de-stressing

[GothicKitten]

Hello everyone. Have been lurking in these forums for ages now and finally got the courage to post.

I'm an 18 y/o female, had a couple of bfs, but have never been the full way with a guy. My first bf wanted to sleep with me but I wasn't ready, so he fingered me instead, but got way pissed off when I didn't cum. So, he carried on but really roughly, and in the end hurt me quite badly.

Needless to say he didn't last that long with me afterwards lol, but the point of this is, I've now met a really lovely guy, and thngs may be getting towards the sex stage...but am kinda scared to death. I haven't really got any probs with my body and I can get myself off fine and do quite often, but just scared to death I'll freeze up with him. Any tips on how to destress myself?

Sorry if this makes no sense to you all lol, just kinda thought as it was a How To forum someone might have a few ideas!

Thanks in advance

 

[sensational204]

Hi Goth. It's great to hear that things are going so well with your b/f. Don't put so much stress on yourself for the sex part though. I know that's easier said that done, but it's so true. Just like you do when you're with yourself, just enjoy it! That's the point of it. It's just a way to express your love for your partner. Do what feels good to you, and be comfortable to ask him what feels good to him (I know as a guy I LOVE it when a woman asks me, "like this?"). And be just as comfortable to tell him what feels good to you. If you like something that he's doing grab his wrist and keep his hand there, or place it to where you want it.

But try and make the timing and the setting comfortable. Make it womewhere where you have the time and space to explore and play and be loving. If you take a lot of time for all of the loving things that you do before sex, then the sexual act itself will just seem like a comfortable extension of the foreplay. And you'll both be so turned on that you won't have the energy to worry or be stressed..

But by ALL means, be safe. No matter what you think you know about his sexual health, don't assume. Be safe regardless. And just enjoy the exploration of it! You have years and years of great sex ahead of you. You don't have to rock the world your first try. You'll get others.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

talk to him about this all. it will make him more aware of your needs, desires, and concerns. Not just that, but he will most likely find it very flattering of what you would like to do with him in the future. and like sensational said, take your time with him. Intercourse doesnt have to happen the first time. there is a whole world between your two bodies to explore before intercourse.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Lust Engine]

In total agreement with Orchid here. The first connection you've got to make with this guy has to be on the communicative level. Long before he puts anything into you, you've got to be able to express to him likes, dislikes & things that you might be wary of. While not all at once, you've got to be able to tell him YOUR comfort level straight forwardly & honestly. Be honest with him AND yourself.

 

[SexyGiggles]

I agree with the others -- you need to have some open communication with this guy before you go down that road...talk about your past, what you like, what you don't like, what you're worried about...if he's a nice guy, he'll respect you more for being honest with him. When you are ready to go further, explore your body with him -- show him what feels good, what works for you when you do it.

Good luck!