Dear Clowns

[availableslave2u]

Hey!!!!!! How are you??? I miss you young lady.

You know that picture is the exact reason why I don't like clowns. I am now not going to sleep tonight. Freaking kid touchers.

miss you too, you and your sexy red onezie *drool* i'm doing much better, thanks. i'm hoping things are well with you. did i hear you have an offspring now? boy or girl and how old is he/she? if this is true, congratulations. hopefully we can post together more, i miss your sense of humor. sorry that picture scared you. it scared me too! i wasn't sure if that was the reason you hated clowns or if it was this....

http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x223/truman1230/lit%20album/clowns_zps1b29993d.jpg

 

[BBWangeleyes]

Dear Clowns,
If CuntMule and you break up, do I have a chance?

Hopeful

 

[MedicalMuse]

Dear Clowns,

When you break someone, will superglue put them back together? Or does duct tape do the trick?

 

[maggiemmmay]

Dogs vs Cats...eyebrows

Dear Mr. IHC,
Why do dogs have eyebrows and cats don't? Is it so that they can look longingly into your eyes when you are about to eat the last bite of toast, begging without saying a word, and cats just don't care for toast, or people for that matter?

 

[IhateClowns]

Sorry I haven't gotten to these. Been under the weather for the past two days.

 

[availableslave2u]

Sorry I haven't gotten to these. Been under the weather for the past two days.

hope you feel better, but i have a question. aren't we really all 'under the weather'? the weather happens above us, rain, snow, tornado etc. i think i have a valid point. where do you think that expression came from?
sincerely,
questioning things

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns

I have been thinking a lot about your story about being analy raped by a balloon animal, by a clown. It really touched me, your story. It made me think about the reason I hate clowns. You see, I once applied to clown college, but was denied entry based on not being funny. This personal humiliation has caused me to be filled with rage and to violently seek out and harm any clown I could find.

But your story, made me realize that I was being selfish. You have MUCH more reason to hate clowns than I do. So, in your honor, I kidnapped a clown named Ho-Ho Bojangles. I hit him over the back of the head with a giant black dildo and stuffed him into my trunk. I pulled over at the rest stop and duck taped his hands, ankles and put a ball gag in his mouth. We're coming over.

I really think this should be a therapeutic experience for you. I have all the power tools we'll need, I just need you to pick up about 50 yards of plastic sheeting. Oh, and could you PM me your address again, I think I forgot to write it down when I people searched you.

-Your friend, Nev.

I am ready to go Dexter on that clown. I want to twist his penis into a pancake. I want to do so while kicking him n the balls wearing clown shoe. Then I want to eat a Big Mac while he is crying and finishing with singing:

I know my name, my address and home...

 

[IhateClowns]

miss you too, you and your sexy red onezie *drool* i'm doing much better, thanks. i'm hoping things are well with you. did i hear you have an offspring now? boy or girl and how old is he/she? if this is true, congratulations. hopefully we can post together more, i miss your sense of humor. sorry that picture scared you. it scared me too! i wasn't sure if that was the reason you hated clowns or if it was this....

http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x223/truman1230/lit%20album/clowns_zps1b29993d.jpg

Dear Slavey,

Yeppers. I have an offspring which is a scary thought. I am getting a 2nd job just to keep up with his eating habits. Things are great with me and I hear you are moving???

Keep in touch.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,
If CuntMule and you break up, do I have a chance?

Hopeful

Dear Chance taker,

Things didn't work out. She broke my virtual heart. I am always available. Aren't we all on here? Why on earth would we be here if we weren't available in some sort of way .

Watcha wearin???

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

When you break someone, will superglue put them back together? Or does duct tape do the trick?

Dear All the a Kings Horsemen,

Duct tape can fix anything. Add in some peanut butter and keep the dogs away and everything will work out just fine

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Mr. IHC,
Why do dogs have eyebrows and cats don't? Is it so that they can look longingly into your eyes when you are about to eat the last bite of toast, begging without saying a word, and cats just don't care for toast, or people for that matter?

Dear Dog eat Dog,

Dogs will look longly into your eyes if you are eating a piece of shit. They lick their own assholes, so it doesn't matter if it is toast or a dish towel. Dogs are like male Litsters, they are needy bastards that can be appeased by a simple gesture of caring and a pat on the head. They will go from person to person until they get that desired nugget of caring they so desperately seek.

Cats are just pissy animal. They fight you no matter what you are doing to them. Whether you are trying to pet them feed them, or take them to the vet they are going to fight you, claw you, bite you the entire time. They are like female Litsters, doesn't matter how much love, support or caring you give them, they just don't give a fuck. They don't need you to make them feel better, they can lick their own pussies without your help.

 

[IhateClowns]

hope you feel better, but i have a question. aren't we really all 'under the weather'? the weather happens above us, rain, snow, tornado etc. i think i have a valid point. where do you think that expression came from?
sincerely,
questioning things

Dear literal lover,

Clearly from a female.

 

[makinmepurr]

Dear Clowns,
I' m not sure what I should do with all the random cock shots I' ve received.
This is really a problem, as my box is just so full, but I hate to just. ..delete them.
Any advice?

 

[Suz_anne]

Dear Clowns,

Why does every breakfast joint have a small supply of strawberry jelly? It's clearly the superior jelly, yet all I can seem to find at my table is mixed fruit and apple jelly. And while we're at it - why is apple jelly so runny? Ugh.

Signed,
It'll Do In A Pinch

 

[BBWangeleyes]

Dear Chance taker,

Things didn't work out. She broke my virtual heart. I am always available. Aren't we all on here? Why on earth would we be here if we weren't available in some sort of way .

Watcha wearin???

Dear Clowns,
I miss you.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,
I' m not sure what I should do with all the random cock shots I' ve received.
This is really a problem, as my box is just so full, but I hate to just. ..delete them.
Any advice?

DELETE DELETE DELETE. ABORT ABORT ABORT.

It is tough to try and figure out just how many random cocks you can fit into your box and still be able to walk upright the next day. If you are going to take on the challenge i suggest you do it on a Thursday night and take Friday off. This way you have a 3 day weekend to watch your box make the feebile attempt at going back to it's orginal state. Lets be honest though the only way you are going to feel anything down there again is for a man to use a hazard cone as a condom.

Like I stated earlier.

DELETE DELETE DELETE.

ABORT ABORT ABORT.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Why does every breakfast joint have a small supply of strawberry jelly? It's clearly the superior jelly, yet all I can seem to find at my table is mixed fruit and apple jelly. And while we're at it - why is apple jelly so runny? Ugh.

Signed,
It'll Do In A Pinch

Dear spread to thin,

Apple jelly is the Devil's snot. Don't eat that shit. That is why it is so runny. Mixed berry jelly is nasty stuff. Strawberry is the bomb. The restaurant knows that. They horde the strawberry jam in hopes they can take it home with them. They want you to take their mixed berry and leave happily. Don't do it. Have a sit in. Ask for more strawberry jelly every time they come buy. Put it in your purse and when it is time to leave pay with it. If they love their jelly so much then a nice 2 pack strawberry jelly tip will make their day.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,
I miss you.

I needed to leave for family security reasons, but after a couple of phone number changes we are good to go.

 

[LusterMunky]

Dear Clowns,

I seem to have too many Lit gurlfriends. Should I dump them all, keep one or two, or just start over with a new Lit Alt?

signed,
Overwhelmed with pussy.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I seem to have too many Lit gurlfriends. Should I dump them all, keep one or two, or just start over with a new Lit Alt?

signed,
Overwhelmed with pussy.

Dear Pussy Hoarder,

I say keep it going. You just cannot have enough pussy. I mean even if it is falling out of your shirt pockets who cares? The only concern is that of getting hooked by a fisherman who has mistaken you for a salmon because of the smell. You might want to start showering with vinegar.

I wish you well.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I'm currently a healthcare executive. I'm petty successful and well respected in my work life , and until recently I enjoyed my job. I now loathe going to work every day. Granted I only work 2.5 days a week and get paid quite well to do it, but those 2.5 days are making me miserable.

I'm thinking about throwing it all away to become a face painter. Maybe I'll dress like a fairy to bring in the kids, maybe not.

What do you think?

Sincerely,
Tired of the Rat Race

Hmmmmm a face painter?

Let's see here.

Hmmmmmmmm

I HATE CLOWNS.

Nuff' said.

 

[IhateClowns]

I would ban clowns from the repertoire!

*sigh*


Back to the drawing board.

Yeah. Sorry that hit too close to home. I am on my way to an emergency therapy session.

 

[IhateClowns]

Sorry about that. This one's on me, send me the invoice.

Fax it to 1-900.....?

 

[MsLead]

Dear Pussy Hoarder,

I say keep it going. You just cannot have enough pussy. I mean even if it is falling out of your shirt pockets who cares? The only concern is that of getting hooked by a fisherman who has mistaken you for a salmon because of the smell. You might want to start showering with vinegar.

I wish you well.

Mine is falling out of my....oh, never mind....

 

[Suz_anne]

Dear spread to thin,

Apple jelly is the Devil's snot. Don't eat that shit. That is why it is so runny. Mixed berry jelly is nasty stuff. Strawberry is the bomb. The restaurant knows that. They horde the strawberry jam in hopes they can take it home with them. They want you to take their mixed berry and leave happily. Don't do it. Have a sit in. Ask for more strawberry jelly every time they come buy. Put it in your purse and when it is time to leave pay with it. If they love their jelly so much then a nice 2 pack strawberry jelly tip will make their day.

Oh, to dream of a barter system centered around delicious jam!