Dear Clowns

[IhateClowns]

1) It's too cold to go swimming in rivers this time of year. Silly.

2) I don't own a mobile device.

3) I checked my inbox with anticipation. What a nasty fibber you are.

You don't own a mobile device? How else do you get those awkward boob and cooter shots? Hell if it wasn't for my mobile device I would never be able to make my Wiener look as big as it does. Regular cameras are too bulky to get in those tight spaces.

 

[Farrah]

You don't own a mobile device? How else do you get those awkward boob and cooter shots? Hell if it wasn't for my mobile device I would never be able to make my Wiener look as big as it does. Regular cameras are too bulky to get in those tight spaces.

I live in no-man's land. Or at least "no-cell-service" land. Therefore, I have no awkward boob or coochie (I prefer coochie, BTW) shots.

 

[Farrah]

P.s.

I love your awkward AV. It's adorable.

 

[IhateClowns]

I live in no-man's land. Or at least "no-cell-service" land. Therefore, I have no awkward boob or coochie (I prefer coochie, BTW) shots.

Thank goodness you have Internet service though. I didn't know there was an area in the world without cell phone service. Do you live underground?

 

[IhateClowns]

I love your awkward AV. It's adorable.

Awwwww thank you. The only thing awkward about it is that the damn butt flap won't stay velcroed.

 

[Aquagal]

Awwwww thank you. The only thing awkward about it is that the damn butt flap won't stay velcroed.

So does that mean you're mooning everyone?

 

[IhateClowns]

So does that mean you're mooning everyone?

Just the couch seat

 

[Aquagal]

Nope. I just change the contrast on my screen. I even have freckles on my schmeckle.

I want to see the unedited Clowns.

 

[IhateClowns]

I want to see the unedited Clowns.

Honestly no one wants or needs to see that. Especially after they have just eaten.

 

[IhateClowns]

The book is amazing, I adore it.

You're welcome.

Received it today. Will let you know . Thank you again for the suggestion.

 

[Tiarra]

Dear Clowns,

I want to wish You, and Yours, a very, very Merry Christmas! I sincerely hope that 2012 is filled with health, wealth, love & laughter...

T :x

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I want to wish You, and Yours, a very, very Merry Christmas! I sincerely hope that 2012 is filled with health, wealth, love & laughter...

T :x

Dear bearer of good words,

Thank you for the smile. I hope you an your family have a safe and happy Christmas and New Years. Keep smiling and save me a pure of pumpkin pie please

 

[IhateClowns]

The book is amazing, I adore it.

You're welcome.

It was a great read I really appreciate the suggestion. If i can reciprocate I would suggest anything by Bill Waterson

 

[Farrah]

Dear Clowns,

Do you have any naughty New Year's resolutions?

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Do you have any naughty New Year's resolutions?

Dear Resolutions,

Yes i have one. I want to learn to jerk it right handed. I have left handed all my life, but it has caused my weiner to boomerang to the left. Problem is I am semi retarded when it comes to using my right hand, especially when trying to jerk it.

I am thinking my straightening out the letter C in my pants by jerking consistently with the right hand i will grow an extra 2 inches thus not having to continues realse more line from the weed wacker when it comes to trimming my man garden to make my penis look bigger.

Unfortunately it has not gone so well yet. I have almost had a stroke from trying to concentrate on making sure my hand goes up and down as opposed to left and right like I am turning a steering wheel. Because of this action and the severe cusrvature of said penis I have actually penetrated my own anal ring twice by accident. Not with my penis mind you but with my pinky.

This result in me having to stop because of the continual vomitting and the emptying of 2 bottles of hand sanitizer as well as 300 q-tips. I am not giving up and come hell or high water I will either have a straight penis or a strange desire to shove things up my heiny. I am praying for the earlier.

 

[Farrah]

Dear Resolutions,

Yes i have one. I want to learn to jerk it right handed. I have left handed all my life, but it has caused my weiner to boomerang to the left. Problem is I am semi retarded when it comes to using my right hand, especially when trying to jerk it.

I am thinking my straightening out the letter C in my pants by jerking consistently with the right hand i will grow an extra 2 inches thus not having to continues realse more line from the weed wacker when it comes to trimming my man garden to make my penis look bigger.

Unfortunately it has not gone so well yet. I have almost had a stroke from trying to concentrate on making sure my hand goes up and down as opposed to left and right like I am turning a steering wheel. Because of this action and the severe cusrvature of said penis I have actually penetrated my own anal ring twice by accident. Not with my penis mind you but with my pinky.

This result in me having to stop because of the continual vomitting and the emptying of 2 bottles of hand sanitizer as well as 300 q-tips. I am not giving up and come hell or high water I will either have a straight penis or a strange desire to shove things up my heiny. I am praying for the earlier.

Sweet baby Jesus, but this made me laugh. Great imagery in your description. And plenty of those one-liners that add to your hotness. But, I have to express some concern...

1) I feel you may be going about this the wrong way. Have you tried having a lady friend give you a hand job while laying behind you in a spooning position? Or just beside you and to the right? This does not need to be your battle to fight alone. I think you need a second-in-command to help straighten out your Admiral.

2) Or maybe you should just embrace your curve? My boyfriend's cock has a delicious curve to it. Depending on the position we are in and which hole he is hitting, he seriously comes into contact with some areas inside me which I didn't even know existed. I think you should consider your curve part of your sex appeal.

 

[IhateClowns]

Sweet baby Jesus, but this made me laugh. Great imagery in your description. And plenty of those one-liners that add to your hotness. But, I have to express some concern...

1) I feel you may be going about this the wrong way. Have you tried having a lady friend give you a hand job while laying behind you in a spooning position? Or just beside you and to the right? This does not need to be your battle to fight alone. I think you need a second-in-command to help straighten out your Admiral.

2) Or maybe you should just embrace your curve? My boyfriend's cock has a delicious curve to it. Depending on the position we are in and which hole he is hitting, he seriously comes into contact with some areas inside me which I didn't even know existed. I think you should consider your curve part of your sex appeal.

Dear wanna Help,

I have tried to find a lady friend to help me out but problem was that when i finally was able to wedge my C-penis into her she straightened up a bit and the head popped out of her inner thigh like it was pregnant. You could see that it was definately a boy.

As for a woman giving me a hand job I am all for it but please understand that who ever she is will have to fill out some paperwork prior, just a medical release, because i will not be paying for any therapy that help her deal with her carpal tunnel syndrome.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear Clowns,

I've heard you have a nice package. I'll be sending you a different one tomorrow. I hope it gets to you and that it somehow is a good replacement for you.

~ Sauce Maker

 

[Farrah]

Dear wanna Help,

I have tried to find a lady friend to help me out but problem was that when i finally was able to wedge my C-penis into her she straightened up a bit and the head popped out of her inner thigh like it was pregnant. You could see that it was definately a boy.

As for a woman giving me a hand job I am all for it but please understand that who ever she is will have to fill out some paperwork prior, just a medical release, because i will not be paying for any therapy that help her deal with her carpal tunnel syndrome.

Maybe you just need to find someone who already has experience in this type of physical training and conditioning. It just so happens that I'm already licensed and insured.

 

[IhateClowns]

Maybe you just need to find someone who already has experience in this type of physical training and conditioning. It just so happens that I'm already licensed and insured.

You have carpal tunnel? Oh sweetie I am so sorry. You need to get that shit looked at or you won't be able to shuffle cards pretty soon.

What are you hours of operation?

 

[Farrah]

You have carpal tunnel? Oh sweetie I am so sorry. You need to get that shit looked at or you won't be able to shuffle cards pretty soon.

What are you hours of operation?

Dear Clowns,

You type fast for someone with a sore wrist.

Is your ejaculation as quick as your wit?

Your fan,

VaGirl07

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

You type fast for someone with a sore wrist.

Is your ejaculation as quick as your wit?

Your fan,

VaGirl07

I have learned by blowing into this straw. I have become amazing quick with spit wads.

My ejaculation is very quick. Usually with 20-30 seconds but it lasts forever. I am a one man bukkake video. I last 20 seconds and then cum for 20 minutes to the point I look like I might need someone to adopt me for a cup of coffee a day.

 

[Farrah]

I have learned by blowing into this straw. I have become amazing quick with spit wads.

My ejaculation is very quick. Usually with 20-30 seconds but it lasts forever. I am a one man bukkake video. I last 20 seconds and then cum for 20 minutes to the point I look like I might need someone to adopt me for a cup of coffee a day.

You frustrate me, because your brain works too fast. I can't think of any good zingers, one-liners, flirtations, etc. without serious consideration. I wish to banter with you on this blustery and boring night, but I am clearly no match for you. This makes me sad.



See^^^? That's my sad face.

 

[IhateClowns]

You frustrate me, because your brain works too fast. I can't think of any good zingers, one-liners, flirtations, etc. without serious consideration. I wish to banter with you on this blustery and boring night, but I am clearly no match for you. This makes me sad.



See^^^? That's my sad face.

Hmmmm let's see.

H o w a r e d o i n g t o n i g h t?

Awww come on I had to

 

[Farrah]

Hmmmm let's see.

H o w a r e d o i n g t o n i g h t?

Awww come on I had to

Smartass.

I fold.