinder with a real V8?
Plase get back to me,
a poor Firebird owner
Does Pontiac being dissolved mean that my Firebird is an instant classic? Does this mean that I should fix all of the dents in it and paint the replacement door to match the rest of the car's color? What about the engine? Should I get that cleaned, rebuilt even, and fine tuned? Maybe I should replace my poor little six cylinder with a real V8?
Plase get back to me,
a poor Firebird owner
Safe_Bet
No she's not back I'm Amy
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2008
- Posts
- 8,663
Please don't kill the messager... I'm just the typist...
Dear Abs & Others,
BRING IT! We're talking a rocket red XLR here, baby, and she is FAST!!!
As for Pontiacs: Pffffft!
As for Civics: I think there might be one in the trunk as a spare...
As For Firebirds: Meh.
As for Suzy: (fuck you I ain't typing that, bitch)
Best Regards,
Amy
(*ahem* it is a pretty car... but she STILL shoulda asked me first! SB)
Dear Abs & Others,
BRING IT! We're talking a rocket red XLR here, baby, and she is FAST!!!
As for Pontiacs: Pffffft!
As for Civics: I think there might be one in the trunk as a spare...
As For Firebirds: Meh.
As for Suzy: (fuck you I ain't typing that, bitch)
Best Regards,
Amy
(*ahem* it is a pretty car... but she STILL shoulda asked me first! SB)
Misty_Morning
Narcissistic Hedonist
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2006
- Posts
- 6,129
heehee....this just made me think of the time when I was at concert. We were all partying afterwards at a hotel and ran out of beer. A friend offered to go get some beer.
We got a call from him some time later....he was at the police station. He had driven down to the corner store on a micro bike and got arrested for DUI....
The cop threw his bike in the trunk.
This was like the little bitty bikes that the shriners ride.....
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2007
- Posts
- 78,287
Dear Ms Customer,
Further to our inspection of your car:
1 Please be advised that the black cap you called 710 is actually the place where lubricating oil is poured into the engine of your car. It is not the place to add water to the cooling system of the engine.
2 We would further advise you that your car uses Diesel fuel, not Gasoline. The two fuels are not the same and a mixture can cause many problems, as you will undoubtedly note from the enclosed interim Bill.
3 The Tires on a Motor vehicle are usually pressurised with AIR, not Hydrogen, to a known pressure as recommended by the maker. This ensures a smooth ride over most kinds of road. Please note that if you really want to ride roughshod on dirt tracks, you should fit the appropriate tires. We will be happy to advise on this subject. Hydrogen can be used in certain vehicles as a Fuel. As you discovered, it is also quite explosive.
We hope and trust that your incarceration in Hospital will not be of a long duration and look forward to receiving your further instructions with regard to your Car.
Yours sincerely,
Your Mechanic.
Further to our inspection of your car:
1 Please be advised that the black cap you called 710 is actually the place where lubricating oil is poured into the engine of your car. It is not the place to add water to the cooling system of the engine.
2 We would further advise you that your car uses Diesel fuel, not Gasoline. The two fuels are not the same and a mixture can cause many problems, as you will undoubtedly note from the enclosed interim Bill.
3 The Tires on a Motor vehicle are usually pressurised with AIR, not Hydrogen, to a known pressure as recommended by the maker. This ensures a smooth ride over most kinds of road. Please note that if you really want to ride roughshod on dirt tracks, you should fit the appropriate tires. We will be happy to advise on this subject. Hydrogen can be used in certain vehicles as a Fuel. As you discovered, it is also quite explosive.
We hope and trust that your incarceration in Hospital will not be of a long duration and look forward to receiving your further instructions with regard to your Car.
Yours sincerely,
Your Mechanic.
ABSTRUSE
Cirque du Freak
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2003
- Posts
- 50,094
Bitch, you have the one I wanted, except I wanted mine in black. Come pick me up, I'll look so much better in it than our little SB.
Safe_Bet
No she's not back I'm Amy
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2008
- Posts
- 8,663
Bitch, you have the one I wanted, except I wanted mine in black. Come pick me up, I'll look so much better in it than our little SB.
LOL I almost popped for the -V model, but it would have cost out of pocket vs. an even trade for my SLK. Our local Caddy dealer's sales are hurting badly, so they were avid to deal, but the Sales Manager wouldn't go below their actual cost.
If you are planning to buy, you might want to do so soon, before they start devaluing the dollar because then the cost of everything will go way up due to the dollar having much less purchasing power.
I think I'll still keep Suzy where she's at for the time being. I'm not done slapping her bony ass into shape quite yet, but in another 20 - 30 years I'll have molded her into a "nice, little, well behaved, wifey" and I'll swing by to pick you up.
Amy
Suzy's Boss and Master
TheeGoatPig
There is no R in my name
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Posts
- 13,163
Dear Amy,
Please get your own account already. It would cut down on the confusion just a tad
Please get your own account already. It would cut down on the confusion just a tad
Safe_Bet
No she's not back I'm Amy
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2008
- Posts
- 8,663
Dear Boss & Master My Ass,
Jesus! I leave you unattend for 20 freakin minutes to run to the store and you come up with this crap? You're worse than the kids for gawd sake!
BTW, don't even DREAM about touching my "bony ass" for quite some time.
Signed your "nice, little, well behaved, wifey" (BITCH! )
P.S. THEE, I made her get one! I've told her to use her OWN log in a hundred freakin times, but she's too damn stubborn to do it!
Jesus! I leave you unattend for 20 freakin minutes to run to the store and you come up with this crap? You're worse than the kids for gawd sake!
BTW, don't even DREAM about touching my "bony ass" for quite some time.
Signed your "nice, little, well behaved, wifey" (BITCH!
)P.S. THEE, I made her get one! I've told her to use her OWN log in a hundred freakin times, but she's too damn stubborn to do it!
Dragonlipz
Deep Fried and Sanctified
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2008
- Posts
- 2,096
Bye bye you bleedin' once a month ho......and I mean that in the most positive and productive way.......
fieryjen
Midnight Fairy
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2003
- Posts
- 14,976
Dear Sister, dear Brother-In-Law,
You're both driving me crazy.
Just decide whether you two are in love or not, for fuck's sake! And stop with the drunken confessions. And stop telling me there's nothing going on when you're staying at my house just to have me find you sharing the same bed when I go to wake you up every morning.
I love you both and I like the idea of the both of you being happy together, but I don't like the back and forth that keeps going on. I'm worried it won't end well.
Also, dear brother-in-law, stop using your parents' view of this relationship as "incest" as an argument against it. We all know you don't ever give a flying fuck what they think anyway.
Also, dear sister, I understand you're sick of him going back and forth emotionally, but since you don't know whether you want him or not yourself, you can't expect him to figure you out, either. You know him well enough to realize he's being half-assed about approaching you again because he doesn't want to get hurt, and you're not giving him any kind of clear signal in either direction. It's not all his fault.
Now CAN YOU BOTH PLEASE GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER? Thank you.
Love,
Jen
You're both driving me crazy.
Just decide whether you two are in love or not, for fuck's sake! And stop with the drunken confessions. And stop telling me there's nothing going on when you're staying at my house just to have me find you sharing the same bed when I go to wake you up every morning.
I love you both and I like the idea of the both of you being happy together, but I don't like the back and forth that keeps going on. I'm worried it won't end well.
Also, dear brother-in-law, stop using your parents' view of this relationship as "incest" as an argument against it. We all know you don't ever give a flying fuck what they think anyway.
Also, dear sister, I understand you're sick of him going back and forth emotionally, but since you don't know whether you want him or not yourself, you can't expect him to figure you out, either. You know him well enough to realize he's being half-assed about approaching you again because he doesn't want to get hurt, and you're not giving him any kind of clear signal in either direction. It's not all his fault.
Now CAN YOU BOTH PLEASE GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER? Thank you.
Love,
Jen
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2007
- Posts
- 78,287
Dear Customer,
Yes, we do have fast cars available for sale, but if I may draw your attention to a few problems with ownership?
1. Fast cars are not designed to go slow. The engines just don't like it.
2. Unless you are insanely rich and don't care, these cars also guzzle Gas like there's no tomorrow.
3. From what I can see, there are few roads upon which you can legally drive real fast.
4. Driving a fast car is not for the stupid or faint-hearted. Better book your driving instructions before purchase.
5. Maintenance of these cars is difficult and expensive. For example, changing the Cam belt on a Ferrari involves removal of the engine which is a two-day job at a rate measures in hundreds of dollars per hour (about $16000 or so). This has to be done every 9000 miles.
sincerely your
Garage.
Yes, we do have fast cars available for sale, but if I may draw your attention to a few problems with ownership?
1. Fast cars are not designed to go slow. The engines just don't like it.
2. Unless you are insanely rich and don't care, these cars also guzzle Gas like there's no tomorrow.
3. From what I can see, there are few roads upon which you can legally drive real fast.
4. Driving a fast car is not for the stupid or faint-hearted. Better book your driving instructions before purchase.
5. Maintenance of these cars is difficult and expensive. For example, changing the Cam belt on a Ferrari involves removal of the engine which is a two-day job at a rate measures in hundreds of dollars per hour (about $16000 or so). This has to be done every 9000 miles.
sincerely your
Garage.
SEVERUSMAX
Benevolent Master
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2004
- Posts
- 28,995
Dear David,
Just because you believe in a 6-day creation doesn't make it fact. Try to grow up and look at the science before spouting off on subjects that you know nothing about. By the way, you're a lazy, ignorant bum.
Dear Jeanette,
You're generally more likeable these days than you used to be. Try and keep it up. Don't become the patronizing, condescending bitch that you were before. By the way, a little less crazy of a social life might cut down on the illness. And get that cracked rib looked at, will ya? Gaining a pound or two from a regular meal might help as well.
Just because you believe in a 6-day creation doesn't make it fact. Try to grow up and look at the science before spouting off on subjects that you know nothing about. By the way, you're a lazy, ignorant bum.
Dear Jeanette,
You're generally more likeable these days than you used to be. Try and keep it up. Don't become the patronizing, condescending bitch that you were before. By the way, a little less crazy of a social life might cut down on the illness. And get that cracked rib looked at, will ya? Gaining a pound or two from a regular meal might help as well.
fieryjen
Midnight Fairy
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2003
- Posts
- 14,976
Dear Anonymous,
sorry to hear I hurt your feelings with my profile statement (okay, not really). If you think I'm sad that I lost the opportunity to talk to someone who's that much of an ass, I think you missed the point of the statement - it's designed to discourage exactly people like you. Getting you frustrated enough that you wrote an entire email about it is just a bit of a bonus. And the fact that the last part of your email makes the whole thing completely nonsensical actually made me giggle, not gonna lie. Here's a hint: writing a girl a frustrated, scathing email and then telling her in it that she deserves to be ignored (can you spot the contradiction?) most likely won't produce the desired effect.
Better luck next time, dude.
sorry to hear I hurt your feelings with my profile statement (okay, not really). If you think I'm sad that I lost the opportunity to talk to someone who's that much of an ass, I think you missed the point of the statement - it's designed to discourage exactly people like you. Getting you frustrated enough that you wrote an entire email about it is just a bit of a bonus. And the fact that the last part of your email makes the whole thing completely nonsensical actually made me giggle, not gonna lie. Here's a hint: writing a girl a frustrated, scathing email and then telling her in it that she deserves to be ignored (can you spot the contradiction?) most likely won't produce the desired effect.
Better luck next time, dude.
Last edited:
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2007
- Posts
- 78,287
Dear X,
Further to your letter requesting employment, I regret to say we currently have no vacancies. However, we have kept your letter on file against future plans.
sincerely
Mr Y
[note to Secretary. Copy this application and pin it up[; it's hilarious.
The use of 'text speak' makes reading someone difficult and open to abuse.
Don't they learn English english any more ?
Y ]
Further to your letter requesting employment, I regret to say we currently have no vacancies. However, we have kept your letter on file against future plans.
sincerely
Mr Y
[note to Secretary. Copy this application and pin it up[; it's hilarious.
The use of 'text speak' makes reading someone difficult and open to abuse.
Don't they learn English english any more ?
Y ]
Lady_Guenivere
Sex is a two-way treat.
- Joined
- May 17, 2007
- Posts
- 1,221
Dear X,
I am sorry that I am not the woman you need me to be. I am trying...from the deepest part of my core...I am trying to be her.
I love you.
xo
Guenivere
I am sorry that I am not the woman you need me to be. I am trying...from the deepest part of my core...I am trying to be her.
I love you.
xo
Guenivere
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2007
- Posts
- 78,287
Dear Sir/Madam,
Further to the dental work required on your Dragon, please find the enclosed estimate:-
Repair & Repaint as necessary
Hospital Bills for burns
A new set of tools
A new fire-proof outfit.
Please advise your Insurance company that there will be more Bills when the final details are known, particularly from the structural engineers.
If you'd be kind enough to collect your Dragon at the earliest possible time, it would be of great help to us (I'll swear in Court he said something about Virgins last time I fed him).
sincerely,
PS. As an aside, I can say that it was quite a challenge, although the Anaesthetists were surprised just how flammable some of their gasses are. We are sending another set of documents to the "Patent Fireproof Clothing Company, Inc." because it wasn't.
Further to the dental work required on your Dragon, please find the enclosed estimate:-
Repair & Repaint as necessary
Hospital Bills for burns
A new set of tools
A new fire-proof outfit.
Please advise your Insurance company that there will be more Bills when the final details are known, particularly from the structural engineers.
If you'd be kind enough to collect your Dragon at the earliest possible time, it would be of great help to us (I'll swear in Court he said something about Virgins last time I fed him).
sincerely,
PS. As an aside, I can say that it was quite a challenge, although the Anaesthetists were surprised just how flammable some of their gasses are. We are sending another set of documents to the "Patent Fireproof Clothing Company, Inc." because it wasn't.
fieryjen
Midnight Fairy
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2003
- Posts
- 14,976
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2007
- Posts
- 78,287
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