Dear X:

[Belegon]

Me too, Vana. You didn't know me worth a damn when you first offered me support and love.

Now you do know me, and you still offer it. That's even more impressive.

I will always be here if you need me. You have my cell numbers. I love who you are and what you do for the world.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I love you all so very much.

 

[English Lady]

I love you all so very much.

Dear Vana,

Love you too, sweet heart.

You're in my heart, always.

 

[Guest]

Dear Depression,

Why can't you keep away even for one moment? I've been coping, over the past few months. I thought because I have been taking care of myself, you had vanished. But of course I was wrong.

The last few weeks have been like being in my own personal hell. There have been moments, when I thought that the light would surely stay, but strangely, found myself far away - disembodied from it all.

You've kept me awake for weeks. You don't allow me sleep. Last night was one of the worst wakeful nights I can remember. And today when I tried to find balance, you kept whispering deceptions in my ear, telling me that no matter what I did, I would not find solace from this absolute agony I am feeling.

I am tired of fighting with you. I can't keep believing that you're not good for me. I'm making room for you and you will stay here with me and torture me dry, make me so selfishly needy and dependant on other people for support, make me shift from tears to anger and then back to despair again, bringing me closer to the end than I have ever been.

I have broken sacred promises to myself. With every moment I embrace you, I am being untrue to myself. And I know it will continue to happen. Who really cares if I'm letting myself down? I'm not disappointing anyone but myself.

And I will remind myself of how selfish I have become, how scared I am of loosing those who never get tired of giving. Because surely they are not getting anything in return from me in my state of agony.

And then I am reminded of the empty promises of you can always count on me and I'll always be there for you. It means nothing in this emptiness I live.

What does tonight bring? In the darkness you will pour awful poisons into my thoughts and dreams. You will convince me, once again that I'm not good enough. I'm not enough. I don't matter. I've never matter. Nothing matters.

All the things I have believed since childhood still remain with me, and you will emphasise that with your consistent rot dripping over my soul.

I just want the pain to end. I just want to be able to feel without hurting. And when the numb greyness takes over, then I fight to feel anything - anything at all. But right now, the pain is too much. I can't, anymore. I just want to be able to be, without feeling like I'm crumbling. I just want to be able to cope. I have to find a way of coping. How do I do it? Baby steps . . . one breath at a time. One moment at a time. Push away the suicidal thoughts for one more minute. Then another. And another. Cope on my own. Because that's what I am. Alone.

What do I do with my feelings? Where do I go? Where can I find sanctuary? I speak the words to those who I think understand. I listen for meaning. I wait, and be quiet, and try to find comfort in anything I can. And still, the gnawing feeling sits with me - you're only concerning those who really care. They shouldn't have to be concerned about me. I'm not a child. Yet, I am struggling to hold on to the last vestiges of normalcy. I am clinging stubbornly to things I no longer believe in. I hope on promises made when my world was still whole.

I have no control over you. Is it my fault ? Did I let you in? Are you laughing at me? Am I insane, to have thought that I could actually control you - just snap out of you?

I have tried to live in denial of you, but I cannot do that much longer. I am so, so tired right now, tired of trying and tired of living.

Please just leave me alone. Just let me go. Please just let me go.

i love you

 

[FallingToFly]

Make up your mind. You're driving me and my kids insane.

You didn't want us for years, and now that I'm gone and so are they, you're all lovey-dovey. GONE means just that- left the building.

Get used to it. We have.

 

[Vermilion]

Make up your mind. You're driving me and my kids insane.

You didn't want us for years, and now that I'm gone and so are they, you're all lovey-dovey. GONE means just that- left the building.

Get used to it. We have.

Dear F2F,

Dog in the manger perhaps?
Keep on keeping on.

xxx
V

 

[FallingToFly]

Dear F2F,

Dog in the manger perhaps?
Keep on keeping on.

xxx
V

Dear V:

Trying. And I have someone holding the other end of the line, which helps.

But damn if some days I don't just want to walk away from it all.

 

[LadyCibelle]

Dear Doctor,

Thank you for finally believing me and putting a name on my pain. As weird at it may sound, knowing that my pain has a name and that you believed me is already taking a load off my shoulders.

Now I know I have a long road ahead of me to recover and get some quality of life, but nonetheless, it feels good to know that my bugging you every few weeks has gotten results.

Your achy patient.

-------------------------------​

Dear Fybromyalgia,

For now you're my worst enemy, you're the one who's kept me awake for too many nights for me to count, you're the one who's made a insufferable monster out of me. But it's all gonna change now!

We're gonna get really well acquainted now, we'll fight together, we'll learn together what my limits are and I trust that one day we'll be able to achieve some sense of understanding between us.

For now, just be advised that I intend to win that battle, even if it takes my last breath to do so.

Your pissed off bearer.

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Doctor,

Thank you for finally believing me and putting a name on my pain. As weird at it may sound, knowing that my pain has a name and that you believed me is already taking a load off my shoulders.

Now I know I have a long road ahead of me to recover and get some quality of life, but nonetheless, it feels good to know that my bugging you every few weeks has gotten results.

Your achy patient.

-------------------------------​

Dear Fybromyalgia,

For now you're my worst enemy, you're the one who's kept me awake for too many nights for me to count, you're the one who's made a insufferable monster out of me. But it's all gonna change now!

We're gonna get really well acquainted now, we'll fight together, we'll learn together what my limits are and I trust that one day we'll be able to achieve some sense of understanding between us.

For now, just be advised that I intend to win that battle, even if it takes my last breath to do so.

Your pissed off bearer.

Cibelle

You have what my fiance has. If you need any advice, help or just to talk, let me know.

Helen

 

[CeriseNoire]

Dear Darkness,

You've been around for more than a decade and a half now, moping around and casting your glum shadow. You've ruined many of what should have been joyous moments, and turned me into a masterful actress, my polished smiling mask ever ready.

Worst of all, in recent years, you've taunted me, disappearing for weeks, months at a time, until I believed you were gone for good. And now, when I have it all - work, family, a relationship, friends, even writing - you're back, putting your cloudy film on everything.

You're back making my first thought of the day disappointment that I did wake up. Of course, my second thought is guilt for being so selfish as to think such a thing. But you thrive on guilt, don't you? Please go away, for at least a little while longer, let me enjoy this time; it's not often that everything seems to be so aligned.

Sincerely,

An especially noire Cherry

 

[Chantilyvamp]

Dear Darkness,

You've been around for more than a decade and a half now, moping around and casting your glum shadow. You've ruined many of what should have been joyous moments, and turned me into a masterful actress, my polished smiling mask ever ready.

Worst of all, in recent years, you've taunted me, disappearing for weeks, months at a time, until I believed you were gone for good. And now, when I have it all - work, family, a relationship, friends, even writing - you're back, putting your cloudy film on everything.

You're back making my first thought of the day disappointment that I did wake up. Of course, my second thought is guilt for being so selfish as to think such a thing. But you thrive on guilt, don't you? Please go away, for at least a little while longer, let me enjoy this time; it's not often that everything seems to be so aligned.

Sincerely,

An especially noire Cherry

*hugs*

 

[English Lady]

Dear Cherry,

Even in the deepest dark a tiny flame from a teeny candle illuminates.

I have a candle lit for you, keep your eye on the light and watch the darkness receed.

with love,

EL x

 

[Vermilion]

Dear Doctor,

Thank you for finally believing me and putting a name on my pain. As weird at it may sound, knowing that my pain has a name and that you believed me is already taking a load off my shoulders.

Now I know I have a long road ahead of me to recover and get some quality of life, but nonetheless, it feels good to know that my bugging you every few weeks has gotten results.

Your achy patient.

-------------------------------​

Dear Fybromyalgia,

For now you're my worst enemy, you're the one who's kept me awake for too many nights for me to count, you're the one who's made a insufferable monster out of me. But it's all gonna change now!

We're gonna get really well acquainted now, we'll fight together, we'll learn together what my limits are and I trust that one day we'll be able to achieve some sense of understanding between us.

For now, just be advised that I intend to win that battle, even if it takes my last breath to do so.

Your pissed off bearer.

Dear Lady Cibelle,

<hugs> I have a similar illness and knowing the name really is half the battle - for the other half well... everyone tends to find their own path. Someone I know with Fibromyalgia finds these invaluable...

x
V

 

[Vermilion]

Dear Cerise,

Just lots of love, yeah?
xxx
V

 

[Just-Legal]

Dear Lady Cibelle,

<hugs> I have a similar illness and knowing the name really is half the battle - for the other half well... everyone tends to find their own path. Someone I know with Fibromyalgia finds these invaluable...

x
V

I might get some of that for Mark. Mmmm cherry.

 

[Vermilion]

I might get some of that for Mark. Mmmm cherry.

You can get tablets or buy the juice which is delicious with fizzy water and ice. yum. Quite tart.

 

[LadyCibelle]

Dear Lady Cibelle,

<hugs> I have a similar illness and knowing the name really is half the battle - for the other half well... everyone tends to find their own path. Someone I know with Fibromyalgia finds these invaluable...

x
V

Dear Millie,

thank you for the hug and the link. I'll look into it and see if I can find something similar in Canada.

 

[rgraham666]

Sending strength and healing vibes your way, LadyC.

 

[LadyCibelle]

Sending strength and healing vibes your way, LadyC.

Thank you, Rob.

At least now I know that it's not all in my head. After 3 years of battle to get someone to listen to me and put a name on what was ailing me, I'm just happy to be able to name it and know I'm not alone.

 

[slyc_willie]

Dear X;



(You know where that's going)

I'm here for you, you know that.

--Me

 

[Just-Legal]

Thank you, Rob.

At least now I know that it's not all in my head. After 3 years of battle to get someone to listen to me and put a name on what was ailing me, I'm just happy to be able to name it and know I'm not alone.

That is probably one of the worst things about Fibro, it takes forever to diagnose, and some Dr's aren't even aware of it. Mark went in for unrelated surgery last year and had to explain why he was taking all these meds. For a moment, the surgeon was convinced he was an addict making up an illness - luckily he has very comprehensive notes.

Be prepared to explain it a lot, you tend to say what it is and get very puzzled looks.

*hugs Cibelle a bit more*

 

[English Lady]

Dear Mr nice man with the very english accent at my credit card,

THANKYOU!!!!!!!!


you sorted out the problem and we now have our Wii.

Yours sincerely,

Weird, nervous woman who recently rang.

PS. No, I won't sell you our wii.

 

[Tarakin]

Vana,

even from my remote end of the world there comes a rather slow, therefor big

*HUG*

for you. Keep on fighting!

 

[Tarakin]

Cherise, Cibelle: * hug* - *hug* - *hug* and so on until you're back on track again!

Get well soon.

 

[CeriseNoire]

Dear AH,

Thank you for dealing with my momentary bout of self-pity. The words of encouragements do help.

Love,
Cerise