Dear Clowns

[Rosemaryythyme]

Dear Clowns

I have discovered that I am tired of working the street corner at night. I mean its great money and all but It gets boring after a while. Do you have any suggestions on what i can try next?

your #1

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I don't recall if this has been asked before, and if it has, my apologies...

but, does size really matter? And who does it matter most to? I mean if someone is suffering from micropenis, I'm sure THAT size would matter, but I'm more talking the normal vs flagpole argument?

~another thing I wanna know

Dear wanting to know everything,

Honestly I have no idea if it has been asked or not, so i apologize ot everyone beforehand if it was and this answer is different from the other answer. My goal is to answer every question differently. That way i know I only piss off a few people at a time

Does size matter? It depends on how cavernous your pussy is. If you hear an echo down there then the "normal" penis isn't going to provide you much pleasure then. If you have a normal vag then size doesn't matter at all. It is what you do with it. If you have a big thick cock and all he does is thump you on the forehead with it, then that piece of meat really isn't doing much for you is it?

If a guy has a normal penis and he doesn't require you to use a bottle of lotions and a crow bar to get it inside you I wuld imagine the experience is going o be much more enjoyable.

Now the problem gets to be when the guy thinks he has a large cock when he truly doesn't. If he is bracing himself over you and is asking how full you feel and it is more like throwing a hotdog down a hallway then he is obviously overcomepensating for his Momma not hugging him enough when he was little. Sometimes that guy needs to be told the truth. That his dick isn't as big as it looks when you put the lens of the camera two inches from it and taking a picture. Any cock will look like Ron Jeremy's in that setting.

The other extreme is for the guy who's prick looks like an eraser cap. That whole snail with a helmet look is not appealing to women. You better have some serious oral skills to keep her even remotely interested. I suggest you shave every bit of pubic hair off of you and turn out the lights before getting naked with her for the first time.

There is always one good comeback for the guy with the tiny penis though. If a woman ever tries to cut you down and make fun of you for having a small dick just tell them yeah ok I have a small dick and since it is so small you won't mind me shoving it up your ass then. That tends to get them to shut up (or so I have been told).

I am thinking about starting up a dating site for guys with small dicks. I want to help them get matched up with women with shallow cervix's. I think they would be a terrific match. Then set up another one for guys with huge dicks. They can meet up with women who have pussies that resemble 2 car garages. I think this would be a hit actually.

So to answer your question size does matter. If it didn't I wouldn't get 200 dick growing emails a day in my yahoo inbox.

 

[IhateClowns]

ahahahahah

i think i just cracked a rib i laughed so hard

Be careful or I am going to have to have a safety warning associated with this thread.

 

[lolaluscious]

Dear Clowns,

I've missed a couple of days of the thread, and although I know there has been penis talk, I have to remark on the size of your posts for the last couple of pages.

I mean some of them are impressively huge.

Is there any metaphysical (or other) reason for the length of text that a Litster posts on any given day?

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns

I have discovered that I am tired of working the street corner at night. I mean its great money and all but It gets boring after a while. Do you have any suggestions on what i can try next?

your #1

Dear career mover and shaker,

I am not sure where you can go from here. You really have reached the pinnacle of self employed achievement. There really is only one way to go from here. You already go down enough as it is, so I am suggesting maybe a lateral job position. Not necessarily in the same industry but a job that has the same credibility as a street walker would have.

I am thinking of at home pyramid companies. Kind of like Amway or those magnets or pampered chef or something to that effect. You could be your own pimp really. All you have to do is buy into one of these companies that promises you of making millions by works 22 minutes a day.

Once you have bought into it. Then comes the fun part. Bugging the fuck out of your friends and family to join in with you. Nothing makes for a better Thanksgiving then having Aunt Sally tell you that she made $54 last month selling Avon and that by golly, if you send them a check for $1200 you could be driving your very own pink cadillac in no time.

So after bugging your friends and family to be one of the 5 or 10 people below you so you can milk money off of their hard work you get to do your own shows in their houses. Friends like when you beg and plead them to take time out of their busy schedule, kick their family out of their house for a few hours and house a party in which you feel obligated to buy something you would never use in a million years.

You get to go from friend to friend housing these parties that have the same people coming to each one as they cuss you under their breath and make fun of you behind their backs. That is what your friends that know you are a street walker are doing now. So the move really isn't all that far for you.

I mean who doesn't need a rice cooker? Or a magnet that you stick under your bra to help your muscle heal 2 minutes quicker then if you just iced it down? Or all the stuff that you can get through Amway Global. Fuck if John tesh can make millions why oh why can't you.

Just get yourself the white pages and start with the letter A. Call everybody that is in those books. Preferrably around dinner time. Let them know you have this wonderful opportunity for them. Let them know they can make lots and lots of money working from their house. DO NOT tell them tha you will be making money off of their hard work. Well at least not at first. Make sure they have invested what ever savings they have into the product before you give them that news. Then sit back and watch your minions work for you. That is what your pimp does to you isnt it?

 

[lolaluscious]

I apologize as this letter got lost in the shuffle. I surely hope you decided to eat something of your own desire and didn't wait for me to provide you the answer. If you did wait please eat something and make it quick as you must be starving. Don't forget that kool-aid is a great drink that goes well with just about any type of meal. There is some in the fridge.

Dear Clowns,

Just to reassure you that I have eaten.

I traded sexual favours with someone kind enough to cook me dinner. Always a win-win situation I think.

I am culturally unfamiliar with kool-aid. Is it like Tang?

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

I've missed a couple of days of the thread, and although I know there has been penis talk, I have to remark on the size of your posts for the last couple of pages.

I mean some of them are impressively huge.

Is there any metaphysical (or other) reason for the length of text that a Litster posts on any given day?

Nope. It depends on how much time I have and if I have something interesting to say about the question. Half of the stuff I come up with off the cuff. If the questions stumps me I just try and be quick about it. If the question is something general i can ramble forever. That is the only reason for the rant and rambles thread..LOL So I can go off for whever length I want I cannot help if half the people want me to shut up and the other half tinkle in their jeans from time to time.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Just to reassure you that I have eaten.

I traded sexual favours with someone kind enough to cook me dinner. Always a win-win situation I think.

I am culturally unfamiliar with kool-aid. Is it like Tang?

I haven't been able to sleep not knowing if I missed a question and especially if it was about something that needed an immediate response.

I am glad to hear you didn't waste away. You took it upon yourself to get something to eat and it turns out you got sexual relations as well.

My pupils are evolving and learning. I am so proud

Tang is like Kool-aid I suppose. Kool-aid has many different colors and flavors and is basically crack for a little kid.

 

[Rosemaryythyme]

Nope. It depends on how much time I have and if I have something interesting to say about the question. Half of the stuff I come up with off the cuff. If the questions stumps me I just try and be quick about it. If the question is something general i can ramble forever. That is the only reason for the rant and rambles thread..LOL So I can go off for whever length I want I cannot help if half the people want me to shut up and the other half tinkle in their jeans from time to time.

im in the tinkle their jeans from time to time group!

 

[IhateClowns]

im in the tinkle their jeans from time to time group!

Whew! Good to know that I can make at least one person piss a bit

 

[lolaluscious]

Whew! Good to know that I can make at least one person piss a bit

Oh that's what we all keep coming back for.... That 'warm rush'.

That, and the 'life lessons' hidden in your lengthy posts like Easter Eggs.

 

[IhateClowns]

Oh that's what we all keep coming back for.... That 'warm rush'.

That, and the 'life lessons' hidden in your lengthy posts like Easter Eggs.

Are you calling my posts lengthy? Hmmmmmm I may need towork on shortening them up a bit then. Although I do enjoy a good hunt every now and then.

As for your warm rush, just mkae sure you start wearing waterproof clothes.

 

[wv_spice_78]

Hey Clowns,

I had a guy give me his phone number (yeah imagine that, a big girl like me getting some digits) how long should I wait before I hit him with a text?

About fell over from the shock

 

[IhateClowns]

Hey Clowns,

I had a guy give me his phone number (yeah imagine that, a big girl like me getting some digits) how long should I wait before I hit him with a text?

About fell over from the shock

Dear shocked,

Call him when you are ready to talk to him. Don't wait too long because men are like ADHD kids. One shiny fly and we are staring at something else. Don't want to call him 5 minutes after he gives you the number, but then again don't wait too long because he will move on to something else quickly.

Good luck

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
they say that sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't. do you like mounds or almond joys?
curious if you're nutless or not

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
i am afraid of bad storms. do you have any suggestions to lessen my anxiety?
shaking with the thunder

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
they say that sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't. do you like mounds or almond joys?
curious if you're nutless or not

Dear curious,

I enjoy mounds personally. In no shape or form do I ever want to shove nuts in my mouth. Why not enjoy licking, tasting and munching a lovely mound? I have no desire to have salty nuts in my mouth no matter if they are covered with coconut or not.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
i am afraid of bad storms. do you have any suggestions to lessen my anxiety?
shaking with the thunder

Dear scared and shaking,

Some people have a really tough time with thunderstorms and others do not. If you have anxiety about them. There are a few things you can do to get over them.

The first being to grow up. Seriously some rain, bright lights and a loud bang are scaring you over and over? Is the boogie man gonna get you? I highly doubt even the bogie man likes to get rained on, so i think you are safe and should just go to sleep.

The second thing you could do is put on one of those eye masks and some ear plugs. It works two fold. It blocks those flashes of lights and you don't get to hear as much bang as you normally would without the plugs. Also you can rest assured that you will get laid more. No guy loves a woman more then when she can't hear or see you sneak up on them. ZTo top it off you all look so sexy when you sit up straight because you think you heard something though you can't hear anything at all. There is nothing sexier then waking up because your woman has sat upright in bed like Linda Blair with a mask and ear plugs, still dead asleep and looking around like she can still see and hear everything.

Finally I might suggest you drink alot. I find that when I drink heavily loud noises or flashes of brigth lights only scare nme when those lights are red white a blue and a cop is screaming for me to get out of my car. Drink heavily and pass out and you will miss all of the storm or better yet go through the storm and not remember it in the morning.

Why afraid of storms anyway? They are awesome to see and fun to sit through unless there is grapefruit sized hail and tornados associated with them.

The only negative to bad storms that I can see is the fact that the weather TV news here in OKC will interupt your favorite TV shows or the game for hours on end to continuously give updates and live doppler look ins to a bunch of rain and wind on the screen. Fuck the weather forecasters. tehy hardly ever get it right and all they love to do is watch themselves on tv.

 

[goodgurlgetsbad]

Hi IHC Is this a thread for guys only ?

 

[goodgurlgetsbad]

oops sorry abt that- I was reading from your first post. great thread -nice of you to think about starting this IHC

 

[goodgurlgetsbad]

Dear Clowns,

How does one define abusive behavior ? Is being screamed at cursed in a child's presence - abusive ?

 

[lolaluscious]

Are you calling my posts lengthy? Hmmmmmm I may need towork on shortening them up a bit then. Although I do enjoy a good hunt every now and then.

As for your warm rush, just mkae sure you start wearing waterproof clothes.

Dear Clowns,

I think you misunderstood me. Lengthy is good; 'the longer the better' is a good rule to live by. It makes the warm rush all that better.

So please don't shorten those posts, I would be very disappointed.

While I'm posting, I was wondering if you could clear something up for me. Why do men in hardware stores find it impossible to let a woman 'browse'? I realise they are trying to be helpful, but it's nice to have a little look around before the salesperson swoops.

Yours in warm rushes.

 

[IhateClowns]

Hi IHC Is this a thread for guys only ?

Nope I am an equal gender bullshitter

 

[IhateClowns]

oops sorry abt that- I was reading from your first post. great thread -nice of you to think about starting this IHC

Yeah it has been interesting so far. I am the Tony Robbins of Lit.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

How does one define abusive behavior ? Is being screamed at cursed in a child's presence - abusive ?

Wow how do I answer this jokingly. I don't. Yes it is abusive in all ways imaginable for you and the kiddo. Get the person help or leave the situation as soon as it is feasibly possible.

Good luck my friend