Dear Clowns

[BradBigBrain]

Dear IHateClowns,

Isn't it kinda wacky that your moniker is Ihateclowns and you truly do and yet the thread title is "Dear Clowns"?

That's why I address you in the formal, so as to not rile your hatred while you answer my serious question which follows:

Dear IHateClowns:

I am obsessed with the some of the games played here on the playground. Not the drama games that people here seem to play that I avoid like the bubonic plague, but the games that involve some figuring.

Oh and I like the nekkid pictures too. Not that I'm obsessed with them or anything.

And the avatars that contain boobies and/or cleavage. Again. No obsession there.

Oh and the pictures in Morri's and kitkat's thread. I like them, too. OK. I really like them.

Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope.

Obsessed in Playground Land!

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Your thread is hilarious.

I'm hoping you could give me some advice- how do you recommend a new member get acquainted with Lit?

Dear New Folk,

I think the first thing you need to do is get to 100 posts so you can put either a cock shot or a money shot in your AV. The men and women folk around here really like that. My day starts ONLY when I have opened a thread and some guys hanger is dangling in my coffee.

Second i would hop on any one of the masturbation threads that are on these boards. Wether it is where, which, hand, what instrument you use, embarassed, not embarassed, lube, no lube, right now, yesterday, last year, tomorrow, candles lit, no candles lit, have you tasted it, wanna watch, wanna hear, wanna help, hairy, hairless, outdoors, indoors, night or day I think the masturbation threads are terrific. I would really practice your one handed typing skills and and get plenty of rest because those threads are stimulating and fast moving to say the very least.

Third I would concentrate on the threads that ask for words that start with a letter. I mean it is exciting to put up a letter that starts with X isn't it? Very stimulating and hot.

Finally I would not have any pre-conceived notions about anything you are getting into here. People are fun, different. There are many different mixes of flavors on this site. If you don't like one flavor like Dear Clowns, then there are plenty of of flavors to choose from.

Good luck

 

[lolaluscious]

Awwww well I am glad you are opening up a bit. Now don't go to far mind you there are some of us that are still very creepy and dangerous. Might I suggest installing a keyhole in your door. That way you can at least get a decent look at what is out there. Then you can decide on either never opening pandora's box or keeping it shut for good.

Oh no danger of going too far!!

I have two on my buddy list, is that enough?

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns ...

Wanna?

Dear wanna,

uh huh

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear IHateClowns,

Isn't it kinda wacky that your moniker is Ihateclowns and you truly do and yet the thread title is "Dear Clowns"?

That's why I address you in the formal, so as to not rile your hatred while you answer my serious question which follows:

Dear IHateClowns:

I am obsessed with the some of the games played here on the playground. Not the drama games that people here seem to play that I avoid like the bubonic plague, but the games that involve some figuring.

Oh and I like the nekkid pictures too. Not that I'm obsessed with them or anything.

And the avatars that contain boobies and/or cleavage. Again. No obsession there.

Oh and the pictures in Morri's and kitkat's thread. I like them, too. OK. I really like them.

Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope.

Obsessed in Playground Land!

Dear Wondering,

The reason for the thread being called Dear Clowns is because this is a form of aversion therapy for me. If you haven't seen the episode I was on MAury Povich just recently with a bunch of people who had phobias. There was a woman who didn't like birds and when they brought one out her pacemaker stopped and she just keeled over. It makes for great TV.

When i was on the stage Maury asked me to turn around and there was a clown standing behind me. I stood up like a 12 year old cheerleader and screamed at a pitch that only bats can hear. Then i kicked the clown in the nuts and ran screaming of the stage as the audiesnce was caling me a "whore" for whatever reason.

Maury came backstage to console me and tell me all is ok, but I was too busy laying in the fetal position rocking back and forth mumbling something about Stephen King's IT. Maury being the therapist that he is convinced m to com back on stage where the audience sat quietly and looking at me with complete disgust. That is when he revealed that I am NOT the father of Secretia's baby. I was so fucking relieved you have no idea.

So after the show Maury suggested that I go on a website about erotic writings and see if I can't overcome these Bozo demons I have running through my body. So here I am with the dear clowns thread. Am I cured? Fuck no! I wanna bomb Barnum and Bailey everytime they come through town those creepy kid touchers.

OK part 2:

Dear obsessed,

Lemme tell you. Literotica is the Disney World of human emotion and drama in the world of erotic writings. I have mentioned this before but where are you going to be able to elaborate on your fetish of water sports, wanting to fuck your mom and have everyone watch you masturbate while you find an oddball word that starts with the letter Z? Seriously it is a mental jungle around here. You have to be on your toes.

As for the nekkid pics that is just an added bonus my friend. To be able to see someones hot av that is truly not them is a sincere treat. I mean look at all the avs I have had. I get a lot of compliments on my smile when I found the pic on The Smoking Gun website. I actually look like a cross between Rocky Dennis and and well Rocky Dennis. So here on lit, you can be and envision anyone you want. I love lit. I need to go find that incest thread. Anyone wanna watch me?

 

[IhateClowns]

Oh no danger of going too far!!

I have two on my buddy list, is that enough?

2? Seriously Lola you need to slow down. Take a deep breath and step back from the ledge. I need to clarify my advice and say you shouldn't go to fast. I would HIGHLY suggest you delee the other person and just keep me alive or now

 

[BradBigBrain]

Dear Clowns:

Thanks for the clarification on your clowns problem. I'm mentioning the clowns word over and over again in order to help you, Clowns.

And thanks for letting me know that obsessive behavior here on lit is de riguer. I thought I was AB Normal.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns:

Thanks for the clarification on your clowns problem. I'm mentioning the clowns word over and over again in order to help you, Clowns.

And thanks for letting me know that obsessive behavior here on lit is de riguer. I thought I was AB Normal.

Yes thank you for repeating CLOWNS over and over as I get douche chills everytime I read it.

I am glad I can help you realize that you are as perverted as the rest of us on here. There is a 12 step program to become less of a pervert or less obsessed with Lit, but it ivolves, duct tape, group hugs with other men, a bar of soap and a shower cap. I would just rather be a pervert.

 

[MsTexas]

Dear wanna,

uh huh

Dear Clowns ...

I'll met you in the playground after class ...

 

[BradBigBrain]

Yes thank you for repeating CLOWNS over and over as I get douche chills everytime I read it.

I am glad I can help you realize that you are as perverted as the rest of us on here. There is a 12 step program to become less of a pervert or less obsessed with Lit, but it ivolves, duct tape, group hugs with other men, a bar of soap and a shower cap. I would just rather be a pervert.

Thanks. I've already participated in a similar 12 step program. Only in the Army they called it basic training.

It didn't cure my pervy obsessions. Salt peter OTOH....

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns ...

I'll met you in the playground after class ...

Dear class ditcher,

If you really wanna play why wait till after class. Tell the teacher you have a UTI and meet me behind the gymnasium to play doctor.

 

[RyanBlack]

Dear New Folk,

I think the first thing you need to do is get to 100 posts so you can put either a cock shot or a money shot in your AV. The men and women folk around here really like that. My day starts ONLY when I have opened a thread and some guys hanger is dangling in my coffee.


Good luck

sheesh want about the primary purpose of lit which is the worshipful adoration of my penis???!?!?!?!?! huh?!?!?!?!? how do you expect the new people to fit in if you dont tell them the really important stuff!!!

 

[RyanBlack]

Yes thank you for repeating CLOWNS over and over as I get douche chills everytime I read it.

I am glad I can help you realize that you are as perverted as the rest of us on here. There is a 12 step program to become less of a pervert or less obsessed with Lit, but it ivolves, duct tape, group hugs with other men, a bar of soap and a shower cap. I would just rather be a pervert, unless of course Ryan Black was present and involved.

that is sooo not what you said when I had you tied down naked and full of tequila!!!

 

[IhateClowns]

sheesh want about the primary purpose of lit which is the worshipful adoration of my penis???!?!?!?!?! huh?!?!?!?!? how do you expect the new people to fit in if you dont tell them the really important stuff!!!

Honestly I figured they would seem the erected monument of your manhood standing on end just outside the gates before they come in. Do they need pamphlets as well?

 

[IhateClowns]

that is sooo not what you said when I had you tied down naked and full of tequila!!!

I blocked out that episode as soon as I could walk again.

 

[RyanBlack]

Honestly I figured they would seem the erected monument of your manhood standing on end just outside the gates before they come in. Do they need pamphlets as well?

those are only distributed to the elite members of the fan club along with the silicone life size replica suitable for mounting (also makes a great gift) though it does have to be shipped bulk rate

 

[lolaluscious]

Dear Clowns

What should I have for dinner tonight?

signed,
Hungry

 

[Serein]

Dear New Folk,

I think the first thing you need to do is get to 100 posts so you can put either a cock shot or a money shot in your AV. The men and women folk around here really like that. My day starts ONLY when I have opened a thread and some guys hanger is dangling in my coffee.

Second i would hop on any one of the masturbation threads that are on these boards. Wether it is where, which, hand, what instrument you use, embarassed, not embarassed, lube, no lube, right now, yesterday, last year, tomorrow, candles lit, no candles lit, have you tasted it, wanna watch, wanna hear, wanna help, hairy, hairless, outdoors, indoors, night or day I think the masturbation threads are terrific. I would really practice your one handed typing skills and and get plenty of rest because those threads are stimulating and fast moving to say the very least.

Third I would concentrate on the threads that ask for words that start with a letter. I mean it is exciting to put up a letter that starts with X isn't it? Very stimulating and hot.

Finally I would not have any pre-conceived notions about anything you are getting into here. People are fun, different. There are many different mixes of flavors on this site. If you don't like one flavor like Dear Clowns, then there are plenty of of flavors to choose from.

Good luck

Dear Clowns,

Wow, I knew you would steer me in the right direction. I can't wait til I have enough posts for an avatar so I can expose my delicate flower to the world.

Thanks for your help!

Serein

 

[RyanBlack]

Dear Clowns,

Wow, I knew you would steer me in the right direction. I can't wait til I have enough posts for an avatar so I can expose my delicate flower to the world.

Thanks for your help!

Serein

you have no idea how many horticulturists will show up when that happens

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns

What should I have for dinner tonight?

signed,
Hungry

I apologize as this letter got lost in the shuffle. I surely hope you decided to eat something of your own desire and didn't wait for me to provide you the answer. If you did wait please eat something and make it quick as you must be starving. Don't forget that kool-aid is a great drink that goes well with just about any type of meal. There is some in the fridge.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

Wow, I knew you would steer me in the right direction. I can't wait til I have enough posts for an avatar so I can expose my delicate flower to the world.

Thanks for your help!

Serein

you have no idea how many horticulturists will show up when that happens

The man below you speaks the truth. You want to make a splash being a newbie here? Expose the flower in all her glory. I still feel there is only one very very delicate flower on these boards. Although I don't peruse her pics she certainly is delicate.

 

[wv_spice_78]

Dear Clowns,

What would you say to a girl who seems to broke her cummer? For whatever reason I cant seem to gush and squirt like I used to be able to a few weeks ago. I am starting to get concerned, as part of the mess was part of the fun. Help me please!

lackluster orgasms

 

[availableslave2u]

dear clowns,
do you think it's better to forgive and forget or to get revenge?
wondering which to do

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Clowns,

What would you say to a girl who seems to broke her cummer? For whatever reason I cant seem to gush and squirt like I used to be able to a few weeks ago. I am starting to get concerned, as part of the mess was part of the fun. Help me please!

lackluster orgasms

Dear dried up,

There are two things that you are able to do to fix this situation. The first being wait it out. Let the resevoir fill back up. It means you won't be able to have an orgasm for a bit of time but sounds to me like the tank might be empty and need some refueling. There is nothing else you can do to speed up the process though.

You are at the movie theater excited to see Rocky 17 and are waiting in line at the concession stand trying to see exactly how much cash you have and just what you can actually afford to purchase. Hmmmmm Milk Duds? Popcorn? Fuck $6 for a tub of popcorn? Orville can go fuck himself. Mmmmmm there it is. Uh yes ma'am I will have a large coke and a package of Sour Patch Kids. Ok ma'am that will be $48.50. So you now have your treats and when you get into the theater you are siting in the front row with your neck at a seventy-five degree angle as you watch Stallone's leathery body sweat all over you.

So you open the SPK's and you pop the first one in your mouth. What do you do? Your mouth immediately convulses and starts to produce enough saliva to quench the thirst of Africa. All the while you are thinking *Why did I just spent $48 fr some candy that I can only eat 3 of before throwing up on the person to your right*

So I suggest you take that same proces to your hatchet wound. Lay down on your back and prop a pillow under you. Giving you the best angle for entry. Take a handful of these treats and start shoving them up your puss puss. Now your pussy might clench up and start spasming but just wait a little while and she will calm down. Now make sure you have a couch pillow and an extra large blet handy. As soon as you have popped the last one in, immediately place the couch pillow against your coot and stand up holding the pillow in place between your thighs. Then tie the belt up and around the pillow securing it in place.

I normally would have suggested an El Grande Maxi-pad, but this is going to produce enough juices to flood a small village. You are going to need extra absorbency power. Next put on some pants quickly and then lay back down. Now you are going to feel some oozing, just ignore it. That is normal. I might suggest you trim the puss puss hair because it may become matted and the last thing you want is to have something burrow its way in there and make a home.

Now when it is time to take off the pillow please realize it will be quite damp. There might even be a pungent odor you have never smelled before. Just ignore it. I woulso also sugest you throwing the pilow away and probably going ahead and double bagging it just to be safe.

Finally take a baby wipe and clean yourself up. Now that you are ozzing and ready invite your guy friend over. Don't tell him what you have done, just allow him to figure it out for himself. Let him go down on you. Now realize when he does he is essentially licky sour patch kid and pussy juice so when he comes up with a face that scares the hell out of you it isnt you. It is just the intenseness of the SPK's and the effect they are having on him.

As he continues and gets used to it you will start to feel the gush a rising. Don't warn him. When t i time to release just do so. Let him taste the rainbow that is coming out of your tunnel. You will be squirting every type of kool-aid flavor imaginable. You will be healed and he will be sitting there multi-colored with the strangest look on his face.

By the way you might want to put a tarp down. Go Dexter in your house. If you blow with no protection on your furniture and carpets you are liable to have to buy all new carpet and window treatments. That could get costly and well you spent all the money you had going to the movies.

 

[IhateClowns]

dear clowns,
do you think it's better to forgive and forget or to get revenge?
wondering which to do

Dear wondering,

I would suggest both. I would get revenge then forgive them and forget about the whole thing. Why bother with having to choose when you can do all 3?