Dear X,

[ToPleaseHim]

Dear X,

It would be difficult to arrange another such meeting, but I'd bet it would be even more, um, satisfying. Years of pent up desire and lust... Well, I'm off to take a shower and, well, take care of something....

Me

 

[BeachMomma]

Dear "Lady" that I met last night,

It must've been a shock for you to walk in and see me with him. I can understand how it might be disconcerting for you. Ambushing me as soon as he stepped away was an uncool move. Speaking ill of him was even more uncool. It told me more about your character than his. He's a good guy. I'm sorry you aren't in his life anymore, but don't mistake my kindness for anything other than kindness. I'm a little protective of him, and well, let's just say that I'm a loyal friend. One that you probably wouldn't want to make an enemy of.

We all have things that we're struggling with. I strongly encourage you to work on your people skills. You'll never be able to find a meaningful relationship until you find a way to ditch your superficial, callous self. It's just not attractive. Find your heart. Exercise it. Make it stronger. Someday maybe you'll see that it's not just all about you, and you'll find your life richer for caring about more than yourself.

Signed,
Will never be your best friend but hope I don't have to become your enemy.

 

[L0tus]

Dear X,

I finally got rid of the biggest memory of you and I'm no longer holding on to it.

 

[pplwatching]

Happy anniversary, sweetie. Who would have guessed that so much love could be packed in so little time? Love you.

 

[unregistered]

 

[DirtySecrets11]

Dear X,

I don't know which one of the two of you it is. I don't know why you are doing this. If you want me to buy a new one, I probably will. But I will look for you, I will find you and I will nag the shit outta you. Please stop using my loofah.

Sincerely,
Disgusted Roommate

 

[BeachMomma]

Dear X,

Monday night was the most beautiful night of my life. It didn't turn out the way we hoped, but I think it was even better. You're an amazing person, and I'm honored that you choose to be with me. Thank you for your kindness. I don't say these words lightly, but I trust you with every ounce of my being. And I'm learning to trust you more every day.

Yours truly,
Me

 

[Emerson40]

Dear Disgusted Roommate,

Seriously, what were you expecting when you brought me home. There were so many other luffas you could have picked, others of a shape less... inviting.

You were right in thinking it is only one of the roommates that is using me. Both have held me and looked at me with curious longing, but only one has used me. I feel so cheap.

I'll give you a hint, a dirty secret as it were, it is the one that no longer complaining about symptoms of Diverticulosis. Oh, the humility of it all...

Mortified,




P.S. - clean the bath mat and DO NOT eat the cucumber in the fridge

 

[DirtySecrets11]

Dear Embarrassed Loofah,

I hate that you made me google image what Diverticulosis. Damn you. I knew you were going to be trouble ever since I splurged and bought you home from Bath & Body. You were the cream of the crop, not like your Walmart relatives, so of course others admired you. My roommate wanted you bad, even mentioning it in passing, and ultimately she used you. I should have protected you…but yet…

I feel so dirty.

I feel so cheated.

...I had made a salad with the cucumber for dinner.



Sincerely,

Former Owner

 

[BeachMomma]

Dear Former Owner,

Google images is not your friend. Remember, that which is seen can not be unseen.

I suggest you make dual purchases - a new loofah that you keep under lock and key and a lifetime supply of brain bleach - aka voddie.

Sincerely,
One who has already learned the lessons of google image thanks to Emerson, PMann, NightL, et al.

 

[unregistered]

 

[DirtySecrets11]

Dear Wise BeachMomma,

I wish to curl under your wing.

Sincerely,

Naively Traumatized


PS - thanks JtohisPB, my roommates are my closest girls so boundaries are a bit thin but yes loofahs aren't the same as sharing shoes!

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Dear X

I can't fix your problems..
I can't give you answers for some dream that isn't coming true..
and I think it's a little inconsiderate to constantly whine about your cold partner in bed when you know that I spend most of my time alone in mine.
I think you are choosing friendships with people here so that you can continue to exist in your home.. but existing isn't living.
I truly wish that you can handle the path toward peace and balance.

Sincerely.. with the warmest of wishes..
and the kindest of hearts.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Friend,

HLD.

Sincerely,

The Pope

 

[unregistered]

 

[vibes]

Dear LS,
what ever it is, I am here for all it's worth.
Yours,
BB

 

[bobsgirl]

Dear earnest young man at the grocery store,
This is not the first time it's happened, and probably won't be the last, but let me give you a couple of pointers...

I think you are very sincere in your beliefs, but please don't stop me in front of the check out lane and ask if you can pray for my legs. Seriously, don't. When you asked me if you could, I thought you meant on your own time and silently. Coming up to to total strangers for an impromptu prayer circle is disconcerting and tends to make said total stranger very uncomfortable.

And, if you're still bound and determined to do it, for the love of heaven, DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON A TOTAL STRANGER! You're lucky I'm nice (or a wimp). You could have easily ended up with a black eye or handcuffed in the back of a police car.

Don't do it again, punk.

p.s. My son wanted to deck you.

 

[Emerson40]

Dearest Poppa,

Goodbye my dear friend. You raised the brightest and most beautiful girl I know, a star in my life that shines all the brighter because of you. You loved the sea, your family, and lived a rich, wonderful life full of laughter, music, and love.

The Mowgli-pup has taken the news of your passing very hard, as a girl her tender age would. She has been a brave scout, especially in front of her mom, but I have found her in her quiet moments, missing you and crying. She “loved you all the way to the moon, and back”, as you often said to each other. A favorite of hers, especially when read by you, that bedtime story will have to wait on the shelf for a while. I don’t think either of us could get through it right now, not without tears.

I will cherish the hours we spent out on the water, and our talks and sipping scotch by the campfire. Warm, wonderful memories. There are still stories left untold and laughter yet to share, but that will have to wait for another time, another place. Thank you for your wisdom, your heart, your kindness and understanding, and your example.

God reise.

 

[Saucyminx]

Dear Em,

Many condolences, and many, many hugs to you and yours.

Minxy



Dear RS,

You made me cry again.

Hugs for you just because I would if you were within arms reach, often.

Minxy

 

[bailadora]

Dear Em:

What a lovely tribute. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I'm so very, very sorry.

Godspeed, Poppa.

 

[haha_on_me]

Very touching tribute Em, it is nice that you were able to appreciate them as much as you do, some miss out on that.

 

[NightL]

Dear Em

With the respect and love you have written of family your Mowgli-pup will be blessed in realising, in time, her Poppa still lives through her mother and indeed with the stories you and extended family will share for years to come.

Wishing your family well during this time of transition, memories and closeness.

 

[bailadora]

Dear Em:

Just a note to say that I love the term "mowgli-pup"; it's endearing. Despite the sadness of the occasion, it made me smile.

I have, on occasion, referred to my son as the man-cub. He pretends to act annoyed, but I think he's secretly amused at his mom's sentimentality.

Thinking of you and yours.

 

[bailadora]

Dear Angel Baby,

You are remembered, and you are loved.

Forever in my heart,

Momma

 

[bailadora]

Big love to you.

And to you, Rainshine.