Dealing with being alone.

[titmouse]

Before my Master, I had halfway given up/made peace with being alone. I have lots of hobbies which I enjoy (animals, photography, scrapbooking and card making) I met him by accident here last February.

After my Master, not so good. He's considerably older than me and far away. Recently, poor health has taken him from me. He no longer wants contact with me. That along with other things and I'm not doing well. I watch a lot of tv and eat more. I'm sad because I don't think I'll ever find someone as wonderful as him. I'm trying to move on but it's very hard.

HUGS I sincerely wish you to find a compatible partner soon.

I wish I could contribute more, but this is something that cheers me up when feeling lonely:

One of the worst parts of it has been for me the hug and cuddle deficit. That is something I need lots. It may sound silly, but I have started to hug a big stuffed Whinnie the Pooh recently. I hope I am not growing infantile, but it does feel nice and makes me feel better.

 

[catalina_francisco]

catalina....

AMEN SISTAH.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Do you just give up after a while and stop looking once you can't find someone that you want or that circumstances keep them far away even if they would be right for you? Get a hobby?

Yes and yes and pout a reasonable amount. I flew solo a couple of years. I found that all kinds of interesting people began to come out of the woodwork once I had the unbiased eye of someone who just didn't care anymore and had her own life full of stuff.

Get hobbies. Lots of good ones. And don't neglect your platonic friends. If you don't have any, work on that.

Limit your pouting to a few minutes less each day and fake it till you make it.

 

[Netzach]

Honestly, I've always found this attitude kind of condescending. (Not saying you're being condescending in particular; this is pretty much the boilerplate advice given to single people, I've given it myself). The whole "find yourself a hobby and maybe you'll meet someone nice at your quilting class" thing. Because, y'know, I'd like to think I've always been an interesting person and I did have quite a functioning, self-sufficient life when I was single. I'm probably less interesting now that I'm not single. "Working on becoming more interesting so that you meet someone they might like you" doesn't seem like the healthiest way to think about life.

And then, you know, you're a perfectly happy, whole single person for the most part... except that it really sucks to know that there's no one waiting for you to get off work and come home, and while you might very well get laid, you're probably not going to wake up in the morning and have morning sex with sleep in your eyes and spoon with that familiar body and be called ridiculous pet names and generally be in on the permanent joke that is being a couple.

Oh dear, I do go on.

Sorry to hear it, Betticus. It really is pretty fucking shitty sometimes. Keep kicking through.

You also have no one to adjust to, no one to blame when things aren't getting done, no one's bad habits to adopt, no one to feel disappointed in other than yourself - the list goes on.

I've done alone and I've done partnered. And I will say alone is way better than *badly* partnered. And alone is sometimes even better than well partnered.

 

[Stegral]

I am recently curious about the lifestyle & have been researching it & talking with people & attending functions. I have gone from thinking I was a subbie, to thinking I was a switch but realizing now if I HAD to assume a "label" it would be bottom. I am involved with a local group that gets together to help newbies, answer questions from 'nilla people & demystify the bad PR BDSM gets. I have been very lonely over the past (almost) year as I am used to having a guy in my life. In the past few months though I have been exposed to a different world, so to speak & am learning so much it is keeping me occupied. There are Doms & Dommes in the group that are willing to help me explore any intrests/curiousities/questions/concerns I may have.
Maybe you should seek out something like this in your area & "top" for a while.
Help someone learn about the lifestyle without being "owned" ?
That was a MAJOR thing for me, I never felt right about the owned thing, but I wanted to FEEL what the other subbies/slaves felt at the hands of the master/mistress, so I "bottom". right now I am enjoying the warternburg wheels immensley when wielded by a particular Dom, partially when a Domme used them & have also felt a light flogging (with soft deerskin) at the hand of a different Domme & not enjoyed it. each one has a different speciality & are happy to help others find themselves

Just a suggestion, maybe it would aliviate the boredom, depression & you would be helping others feel what they might otherwise not...

PS for Mouse... I have a huge white tiger on loan from a friend to curl up to until I get a body pillow or a bed partner. we all need to cuddle

 

[chris9]

HUGS I sincerely wish you to find a compatible partner soon.

I wish I could contribute more, but this is something that cheers me up when feeling lonely:

One of the worst parts of it has been for me the hug and cuddle deficit. That is something I need lots. It may sound silly, but I have started to hug a big stuffed Whinnie the Pooh recently. I hope I am not growing infantile, but it does feel nice and makes me feel better.

Yes. That's the worst. The way worst. I can talk about my life with many people, I still talk about it with my ex. But I NEED to be cuddled and hugged way more than I am
Bad for me is that my break-up happened right after my exam which had put all the hobbies I used to have on hold. Now I'm looking at getting these hobbies back, of occupying myself. I'm not yet in the 'I want a relationship' stage. I've never been alone before in all my adult life, so I believe I have to learn being so. In the long run I want a partner, but right now I need to be alone. Doesn't make it easier, but it'd be unfair to anyone to start a relationship just for the cuddles and against the loneliness.
At present I meet friends, flirt, have fun, drink too much, try to avoid crying like the plague because it's hard to stop again. If I do things I get crazily artificial feeling happy. If I don't do things I get sad in a real way. I prefer articial happyness.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes. That's the worst. The way worst. I can talk about my life with many people, I still talk about it with my ex. But I NEED to be cuddled and hugged way more than I am
Bad for me is that my break-up happened right after my exam which had put all the hobbies I used to have on hold. Now I'm looking at getting these hobbies back, of occupying myself. I'm not yet in the 'I want a relationship' stage. I've never been alone before in all my adult life, so I believe I have to learn being so. In the long run I want a partner, but right now I need to be alone. Doesn't make it easier, but it'd be unfair to anyone to start a relationship just for the cuddles and against the loneliness.
At present I meet friends, flirt, have fun, drink too much, try to avoid crying like the plague because it's hard to stop again. If I do things I get crazily artificial feeling happy. If I don't do things I get sad in a real way. I prefer articial happyness.

It gets better Chris, it just takes time. It's a grieving process and you sound like you are trying to move forward however difficult it may be right now. You are also wise to not be lookinf for another relationship and risk transferring those feelings you miss sharing onto someone you may not really feel the same way about. Most of us haven't been that smart and try and find another to fill the void as quick as possible and in the end become very messed up.

Catalina http://www.world-of-smilies.com/wos_sonstige/1087.gif

 

[chris9]

It gets better Chris, it just takes time. It's a grieving process and you sound like you are trying to move forward however difficult it may be right now. You are also wise to not be lookinf for another relationship and risk transferring those feelings you miss sharing onto someone you may not really feel the same way about. Most of us haven't been that smart and try and find another to fill the void as quick as possible and in the end become very messed up.

Catalina http://www.world-of-smilies.com/wos_sonstige/1087.gif

Thank you

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

I definitely agree that being alone was better than when I was with my ex. I admit, before I met Snooze, I had my miserable moments, and there were times when I went back to my ex just because it was better than nothing. But it wasn't. I realized that when I finally ended things. I battled my loneliness by taking up hobbies and doing things that bettered me. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments being in a LDR, and there is usually a quart of low-fat ice cream in my freezer.

All the comfort and fruity drinks in the world won't make things better, I know, but it's all I have. Just know that there are people who are here for you and know at least a little bit what you're going through. You're one of my favorite people here, and I know that when you do find your subbie, she'd better be as wonderful as you.

 

[Betticus]

I definitely agree that being alone was better than when I was with my ex. I admit, before I met Snooze, I had my miserable moments, and there were times when I went back to my ex just because it was better than nothing. But it wasn't. I realized that when I finally ended things. I battled my loneliness by taking up hobbies and doing things that bettered me. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments being in a LDR, and there is usually a quart of low-fat ice cream in my freezer.

All the comfort and fruity drinks in the world won't make things better, I know, but it's all I have. Just know that there are people who are here for you and know at least a little bit what you're going through. You're one of my favorite people here, and I know that when you do find your subbie, she'd better be as wonderful as you.

Awwwww... thanks.

 

[ammre]

I like what Stegral said. It's possible to learn, experement, and play a lot in the bdsm world if you can find a group you trust and join. I've been involved in several cuddle puddles as well, where you jsut lay around together in a big cuddly mess and maybe you kiss but that's it at most, jsut a lot of platonic warm contact, which feels nice when you barely get hugs on a day to day basis.

 

[Yang4yin]

How do you deal with being alone?

I wallow in self pity.
That seems to be working for me at the moment.

 

[brioche]

It's a fair question.
I too head home tired and wish for the ability to curl in someone's lap most nights right now, but I made a decision a long time ago that I wasn't going to cheat myself or compromise in a partner. If that means that I live alone, well, that's sad, but I guess I will.
I am currently finding things to get involved in: women's snooker, special events at our local gardens (owl prowls and the like), and widening my circle of acquaintances.
I think that I'm not quite ready yet in a visceral way. I'm working on making myself a better person for when I am.
Also, I've made the decision to have a child either way. So that's a load offf my back. My mother supports me. (We haven't told my father yet!)
On the other hand, the newest addition to our staff was a very attractive man and I NOTICED, whereas the other guy, who also was and joined us a few months ago, got barely a glance from me, so maybe all the effort is paying off. My outlook is changing.
I guess you do what you have to do to be happy with yourself, Betticus. Look on this as a time to be introspective and improve.


ETA: Just to clarify: This child is in no way imminent. We're talking years. Probably five or so.

 

[chris9]

Great, so I try to do what I know is best in the long run. But right now it's hurting like hell. I spend the whole day fighting the tears because I'm not in places where I feel comfortable crying, or with people who I don't want to show my tears. I also don't want to cry when I'm alone, because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. And I don't want to cry to someone on the phone, because I know how helpless one feels not being able to do anything about it. I don't want to feel that bad...

 

[witcha]

Great, so I try to do what I know is best in the long run. But right now it's hurting like hell. I spend the whole day fighting the tears because I'm not in places where I feel comfortable crying, or with people who I don't want to show my tears. I also don't want to cry when I'm alone, because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. And I don't want to cry to someone on the phone, because I know how helpless one feels not being able to do anything about it. I don't want to feel that bad...

*safe hugs* and the solution to your problems: find someone who's also about to burst out crying..then you won't feel so bad..weeping on a phone simultanously can be quite helpful

 

[Betticus]

Great, so I try to do what I know is best in the long run. But right now it's hurting like hell. I spend the whole day fighting the tears because I'm not in places where I feel comfortable crying, or with people who I don't want to show my tears. I also don't want to cry when I'm alone, because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. And I don't want to cry to someone on the phone, because I know how helpless one feels not being able to do anything about it. I don't want to feel that bad...

*great big hug*

 

[the_pet]

I'm sorry you're sad. I know being without a partner can be quite miserable. I have no advice because i suck at being alone too.



pet

 

[JupitersGirl]

Wow Betticus. Two years IS a long time.

What are you ... like a sadist, or something?

 

[JazzManJim]

As hackneyed as it sounds, in time, you get used to being alone. In my case, years at a time.

 

[Betticus]

Wow Betticus. Two years IS a long time.

What are you ... like a sadist, or something?

Just might be. Or a masochist. Or both.

 

[Betticus]

As hackneyed as it sounds, in time, you get used to being alone. In my case, years at a time.

I don't do well alone, not at all.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Being alone sucks. Not being alone, but with the wrong person sucks. Being alone because you are in a long distance relationship and the person you love is over a 1000 miles away sucks.

I always dealt with my alone time like I did other trials and tribulations - One day at a time. Then I found the internet. And even though I was physically alone, I found other kindred spirits to share my thoughts and feelings with. I built a community of friends I could talk to, spend time with, bare my heart and soul to...

I still prefer a warm body or two in the bed with me, though! *grin* Not that I am planning on it happening, but if those alone times ever return for me, because I am active in my local community, because I get out from behind the computer and meet people, because I network like a son-of-a-bitch, I know my dance card will never be empty for long. And I will have my friends, here, and elsewhere, to help me along until I find my next dance partner.

 

[chris9]

Did someone mention the cold? How do you keep warm when you're alone?

 

[caela]

Did someone mention the cold? How do you keep warm when you're alone?

Blankets....lots and lots of blankets, though nothing is better than snuggling up to a warm body, limbs all entwined together and just falling asleep that way.

~sigh~

 

[chris9]

Blankets....lots and lots of blankets, though nothing is better than snuggling up to a warm body, limbs all entwined together and just falling asleep that way.

~sigh~

I've started putting a sweatshirt on over my pyjamas. And socks.
I used to sleep naked and not be cold. Even though we always had our separate blankets and did not usually sleep snuggled to each other. Just before and after sleeping.