Dealing with despondency about writing

[EmilyMiller]

Poor me, poor me
Poor little sad little down little me
I’m a small Emily and I’m feeling very blue
No one reads my stories and there’s nothing I can do

- With apologies to Cressida Cowell (my niece-to-be likes this book)

I woke up early as this was on my mind, how sad am I, right? Writing in bed and I really don’t feel like getting up for work.

So, I realize writing is a crappy deal. The amount you get back from others is never going to exceed the effort you put in. Which is why you write for yourself.

Well yes, to an extent. But if it was really just for myself, then why publish? Publishing suggests you want to share your ideas with others.

So, I wrote Coleoidphilia essentially as an AH dare. I think it’s my best work and quite a few others seemed to agree. At least a few people read it and several said nice things about it.

I’m trying to broaden my wings a bit here. I have a story ready for the On The Job event, for example. Then I thought about Geek Pride. I’d just had a modest success (in my rather narrow world) with Coleoidphilia. I’d introduced a lot of ideas I could build on. So I signed up for a Geek Pride sequel.

Then, as happens when you have obsessive tendencies like me, I ended up putting aside all my other stories and pouring myself into this new work. I got a bit carried away with world building and internal consistency, but remembered I was writing porn, so of course it has sex scenes (5 from memory).

It also has a proper story, not Heart of Darkness, but a story. It has more of an emotional side than much of my work (with some exceptions). Maybe it’s not quite as good as Coleoidphilia, but it’s OK at least. I like it. It’s also nearly three times as long as the earlier work, though much shorter than many stories here. I never know if length is a plus or a minus [insert innuendo here].

So I finished it a month early and there is no way I can sit on a work for that long. Plus, with this and the On The Job story, I hadn’t published anything in ages (for me at least). So I apologized to the lovely @ChloeTzang and decided to publish now.

The result is: Determination.

I didn’t really flag it as a sequel because of spoilers. So maybe I made a rod for my own back.

It’s not been going well. Coleoidphilia didn’t have a massive audience (just under 6k views at the time of writing), but a day into it’s life, Determination hasn’t yet cracked 1,000. We all know a lot of views happen when you are on the front page of the category and it no longer is. Day one was a total flop.

So I guess 1,000 is a lot of people. And, of those who read it six seemed to like it. But comments and favorites are pretty much from friends and acquaintances. The ratings probably are as well. I seem to have done nothing to widen my base.

I really should grow a pair (I wrote a story about that once) I know. But I’m really, really down about this. I guess I naively built my hopes up.

So, worse things happen at sea (and in space). I’m not after sympathy, I have a boyfriend for hugs. But my question is this:

How do you pick yourself up after a massive writing disappointment? The idea of writing, writing anything is anathema right now. Why put myself though this? It can’t be worth it.

Any wise words would be welcome.

Em

 

[Rustyoznail]

Well, looking at things from this side, you have a score of 5 and 4 likes in Scifi. That's very good in a niche category.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Well, looking at things from this side, you have a score of 5 and 4 likes in Scifi. That's very good in a niche category.

I’m a glass mostly empty sort of gal .

My previous work was also in Sci-Fi.

Em

 

[alohadave]

Try posting in Non Erotic. One of my 750 word stories went up on 2/22 and has 1188 views to date with only 34 votes.

 

[ElectricBlue]

How do you pick yourself up after a massive writing disappointment? The idea of writing, writing anything is anathema right now. Why put myself though this? It can’t be worth it.

Any wise words would be welcome.

Em, you're a tough little cookie. Put your big girl pants on, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start your next story. You'll be fine, a little pervert like you, what can go wrong?

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

Make your characters blood related and repost the story in i/t

 

[EmilyMiller]

Try posting in Non Erotic. One of my 750 word stories went up on 2/22 and has 1188 views to date with only 34 votes.

Maybe I should try my anal tentacle scene there .

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Em, you're a tough little cookie. Put your big girl pants on, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start your next story. You'll be fine, a little pervert like you, what can go wrong?

I know. But it’s really dispiriting.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Make your characters blood related and repost the story in i/t

Might be hard in this particular story. I’m already pushing the lines of interspecies.

Em

 

[Zenith77]

Preamble.

So my stats tell me I get 0.5-2% of my readers leaving a vote, and an order of magnitude less than even that get around to leaving a comment. That assumes I count the 'reads' as 'reads', but they're not. They're page views. Important to remember that, I think.

Erotica is a fickle thing. Our audience is a fickle thing. They could click into a work (and do) with an expectation of a one-page sex-filled quick-jerk when it's a story, or with the expectation of an erotic story when it's actually just two pages of sizzling, scintillating porn. Or whatever. There's a million reasons for why it's not what they wanted, right at that moment.

So the they skim a few paras and click back. Page view.

How many page views are actually reads, excluding those 'Did Not Finish'? I think if you drop your page views by a factor of 5-10, it's probably more accurate.

I mention this point because, in that light, X votes and Y comments against a different perspective of Page-views-over-10 shows that, actually, more folk like your works than the original numbers suggests, and this, I think, is important.

The rough maths above is supported when you look at a series. I often see a drop of over 50-70% reads from 'Chapter 1' to 'Chapter 2'. It seems to me highly likely that most of those that read chapter 2 have read chapter 1, so perhaps that's a more accurate actual count - especially as 'Chapter 3' carries a comparative view count to 'Chapter 2', which means they cared enough to keep going.

How do you pick yourself up after a massive writing disappointment? The idea of writing, writing anything is anathema right now. Why put myself though this? It can’t be worth it.

Now, to this point. I'm probably the wrong person to comment on this, as I once took a 7-year break from Lit because I was so fucked off by some of the comments and feedback and such that my works got, when I'd poured my heart and soul into them and they were - albeit in my own opinion - good. I liked them; I wanted other people to like them too. And many, many did, so why did it bother me so that a minority didn't?

We've probably all read some dodgy erotica on Kindle Unlimited, let alone some high-scoring stories on this site, while we've scratched our heads and thought, 'They published this shit? Have they even heard of the concept of an editor?' or, 'This got a 4.7? Really?! How the hell have they got 4,765,273 followers?'

We give, freely. Literally. You'd think even this fact would entitle us to receive a modicum of respect back. But, alas, we all know it doesn't, because the unwashed masses are assholes. Especially the anonymous unwashed masses.

Yet fundamentally, we write because we want to write. We're writers; we don't really have a choice. It's more than what we do; it's who we are. Better to ask a painter to not paint, a politician to not lie, a dog to not sniff butts.

So I'd say this: publish, don't publish, that's up to you. But write, because writing is who you are. And I'd say this: take a break, if you feel you need one. Play some video games. Buy a new vibrator. Go for a walk. Perhaps there's some burnout there (we've all been there). Maybe a break would help.

But fundamentally you will publish again, because writing just for yourself is basically intellectual masturbation. It's not massively fulfilling. Stuff we write needs to be shared.

So lastly, I'd say this: ignore the shit, the detractors, the stupid comments, the vote scores, the reads, the typos you missed, the 1-bombs, the other authors whose total follower counts exceed the population of some medium-sized countries. Because for all of that, someone will give you 5-stars, and someone else will, eventually, some weeks from now, leave you a really nice comment. And until that happens, we write to get out a piece of work about which we can say:

'I am proud of this. It's better than some stuff I've done. It may not be the best ever, but I'm happy with it...

...and it's made me a better writer for having written it.'

 

[SimonDoom]

There is nothing erotically enticing either about the title of the story or the taglines. That may be one reason. You always have to ask the question: why would one want to click on your story? What makes it look enticing? This isn't a problem with Coleoidphilia, which has an interesting title and hints at what is in the story.

The story still has a 5 rating, so that suggests the problem doesn't lie with the story itself.

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

I know. But it’s really dispiriting.

Em

Honestly, your view stats are fairly par for the course for sci-fi / fantasy, and you are a great writer. So chin up!

 

[Rustyoznail]

Maybe a step interspecies relationship?

A bit of perspective is in order.

Currently, my first Leinyere story - 6k views, 4.85 from 85 votes
The sequel - 958 views, 4.3 from 20 votes. That is less in three months than you have in a day.

Why the difference? Both went in Scifi. Both went into the Tales of Leinyere event. Sure I'm disappointed, but I can't control how readers react. I think it's a good story but nobody read it.

I have high hopes that my On the Job story will soothe the owie.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Preamble.

So my stats tell me I get 0.5-2% of my readers leaving a vote, and an order of magnitude less than even that get around to leaving a comment. That assumes I count the 'reads' as 'reads', but they're not. They're page views. Important to remember that, I think.

Erotica is a fickle thing. Our audience is a fickle thing. They could click into a work (and do) with an expectation of a one-page sex-filled quick-jerk when it's a story, or with the expectation of an erotic story when it's actually just two pages of sizzling, scintillating porn. Or whatever. There's a million reasons for why it's not what they wanted, right at that moment.

So the they skim a few paras and click back. Page view.

How many page views are actually reads, excluding those 'Did Not Finish'? I think if you drop your page views by a factor of 5-10, it's probably more accurate.

I mention this point because, in that light, X votes and Y comments against a different perspective of Page-views-over-10 shows that, actually, more folk like your works than the original numbers suggests, and this, I think, is important.

The rough maths above is supported when you look at a series. I often see a drop of over 50-70% reads from 'Chapter 1' to 'Chapter 2'. It seems to me highly likely that most of those that read chapter 2 have read chapter 1, so perhaps that's a more accurate actual count - especially as 'Chapter 3' carries a comparative view count to 'Chapter 2', which means they cared enough to keep going.



Now, to this point. I'm probably the wrong person to comment on this, as I once took a 7-year break from Lit because I was so fucked off by some of the comments and feedback and such that my works got, when I'd poured my heart and soul into them and they were - albeit in my own opinion - good. I liked them; I wanted other people to like them too. And many, many did, so why did it bother me so that a minority didn't?

We've probably all read some dodgy erotica on Kindle Unlimited, let alone some high-scoring stories on this site, while we've scratched our heads and thought, 'They published this shit? Have they even heard of the concept of an editor?' or, 'This got a 4.7? Really?! How the hell have they got 4,765,273 followers?'

We give, freely. Literally. You'd think even this fact would entitle us to receive a modicum of respect back. But, alas, we all know it doesn't, because the unwashed masses are assholes. Especially the anonymous unwashed masses.

Yet fundamentally, we write because we want to write. We're writers; we don't really have a choice. It's more than what we do; it's who we are. Better to ask a painter to not paint, a politician to not lie, a dog to not sniff butts.

So I'd say this: publish, don't publish, that's up to you. But write, because writing is who you are. And I'd say this: take a break, if you feel you need one. Play some video games. Buy a new vibrator. Go for a walk. Perhaps there's some burnout there (we've all been there). Maybe a break would help.

But fundamentally you will publish again, because writing just for yourself is basically intellectual masturbation. It's not massively fulfilling. Stuff we write needs to be shared.

So lastly, I'd say this: ignore the shit, the detractors, the stupid comments, the vote scores, the reads, the typos you missed, the 1-bombs, the other authors whose total follower counts exceed the population of some medium-sized countries. Because for all of that, someone will give you 5-stars, and someone else will, eventually, some weeks from now, leave you a really nice comment. And until that happens, we write to get out a piece of work about which we can say:

'I am proud of this. It's better than some stuff I've done. It may not be the best ever, but I'm happy with it...

...and it's made me a better writer for having written it.'

Thanks. That’s super helpful.

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

My tentacle story, Planet of the Tentacons, did no better than yours in terms of views the first 24 hours. It was also published in Sci Fi, although it could have been erotic horror or nonhuman. But now, 5 years later, it has over 35,000 views. Just be patient!

 

[EmilyMiller]

There is nothing erotically enticing either about the title of the story or the taglines. That may be one reason. You always have to ask the question: why would one want to click on your story? What makes it look enticing? This isn't a problem with Coleoidphilia, which has an interesting title and hints at what is in the story.

The story still has a 5 rating, so that suggests the problem doesn't lie with the story itself.

I get that.

I wanted a one word title and I didn’t want Coleoidphilia II. I liked the double meaning of determination, both of which apply to the text.

But I agree not terribly clickbaity. Maybe should starts a thread about clickbait versions of classic books.

Heart of Darkness - Marlow penetrates a moist interior looking for his dream man

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Honestly, your view stats are fairly par for the course for sci-fi / fantasy, and you are a great writer. So chin up!

Thanks

 

[EmilyMiller]

My tentacle story, Planet of the Tentacons, did no better than yours in terms of views the first 24 hours. It was also published in Sci Fi, although it could have been erotic horror or nonhuman. But now, 5 years later, it has over 35,000 views. Just be patient!

How do you spell that word beginning with p again?

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

I get that.

I wanted a one word title and I didn’t want Coleoidphilia II. I liked the double meaning of determination, both of which apply to the text.

But I agree not terribly clickbaity. Maybe should starts a thread about clickbait versions of classic books.

Heart of Darkness - Marlow penetrates a moist interior looking for his dream man

Em

It's a jungle out there. One has to adapt to it!

 

[Zenith77]

How do you spell that word beginning with p again?

Em

Patient? Like this: P-i-s-s-e-d-o-f-f.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It's a jungle out there. One has to adapt to it!

I know. I normally do. Just I put a lot more effort into this story than any other one. Poor me, right?

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Patient? Like this: P-i-s-s-e-d-o-f-f.

Yeah, that’s about right.

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

I know. I normally do. Just I put a lot more effort into this story than any other one. Poor me, right?

Em

You will find, probably, that there is very little connection between how much effort you put into a story and the reader reception you get for it. By far my most popular story was only around 8000 words and one of my fastest to write, taking one week from initial conception to submission.

I find that at this point, six years in, I care much less about how each new story is received. My old ones are still getting read and occasionally receiving nice comments. Over time, some of them have accumulated very high view numbers. I sometimes get more satisfaction now from my unusual, weird niche stories that don't get many views than I do from the incest stories that get over 100,000 views. I mix things up and don't put all my "satisfaction eggs" in one basket, so to speak. But I'm a glass-half-full sort of guy and that's how I generally try to look at things.

I think it's fun to attract views and followers and responsive comments, but I always focus on my own artistic satisfaction first, and I think that's the best way not to get heartburn from this process.

 

[EmilyMiller]

You will find, probably, that there is very little connection between how much effort you put into a story and the reader reception you get for it. By far my most popular story was only around 8000 words and one of my fastest to write, taking one week from initial conception to submission.

I find that at this point, six years in, I care much less about how each new story is received. My old ones are still getting read and occasionally receiving nice comments. Over time, some of them have accumulated very high view numbers. I sometimes get more satisfaction now from my unusual, weird niche stories that don't get many views than I do from the incest stories that get over 100,000 views. I mix things up and don't put all my "satisfaction eggs" in one basket, so to speak. But I'm a glass-half-full sort of guy and that's how I generally try to look at things.

I think it's fun to attract views and followers and responsive comments, but I always focus on my own artistic satisfaction first, and I think that's the best way not to get heartburn from this process.

I know. I’ve not done creative writing before here. But I used to post on a more technical site about science and stuff. I had one bit of writing get 15,000,000 views. Crazy right. I had two more get over 1,000,000 and a dozen or so around the 500,000 mark. The rest much less.

Was the 15 million one my best piece? No way. I get that the wisdom of crowds is actually pretty fucking dumb most of the time.

Still hurts a bit.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Maybe a step interspecies relationship?

A bit of perspective is in order.

Currently, my first Leinyere story - 6k views, 4.85 from 85 votes
The sequel - 958 views, 4.3 from 20 votes. That is less in three months than you have in a day.

Why the difference? Both went in Scifi. Both went into the Tales of Leinyere event. Sure I'm disappointed, but I can't control how readers react. I think it's a good story but nobody read it.

I have high hopes that my On the Job story will soothe the owie.

Thanks - I know it’s not just me.

Em