Dealing with vulnerability

[Eilan]

I agree with Erika that this has the makings of a good discussion thread.

Not quite the same thing, but. . .

I've learned a little bit about vulnerability in the almost 5 years that I've known my hubby. Because of the nature of the job that he retired from in July, the possibility that he might go to work one morning and might not make it home that afternoon, while remote, was always there. No matter how well he might have handled a potentially volatile work situation, there wasn't really any way to predict how the other people involved would react.

I'd worry when I thought too much about it.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I agree with Erika that this has the makings of a good discussion thread.

Not quite the same thing, but. . .

I've learned a little bit about vulnerability in the almost 5 years that I've known my hubby. Because of the nature of the job that he retired from in July, the possibility that he might go to work one morning and might not make it home that afternoon, while remote, was always there. No matter how well he might have handled a potentially volatile work situation, there wasn't really any way to predict how the other people involved would react.

I'd worry when I thought too much about it.

When I read the first sentence of your story I knew right where you were going. I imagine the wives of any policeman, fireman, etc. must feel like this. Imagine the poor wives who's husbands are over fighting in Iraq? How vulnerable must they feel? All you can do is the best you can, I guess, and have faith that they can do everything possible to handle the situation. What's meant to be will be.

Easy to say, hard to accept.

On a similar, yet hardly comparable, personal note I have to give a nod to my wife. She's always been supportive of me playing hockey, but I never thought she worried about me. When we were talking about this she told me that she worried about me getting hurt like this everytime I step onto the ice. When I asked her how she dealt with this she just shrugged, smiled and said, it's who you are. Though the consequences aren't as life threatening and heavy to deal with, I suppose that's the same attitude you have to have if you are the wife of a first responder.

 

[Eilan]

When I read the first sentence of your story I knew right where you were going. I imagine the wives of any policeman, fireman, etc. must feel like this. Imagine the poor wives who's husbands are over fighting in Iraq? How vulnerable must they feel? All you can do is the best you can, I guess, and have faith that they can do everything possible to handle the situation. What's meant to be will be.

A kid (yeah, I call him a kid and he's 27 and a daddy now) that I used to babysit when I was in high school does the same job that my hubby used to do. One evening he and another trooper were handling a crash and a speeding, out of control car crashed into the crash scene. The troopers saw the car just in time, and even then, it missed both of them by inches. Pretty scary stuff.

That night, the guy that I used to babysit brought a copy of the in-dash video home and popped it in for his wife to watch. She was pretty hysterical, and understandably so, even though it was obvious that no harm had been done.



I always felt most vulnerable when I was pregnant. I tend to be a worrywart under the best of circumstances, though.

 

[TBKahuna123]

A kid (yeah, I call him a kid and he's 27 and a daddy now) that I used to babysit when I was in high school does the same job that my hubby used to do. One evening he and another trooper were handling a crash and a speeding, out of control car crashed into the crash scene. The troopers saw the car just in time, and even then, it missed both of them by inches. Pretty scary stuff.

That night, the guy that I used to babysit brought a copy of the in-dash video home and popped it in for his wife to watch. She was pretty hysterical, and understandably so, even though it was obvious that no harm had been done.

This is pretty dumb, at least in my opinion. I mean he should have known what her reaction would be.

That said, it's also the kind of thing I'd do. I don't always have the best sort of sense with these things.

I always felt most vulnerable when I was pregnant. I tend to be a worrywart under the best of circumstances, though.

Totally understandable. That's an awful lot for one woman to worry about.

 

[Eilan]

This is pretty dumb, at least in my opinion. I mean he should have known what her reaction would be.

I thought it was pretty dumb, too. I mean, show it to her in 10 years maybe, but not the night that it happened.

I wonder if he let his mom see it. She's all nervous about his job, anyway.

 

[jethrobodeen]

Word's gotten around the league already and with the exception of one or two guys, everyone in our league is a gentleman. I don't think I'll have to worry about guys getting too close trying to intimidate me.

Your absolutely right though, I can't change how I play. I'm an aggressive goaltender, I go out and take the puck away, I challenge every shot. I can't change how I play now because I'm scared of getting hit, not without losing my edge. I've worked too hard now to be intimidated.

Well there you have, it, words for me to live by. Play every game as if it's your last. If I'm gonna take that hit that knocks my ass out for good, damnit I'm stopping the shot first! If this had been it, if I'd seen my last day on the ice, I would be leaving after a dream win, leading my team on a comeback from being down 3-0 and winning in the shootout with a broken neck.

Yeah, I could live with that.

Yeah, in the beer league (we have three divisions C/B/A) lowest division (C), most of the time an injury is from bad play, no harm intended. As we moved up, though to the A division, we were the "American" team somewhat diverse, but all the others were surprisingly tightly weaved in ethnicity. The Hispanic team, the Macedonians, the Poles, don't get me wrong, I'm not going racial here. But in other countries, the passion is so great that soccer wins/losses can result in mob scenes and spectator death! So we had to adjust to a lot more dirty play as long as the ref didn't see it. I didn't like that aspect of moving up. And not every player is guilty as you point out.

But hell yes. If your backs aren't watching your back, talk to them, you're the goalie, nobody sees as much as you do. I realize we're talking about different sports, but without the skates, sticks and ice, soccer and hockey are really similar. In my experience, the goalies who instill fear in those wings charging at you, when you have to come out of the box, are the ones who are remembered most, respected, and surprisingly injury free. Besides, you got more padding, so knock em on their ass if they charge at you. But then reach down to help them back up, if you can, when the action moves away. You'll find out who you need to watch more carefully. The nasty guys won't acknowledge your sportsmanship and skill, they'll be thinking how to get even.

-JB

 

[TBKahuna123]

I wonder if he let his mom see it. She's all nervous about his job, anyway.

That's exactly why Ididn't call my mom Monday night. Not only would she freak out, but she's feel guilt for buying me my new helmet. As it turns out, that helmet saved my neck, so NOW I'll call her and talk to her about it.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Yeah, in the beer league (we have three divisions C/B/A) lowest division (C), most of the time an injury is from bad play, no harm intended. As we moved up, though to the A division, we were the "American" team somewhat diverse, but all the others were surprisingly tightly weaved in ethnicity. The Hispanic team, the Macedonians, the Poles, don't get me wrong, I'm not going racial here. But in other countries, the passion is so great that soccer wins/losses can result in mob scenes and spectator death! So we had to adjust to a lot more dirty play as long as the ref didn't see it. I didn't like that aspect of moving up. And not every player is guilty as you point out.

We've got two divisions as well, A & B. I play in the B league and I will not play in the A league. The play up there is way over the top. It's chippy, there are way more penalties, guys just seem to think that's the NHL. Hey, if that's where you want to take it go for it, but I play for the fun of it. I love the competition, and I'm borderline obssesive as everyone else, but I try to maintain my perspective and not take it too seriously. You're right, most of our hits are from bad play or things that just happen. Bad play though or lack of skill is not an excuse for being out of control.

Of course I say I'll never play in that league, but I know me. Next year they'll tell me I have to move up and I'll do it, just to show them all that I can.

Besides, you got more padding, so knock em on their ass if they charge at you. But then reach down to help them back up, if you can, when the action moves away. You'll find out who you need to watch more carefully. The nasty guys won't acknowledge your sportsmanship and skill, they'll be thinking how to get even.

-JB

That's the problem, all that gear is designed to protect you from a ballistic assault, not a physical one. My gear is made to reduce the energy from a chuck of frozen rubber traveling at 80 MPH and control rebounds. It does a great job, but also reduces my ability to move freely and does not reduce the energy from a collision. Most forward gear is padding with a plastic shell, my gear is all soft with no plastic shells, because they transfer energy which results in rebounds. This is what makes goaltenders so vulnerable during a collision, we just aren't protected that way.

For all those who wonder why there is fighting in hockey, this is a main reason why. At my level, fights, real fights, will get you tossed out of the league or suspended. That means there's no consequence for taking a cheap shot other than a penalty. In the NHL if you are going to take a run at a goaltender or a star forward, someone is going to come out on your next shift and kick your ass. That's why there are guys they call enforcers, it's not just a joke, it's a role on the team. Personally I could live without fighting in hockey, but I see the need. When cheap shots are so easy while traveling at 40 MPH around on skates with sticks in your hands, you need something to keep people honest.